Category Archives: mind/body/spirit

Nudging: Notice something

Backstory: Oooo I love this nudge! It is inspired by artist Jenny Odell. I heard her speak at the In/Visible Talks design+art conference in 2018 (you’ll find the video of her talk on “How to Do Nothing” here), and her suggestion to “notice” things has stuck with me.

Using Jenny’s example, instead of bird-watching–which is a sort of doing, where you look for birds and check them off your list–you shift your attention to bird-noticing. You might listen for different bird songs, take in the brilliant colors in their feathers, watch for different patterns of flight. It’s a practice that encourages me to slow down, quiet myself, focus, and appreciate.

On a vacation, this nudge reminded me to stop on my walks and do a 360, literally turn around in a circle and take in everything around me. What a revelation! I noticed pebbles, clouds, architectural details, and the feel of the breeze on my skin. Another time, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I slowed my rush to finish the task and noticed how beautifully bizarre fresh produce is. I mean–artichokes! I have a special respect for the first person who figured out how to eat one. (I like mine steamed in beer and dipped in melted butter, btw.)

Another aspect I love about this nudge is the necessary element of surprise. Who knows what I will notice–and be delighted by–this week!

 

Nudged: Do a Fairy Deed

Background: Some people call it “random acts of kindness”. For whatever reason, years ago I started calling them “Fairy Deeds”. Maybe because it feels like there’s magic in it, as I flit in and out to deliver the gift.

The idea is to give something small that lifts someone else’s spirits. In the past I’ve left a bag with lemons and sugar with a note encouraging the recipient to turn a rough period into lemonade. I’ve mailed scratcher lottery tickets. I’ve cut flowers from my garden, tied them in a bow, and placed them on neighbors’ doorsteps (while engaging in a silly grownup version of “Ding-Dong Ditch” so they found the gift before it had wilted). The anonymous part of doing a Fairy Deed is important to me, in that it doesn’t set up the expectation of reciprocation.

This doesn’t need to be an extravagant act, and in keeping with the 52Nudges rules, it should be “cheap”. But if you have the means and the desire, go for leaving a ginormous tip for the gal who brews your morning coffee with a smile (and looks like she can’t take one more day of this pandemic). Have fun with it…because the secondary gift of this nudge is that it lifts the giver’s spirits too.

What Happened: I got stuck on the “anonymous” part. In the past, that has been important to me. But as I thought about what I most wanted to do this week, I kept coming back to baking something sweet for my neighbors, specifically a Victoria Sponge cake. Several weeks ago I made my first one, shared it with a few households, and subsequently learned that it was one neighbor’s favorites (let’s call him Hank). Okay, then. That’s what I did this week. I baked and cooled the cakes, spread the first with raspberry preserves, placed the second cake on top to make the “sandwich”, and sliced it into individual servings. (Note: A bit of fresh whipped cream is a nice touch.)

Victoria Sandwich

After giving Thor his share (of course), I wrapped up several slices for Hank and his family. I popped next door, left the offering on the mat, rang the doorbell, and dashed–not quite quick enough, because his wife answered before I made it down the stairs. 🙂

It wouldn’t have been a completely anonymous act anyway, since I had once before delivered this particular cake. But there was still that fun element of surprising them.

Now here’s where it gets…um…interesting. Shortly after I got home, I received a text message from Hank’s adult son. Earlier in the week the family had made the decision to bring in 24/7 in-home care and shift Hank to hospice care. I’ve known for several months about Hank’s evolving condition (aging is not for sissies) and have done what I can to support this family. They are doing okay for the most part, but this stage of life is never easy. Hank’s son reported to me that they heard the doorbell ring while he and his dad were in the middle of sharing stories. “That Kathy can bake,” Hank said, as he enjoyed the cake.

The Ah-Hahs: I cried as I typed the above. I am so grateful/relieved that I got that cake to Hank in time for him to fully enjoy it. I hope it helped to remind him and his family of the sweet things in life. That gives me a little peace.

The takeaway for this Nudge is: Don’t Wait! Do that small act of kindness now. You never know how big it might be for the recipient.

Nudging: Do a Fairy Deed

Background: Some people call it “random acts of kindness”. For whatever reason, years ago I started calling them “Fairy Deeds”. Maybe because it feels like there’s magic in it, as I flit in and out to deliver the gift.

The idea is to give something small that lifts someone else’s spirits. In the past I’ve left a bag with lemons and sugar with a note encouraging the recipient to turn a rough period into lemonade. I’ve mailed scratcher lottery tickets. I’ve cut flowers from my garden, tied them in a bow, and placed them on neighbors’ doorsteps (while engaging in a silly grownup version of “Ding-Dong Ditch” so they found the gift before it had wilted). The anonymous part of doing a Fairy Deed is important to me, in that it doesn’t set up the expectation of reciprocation.

This doesn’t need to be an extravagant act, and in keeping with the 52Nudges rules, it should be “cheap”. But if you have the means and the desire, go for leaving a ginormous tip for the gal who brews your morning coffee with a smile (and looks like she can’t take one more day of this pandemic). Have fun with it…because the secondary gift of this nudge is that it lifts the giver’s spirits too.

 

Nudged: Enjoy a fire in the fireplace

Backstory: Before those of you who are living through a normal sweltering summer protest this week’s nudge, let me remind you that where I live, it’s cold. Dark. Damp. Depressing. This nudge comes at the perfect time for me.

At a deeper level, this nudge is about mixing up routines. Instead of “relaxing” in front of the TV night after night, at least one time this week I hope to turn off all electrical devices and enjoy the warmth and beauty of a real-live fire. Maybe I’ll read a book. Maybe I’ll mix up a couple of cocktails and Thor and I will play Gin Rummy. Or maybe I’ll just sit quietly and delight my senses with the crackles and colors of the flames.

If an indoor fire sounds like a special level of Hell right now, you might enjoy an outdoor fire pit. Or find a shady spot to enjoy the sounds of running water. Maybe this is the week you stay up late one night and go outside to watch the fireflies or gaze at the stars. I hope you’ll find something to do that delights your senses.

What Happened: Helluva week for this nudge. News broke this morning of rapidly spreading wildfires and frantic evacuations across the state of California. We’re fine here. Just a lot of smoke, which is nothing compared to what many of our good friends are facing today.

Screen Shot 2020-08-19 at 11.27.20 AM.png

So instead of relaxing in front of our fireplace, I’m going to tidy up the guest room, reach out to friends who might need a refuge, and pray for rain.

Take care of yourselves — and thank our first responders!

 

 

Nudging: Enjoy a fire in the fireplace

Backstory: Before those of you who are living through a normal sweltering summer protest this week’s nudge, let me remind you that where I live, it’s cold. Dark. Damp. Depressing. This nudge comes at the perfect time for me.

At a deeper level, this nudge is about mixing up routines. Instead of “relaxing” in front of the TV night after night, at least one time this week I hope to turn off all electrical devices and enjoy the warmth and beauty of a real-live fire. Maybe I’ll read a book. Maybe I’ll mix up a couple of cocktails and Thor and I will play Gin Rummy. Or maybe I’ll just sit quietly and delight my senses with the crackles and colors of the flames.

If an indoor fire sounds like a special level of Hell right now, you might enjoy an outdoor fire pit. Or find a shady spot to enjoy the sounds of running water. Maybe this is the week you stay up late one night and go outside to watch the fireflies or gaze at the stars. I hope you’ll find something to do that delights your senses.

 

Nudging: (Re)memorize 50 state capitals

Backstory: Am I smarter than a 5th grader? We’ll find out!

Around the time I was putting together my Nudges list, the capital city of Michigan came up in conversation. No one in my little group could come up with it. (Detroit, FYI.) In addition to feeling embarrassed that I couldn’t come up with the answer on the spot, this  planted a seed in me as I thought about how much fun I have had learning: spelling bees, vocabulary tests, geography, algebra (oh, how I loved algebra!). I miss using the part of my brain that loves the process of looking things up, learning, memorizing, and testing.

But that was only part of the inspiration for me. Earlier this year a dear friend became a U.S. citizen and I had the privilege of attending her naturalization ceremony. It was one of the most moving experiences of my life. Afterwards, she shared with me her test materials, which Thor and I were sure we would ace. Actually, there were a few answers we didn’t know!

So I’m going to take this opportunity to (re)learn a bit about my beloved country.

If this particular nudge doesn’t appeal, here are some options: learn the capitals of countries in a specific region, memorize a portion (or all) of the periodic table, look up the Latin names for the plants in your backyard. Do something the tickles your curiosity bone and have fun with it!

Nudged: Make and decorate a cake

Backstory: I am a huge fan of baking shows, which is ironic because I don’t like eating most baked goods. What I love is the mix of art, creativity, science, beauty, and nerves of steel. I hold my breath as I watch home cooks–like me!–test their skills and push beyond their boundaries and create things that inspire my imagination.

One of the skills I am not naturally gifted with is piping. I would love to learn how to make those fancy borders and swirly tops and pretty edible flowers and…. This is my chance to try it all.

What Happened: I went to the market three times this week, each time with the ingredients to make a cake and icings on my list. And three times I couldn’t pull the trigger. What the heck?! I just…I just didn’t want to.

At one point I tried to talk myself into this because I was pretty sure the photos would show results similar to my latte art nudge. (My attempts to create a frothy “heart” were hilarious–see the nudge here.) Yes, that would have made for a funny post, but it wouldn’t have been true to the intention of 52Nudges.

Why didn’t I want to make and decorate a cake?…. How about…because I don’t like cake.

For real. Simple truth.

On my last trip to the market I picked up some whipping cream thinking maybe I’d just do some practice piping on a board and call it a day. But I didn’t even want to do that. So I put aside this nudge for another day and went into the kitchen to make something I truly enjoy making: All-American Apple Pie:

All-American Apple Pie

I should note that I don’t like eating pie any more than I like eating cake. But Thor loves this, and I love making it for him.

The Ah-Hahs: When I created my list almost a year ago, the nudges all appealed to me for one reason or another. I can also give you reasons for why I feel I should do some of them. But as I progress through this nudging process, what I’m really learning is what feels right for me right now. How do I want to spend my time and energy and creative gifts? What makes me happy? What fills my soul? I’m still going to nudge myself to try new things, especially things that push me out of my comfort zone, but as I do them, I’m paying closer attention to what I feel is “100% Kath”.

I refuse to have regrets, but I imagine my life would be quite different if I’d figured this out in my 20s. But–hey–imagine how authentically amazing my life is going to be moving forward. 🙂

Nudging: Make and decorate a cake

Backstory: I am a huge fan of baking shows, which is ironic because I don’t like eating most baked goods. What I love is the mix of art, creativity, science, beauty, and nerves of steel. I hold my breath as I watch home cooks–like me!–test their skills and push beyond their boundaries and create things that inspire my imagination.

One of the skills I am not naturally gifted with is piping. I would love to learn how to make those fancy borders and swirly tops and pretty edible flowers and…. This is my chance to try it all.

Nudged: Phone a friend

Backstory: This one is inspired by “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” For real! The idea is to look around at my various projects and to do lists, figure out where I need help, and tap into my wealth of personal resources. I have friends who are have an eye for interior design, who have a true sense of fashion, who are organizational gurus, who are handymen (and women!). It’s about stopping the procrastination and asking for help.

Who you gonna call? 🙂

What Happened: What I really wanted to do was call this one friend in particular and get her advice about how I might upgrade our living room decor and have her help me cull my wardrobe while taking her suggestions for just the right in-style pieces to make me feel good. Instead, I came up with every excuse for why this can’t happen right now: I still don’t feel ready to have people over (even in masks), I don’t feel comfortable spending money to make what feel like extravagant purchases, I’d like to lose the extra pounds I’ve gained from comfort eating before I add anything to my wardrobe…. Sigh.

I tried talking myself out of these excuses and into following through with this nudge, but it just didn’t feel right. So I listened to my heart and what it wanted out this nudge.

Phone

After some quiet thinking, I made a quick list of friends I haven’t been able to see in months and I started calling. For most I got their voicemail, so I left short messages along the lines of “I’m thinking of you! I miss you! Hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy!” Others picked up and we were both treated to a loving reconnection.

(I just took a close look at the above photo. Gack! Having now cleaned the cabinets–see last week’s nudge–I think I need to clean all of the phones around the house!)

The Ah-Hahs: Like with so many of these nudges, sometimes I have to shift in the middle and do what feels right in the moment. I still hope–and plan!–to call some of my expert friends for their help in the future. But for this week’s, it felt really good to just make a lot of “Thinking of you” calls.

By the way, I hope you and your loved ones are all safe and healthy! xoxo

Nudging: Phone a friend

Backstory: This one is inspired by “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” For real! The idea is to look around at my various projects and to do lists, figure out where I need help, and tap into my wealth of personal resources. I have friends who are have an eye for interior design, who have a true sense of fashion, who are organizational gurus, who are handymen (and women!). It’s about stopping the procrastination and asking for help.

Who you gonna call? 🙂