Category Archives: Completed Nudge

Nudged: Play dress-up

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Backstory: Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. As a kid, I planned months in advance for my costume, which, in almost every case, was something made by me. In the intervening months, I drew inspiration from the big box of Dad’s discarded suits and Mom’s out-of-fashion dresses to create characters and act out stories. Is it any wonder I was performing on stage by the time I hit middle school?

So, yes, this Nudge is from the list of “activities I loved doing when I was a kid.” There are still a few weeks before Halloween, and I’m not sure how I might complete the task, but I’m excited about it. It feels like play, and that’s what counts to me.

For fun inspiration, here’s a photo of me as Strawberry Fields for a James Bond theme party we attended a few years ago.

What Happened: What do I want to be when I grow up? What do I aspire to? What’s in my closet?

Every morning I woke up and asked myself these questions. I kicked off the week with “Savvy Business Woman” — note the kickass shoes! That evening, after I made an apple tart for dessert, I morphed into “Chic Parisian Housewife.”

I was “Jennifer Aniston’s Curvy Sister” in skinny jeans, a white cotton blouse, tailored blazer, and tasteful jewelry. Another day I pulled out the “good” yoga pants and colorful Pilates top to be “Jane Fonda’s Fav Workout Buddy.” (To legitimize the “costume,” I then did 30 minutes of yoga with Jane’s “AM/PM Yoga” DVD). One morning, feeling the fatigue of COVID+California wildfires+everything else, I chose to shrug myself into ratty…er comfy old sweats and pulled my hair into a decidedly unfashionable messy bun; I dubbed that ensemble “Finals Week.” Not truly something I aspire to, but it felt appropriate in the moment. By afternoon, I felt a little sunnier about life, so showered, flat-ironed my hair, and dressed in my best “So Cal Soccer Mom” outfit of white cropped jeans, pastel T-shirt, and bare feet.

As the week came to a close, I thought about what I might create for my pièce de résistance. I actually stayed up late one night brainstorming ideas. Femme fatale? Top Chef? World traveler? Old Hollywood glam to accept my Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay, based on my book of the same title? (“I’d like to thank my wonderful, always supportive husband, Thor….”)

Of all the fun characters I could become, I chose this….

Just Me, 2020.

The Ah-Hahs: Years ago I read an interview with Jamie Lee Curtis in which she said something about not doing as much acting because she’d really grown to like herself, just as she was. She no longer felt the need to pretend to be anyone else. You know what, I’ve come to feel the same.

I snapped a few selfies of me being Me for this post, then asked Thor for his pick (above). “You can’t do it all in just one photo,” he said. Wife, writer, friend, sister, creative, aunt, niece, colleague, blogger, teammate, deep thinker, empath, wit…. Like I said, “I’d like to thank my wonderful, always supportive husband” for always seeing Me. And I’d like to pat myself on the back for figuring out that I am enough, just as I am.

 

Nudged: Answer a call

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Backstory: How do you make God laugh? You tell her your plans.

It’s an old joke, but lately it’s felt like much of my life. Between sheltering-in-place (for months and months…), political upheaval and civil unrest (that’s putting it mildly), a family member with COVID (wear your mask!), and the widespread fires and resulting deep layers of smoke, few things have gone as planned. This has included recent Nudges. I drew tasks that I really looked forward to, only to have them kiboshed by forces way out of my control.

Instead of crawling under the covers till it all passes, I decided to get creative this week. I am doing a Nudge that is not off the original list, one that will allow surprise and spontaneity.

“Answer a call” does not mean picking up a call from “Unknown”. It does not mean picking up when I see the caller is someone I really really don’t feel like talking to. Instead, it means listening to myself. Listening to that still, small (and occasionally nagging) voice inside me. And when it says “You should do this,” whatever “this” might be, I have every intention (not “plan”) to drop what I’m doing and…well, you know.

What Happened: I’ve been reading a book about the Law of Attraction, and earlier this week I read a passage about the importance of clearing space to make room for what I want. This gives a whole new dimension to my ongoing decluttering efforts. I’ve been so focused on “getting rid of” (shredding, tossing, sharing) that I haven’t given much thought to “what I want.” Until this week. 😉

There are many big projects on my to do list, one of which is going through my closet. Daunting! There’s stuff in there…I don’t even know where to begin. Stuff that doesn’t fit, suit my current lifestyle (or climate), feel good, or look good. I’ve long wanted to upgrade to Me 2020, but have put it off until…I lose weight, make some extra cash, activate my Stitch Fix account, decide what my authentic style is, win the lottery…. Till then, there’s just been a soft nagging to “Get to it.”

This morning I finished a client job ahead of deadline and had the gift of a little free time. As I headed back to my office after lunch, that soft voice got louder and announced “SHOES!”

A section of the pre-sort jumble.

Okay then. That was my “call”. I set a timer for 30 minutes, pulled everything out, and sorted. Final tally: 5 embarrassingly worn-out pairs to the trash, 2 barely worn pairs to the donation box, and 6 empty boxes that have just been taking up space. Inspired, I added to the donation box a special occasion dress I’ve worn once in seven years. (Even though it was pretty on the hanger, it made me feel frumpy.)

The shoes that went back into my closet are neatly organized, which feels good. But what might make me the happiest is these beauties got pulled out of the shadows and into an easily accessible spot.

Ready to go!

Plans to go on hikes with friends are on hold right now, till the fires are contained and smoke cleared. But as soon as we get the okay from the air quality index, I’ll be ready to go.

The Ah-Hahs: I do like having plans. I like setting goals, breaking them down, and checking steps off my list until I reach the finish line. However. Life is rarely that direct, so I’m learning to work with zigs and zags, to go with the flow, to open myself up to new opportunities. I suppose I end up in the same place, and some times the journey feels a little more fun when it isn’t just about being at the destination.

This week’s nudge was a perfect example of that. It was spontaneous and productive. As I type this, I feel lighter — and not just because I’ve unloaded some old stuff. Maybe it’s because I took a “must do” and reframed it into a “nudge”. Maybe it’s because once I cleared away the worn-out and uncomfortable stuff, I was left with the nice and comfortable stuff. Maybe it’s simply because I found a way to physically experience the act of clearing space to make way for good of every kind to come into my life. 🙂

 

Nudged: Purge the underwear drawer

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Backstory: I’m trying to think when was the last time I purchased new underwear for myself…. Geez, this is embarrassing. Eight years ago? Time to dump out that drawer and see what’s in there (and what needs to go).

This is part of my whole declutting project, in which I choose one small section to review versus trying to dive in and do a major overhaul all in one weekend. My ultimate intention, of course, is to make sure that what I keep is stuff that makes me feel good.

Maybe you’ll choose to tackle a small section of your closet or the stack of (stained, frayed) kitchen towels or that “junk drawer” that has been the catchall for the last 5/10/20 years. Maybe we’ll discover some long-lost treasures! 🙂

What Happened: I pulled out the drawer and dumped everything onto the bed.

underwear drawer

What struck me was all the black and beige. Am I really that boring?

Other than that, the pile wasn’t too bad. Items are in good condition, everything fits (a miracle, when you consider recent COVID comfort eating), and things weren’t crammed in. I have what I need. I threw out one item and added a half slip (When was the last time I wore a half slip…? No idea.) to the Goodwill box. The rest got neatly organized, and the drawer got returned to its regular spot.

But…back to that “boring” bit. What is up with that? I would love to be the woman who has something soft and lovely against her skin. Something lacy. Maybe something racy. Heck, something with color!

Inspired by this nudge and the fact that in the past couple of months I’ve worked my tail off and had a little extra spending money, I hit the internet. OMG, La Perla–gorgeous! Now we’re talking! Except…$500 for a single bra?!  Hahahaha…I’ll come back to that when I win the lottery.

I next hit up some of the online sales and, for a reasonable price, found a lovely set in a pretty pink lace. I placed the order.

The Ah-Has: From now on, I’m going to refer to this as my “Lingerie” drawer. No more practical, basic, blah. I have what I “need”, so moving forward, I’d rather save my money for something special, something that will last, something that makes me feel special.

Nudged: Notice something

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Backstory: Oooo I love this nudge! It is inspired by artist Jenny Odell. I heard her speak at the In/Visible Talks design+art conference in 2018 (you’ll find the video of her talk on “How to Do Nothing” here), and her suggestion to “notice” things has stuck with me.

Using Jenny’s example, instead of bird-watching–which is a sort of doing, where you look for birds and check them off your list–you shift your attention to bird-noticing. You might listen for different bird songs, take in the brilliant colors in their feathers, watch for different patterns of flight. It’s a practice that encourages me to slow down, quiet myself, focus, and appreciate.

On a vacation, this nudge reminded me to stop on my walks and do a 360, literally turn around in a circle and take in everything around me. What a revelation! I noticed pebbles, clouds, architectural details, and the feel of the breeze on my skin. Another time, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I slowed my rush to finish the task and noticed how beautifully bizarre fresh produce is. I mean–artichokes! I have a special respect for the first person who figured out how to eat one. (I like mine steamed in beer and dipped in melted butter, btw.)

Another aspect I love about this nudge is the necessary element of surprise. Who knows what I will notice–and be delighted by–this week!

What Happened: Whenever I travel to a new-to-me city, I love to get up really early one morning and walk that city as it wakes up. When you don’t have to navigate auto and pedestrian traffic, you are freed up to notice more of your surroundings. I’ve discovered all sorts of delights.

Lately, walking for exercise has felt to me like a competitive sport. I feel like I have to GET OUT (to lessen the sheltering-in-place cabin fever) and BURN CALORIES (because our gym is closed indefinitely and…well…the comfort food I consumed in the first several months of COVID have caught up with me). But there’s also the added stress of having to dodge fellow walkers. I’ll be walking along and see a family coming toward me, so I’ll step out into the street to allow proper social distancing. Or some maskless yahoo comes toward me, and I scramble to get as much distance as possible between us. Blood pressure waaay up!

Wednesday morning I got up extra early, before the sun peeked over the horizon, and headed out into my neighborhood. My route was pretty much the same one I take any other day, but this time I had it to myself. I didn’t see a single car or person, and as a result, I got to look around. I noticed roofline flourishes I’d never seen before. I noticed who has recently installed solar panels. Instead of looking at gardens or living room setups (this is what I normally look at, to get ideas for my own home), I noticed who has the lights on and wondered who was up with insomnia, a fussing baby, morning prayers, or an idea for a novel that just couldn’t wait. I also noticed smells from brewing coffee and frying bacon (yum) and someone’s pungent marijuana.

It was such a brilliant way to “wake up” to the day that I decided to do it again on Thursday.

It didn’t quite work out as planned. Thursday morning I hit the desk early and, before I knew it, it was past lunchtime. Determined to give it another go, I headed out midafternoon. I was pretty much beating myself up for blowing the nudge when a fantastic purple tree stopped me in my tracks.

Notice-purple-1

I recalled how, early in our quarantine days, a couple of friends had motivated themselves to get outside for walks by setting the intention to find things of a certain color. So that’s what I did. For the last half of my walk, I noticed–and took photos of–everything I could spot in every shade of purple. It was awesome! I’d see something and dash across the street to take a closer look. I’d giggle and whoop when I discovered something new. I shot closeups. I marveled at all the shades. I found lots of flowers, of course, but also pebbles and tiles. Was hoping to find a purple house (this is San Francisco, after all), but no luck. Maybe on the next walk.

The Ah-Hahs: Both of my noticing walks were delightful. Also, when I got home from the purple walk, I realized that for those full 20 or so minutes, I had not once thought of any of the worries I’ve been carrying for weeks.

Nudged: Do a Fairy Deed

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Background: Some people call it “random acts of kindness”. For whatever reason, years ago I started calling them “Fairy Deeds”. Maybe because it feels like there’s magic in it, as I flit in and out to deliver the gift.

The idea is to give something small that lifts someone else’s spirits. In the past I’ve left a bag with lemons and sugar with a note encouraging the recipient to turn a rough period into lemonade. I’ve mailed scratcher lottery tickets. I’ve cut flowers from my garden, tied them in a bow, and placed them on neighbors’ doorsteps (while engaging in a silly grownup version of “Ding-Dong Ditch” so they found the gift before it had wilted). The anonymous part of doing a Fairy Deed is important to me, in that it doesn’t set up the expectation of reciprocation.

This doesn’t need to be an extravagant act, and in keeping with the 52Nudges rules, it should be “cheap”. But if you have the means and the desire, go for leaving a ginormous tip for the gal who brews your morning coffee with a smile (and looks like she can’t take one more day of this pandemic). Have fun with it…because the secondary gift of this nudge is that it lifts the giver’s spirits too.

What Happened: I got stuck on the “anonymous” part. In the past, that has been important to me. But as I thought about what I most wanted to do this week, I kept coming back to baking something sweet for my neighbors, specifically a Victoria Sponge cake. Several weeks ago I made my first one, shared it with a few households, and subsequently learned that it was one neighbor’s favorites (let’s call him Hank). Okay, then. That’s what I did this week. I baked and cooled the cakes, spread the first with raspberry preserves, placed the second cake on top to make the “sandwich”, and sliced it into individual servings. (Note: A bit of fresh whipped cream is a nice touch.)

Victoria Sandwich

After giving Thor his share (of course), I wrapped up several slices for Hank and his family. I popped next door, left the offering on the mat, rang the doorbell, and dashed–not quite quick enough, because his wife answered before I made it down the stairs. 🙂

It wouldn’t have been a completely anonymous act anyway, since I had once before delivered this particular cake. But there was still that fun element of surprising them.

Now here’s where it gets…um…interesting. Shortly after I got home, I received a text message from Hank’s adult son. Earlier in the week the family had made the decision to bring in 24/7 in-home care and shift Hank to hospice care. I’ve known for several months about Hank’s evolving condition (aging is not for sissies) and have done what I can to support this family. They are doing okay for the most part, but this stage of life is never easy. Hank’s son reported to me that they heard the doorbell ring while he and his dad were in the middle of sharing stories. “That Kathy can bake,” Hank said, as he enjoyed the cake.

The Ah-Hahs: I cried as I typed the above. I am so grateful/relieved that I got that cake to Hank in time for him to fully enjoy it. I hope it helped to remind him and his family of the sweet things in life. That gives me a little peace.

The takeaway for this Nudge is: Don’t Wait! Do that small act of kindness now. You never know how big it might be for the recipient.

Nudged: Enjoy a fire in the fireplace

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Backstory: Before those of you who are living through a normal sweltering summer protest this week’s nudge, let me remind you that where I live, it’s cold. Dark. Damp. Depressing. This nudge comes at the perfect time for me.

At a deeper level, this nudge is about mixing up routines. Instead of “relaxing” in front of the TV night after night, at least one time this week I hope to turn off all electrical devices and enjoy the warmth and beauty of a real-live fire. Maybe I’ll read a book. Maybe I’ll mix up a couple of cocktails and Thor and I will play Gin Rummy. Or maybe I’ll just sit quietly and delight my senses with the crackles and colors of the flames.

If an indoor fire sounds like a special level of Hell right now, you might enjoy an outdoor fire pit. Or find a shady spot to enjoy the sounds of running water. Maybe this is the week you stay up late one night and go outside to watch the fireflies or gaze at the stars. I hope you’ll find something to do that delights your senses.

What Happened: Helluva week for this nudge. News broke this morning of rapidly spreading wildfires and frantic evacuations across the state of California. We’re fine here. Just a lot of smoke, which is nothing compared to what many of our good friends are facing today.

Screen Shot 2020-08-19 at 11.27.20 AM.png

So instead of relaxing in front of our fireplace, I’m going to tidy up the guest room, reach out to friends who might need a refuge, and pray for rain.

Take care of yourselves — and thank our first responders!

 

 

Nudged: Pick something from the Big To Do List

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Backstory: The intention behind this nudge is to pick one of those BIG PROJECTS that have reappeared on various editions of my Big To Do List–and this is the important part (that doesn’t quite fit in the headline space): break it down into smaller steps and finally start getting it done.

I checked my notes from when I first created my nudges List, and this is the what I thought I might do:

Plan a Picnic: pick a date, invite family and friends, pull the picnic basket (an item that I love) up from the basement and give it a good cleaning, go through cookbooks and plan a fun menu, select games (bocce ball!), pick a park….

I’m more than a little sad that I can’t do all of this right now (darn COVID), and I’m tempted to do part of it because I really do miss picnics. It’s been several years since I’ve been on a proper picnic, which is why having one has been on the to do list for so long.

However, doing “part” is not the point of this nudge. So I’m going to take a look at the really BIG PROJECTS on my list and pick one. Maybe I’ll make a plan for starting a Victory (against COVID) Garden and growing my own salads. Maybe this is the week I do some research on what I’ll need to take a trip to Portugal (someday) and set up a special savings account with a plan for regular small deposits. I might sand and paint an old desk that desperately needs a facelift. Or I could go for one of the projects on my list that gets me closer to achieving a professional goal.

What are you inspired to tackle this week?

What Happened: I landed on something that speaks to a couple of ongoing projects: decluttering and trying new recipes. Over the past several months, I’ve been trying to sort through old recipe cards, clippings, and books; organizing those recipes I want to make again; and either tossing or sharing those I don’t. I feel like I’ve made very little progress. So, this week I pulled everything together and created what I’m calling “Cookery Central.”

Cookery Central

Everything I want to go through is in this one space, and it’s in a part of my office so I will see it every day. My plan is to devote 20-30 minutes per day, working until I have an organized system. In the process, I look forward to the fun of trying new things and recreating old favorites.

The Ah-Hahs: One reason I decided to focus on this particular project right now is because this is a huge undertaking and needs to get done. The other is that cooking and baking are creative activities that give me a lot of pleasure. And these days, I need to create my own entertainment while we continue to social-distance. This feels like a good fit. I’m excited to make some real progress with this.

Just looking at the photo above makes me happy. I see Ina Garten, David Lebovitz, Julia Child, and Jacques Pépin represented. I feel like I’m reconnecting with old friends.

And who knows…maybe my next blog adventure idea will come from this. 🙂

Nudged: Make and decorate a cake

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Backstory: I am a huge fan of baking shows, which is ironic because I don’t like eating most baked goods. What I love is the mix of art, creativity, science, beauty, and nerves of steel. I hold my breath as I watch home cooks–like me!–test their skills and push beyond their boundaries and create things that inspire my imagination.

One of the skills I am not naturally gifted with is piping. I would love to learn how to make those fancy borders and swirly tops and pretty edible flowers and…. This is my chance to try it all.

What Happened: I went to the market three times this week, each time with the ingredients to make a cake and icings on my list. And three times I couldn’t pull the trigger. What the heck?! I just…I just didn’t want to.

At one point I tried to talk myself into this because I was pretty sure the photos would show results similar to my latte art nudge. (My attempts to create a frothy “heart” were hilarious–see the nudge here.) Yes, that would have made for a funny post, but it wouldn’t have been true to the intention of 52Nudges.

Why didn’t I want to make and decorate a cake?…. How about…because I don’t like cake.

For real. Simple truth.

On my last trip to the market I picked up some whipping cream thinking maybe I’d just do some practice piping on a board and call it a day. But I didn’t even want to do that. So I put aside this nudge for another day and went into the kitchen to make something I truly enjoy making: All-American Apple Pie:

All-American Apple Pie

I should note that I don’t like eating pie any more than I like eating cake. But Thor loves this, and I love making it for him.

The Ah-Hahs: When I created my list almost a year ago, the nudges all appealed to me for one reason or another. I can also give you reasons for why I feel I should do some of them. But as I progress through this nudging process, what I’m really learning is what feels right for me right now. How do I want to spend my time and energy and creative gifts? What makes me happy? What fills my soul? I’m still going to nudge myself to try new things, especially things that push me out of my comfort zone, but as I do them, I’m paying closer attention to what I feel is “100% Kath”.

I refuse to have regrets, but I imagine my life would be quite different if I’d figured this out in my 20s. But–hey–imagine how authentically amazing my life is going to be moving forward. 🙂

Nudged: Phone a friend

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Backstory: This one is inspired by “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” For real! The idea is to look around at my various projects and to do lists, figure out where I need help, and tap into my wealth of personal resources. I have friends who are have an eye for interior design, who have a true sense of fashion, who are organizational gurus, who are handymen (and women!). It’s about stopping the procrastination and asking for help.

Who you gonna call? 🙂

What Happened: What I really wanted to do was call this one friend in particular and get her advice about how I might upgrade our living room decor and have her help me cull my wardrobe while taking her suggestions for just the right in-style pieces to make me feel good. Instead, I came up with every excuse for why this can’t happen right now: I still don’t feel ready to have people over (even in masks), I don’t feel comfortable spending money to make what feel like extravagant purchases, I’d like to lose the extra pounds I’ve gained from comfort eating before I add anything to my wardrobe…. Sigh.

I tried talking myself out of these excuses and into following through with this nudge, but it just didn’t feel right. So I listened to my heart and what it wanted out this nudge.

Phone

After some quiet thinking, I made a quick list of friends I haven’t been able to see in months and I started calling. For most I got their voicemail, so I left short messages along the lines of “I’m thinking of you! I miss you! Hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy!” Others picked up and we were both treated to a loving reconnection.

(I just took a close look at the above photo. Gack! Having now cleaned the cabinets–see last week’s nudge–I think I need to clean all of the phones around the house!)

The Ah-Hahs: Like with so many of these nudges, sometimes I have to shift in the middle and do what feels right in the moment. I still hope–and plan!–to call some of my expert friends for their help in the future. But for this week’s, it felt really good to just make a lot of “Thinking of you” calls.

By the way, I hope you and your loved ones are all safe and healthy! xoxo

Nudged: Wipe down the kitchen cabinets

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Backstory: Our kitchen…sigh. It is not in any way a passionate home cook’s dream set-up. It is oddly configured and even more oddly decorated. We have an old miner’s inspired lamp hanging in one half; a bare bulb hanging in the other. The decor dates back to the 1970s and features worn linoleum that…wait for it…some previous creative (and cheap) owner decided to use bits of extra to run up sections of some of the walls. I dream of our home being selected for one of those great makeover shows where a team comes in and redoes everything in just one week! (Notice I did not say a “reality” show.)

What is often my greatest challenge with this heart of our home, where I make almost all of our meals, is that my only work space is a cramped 20″ x 30″.

But…I have a kitchen. I have working appliances. I have money for food and skills that make it possible for me to serve up more than mac ‘n’ cheese from a box every day. I also have friends who create gourmet feasts for parties of it in a kitchen half the size of mine.

So it’s time I shift my perspective and show this room a little love, starting with cleaning the grimy (and good grief, they’re disgusting when you really look) kitchen cabinets.

What room in your home could use a little TLC this week?

What Happened: All the fingerprints, splatters, smudges…gag. I spritzed, I scrubbed, and I buffed.

Cabinets Before 2

Before…

Cabinets After 2

…and after.

It took me less than an hour to get the whole room done, and while my work wasn’t perfect, it was progress. I notice the difference.

The Ah-Hahs: After the first couple of cabinets, I started looking around at the rest of the room. The floor is clean, though it would benefit from a deep-cleaning. I really should use a mop to wipe the ceiling and take down some of the cobwebs in the corners. (When did those take up residence?) And I should also tackle cleaning the doors throughout the house that show signs of dirty hands and noses (thanks, Louie). But I stopped myself from pulling an all-nighter. Those tasks can be future nudges.

The real ah-hah though was that as I worked, I found myself appreciating all that I do have. See that list above: home, actual kitchen, food. I remembered back to when I moved apartments many years ago and a friend who helped with the unloading showed up with a blessing. We asked that my new space be filled with friends and love and laughter. So I did something similar this week. I thanked my cabinets for all they do, and I blessed this space that–despite my complaining about its flaws–makes it possible for me to receive a lot of joy.