Category Archives: passion&play

Nudged: Clear off dresser top; end of week, redo

Backstory: It’s not the worst hot spot in the house, but as I take in what’s there—what has been sitting there for years—I’m ashamed. Photos of cute toddlers (who are now teenagers with driver’s licenses), old CDs that have lost their cases (can’t recall the last time I listened to them), favorite items of jewelry that need repair (and so have been unworn and unappreciated), Mardi Gras beads…Mardi Gras beads? Really?

 

Before.

What Happened: After pulling everything off and setting it aside in a box for later review, I gave the mirror a good Windex shine and wiped off the layer of dust that had accumulated. I was going to polish the antique wood, but discovered we were out of polish. I wanted to give this beautiful piece of furniture, which has been with me since elementary school, some love, so lemony polish was added to the grocery list, and midweek it got its “massage”.

During.

Several times during the week I caught myself thinking, “I’ll just set this laundry/book/mug/clipping/to do list here for a minute.” But having the dresser top completely empty caused me to stop and do otherwise, which usually meant putting the item in its own place. (Ah-hah.) The practice also caused me to be more aware of the other hot spots in our home: the dining room table continues to be the catch-all, the spare table in the kitchen continues to “temporarily” house many items that don’t fit in our limited storage space.

By coincidence (or not), I talked to two friends who have been more aggressively clearing out clutter after reading the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. They look at each item and ask themselves, “Does this bring me joy?” If not, out it goes. One friend, who is further along in the process, told me she no longer has any knickknacks, no longer has anything to dust. Now that’s appealing! She realized what gives her true joy is spending time with friends, being outside with her dogs, going on hikes. So that’s how she now spends her time. I find that a little scary (giving up my stuff) and very intriguing.

What did I discover brought me joy? A crystal bowl with a few flowers floating it in. That’s it! Simple, beautiful. And no junk around it to distract me

Will I keep it this way? I still have the box of stuff off to the side because I don’t yet know what to do with it. Perhaps a couple of family photos will make their way back, and the jewelry needs to go somewhere (other than a cardboard box on the floor). We’ll see.

The Ah-Hah: I look at the top of my dresser every day, several times a day, and on some conscious or unconscious level it makes an impression: This is a mess. You are a mess. Add this to your to do list. Pull yourself together!

I realize declutting nudges have appeared several times over the past months, which sometimes feels annoying to me (and maybe to you, too). But I have come to believe it’s more than just throwing out old stuff. In the process I’m clearing space to allow more light, joy, and creativity into my life. I’m uncovering underused treasures while acknowledging other items that have served their purposes and can now go delight someone else. I’m making way for calm and peace. And so I keep at it.

I’d love to hear how you’re doing with all this. You already know I’m a big fan of the FlyLady (a free site where you are lovingly encouraged to clear all sorts of clutter from your life), and I’m curious about the tidying-up book mentioned above.

What are you doing? How are you doing? What are you discovering about yourself in the process? I hope you’ll share.

 

Nudged: De-pill a sweater

Backstory: Oh, geez. This must have been added to the list in a moment of frustration, not because I felt it was going to nudge me into any greater awareness or move me closer to finding My Purpose in Life, but simply because I am sick of how things pile up.

Two of my favorite sweaters have been in a box under my desk for…well, at least a year. Next to them is a pile of clothing that needs mending, next to a box of writing exercises and short story ideas, next to a yoga mat (covered in dust)…. How does this happen? This space should be my work space, my creating space. Instead, I look around this room and am eternally distracted.

And so this week, I start small with one task that I hope will make a small difference.

What Happened: It took less than an hour to de-pill both sweaters. One went on my body (better than shopping), the other went into the closet. The de-pilling machine (oh, how I love that gadget), went into the box where I keep mending supplies.

My nicely organized–and de-pilled–sweaters.

…and in there I discovered an old, unfinished cross-stitch project that had been tucked away, possibly nine years ago when I first moved into this home. Maybe it’s time to bring that back out and re-stretch the muscles that used to love creating beauty through needlework?

How cute would this look in my kitchen?

The Ah-Hah: It’s scary to open up the tucked away box or even the door to the closet into which you’ve stuffed stuff for far too long. But I’m finding that once I dive in, I find some treasures. Some things get handed off to others who might appreciate them (see my earlier post about sharing favorite books from childhood), some things go to Goodwill where someone who really needs them might find them. Somethings reopen pleasures and passions, such as the cross-stitch project so long neglected.

What’s lurking in your closet/drawer/basement/storage unit?

 

P.S. As I mentioned in the Nudging post for this, I did take time to step away from the Thanksgiving festivities for some quiet reflection. Here are some of the things on my Gratitude List:

  • 52Nudges readers who inspire and motivate me to keep nudging.
  • The marvelous two-story tall poinsettia plant outside my office window that delights me by re-blooming every November.
  • The arrival of the first early-bird holiday card. (You know who you are—and you know how much I love hearing from you! Mine is coming soon!)
  • That delicious autumny nip in the air that says “perfect weather for a long walk.”
  • A brain that is still hungry to grow, open to change, up to a challenge, and curious about so many things.

 

 

 

Nudged: Buy a lottery ticket

Backstory: I’m thinking over all my “rules” for Nudges, and I’m not sure this is legit. 🙂 Certainly this will be inexpensive and the task can be completed within the one-week time frame. But does it nudge me out of my comfort zone? We’ll see.

What Happened: I am more likely to buy a lottery ticket to slip into a card for a friend than purchase one for myself, so I perhaps that counts as getting out of my comfort zone. Yeah. No. That’s pretty weak. 😉

I put off completing this Nudge till Thursday night, after several packed and challenging days of work. Although it was only a block to the store, afterward I treated myself to a short walk around the neighborhood (yes, in my mask) and took in the sunset, cleared my head a bit.

As I walked, I allowed myself to daydream about how I might spend my BIG WINNINGS! Here are some of the things on my list:

  • “Hire” my sister and my friends so they can each take a year off work to rest or dream or figure out what they want to do with their lives, then do it
  • Gift each of my nieces and nephews and godsons with a travel fund
  • Buy a vacation home in a place that gets a lot of sun
  • Pay off all the bills (and never ever have to worry about bills again)
  • Sock away more than adequate funds for retirement
  • Spend a day (heck, a week) at a spa
  • Sponsor my husband in his triathlon endeavors
  • Upgrade my wardrobe
  • Remodel our home
  • Create an Eden (of our own definition) in our backyard
  • Redecorate my office
  • Join a posh gym (one where the equipment works on a regular basis and the smaller weights don’t go missing)
  • Buy a perfect chair for reading

Earlier this evening I checked the numbers online, and I didn’t get a single one. Well, phooey. But I did receive two checks in the mail for jobs I completed this month, and they both arrived earlier than expected. So I can pay bills this weekend with a little more ease, maybe set a little aside in a fund to one day purchase one of my dream items. I’ll count that as a “win”.

The Ah-Hahs: As I walked and thought, two things crossed my mind. (1) More than any “thing,” what I want is financial security. And (2), I can put my nose to the grindstone and make any of the above dreams (including financial security) my reality. It will mean making choices and sacrifices. It will mean setting intentions and goals and working my butt off.

The same can be said for anything I really really want. I just need to decide what that is…and go for it.

 

 

 

 

Nudging: Buy a lottery ticket

Backstory: I’m thinking over all my “rules” for Nudges, and I’m not sure this is legit. 🙂 Certainly this will be inexpensive and the task can be completed within the one-week time frame. But does it nudge me out of my comfort zone? We’ll see.

 

P.S. I’m thinking about how I’m feeling “lucky.” (I hope!) I’m also thinking about all the people who have come before me who made it possible for me to be lucky—to get an education, and vote, and work in a field that feeds my belly and my soul, and live in a world where I feel mostly safe and pretty darned privileged.

Today is Veterans’ Day in the United States. Around the world, it’s also the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day, which marked the end of World War I. We owe so much of what we enjoy in our lives to the sacrifices our ancestors made.

So, if you’re feeling lucky, I hope you’ll take the opportunity to thank a veteran for his or her service.

Nudged: Submit an essay/pitch for publication

Backstory: This is one of the hardest parts of my work. You send out something you’ve crafted, something you’ve nurtured and cried over and sweated through, and you hope-hope-hope someone LOVES IT and wants to help you share it with the world. And if you’re lucky, they’ll also want to pay you for the privilege.

I’ve gotten out of the habit of pitching lately. It is a tremendous amount of work and can be incredibly discouraging. But, if I’m not putting my work out there, it can’t be picked up, and it won’t ever be read.

So this week I’m going to take a look at what’s in my circulation file and put myself out there again.

How might you Nudge yourself out of your professional comfort zone this week? Is it time to update your LinkedIn profile? Apply online to an open position? Make some calls and do some networking?

Do it.

What Happened: Two pieces were on my mind, and I began the week with the intention of pitching them both to two separate entities. Both are of a personal nature, so both involve not only putting my writing work on the line, but also my small vulnerable human ego.

I sent out one, pitching a story for a live-reading event. And it was accepted—wahoo!

I had every intention of polishing the pitch for the second piece, researching publications, and sending it out to an editor, but work and life got in the way (yes, and being a chicken), and it didn’t happen.

One of my many repositories for ideas, pitches, works-in-progress. Sheesh.

I’m thinking this Nudge needs to return to the bowl for a second attempt.

The Ah-Hahs: Believe in my gifts and my work. Take risks. Be fearless!

Nudged: Take Thor to a new place for date night

Backstory: (For those of you who are new to 52Nudges, “Thor” is the code name for my darling husband.)

I think we’re pretty good about getting out on date nights, but we certainly have our favorite spots (some might call that a “rut”). This is our chance to try something new.

Maybe this is the week we’ll check out one of the ethnic restaurants I learned about when I was inspired by visiting a new market (read the post here). Maybe we’ll put a bunch of different restaurant names on strips of paper, toss them in a bowl, and make a random selection. Or maybe we’ll skip dinner and go straight to a bowling alley, movie theater with recliners, miniature golf course, or pumpkin patch. Hmmm…I might have date night ideas for the next several months!

What would be fun for you? Significant other not available or up for adventure? Then take yourself out. Or call up a friend…or several friends. Wherever you end up, I hope you’ll take a moment to toast yourself for nudging yourself into trying something new. xo

What Happened: There were so many great options, so many places nearby we have yet to try! Finally I decided on a tiny family-owned Italian place we’ve driven past for years. While it’s barely nudging us out of our comfort zone, my choice does have an intention. We’re starting to save up for a big vacation in Italy, and I’m watching movies, reading books, listening to language CDs, and doing whatever I can to keep us motivated to save that money and get excited about going on this adventure together.

I booked the table, then I sent Thor a text message to formally ask him out on a date. It’s silly, I know, but when was the last time you practiced all those courting rituals? He responded in kind, and we were set.

I arrived a bit early and was seated when he walked in the door. Although I know he saw me, he made a point of checking at the counter, then he turned to me and introduced himself as if it was a first, and blind, date. Silly (and adorable) man. Then…he pulled this from behind his back:

So, yes, I married a gem. We had a lovely evening, we nurtured our romance, and we discovered a sweet local restaurant to which we’ll return.

Ah-Hahs: This was one of those “small Nudges” that was so easy to do and so fun. So what if it didn’t lead to any new epiphanies? It was simply fun to venture out of our normal routine.

But I did have one bigger ah-hah: I don’t get flowers spontaneously very often any more. Maybe I’ll receive something on a birthday or following a medical procedure (right?), but flowers “just because”? Doesn’t much happen.

It was really nice, it left me feeling almost giddy. And I’d like for my friends to feel this way more often too. So I’m adding this to the bowl of Nudges: Send flowers to a friend for no particular occasion.

 

Nudging: Take Thor to a new place for date night

Backstory: (For those of you who are new to 52Nudges, “Thor” is the code name for my darling husband.)

I think we’re pretty good about getting out on date nights, but we certainly have our favorite spots (some might call that a “rut”). This is our chance to try something new.

Maybe this is the week we’ll check out one of the ethnic restaurants I learned about when I was inspired by visiting a new market (read the post here). Maybe we’ll put a bunch of different restaurant names on strips of paper, toss them in a bowl, and make a random selection. Or maybe we’ll skip dinner and go straight to a bowling alley, movie theater with recliners, miniature golf course, or pumpkin patch. Hmmm…I might have date night ideas for the next several months!

What would be fun for you? Significant other not available or up for adventure? Then take yourself out. Or call up a friend…or several friends. Wherever you end up, I hope you’ll take a moment to toast yourself for nudging yourself into trying something new. xo

 

 

 

 

Nudging: Go to the gym 3x

Backstory: This was a drop-in, you won’t find it on the List. Here’s what happened:

My darling husband, Thor (the name he picked for himself for when he’s mentioned here), has been checking every Sunday to hear about what I’ve done and what I’ve drawn for the coming week. He’s made some excellent suggestions along the way, and helped me to rehash and reevaluate post-Nudge thoughts. A few times I’ve asked if he’s wanted to do the Nudge with me, but he’s always declined. Up till this week.

We’ve both been super-busy with work commitments, with additional events happening after hours and on weekends. It’s a lot. And lately I’ve found our daily check-in conversation goes something like this:

Venus: How was your day?

Mars: Fine.

Venus: How are you?

Mars: Fine.

Venus: What’s on your mind?

Mars: Nothing.

So yesterday we took Louie the dog out for a long walk and caught up. After our usual check-ins (see above), he shared with me that he’s dragging around the weight of not knowing what he wants to do with the last half of his life, a dilemma I can certainly relate to. Many of our friends are retiring from careers and now have time to pursue long-time passions and hobbies. What might ours be? We’ve talked about signing up for classes, brainstorming, getting creative about figuring this out…. No surprise, to him (to many of us) the prospect of figuring out The Rest of Our Lives is overwhelming.

I shared with him the questions Saeeda shared with me during our interview a couple of months ago (read it here): Not “What do you want to do?” in life, but “How do you want to feel?” There are no right/wrong answers, I said to Thor. “You can pick intellectually challenged, silly, strong, relaxed, content, intrigued, entertained…let’s start with how you’d like to feel and we’ll figure out the doing part later.”

Over brunch I suggested we brainstorm some ideas for this. Not happening. Okay. But mid-afternoon he told me he’d decided his Nudge for this week would be “Go to the gym 3 times.” Perfect.

I will be doing this Nudge with him. It’s my hope that we’ll go to the gym together on some, if not all, outings, but since he likes to get up at 4:00 am (and I, well, don’t), we’ll see how it goes.

As we head into this week, I’m thinking about how having someone as an accountability partner can nudge us a little further. Or it can simply make it more fun. If you don’t have a spouse or significant other, think about asking a friend to join you in a Nudge. If that doesn’t feel comfortable to you, then consider making me your partner. Share your chosen Nudge for the week, update me in comments, and at the end of the week, let me know how you did. Let’s encourage each other to fuller lives.

Nudged: Visit a new-to-me bookshop (again)

Backstory: What the…?! Didn’t I already…? Yes!

I must have put the wadded-up piece of paper back into the bowl, because this was one of my earliest Nudges. Ha! (Read the original Nudged post here.)

I could have tossed it, but the “rules” say I “have” to do what I’ve drawn, and I don’t want to waste one of my remaining passes.

The really crazy thing is that I am going somewhere this coming week that will be capital-p Perfect for this Nudge. No coincidences here!

Meanwhile, if you’re new to this site, take a look at the original “Visit a new-to-me bookshop” Nudge for inspiration for what you might do this week. You might go to the charming neighborhood shop and browse a section that’s not your usual destination (Poetry instead of Mysteries, or Biographies about grown-ups for you instead of YA and Children’s Lit for your kids). If books aren’t your thing, maybe you can go to a music shop or a hobby shop or a spice shop. I hope you will Nudge yourself out of your “nest” and expand your horizons. More than that, I hope you will have some FUN this week!

What Happened: Greetings from Portland, Oregon! If you are a bibliophile like me, you now know why this Nudge (a repeat) was absolutely perfect for this week: Portland is the home of Powell’s Books, the world’s largest independent book store. The funny part is, when I planned our get-outta-town vacation, I had not included this on our list of things to do and see. Yet Powell’s to me is like the god of all book stores, the Mother Ship, my Mecca.

 

I could have easily spent a full day there, wandering, touching, learning, exploring. The Rare Book Room itself was worth the whole trip. Naturally, I’d planned to just look. Naturally, I left with a bag of new books. 🙂

The Ah-Hahs: My husband and I work long hours and long days for long stretches of time. We take on a lot of responsibilities in both our jobs and personal lives. We were desperate for a vacation, but couldn’t come up with some place where we really really wanted to go, so Portland happened on a whim. We had a great time, but I think we need to be more intentional about how we spend our vacation time and dollars. We’re starting to talk about what might be our other Meccas, including places we want to see and experience while we’re physically able (time is not our friend on this). Machu Picchu comes to mind. A return to Paris. A walking trip through the Cotswolds. A long visit with my oldest girlfriend.

What is your Mecca? Can you start today planning how you might get there?

In addition to visiting Powell’s, we also wandered the fabulous Japanese Garden. We have a fabulous Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park, about 15 minutes from home, a place we’ve visited…never. In my 10 years in the city, in his 20-plus, we’ve never once set foot inside the gates. They even have days when entry is free to city residents. No excuses!

So, in addition to creating a list of far-flung places we want to visit, we’re making a list of places we might discover on a stay-cation: historical walking tours, the city’s “best” donuts/signature cocktails/brunch, the coolest spots for people-watching.

I hope you’ll share with me some of your inspirations, then watch for some of those to appear on the List for future Nudges.

Nudged: Listen to two old CDs

Backstory: Because I work from an office in our home and do little driving, the same six CDs have been in my car for…two years? Longer? Sheesh, that’s embarrassing. And pretty much the only time I listen to music at home is while I’m prepping and cooking dinner. You’d think I could change up my playlist periodically, but my reality (some might call it my “rut”) is that the soundtrack to Hamilton! is on constant rotation. Not a bad choice, but the neighbors are probably sick of hearing me bellow out “Here comes the General—RISE UP!” at 7:34 pm every single night. (“An-ge-li-caaa…Ee-liii-za…AND PEGGY!”)

I don’t know what I thought I’d learn from this Nudge. I suppose it’s another step in the clearing out process to re-evaluate treasures and determine whether they are to be saved, tossed, or shared. Or maybe I just need to remember the pleasures of listening to really great music more often.

What Happened: I own David Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day on CD. I had completely forgotten about this, and even have the hardcover of this book on my nightstand to re-read this year. My god, but that man is hilarious—and heart-breaking. (“State v. Carolina” is a perfect example of both.) And there’s nothing like hearing his own stories in his very unique voice. I highly recommend!

I also found the classic The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart (“Abe Lincoln vs. Madison Avenue” and “Nobody Will Ever Play Baseball” are pure genius). I also dug up Salt and Dreaming Wide Awake from Lizz Wright (jazz singer with a voice that could melt butter), an early release from the young rockers of Acidic (check them out), and Cracked Rear View from Hootie & the Blowfish (confession: I still love them). Some of these replaced the ol’ favorites in my car, and the rest were stacked in the kitchen to accompany me in dinner prep.

Mid-week, our trusty portable CD player spun its final disc. It came with my marriage, so I’m not sure of its origins, but I guessing (based on the embedded cassette tape player) that it dates back to the last century (good grief). Still, it served me well in the kitchen and in this Nudge. Was its dying a sign that I was to do something else?

Nope. That night, Thor (darling husband) arrived with a box in hand, a brand new CD player (no cassette tape slot) that made our CDs sound even better. “You didn’t need to do that,” I said. “It was only like $40,” he said. He’s right. It’s a small investment in something that will entertain us for many more years in this century.

The Ah-Hah: I really just needed to remember the pleasures of listening to great music (and audio books and classic comedy routines). That’s it.

What’s on your playlist?