Category Archives: Completed Nudge

Nudged: Do a “Fairy Deed”

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Backstory: This is one of my favorite things to do. Some people call it a “Random Act of Kindness,” and I can’t recall why I started calling it a “Fairy Deed”. Maybe because the idea started out as something that I did under the cover of darkness, while the recipient was sleeping, much like the Tooth Fairy delivers her presents.

I have been doing these deeds for years, sometimes mailing lottery tickets to a selection of friends or delivering a basket of lemons and small bag of sugar to someone I knew was going through a rough time (encouraging her to turn those lemons—especially the figurative ones—into lemonade). Other times I have paid for the coffee or parking fee for the stranger behind me in line, anything that might brighten someone’s day. The deed does not need it be expensive or grand, but the key, for me, is that it must be anonymous. That is what makes it so much fun.

Plus, I think about how much I love a surprise and how infrequently I get them. When was the last time I received a package that I hadn’t ordered myself? When was the last time I got flowers or a gift for no particular reason? When was the last time I was delighted by a random act of kindness? Here’s my chance to do that for someone else.

What Happened: All week long I thought about who I might select as the recipient of my Fairy Deed. Since the key is to be anonymous, I ruled out friends who might see this post and those who know me well enough that they would immediately suspect me.

I also thought about what I might do. Sadly, because we now worry about acts of terrorism, I ruled out sending an unsigned letter or package. I thought of sending a bouquet to a work colleague with a silly note signed “Anonymous”, but worried she might think she’d attracted a stalker. What a sorry world we live in that we have to consider these concerns!

Finally, I decided to focus on an elderly neighbor, Mrs. W., who is housebound. Our lilac tree is in bloom, so I clipped a few branches, wrapped them up, and hoped this small offering might bring her some cheer.

With my heart beating in my chest, I started out the front door, then stopped myself as another neighbor pulled into his driveway. I raised a hand in greeting, then pretended to pick up a newspaper off the porch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him head up his steps, and I heard his door click shut. Mission back on. Like a thief in the night, I made my way down the street, only to spot a couple I didn’t know heading toward me. Dang it! I hid the flowers behind my back and made an abrupt left into our side yard as if I were, oh, I don’t know, inspecting the progress of the weeds. Geez! Once they’d passed, I looked left-right-left, then dashed across the street. Hoping Mrs. W. wasn’t looking out her front window, I involuntarily crouched down a bit—’cause that wouldn’t make me look suspicious! Like a grown-up Ding-Dong Ditcher, I crept up the steps, gently placed the bouquet on her doorstep, snapped a photo, and sprinted back toward home.

Safely back in my living room, I had to laugh at myself. I felt like a total goof, but a happy one. I peered through my front window to see if I’d missed any witnesses, and was a little disappointed that my view of Mrs. W.’s porch was obstructed. I’m sure one of her caretakers will find the flowers, and I hope they give Mrs. W. even a portion of the pleasure my deed has brought me.

The Ah-Hah: There are all sorts of ways to get a boost of adrenaline. Most are not healthy, but I think this Fairy Deed business is. And it’s legal! The cost, too, was minimal: a sheet of wrapping paper, a bit of twine, flowers from the garden. The joy it gave me, meanwhile, was priceless.

Nudged: Go through the spice/herb cabinet and try a new one

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Backstory: Perfect timing on this one. I have been keeping a list of items I’m low on so that I can place a big order with Penzeys Spices. Just this morning, I pulled that list off the side of the fridge with plans to order this week, then I drew this challenge. What shall I try? Hmmm….

What Happened: What the heck is marjoram? I must have purchased it for some recipe, but no recollection of what that was. The label says it’s a “…cousin of oregano,” so I added it to a recipe that called for oregano, a roast chicken with a tahini-honey rub. Sadly, the resulting dish was disappointing, so I won’t share it here, but I don’t know if I gave the herb it’s full opportunity to strut its stuff. Certainly I can toss it in a Greek salad, or mix it in with a dressing or chimichurri sauce. Inspired to experiment, I went online and found Nancy Fuller’s recipe for “Glazed Carrots with Marjoram”. Maybe I can add carrots on next week’s grocery list and give it a try.

Meanwhile, the bonus in this Nudge was the other discoveries I made in that cabinet. A decrepit oil sprayer hidden in the back (gr-oss) went straight into the trash. A couple of forgotten spice blends got pulled for use as we head into outdoor grilling season, and a bottle of White Balsamic Vinegar with Peach that I purchased on a whim at a farmers’ market last year is finally making its debut. Yum!

The Ah-Hah: I think I make the same ten dinners in rotation every month (and taco salad happens way too often). Boring! Good to spice things up (pun fully intended) once in a while!

Nudged: Wear red lipstick every day

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Backstory: I laughed out loud when I unscrolled this one. The idea behind this Nudge is to make me feel powerful, to boost my self-esteem, to embolden myself. Embolden—is that a great word or what? That’s all good, but what made me laugh is I picked this on week when likely the only two other beings I’ll see are my husband and dog. Alright, I’ll have to go to the grocery store one day, and I am scheduled for a hair trim on Friday, but otherwise, this is for me. Ah-hah. This is for me.

What Happened: This one almost derailed my whole 52Nudges project. I was extremely uncomfortable going out in red lipstick, and I did go out for errands and other walks around the neighborhood. Red lipstick isn’t me, and I felt like a fraud. If you look at my closet, it’s filled with pastels and corals and cheery colors of spring. Not fade-into-the-background, but certainly not in-your-face colors. I don’t know what I was expecting to learn from this challenge, but…well, nothing came of it….

The Ah-Hah: …Or maybe something did. Maybe the lesson is recognizing what is right for me. Despite what all the fashion magazines claim, maybe a bold red isn’t what I need to feel bold. Maybe I’m at my boldest and best in a warm coral that says “Hello. This is me.”

 

P.S. I understand some new readers are checking this out. Welcome! A couple of things I’d like you to know: You can jump in any time, with any of the Nudges. They are not numbered, there is no prescribed order and no “right” way to do things here.

To better understand why I am doing this, and what my objectives are, I encourage you to read “Why 52 Nudges?” and “Nudged: Break a Rule.” You can follow along and do my Nudges with me each week, or create your own list. Check out The List for what’s coming and to get inspiration to add your own ideas. I hope you will share some of your experiences and insights in the Comments. Cheers!

Nudged: Visit a new-to-me bookstore

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Backstory: I love to read, and I love real books: the feel, the weight, the smell. No Kindle (yet) for me, although I occasionally get audio books from the library to listen to in the gym.

I have been known to refer to a great bookshop as “my crack store.” As much as I can, I try to support the neighborhood shop with my personal and gift purchases, but along the way I’ve also collected a list of specialty stores I’ve been meaning to check out. One in particular—a local shop that friends have told me I would love—has been on that list for close to three years. This, then, is my nudge to finally visit it.

What Happened: I delivered a client job early, and though there were still plenty of things I could do with the couple of hours left in my work day, nothing was pressing. I grabbed my wallet and car keys and took off.

Omnivore Books on Food, just a short drive from home, was my destination. As I mentioned above, friends had been telling me for years that I would love it, and I was not disappointed. The tiny, cozy shop, tucked away in a residential neighborhood, was filled with my kind of “crack”. Tables stacked and shelves filled with cookbooks, stories from writers in the kitchen, books on techniques and cultures and every flavor and course imaginable. The top shelves were lined with vintage books that took my breath away, but I didn’t dare touch for fear of blowing my reasonable budget. I ended up with a novel about bread, a Laurie Colwin classic, a history of gin (totally geeked out on that one), and a memoir with recipes by a San Franciscan who moved to Paris, David Lebovitz. I think he’s going to be my new favorite food writer. His forte is desserts. Um…bliss.

The Ah-Hah: A side bonus of my nudge was discovering a new-to-me neighborhood. Often, in programs for shaking things up, we’re encouraged to drive or walk a new route, both of which are on The List of nudges, so I’m thinking I might come back here when I draw one of those.

Meanwhile, the big ah-hah came from a conversation I had with a friend a couple of hours after I went to Omnivore. As I was describing the wealth and variety of cooking and foodie books—and all but drooling over the phone—she interjected with, “I couldn’t stand that. Now, if it was a bookshop on gardening….” So here’s the funny thing: For the last couple of years I’ve been trying to convince myself that I am into gardening. I’ve shopped garden center sales, created vegetable plots, watched online videos on planning and pruning, and read books of all sorts on the joys of gardening…and felt no joy whatsoever. None. Pretty much bored out of my skull. Doesn’t matter that my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and both siblings had or have fabulously green thumbs. Somehow that bit of DNA has skipped past me, and no amount of nudging on my part is going to change that. What I need to do is embrace that I am not a gardener. Instead, I am a passionate home baker-chef-foodie who loves experimenting in the kitchen and sharing my culinary wins with family and friends. This, to me, is a great example of letting one way close so another can open. It just took a little nudge and a trip to a fabulous bookshop for me to finally accept my authenticity and move on.

P.S. Independent Bookstore Day is coming up on Saturday, April 28. If there’s a neighborhood shop you love—or one you’ve been meaning to check out—I hope you’ll take this opportunity to support them.

Nudged: Learn a sentence/phrase in French

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Backstory: Years ago (decade ago?), I learned how to be politely conversational in French: Hello, Good-bye, Thank you, Pardon me, May I have one croissant, please? That got me through my first trip to Paris with some grace. I returned home and enrolled in intensive language classes at a school where the instructors were all native speakers, so in addition to conjugating verbs, I learned correct pronunciations (depending upon my teacher’s home region) and some idioms. I loved it. I loved the intellectual challenges, the exercises, the conversations with my classmates.

I was able to put much of what I learned to good use when my husband and I returned to France for our honeymoon, getting us around unfamiliar villes, finding the salle de bains, ordering excellent vins. Since then, I’ve had good intentions to return to my studies, but funds dedicated to other projects and limited free time caused me to leave this on the to-do list.

This nudge, then, is my effort to rekindle that passion and maybe convince myself that now is the time to register for a brush-up course.

What Happened: I thought about what might be pithy or funny or useful. What do I say most often? Sadly, it’s “What do you want for dinner?” And “Dinner’s ready!” So I picked:

Qu’est-ce que vous voulez pour le dîner?

and

Le dîner est prêt.

After confirming spellings on a couple of online sites, I listened to audio snippets of both. Then I began doing my best Juliette Binoche impressions out loud. It was easy-ish, and fun, although I felt a little bit like an idiot walking around saying these things, practicing my pronunciations. Pretty sure I muttered them out loud while out running errands one morning, but whatever. It’s San Francisco; I fit right in!

What struck me the most was how this was acrobatics for my mouth. It went beyond tongue-twisting, and took far more focused work that my usual “Whadayawan fo dinneh?” Like learning a new piece of music, I broke each sentence down into parts, practiced those individual parts over and over, tweaking each time. Gradually, over the week, I strung together the parts until I could say the whole thing fluidly, without having to think about what I was doing or translating it in my head while I said it.

The Ah-Hah:  This nudge was challenging. And it was fun. It reawakened a tiny section of my brain that has been ignored lately. This week’s experience hasn’t quite been enough to get me to pull out my bag of workbooks and brush up, or to sign up for a class, but we’ll see. C’est la vie. (That’s life!)

P.S. The school where I had such wonderful teachers years ago is the Alliance française de Pasadena. If you live near there, check out their website here. If you live elsewhere, they have chapters around the world, which you can learn more about here.

Nudged: Pre-dinner drinks outside

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Backstory: I love eating outside: a picnic in the park, dinner under the stars, morning tea on the front porch. When I lived in Southern California, all three meals might be enjoyed at my little bistro table in the front yard, and in the summers I hosted the occasional dinner party under my flowering crepe myrtle tree. Bliss. Now that I live in San Francisco, the colder weather makes this less appealing, and I’ve missed it.

Also, when I’ve traveled in Europe, I’ve appreciated the ritual of transition between working hours and the dinner hour. Some of my favorite meals in France were preceded by a glass of wine, good bread, and bowls of olives and goat cheese, plus light conversation. Too often at home I go straight from the stress at my desk to the scramble of dinner prep, to scarfing down dinner, to collapsing into bed.

There has to be a better way.

What Happened: Naturally, I drew this challenge on a particularly cold and gloomy week, so forget taking in a dazzling sunset. It was also a week when my husband worked some long and late hours. I put it off, hoping circumstances would be more favorable, but at some point I just had to bite the bullet and get it done.

I poured some good wine, opened a can of black olives, and set everything on a pretty silver tray. Bundled up in a thick scarf and down parka, I made my way to the front door. My husband was still at work, so it was just me this time. I sat on the front step, sipped some wine, and…watched the storm clouds go by. When was the last time I watched the clouds? I honestly can’t remember, but easily 10 years ago. How sad is that? I felt myself taking longer and deeper breaths, slipping into almost a meditative state as I released the tensions of a full day of work. I resisted the urge to check text messages, although on another occasion this would be the perfect time for a brief catching-up call with a friend. Or better yet, I could invite a local friend to join me. Just 15 minutes did the trick. After his own very stressful workday, my darling husband was greeted by a glass of wine, a bowl of olives, and, best of all, a calm wife who set the tone for his evening.

The Ah-Hah: I want to do this more regularly. On dark, cold nights, a candle (or several) would be a nice addition to make my porch a cozier refuge. I’d also like to try this in the morning (sans alcohol, of course), to watch the sunrise and begin my day with calm. It’s not a big production, it doesn’t take a lot of time, but I can feel a big positive impact.