Category Archives: passion&play

Nudging: Listen to two old CDs

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Backstory: Because I work from an office in our home and do little driving, the same six CDs have been in my car for…two years? Longer? Sheesh, that’s embarrassing. And pretty much the only time I listen to music at home is while I’m prepping and cooking dinner. You’d think I could change up my playlist periodically, but my reality (some might call it my “rut”) is that the soundtrack to Hamilton! is on constant rotation. Not a bad choice, but the neighbors are probably sick of hearing me bellow out “Here comes the General—RISE UP!” at 7:34 pm every single night. (“An-ge-li-caaa…Ee-liii-za…AND PEGGY!”)

I don’t know what I thought I’d learn from this Nudge. I suppose it’s another step in the clearing out process to re-evaluate treasures and determine whether they are to be saved, tossed, or shared. Or maybe I just need to remember the pleasures of listening to really great music more often.

Nudged: Be early for everything

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Backstory: I laughed out loud when I pulled this, which I did late in the afternoon, just after I made the final decision to pass on the first draw. And yes, I’m well aware that in the process I was late getting this post out. Classic!

Here’s what happened: I had plans to meet a girlfriend for a movie matinee, and I had offered to pick her up. My plan was to be out the door early, so I’d get to her place a little early. But the phone rang and the dishwasher wasn’t quite done and I completely forgot to post this Nudge after I drew it and…. I dashed out the door, raced over to her house, and pulled up 1 stinking minute after planned.

Perfect time to work on being early for everything.

I didn’t used to be like this. But as I’ve gotten older, my responsibilities have expanded, and there’s always something I need to do. I hate the constant race with the clock. Not only does my running behind make me feel awful about disrespecting friends (their time is valuable too), but it adds so much unnecessary stress to my life.

So this week, I’m flipping the early switch back on. Let’s do this!

What Happened: What is “everything”? Early to bed, early to rise? Do I need to deliver jobs ahead of deadlines? Or is it just appointments, meetings, and events? Sounds a little bit like I’m looking for a loophole, doesn’t it? Sheesh. I shut that down and jumped in.

On Monday, I had a car service appointment scheduled for 7 am. I arrived about 10 minutes early, and there was, for a change, no waiting. Nice.

On Tuesday, my husband was out at a work event, so I invited a girlfriend over for dinner. My plan was to have everything done when she arrived so that we could sit down and enjoy a relaxing meal. But that last-minute email and one last call…. Good intentions out the door! The funny thing was, I actually think it was more relaxed having her help in the kitchen. The meal was simple and quick, but it did need some prep. Had I done every last thing, she would have felt more like a guest. A sense of formality was eradicated in my unpreparedness, which set the tone for the evening being more about two friends doing something together versus my doing something for her.

I had no success with the “early to bed” part, so it’s something I may want to try again in the 52Nudges experiment. However, I was consistently early getting to my desk in the mornings, being prepped to tackle both work and home to do lists, and being prepared and connected ahead of the start times for conference calls and interviews. Oh, and there was one surprise party in the mix. I was definitely early to arrive for that one!

The Ah-Ha: This Nudge was a small and impactful step. I was amazed at how my stress level was lowered, and I’ll take whatever relief I can get in that department.

But the most interesting ah-hah from this week’s Nudge was something that at first glance is unrelated. It came out of the dinner with my friend. I can’t quite see myself including guests in the prep of every meal, but…as I think back on favorite gatherings over the years, especially big family holiday gatherings, my memories include the camaraderie in the kitchen. The sharing of stories, the passing down of techniques and tips to new generations of cooks, the spontaneous hugs and smiles, and the pure joy of just being together. As a childless woman who doesn’t get to host the major holiday gatherings for extended family, I’ve missed out on this. I’d like to work more of it into my life. I’ve toyed with the idea of creating a supper club, one in which a small group of friends tries out new recipes, learns from each other, then sits down to enjoy the fruits of our labors together. Maybe this is the year I start it.

Or maybe the subtle shift I make from this is about doing less for others and more with others. Hmmm….

 

 

 

52+: Inspiration from the world’s oldest solo sky diver

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Kathleen WoodsLast night I slept for ten hours straight. In itself, that’s a good thing; I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and I needed the rest.

But the bigger picture is I’m still looking for that so-far-elusive something that makes me want to leap out of bed in the morning. A work project, a hobby, a passion. Something.

As I scanned the day’s news, this story on BBC.com came to my attention. Ms. Dilys Price, at 86, is the world’s oldest solo sky diver. She started the sport when she was just two years older than I am now. And she recently embarked on a new career.

Here’s the link to the brief story and video about her.

I have no interest in sky diving, however, I want some of what she has.

Take a look, consider Ms. Price’s advice, and think about what you might want for yourself. Then, let’s figure out how to do it.

 

Nudged: Visit a new market (i.e., Whole Foods, specialty)

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Backstory: A few weeks ago my husband and I tried out a sushi restaurant that just opened up in the neighborhood. At the table next to us, a dad ordered a table full of items for his two girls, who looked to be about five and two years old. No one complained or whined or insisted she was no longer eating things that were green (or raw or gooey). The two-year-old gobbled up salmon roe like they were jelly beans. It was amazing to watch—so inspiring! When I was growing up, I wouldn’t touch fish unless it was smothered in breadcrumbs and deep fried. And (and this is a tad embarrassing) I didn’t have my first sushi until I was in my 30s. Even now, I order the same things pretty much every time we go out.

Ruts. If I’m honest with myself, I have too many. I need to shake up my routines and expand my experiences. So for this week’s Nudge, I am going to check out a store that is new to me and wander for inspiration. Maybe I’ll go to a spice shop. Maybe I’ll pop into a bakery that creatively blends traditional flavors with contemporary culinary tricks. Or maybe I’ll just go to the big, beautiful, brand-new Whole Foods that’s nearby and see what’s in season.

What looks intriguing to you this week?

What Happened: My first thought was to visit our local farmers’ market, but it’s only held on Sunday mornings, and we almost always have something else to do at that time (see family or friends, go for a bike ride, sleep in). I also didn’t want to take my chances of putting this Nudge off all week and screwing it up (see Nudged: Wander an expensive store). My second pick was a decades-old produce market neighbors have raved about. Apparently it’s like an every-day farmers’ market, and generations of my friends’ families have made it their go-to shop for local fruits and veggies. Perfect!

But as my darling husband and I discussed the Nudge, he suggested I go way outside my comfort zone. Way, waaaaay outside.

“What about the Chinese market you always walk past?” he asked.

“But I wouldn’t know what anything was.”

“Exactly. You’d have to ask, How do you make this? What’s it good in?”

Hmmm…. Wise man, my guy.

So, while out and about walking errands in our neighborhood, between picking up a prescription at Target and returning books to the library, I paused at the Chinese market. Out front I spotted pineapples and ginger roots in bins. I wasn’t completely lost. Encouraged, I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

It was a little like stepping through a portal to another country. The signs were all written in Chinese, and I recognized very little of the packaged goods. Even the packages that had English translations were baffling. What in the heck is a “three tooth fish”?

Salted Dried Three Tooth Fish

Live frogs–for real

But the fun began with the live stuff. Big tanks with crabs and lobsters and fish, and a trash can-sized barrel of…What is that?…Are they moving?…Holy Toledo, that one just blinked!…live frogs, each about the size of my husband’s fist.

I was so not buying a live frog.

Feeling slightly freaked out, I made my way around to the front of the shop and spotted a bin of something that looked like mini cucumbers. For $1.99/lb., I could risk it. I took my one tiny item to the checkout counter, where the woman at the register greeted me with a long stream of I have no idea what. I smiled like an idiot and mumbled “Thank you,” hoping that was an appropriate response to what she had said to me.

That night I chopped up my mystery item and was relieved to discover it was, in fact, some kind of cucumber. I had planned to take a photo so you could see it, but it was so delicious, we ate it before it hit the plates.

Delicious cucumber things

The Ah-Hahs: I’ve daydreamed about, and my husband and I have even discussed, the possibility of living/working in a foreign country for a period of time, maybe three months, maybe a year. While my job can be done remotely anywhere, his does not translate. Maybe we could do it if we won big in the lottery and didn’t have to work. It could happen.

But probably the biggest hindrance is neither of us in bilingual. I’d like to think we could, with time and effort, learn the basics of a language here and be able to pick up idioms once we established a residency, but geez, it would be hard. Just getting around, learning the customs and courtesies, taking care of things like banking and driving, and, well, finding food, would all be exhausting. I imagine myself repeating my encounter with the woman at this market’s counter, of being overwhelmed by the selection of unfamiliar foods, of having her talk to me in a steady stream of what sounds to me like gibberish, and standing there like an ugly American tourist who has made no effort to even try to be respectful. This could certainly happen outside our borders, because, heck, I just had it happen a few blocks from home.

Still no clue what this is

Or would it be exhilarating? Are we too old and set in our ways to pursue a grand adventure? I’m thinking maybe, which strikes me as a little sad, but also a little realistic. I’m thinking it might be enough to broaden our Bucket List of places we want to visit, then be sure we line up some savvy English-speaking guides. Or maybe we start by asking around about authentic restaurants in town. Certainly we have an abundance of choices in cosmopolitan San Francisco.

Inspired, I did a quick google search for “best ethnic restaurants in San Francisco.” Jackpot! I found this article from two years ago.

Afghanistan, Chile, Iceland. Iceland! Something like 70 countries are represented. The article ends with “Forget packing your bags. The adventures offered at these Bay Area eateries require only a love for food and a willingness to try new things.”

Guess what’s going on my List for future Nudges?

Nudging: Visit a new market (i.e., Whole Foods, specialty)

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Backstory: A few weeks ago my husband and I tried out a sushi restaurant that just opened up in the neighborhood. At the table next to us, a dad ordered a table full of items for his two girls, who looked to be about five and two years old. No one complained or whined or insisted she was no longer eating things that were green (or raw or gooey). The two-year-old gobbled up salmon roe like they were jelly beans. It was amazing to watch—so inspiring! When I was growing up, I wouldn’t touch fish unless it was smothered in breadcrumbs and deep fried. And (and this is a tad embarrassing) I didn’t have my first sushi until I was in my 30s. Even now, I order the same things pretty much every time we go out.

Ruts. If I’m honest with myself, I have too many. I need to shake up my routines and expand my experiences. So for this week’s Nudge, I am going to check out a store that is new to me and wander for inspiration. Maybe I’ll go to a spice shop. Maybe I’ll pop into a bakery that creatively blends traditional flavors with contemporary culinary tricks. Or maybe I’ll just go to the big, beautiful, brand-new Whole Foods that’s nearby and see what’s in season.

What looks intriguing to you this week?

Nudged: Teach Louie (and me) a new trick

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Backstory: I’ve been caught up lately in trying to do all the Nudges “right”, in staying vigilant in my search for “meaning” and “direction”. What’s I’ve forgotten is this is also supposed to be “fun.”

I don’t allow much time in my life for fun. There’s plenty of must dos and shoulds, from client projects to household tasks to the stuff that seems to barely keep my head above water most days. So this week’s Nudge, it’s purely fun.

This Nudge requires the assistance of a willing partner. Here I am with mine, my sweet Louie.

What Happened: Louie is a five-year-old cattle dog–corgi mix, and he’s super smart. Several years ago, he and my husband attended weekly agility course training, where they ran around a gym as Louie navigated obstacles such as crawling through long tubes, weaving through poles, and leaping over jumps. Both of my guys were sidelined with injuries, and I’m sorry to say we’ve fallen into a rut, becoming complacent with the fact that Louie obeys (about 90% of the time) the basic commands—come, sit, stay; lie down, show me your belly.

So this Nudge shook us out of that rut, and the trick I chose to teach him was something I thought would be doable in the time period and something that would be fun to show off to visitors: a fist bump.

Twice each day, Louie and I had our training sessions. With patience and a handful of treats, I worked on getting us both focused, and we practiced until I felt we could perform in front of an audience. My husband was aware of this week’s Nudge, but I told him the actual trick was a surprise, something we’d demonstrate for him at the end of the week.

Here we are, early this morning:

The Ah-Ha: I take my responsibilities as Louie’s dog-mama pretty seriously, but will admit to being a bit lazy the last couple of years. Not only was training him to do a new trick good mental stimulation for him, it forced me to take a complete break from my daily routine.

I forget how utterly entertaining he is, and how eager he is to please. I was strict about rewarding him with treats, so when he didn’t get it right, we started over. But I could see the wheels turning as he tried to figure it out. And when all else failed, he ran through his repertoire of solid tricks, expertly performing sit–shake–lie down–roll over in quick succession, as if one of those would suffice. It made me laugh out loud. But then, the pure joy of seeing the moment it clicked for him, when he made the connection between “Bump!” and tapping his paw on my fist and getting a treat. I swear he beamed with pride.

This exercise took only a few minutes out of my day, but as I headed back to my desk, I was aware that during that time I hadn’t once thought about deadlines, bills, broken fences, or what in the heck I was going to make for dinner. I was fully present with my Louie. So this, too, is a mindfulness practice. And it was FUN!

Nudging: Teach Louie (and me) a new trick

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Backstory: I’ve been caught up lately in trying to do all the Nudges “right”, in staying vigilant in my search for “meaning” and “direction”. What’s I’ve forgotten is this is also supposed to be “fun.”

I don’t allow much time in my life for fun. There’s plenty of must dos and shoulds, from client projects to household tasks to the stuff that seems to barely keep my head above water most days. So this week’s Nudge, it’s purely fun.

This Nudge requires the assistance of a willing partner. Here I am with mine, my sweet Louie.

P.S. What do you love to do? What haven’t you done in a while? What made you giggle when you were a kid? Think of something you can do this week that is purely fun, and do it. I hope you’ll share it here, because I could use some new ideas, and we might all be inspired.

Nudged: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

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Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

What Happened: Well I f-ed this one up…or did I? All week long I put this off. It was more about not wanting to even be tempted to spend money. There is nothing I need, and truly nothing I really want. In fact, I’m starting to feel the need more and more to get rid of the stuff I’m not using or enjoying to make way for more of what I do want: financial security, calm in our home, a smaller to do list, time and energy to take care of myself and nurture my precious relationships.

But this uncomfortable Nudge took up brain space all week. I thought about going to a clothing store that’s had my eye, or playing make-believe that I was über-rich and trying on sparkly tennis bracelets and necklaces at a fancy jeweler’s. But I stalled, I put off, I suffered way too much stress worrying about how I was going to complete (or not) this one dumb task.

Finally, it was deadline day. My husband and I went out for brunch, and before heading out to run a couple of errands, I said, “Give me five minutes.” I remembered that Friday, on an early morning walk with Louie the dog, I passed a shop that sells antiques. In the front window I’d spotted a beautiful tea pot. It almost looked like a cloisonné. Oooo…I needed to touch that and maybe manifest it into my life! So I dashed from the restaurant to check it out, feeling quite pleased with myself that I wasn’t going to fail my Nudge.

Closed on Sundays.

Ah, crap.

The tea pot, as gorgeous as I remembered, was still in the window. What was also in this window was this sign:

The Ah-Ha: That sign brought everything home for me, because the other thing I thought about during this week was how good I am at deferred pleasure. I take pride in the fact that when there is something I want—whether a thing or an experience or a goal of any kind—I set my intentions, break down the steps, save my money, then get it when I’ve “earned” it.

I’m not sure this is the healthiest choice for me. I’m not saying I’m going to start impulse buying expensive stuff, but what else am I depriving myself of? How often do I put other people’s needs before my own? How often do I tackle every task of drudgery on the to do list before I allow myself the smallest of pleasures that feed my soul? Methinks I need to do some work in this area.

So while I didn’t complete the Nudge as originally specified, I consider this Nudging experience a success. And because I’m now more aware of how I defer and deprive myself, I’m adding a new Nudge to my list: “Give in to an impulse that gives me joy.”

P.S. Earlier this year I read The Rainbow Comes and Goes by Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt. I was struck by one particular story in which the message is to be fully in the present and “Enjoy enjoy enjoy!”

I no longer believe in coincidence. I feel that line was directed to me and I am being asked to consider why I waste so much energy desiring things I want in the future (and deferring the pleasure of getting them far into the future) when I have so much to be grateful for today. My off-the-top-of-my-head list includes: A dog who loves and protects me. A roof over my head, food in the fridge, work that I’m good at and that I enjoy. A husband who makes me laugh and makes me proud. Pretty flowers on my desk, warmth from the sun coming through my office window. Hands that effortlessly type and translate the thoughts from my mind and imagination onto this page. Friends I can count on.

It’s not lost on me that most of these things cannot be touched or purchased or drooled over in a storefront window.

Nudging: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

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Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

Nudged: Go through one bookshelf: toss, donate, share, re-read

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Backstory: Oh, how the stuff piles up. This is a recurring theme in this Nudges project, as I try to clear away the old and make way for the new.

Although this sounds odd for a writer and avid reader, I don’t save a lot of books. I’ve moved so many times, that I grew weary of packing, carrying, and unpacking heavy boxes. Now there’s just one shelf in my office that holds “favorites” I plan to re-read…some day. (Insert eye roll.)

This seems as good as time as any to pull them all out and consider whether I really, truly, want to re-read them or if I’m ready to let them go.

What Happened: Having helped family members clear out both grandmothers’ overflowing homes when they passed away, I dread the thought of burdening someone with doing the same when I’m gone. This is especially concerning to me since I am a childless woman, which means the task will fall possibly on a niece or nephew or, worse, a stranger who will just dump all of my “treasures” into the trash.

Before my Gram passed in 1993, she would ask me, “What do you want when I’m dead?” The question horrified me. “I’m not going to wish for your demise just so I can get your stuff!” I’d say. She finally explained to me that it would help her to know that her most precious possessions would have homes, would be saved for future generations, would be appreciated. I got that.

I was reminded of this as I pulled some childhood favorites off the shelf along with novels I’d loved and classics I hoped to better understand in a second reading. The latter two categories were moved to the stack on my nightstand, with plans to re-read them. If I love them again, they might go back on the newly cleared shelf. If I feel “done” with them, I’ll pass them along to members of my book club or put them into the bag for donations to the library.

But what to do with the Little House on the Prairie books? I had been obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder’s stories of pioneer living when I was in elementary school. Seeing the books reminded me of how I’d based much of my playtime on them. The redwood playhouse my father built from a kit was my “little house”, the vegetable garden was my homestead, even the swing set filled in for a wagon. Two books remained from the series, which I quickly re-read. I loved them, but I’ve outgrown them. And since I don’t have children of my own to read them to, it’s time to let them go.

I sent an email to my youngest niece, but she has already read them all. I went through my mental Rolodex of friends with young daughters, made a call, and found a friend whose family was thrilled to get them. I wrote notes to each of the girls in the front, wishing them many wonderful adventures.

Tucked in the back of the shelf was Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White. I knew the gist of the story, but didn’t recall it was a favorite, and wondered why I’d kept it for so many decades. Until I opened the front cover and discovered a note from my Gram, dated 1973. In her distinctive handwriting, she told me how much I was loved, and I felt flooded with warmth and sweet memories.

I re-read the story in one sitting and was, frankly, blown away by the clever and beautiful writing. I loved the messages about what it means to be a good friend, and I cried at the end. (No spoilers.) I then returned to the first page and placed my hand on top of my Gram’s message. As much as I treasured this, I also knew it was ready to grace a new reader’s shelf.

I sent a new email to my niece, and she accepted. Before I wrapped up the book, I added my own handwritten note, dated 2018, telling her how much she was loved.

The Ah-Hahs: It felt good to clear that shelf, even if it was just one little space. It was a start, and I hope I’ll feel motivated to tackle another shelf, then another, until I no longer feel burdened by the accumulated stuff.

But what felt even better was being able to share precious gifts with special people while I could give them in person. My Gram was right about how nice it is to see our treasures being appreciated.