Category Archives: Re-Nudging

Nudged: Write & mail 5 “Thinking of you” notes

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Dear Nudger,

If you have followed 52Nudges for a while, you know that I love sending–and receiving–handwritten notes. So much so, that mid-pandemic, I did a whole series of “Connections” Nudges. When I started creating the 3.0 List, I considered dropping this, because, well, it’s been done.

But then, in September of last year, I discovered a stack of holiday cards from 2020, set aside because I had planned to follow up with those people, call them, send an email, tell them how much I enjoy watching their families grow and appreciate their keeping in touch with me. In there was a sweet note from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while, a long while. I wish I could tell you I picked up the phone and called her in that moment, but that was not possible, because she had taken her own life in August.

This Nudge is in tribute to her. This week I will reach out to a handful of faraway friends and tell them how much I love them, now, while I can.

It’s been a tough couple of years. We’re busy, we’re worried, we’re overwhelmed. I hope this week’s Nudge will generate a little bit of joy for all of us.

Yours, with deep affection,

Kathleen

P.S. If you’re in a dark place, help is available. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 and https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

What Happened: I just mailed the last of my cards. I was at first tempted to do this all in one rush–I even addressed all five envelopes on Sunday after I drew the Nudge. Instead, I found myself wanting to take my time, to be fully present with each. Five days, five personal notes. Signed, sealed, and mailed.

The Ah-Hahs: I think I’m pretty good about keeping in touch with people, but I wish I could be better. The days, the weeks, the months go by in a flurry of work and responsibilities, and…well, you know the drill. I’m glad I could be intentional about reaching out this week. This Nudge did lift my spirits, and I hope my notes lifted the spirits of their recipients.

As I write this, I’m trying to sense if there’s a deeper meaning to all this, a deeper ah-hah. I don’t know. But I’m reminded of how, whenever I traveled solo many years ago, I would send a postcard to myself, a memento of my adventures. You know what, I think I’m going to write one more note right now. I’m going to tell my sweet friend Kath how wonderful she is, how much she is loved. And I’m going to put a stamp on it and mail it. I have a feeling it will arrive on a day when I really need it.

Nudging: Write & mail 5 “Thinking of you” notes

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Dear Nudger,

If you have followed 52Nudges for a while, you know that I love sending–and receiving–handwritten notes. So much so, that mid-pandemic, I did a whole series of “Connections” Nudges. When I started creating the 3.0 List, I considered dropping this, because, well, it’s been done.

But then, in September of last year, I discovered a stack of holiday cards from 2020, set aside because I had planned to follow up with those people, call them, send an email, tell them how much I enjoy watching their families grow and appreciate their keeping in touch with me. In there was a sweet note from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while, a long while. I wish I could tell you I picked up the phone and called her in that moment, but that was not possible, because she had taken her own life in August.

This Nudge is in tribute to her. This week I will reach out to a handful of faraway friends and tell them how much I love them, now, while I can.

It’s been a tough couple of years. We’re busy, we’re worried, we’re overwhelmed. I hope this week’s Nudge will generate a little bit of joy for all of us.

Yours, with deep affection,

Kathleen

P.S. If you’re in a dark place, help is available. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 and https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

Mark your calendar: 52Nudges 3.0 starts December 12

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I know, I know…December is the most craziest time of the year! It’s also the perfect time (I promise) to kick off round 3 of 52Nudges.

I’m working on my List right now, and soon I’ll have something to help you create your own.

If you’re joining me for the first time, take a few minutes to peruse the right column to find out what this is all about, what got it started, and how it works.

Remember, you can always do the nudges I select each week, or simply read along for the entertainment value.

I’m glad you’re here. Let’s do this!

Coming back for round 3

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Greetings, Nudgers!

These past several months have been a blur of projects, pandemic, and personal introspection. I’m ready to embrace a fun and fabulous future!

I’m in the brainstorming stage now as I get ready for round 3 of 52Nudges, during which time I’ll be reviewing past nudges on this blog for inspiration — something I encourage you to do, too, as you think about how you might nudge yourself into new adventures and experiences.

Details and re-start date coming soon! xoxo

Nudging: Build “The List” with prompts

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Backstory: I’m gearing up for 52Nudges 2.0, which I plan to launch in September. To do this, I’m reviewing old to do lists and generating new ideas to update The List. When I’ve got a bunch, I’ll type it all up, cut it into strips, roll those strips into balls, and put them into a bowl. Then, each Sunday, I’ll pull one to tackle that week.

Last week I reviewed my Big To Do List and reviewed the musts, the shoulds, the need to dos. This week is all about what I want to do.

I might set a timer for 5 minutes and:

  • take look at course offerings at City College (What do I want to learn?)
  • go online and read up about faraway cities I want to visit some day (Can I get a book about its history? Is there a local cultural center that has programs? Can I get a CD of folk music or a cookbook of cuisine from the library to experience it without the big expense of travel?)
  • list small things I can do for myself (We’re talking self-care: take a hot bath, walk a labyrinth, warm my PJs in the dryer before bed)
  • remember specific activities I loved doing as a kid (Dancing? Reading? Playing games with my friends? What do I want to do again?)

The goal is to find some FUN things to add to the list. And for this week, it’s about brainstorming. I want to let my imagination run wild, then in a couple of weeks I can edit the list for things that really speak to me and for things that fit the 52Nudges parameters (must be able to be completed in a week, not expensive, nudge me out of my comfort zone).

Hope you’ll share some of the items that come up for you.

 

 

Re-Nudging: Visit a new market

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I’m on vacation–a real, fully unplugged vacation! While I’m out, I’m re-running a couple of favorite Nudges. You might try them again for yourself, read them simply for entertainment, or use them as inspiration to try one of your own new Nudges this week. When I get back, keep an eye on this space for news about a rebooting of 52Nudges in the fall. I’d love to have you join me. And if you haven’t already, sign up to receive the posts in your inbox. Subscribing is FREE. Cheers! — Kathleen

Backstory: A few weeks ago my husband and I tried out a sushi restaurant that just opened up in the neighborhood. At the table next to us, a dad ordered a table full of items for his two girls, who looked to be about five and two years old. No one complained or whined or insisted she was no longer eating things that were green (or raw or gooey). The two-year-old gobbled up salmon roe like they were jelly beans. It was amazing to watch—so inspiring! When I was growing up, I wouldn’t touch fish unless it was smothered in breadcrumbs and deep fried. And (and this is a tad embarrassing) I didn’t have my first sushi until I was in my 30s. Even now, I order the same things pretty much every time we go out.

Ruts. If I’m honest with myself, I have too many. I need to shake up my routines and expand my experiences. So for this week’s Nudge, I am going to check out a store that is new to me and wander for inspiration. Maybe I’ll go to a spice shop. Maybe I’ll pop into a bakery that creatively blends traditional flavors with contemporary culinary tricks. Or maybe I’ll just go to the big, beautiful, brand-new Whole Foods that’s nearby and see what’s in season.

What looks intriguing to you this week?

What Happened: My first thought was to visit our local farmers’ market, but it’s only held on Sunday mornings, and we almost always have something else to do at that time (see family or friends, go for a bike ride, sleep in). I also didn’t want to take my chances of putting this Nudge off all week and screwing it up (see Nudged: Wander an expensive store). My second pick was a decades-old produce market neighbors have raved about. Apparently it’s like an every-day farmers’ market, and generations of my friends’ families have made it their go-to shop for local fruits and veggies. Perfect!

But as my darling husband and I discussed the Nudge, he suggested I go way outside my comfort zone. Way, waaaaay outside.

“What about the Chinese market you always walk past?” he asked.

“But I wouldn’t know what anything was.”

“Exactly. You’d have to ask, How do you make this? What’s it good in?”

Hmmm…. Wise man, my guy.

So, while out and about walking errands in our neighborhood, between picking up a prescription at Target and returning books to the library, I paused at the Chinese market. Out front I spotted pineapples and ginger roots in bins. I wasn’t completely lost. Encouraged, I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

It was a little like stepping through a portal to another country. The signs were all written in Chinese, and I recognized very little of the packaged goods. Even the packages that had English translations were baffling. What in the heck is a “three tooth fish”?

Salted Dried Three Tooth Fish

Live frogs–for real

But the fun began with the live stuff. Big tanks with crabs and lobsters and fish, and a trash can-sized barrel of…What is that?…Are they moving?…Holy Toledo, that one just blinked!…live frogs, each about the size of my husband’s fist.

I was so not buying a live frog.

Feeling slightly freaked out, I made my way around to the front of the shop and spotted a bin of something that looked like mini cucumbers. For $1.99/lb., I could risk it. I took my one tiny item to the checkout counter, where the woman at the register greeted me with a long stream of I have no idea what. I smiled like an idiot and mumbled “Thank you,” hoping that was an appropriate response to what she had said to me.

That night I chopped up my mystery item and was relieved to discover it was, in fact, some kind of cucumber. I had planned to take a photo so you could see it, but it was so delicious, we ate it before it hit the plates.

Delicious cucumber things

The Ah-Hahs: I’ve daydreamed about, and my husband and I have even discussed, the possibility of living/working in a foreign country for a period of time, maybe three months, maybe a year. While my job can be done remotely anywhere, his does not translate. Maybe we could do it if we won big in the lottery and didn’t have to work. It could happen.

But probably the biggest hindrance is neither of us in bilingual. I’d like to think we could, with time and effort, learn the basics of a language here and be able to pick up idioms once we established a residency, but geez, it would be hard. Just getting around, learning the customs and courtesies, taking care of things like banking and driving, and, well, finding food, would all be exhausting. I imagine myself repeating my encounter with the woman at this market’s counter, of being overwhelmed by the selection of unfamiliar foods, of having her talk to me in a steady stream of what sounds to me like gibberish, and standing there like an ugly American tourist who has made no effort to even try to be respectful. This could certainly happen outside our borders, because, heck, I just had it happen a few blocks from home.

Still no clue what this is

Or would it be exhilarating? Are we too old and set in our ways to pursue a grand adventure? I’m thinking maybe, which strikes me as a little sad, but also a little realistic. I’m thinking it might be enough to broaden our Bucket List of places we want to visit, then be sure we line up some savvy English-speaking guides. Or maybe we start by asking around about authentic restaurants in town. Certainly we have an abundance of choices in cosmopolitan San Francisco.

Inspired, I did a quick google search for “best ethnic restaurants in San Francisco.” Jackpot! I found this article from two years ago.

Afghanistan, Chile, Iceland. Iceland! Something like 70 countries are represented. The article ends with “Forget packing your bags. The adventures offered at these Bay Area eateries require only a love for food and a willingness to try new things.”

Guess what’s going on my List for future Nudges?

Re-Nudging: Wear red lipstick every day

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I’m on vacation–a real, fully unplugged vacation! While I’m out, I’m re-running a couple of favorite Nudges. You might try them again for yourself, read them simply for entertainment, or use them as inspiration to try one of your own new Nudges this week. When I get back, keep an eye on this space for news about a rebooting of 52Nudges in the fall. I’d love to have you join me. And if you haven’t already, sign up to receive the posts in your inbox. Subscribing is FREE. Cheers! — Kathleen

Backstory: I laughed out loud when I unscrolled this one. The idea behind this Nudge is to make me feel powerful, to boost my self-esteem, to embolden myself. Embolden—is that a great word or what? That’s all good, but what made me laugh is I picked this on week when likely the only two other beings I’ll see are my husband and dog. Alright, I’ll have to go to the grocery store one day, and I am scheduled for a hair trim on Friday, but otherwise, this is for me. Ah-hah. This is for me.

What Happened: This one almost derailed my whole 52Nudges project. I was extremely uncomfortable going out in red lipstick, and I did go out for errands and other walks around the neighborhood. Red lipstick isn’t me, and I felt like a fraud. If you look at my closet, it’s filled with pastels and corals and cheery colors of spring. Not fade-into-the-background, but certainly not in-your-face colors. I don’t know what I was expecting to learn from this challenge, but…well, nothing came of it….

The Ah-Hah: …Or maybe something did. Maybe the lesson is recognizing what is right for me. Despite what all the fashion magazines claim, maybe a bold red isn’t what I need to feel bold. Maybe I’m at my boldest and best in a warm coral that says “Hello. This is me.”

 

Re-Nudging: Pre-dinner drinks outside

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I’m on vacation–a real, fully unplugged vacation! While I’m out, I’m re-running a couple of favorite Nudges. You might try them again for yourself, read them simply for entertainment, or use them as inspiration to try one of your own new Nudges this week. When I get back, keep an eye on this space for news about a rebooting of 52Nudges in the fall. I’d love to have you join me. And if you haven’t already, sign up to receive the posts in your inbox. Subscribing is FREE. Cheers! — Kathleen

Backstory: I love eating outside: a picnic in the park, dinner under the stars, morning tea on the front porch. When I lived in Southern California, all three meals might be enjoyed at my little bistro table in the front yard, and in the summers I hosted the occasional dinner party under my flowering crepe myrtle tree. Bliss. Now that I live in San Francisco, the colder weather makes this less appealing, and I’ve missed it.

Also, when I’ve traveled in Europe, I’ve appreciated the ritual of transition between working hours and the dinner hour. Some of my favorite meals in France were preceded by a glass of wine, good bread, and bowls of olives and goat cheese, plus light conversation. Too often at home I go straight from the stress at my desk to the scramble of dinner prep, to scarfing down dinner, to collapsing into bed.

There has to be a better way.

What Happened: Naturally, I drew this challenge on a particularly cold and gloomy week, so forget taking in a dazzling sunset. It was also a week when my husband worked some long and late hours. I put it off, hoping circumstances would be more favorable, but at some point I just had to bite the bullet and get it done.

I poured some good wine, opened a can of black olives, and set everything on a pretty silver tray. Bundled up in a thick scarf and down parka, I made my way to the front door. My husband was still at work, so it was just me this time. I sat on the front step, sipped some wine, and…watched the storm clouds go by. When was the last time I watched the clouds? I honestly can’t remember, but easily 10 years ago. How sad is that? I felt myself taking longer and deeper breaths, slipping into almost a meditative state as I released the tensions of a full day of work. I resisted the urge to check text messages, although on another occasion this would be the perfect time for a brief catching-up call with a friend. Or better yet, I could invite a local friend to join me. Just 15 minutes did the trick. After his own very stressful workday, my darling husband was greeted by a glass of wine, a bowl of olives, and, best of all, a calm wife who set the tone for his evening.

The Ah-Hah: I want to do this more regularly. On dark, cold nights, a candle (or several) would be a nice addition to make my porch a cozier refuge. I’d also like to try this in the morning (sans alcohol, of course), to watch the sunrise and begin my day with calm. It’s not a big production, it doesn’t take a lot of time, but I can feel a big positive impact.