Backstory: I consider myself spiritual, not religious. Growing up, my family was part of Church of Religious Science, and I am grateful that I was raised in an environment that respected and celebrated many religious and spiritual expressions. As a young adult, for many years I was active in an open and welcoming Presbyterian church, where I was part of a beautiful community. Despite the years and miles now separating us, many of the people I met there remain dear friends. Following that, I occasionally attended services at an Episcopalian church that was committed to community service and worldwide justice.
I miss some things about being part of a church community, like the deep ties that bind, the support given and received during tough times, the opportunities to serve. But there is a lot I don’t miss, like the closed-mindedness, the exclusivity, the strict doctrine that seem to be the core values of far too many many religious organizations.
When I moved to Northern California, my weekends filled with activities with family (I now live less than an hour away from both siblings) and with my soon-to-be-husband. None of these people are regular churchgoers, and I didn’t feel strongly enough to want to pursue finding a home church on my own.
But as I explored my new neighborhood, a few of the churches called out to me. One is a small and modest Catholic church, where I’ve attended a couple of midnight masses on Christmas Eve. One is a small and modest Unity church, which is part of the community of my childhood church. The third is an Episcopalian church. All three are within easy walking distance of my home.
The upside of my drawing this Nudge on Sunday afternoon is that I have given myself a “free” week. That’s kind of a nice break. The challenge, though, is making sure I get to a service this coming Sunday. No excuses, no backing out!
P.S. Church not your thing? No problem. Maybe this is the week you check out a workshop that has intrigued you, or a Meet-Up with people who share a hobby you’d like to pursue, or you find a free lecture or art gallery event nearby. Or maybe this is the week you break out of your Starbucks routine and try the coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts (which apparently is delish) or pop into that independent hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that always looks so inviting. I hope you’ll share where you go in Comments.
I haven’t been to church in a number of years. I was brought up Anglican (Episcopalian), although I drifted away as a teenager.
We were married in an Anglican chapel, and after we bought a house in suburbia, I started dragging my husband to church again, in anticipation of bringing kids there to be baptized and attend Sunday school. I wanted them to learn a little bit about religion and the Bible. I found it comforting to listen to the familiar liturgy and sing some of the same hymns I’d grown up with. And it did satisfy some of my desire for community, and we met some nice people there.
But, well, you know how the whole kid thing worked out for me… it just got to be too painful, watching the women I had been pregnant with return with their babies for baptism, and then their second, and then THIRD… Also, the minister was rather un-Anglican and grew to be more so over time… I didn’t agree with him on several fronts. So we gradually drifted away.
Now we’re in a new community, and there is a lovely old Anglican church nearby. I have said to dh a couple of times that we should go check it out, if only to meet some new people (nevermind our eternal salvation, lol). But we do like to sleep in and we’ve gotten into the habit of watching the Sunday morning talk shows, and then going to an early afternoon movie matinee. Hmmm…
I do get that, Loribeth. As a childless-not-by-choice woman, it was also painful to try to participate in the beautiful celebrations of family, knowing I’d never get any of my own.
But I do miss the community, the sense of extended family, that comes from being part of a church. It’s not the same thing just being part of a neighborhood or a member of some club. I don’t know that this is what’s ahead of me, but I’m eager to check it all out.
Thank you for sharing your story!