Dear Ones, this isn’t an actual nudge, just something I experienced recently and want to share.

When I was in my teens, I learned that the best thing to say to someone who is grieving is “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Depending on the circumstances, I might add a few words about how special the person was who passed, but I know from being at the receiving end that when someone tries too hard to say more—especially when they try to “fix” me—it backfires. Simple is best.

Several weeks ago, a family member I was close to passed away suddenly. I called a few friends to share the news, and I appreciated the support I received through cards and calls. One in particular changed everything for me.

“Tell me about your uncle,” my friend Ann said.

I was stunned for a moment. I had been so busy grieving my loss, supporting other family members, and trying desperately to keep my focus on big work projects while the world seemed to spin around me, that I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge how grateful I was for having loved and been loved by him.

I shared a few stories and reflections, illustrating the kind of man he was and the role he’d played in my life. And Ann simply listened.

Since then, I’ve had a couple of opportunities to pay this forward with friends who have experienced big losses, and considering how this past year has gone, I know we’ll have many more opportunities ahead. When you next connect with someone who is hurting, I hope you’ll remember this. Ann’s small prompt was a huge gift to me.