Tag Archives: appreciation

Update: Easing out of The Great Pause

1 Reply

Dearest Nudger,

Today, for the first time in five weeks, I’m wearing real pants. Not slightly-too-big and gentle-on-my-abdomen sweatpants—which have been my wardrobe since March 30—but actual zipped-up, buttoned-up jeans. This is a huge win for me.

In case you missed my post from a month ago, a ruptured appendix, surgery, infections, and complications (there was a return to the ER on the 10th) inspired me to take The Great Pause of 2022. Well, “inspired” is not the word. When multiple doctors tell you “You are very lucky to be alive. Really: You are very, very lucky to be alive,” you have no choice but to clear your schedule and devote all of your time and energy to healing and Radical Self-Care.

A most appropriate—and appreciated—gift from a friend.

It’s been hard—at times painful, discouraging, challenging, frustrating, depressing. Recovery is slow, yet it progresses. (See “wearing real pants” above.) I’ve been getting out for short walks to begin regaining strength, answering the calls to rest when needed, and easing back in to the office with some client work.

Next week I’ll do a little more. I trust one day I will wake up and realize I am fully myself again—or my new self. And I’m counting on Nudges to help me as I reconsider, reimagine, and reinvent my future.

The 52Nudges team has continued to work behind the scenes to get the new website in shape, so we’ve got that to look forward to. Also, we’ve got some Guest Nudgers lined up to share their journeys. I’m excited to experience all of this and more. I hope to resume drawings of Nudges in the next couple of weeks.

Today my overall emotion is gratitude. I appreciate the support Thor and I have received in the form of calls, cards, comments, prayers, and acts of kindness. I am so lucky to be a part of this loving community, and I appreciate everyone who has helped me get through this Great Pause. I’m grateful to still be here—with most of my original parts! 😉

I’ll see you back here soon. Be gentle with yourself.   xoKath

Nudged: Take 1 photo/day of something that makes me happy

Leave a reply

Backstory: I see this campaign, or something like it, on Facebook all the time: Post something that makes you smile! Share the 27th photo on your phone!

Actually, though, it was Carrie at Me & My Quite Contrary Life who inspired me to “capture my joy” for this nudge.

One week, seven photos. Starting with…a perfectly relaxed and civilized breakfast.

What Happened: I almost cheated! How easy it would have been to snap seven quick shots on Sunday and be done with this. But I’m so glad I resisted that temptation, because this nudge (as usual) turned out to be more than a simple task.

Here are my other six, one per day:

Great books.

Scharffenberger dark chocolate. No nuts!

Louie, my cuddle bug.

My beautiful old home (with circa 1928 tiles).

My Thor, my everything.

Healthy plants that feed my body…

…and my soul. These were both gifts from friends, and I think of them whenever I see these plants.

The Ah-Hahs: This nudge was super fun. It totally lifted my spirits this week, and it taught me about noticing and appreciating in the moment. I found myself searching for things that make me happy all week long, and I easily could have posted 100+ photos. I slowed down, I paid attention, I looked at the details.

The bathroom tile came late in the week and kind of blew me away. I love our old house, her character, her strength. We’ve resisted doing any serious remodeling in the bathroom because we don’t want to lose the great tiles. In fact, I love showing it off — even with some of its signs of age — when we have guests, but usually I just point out the pink tiles on the walls, the checkered floor. It wasn’t until I went in close to take the photo for this nudge that I really appreciated the designs within the design. What a gift!

Over the past couple of months I’ve struggled to find joy amidst the challenges. So often I told myself I’d get through it all by looking at the Big Picture. I’m now recognizing how looking at the small picture, appreciating the delightful “little” things in life, can really help too.

Wow. 🙂

Nudging: Keep a gratitude journal for 7 days x10

Leave a reply

FIRST PASS: Back when I started this, I included a rule that allows me to “pass” four times during the 52-week session. This is the first time I’ve invoked it. The nudge I originally drew: Sit (and sweat) in a sauna. Yeah. So not going to happen. Even if the gym wasn’t closed till April 7, I can’t imagine wanting to sit in a warm damp room with a swirl of germs going around. So…moving on.

Meanwhile, I hope you and your loved ones are healthy and safe. Stay calm and wash your hands! xoxo

Backstory: “Keep a gratitude journal” is on like every list of things to do when you’re feeling down. Most of the time I’ve seen instructions to note three things every day, so I decided to up the challenge to 10. I can find that many things to be grateful for, right?

With the virus and the shelter-in-place order here, this seems like the perfect time to count my blessings. Since this is for seven days, I’m starting now:

  1. our convertible
  2. Thor (my darling husband)
  3. money in the bank
  4. letters from friends
  5. scarves
  6. living near the beach/Pacific Ocean
  7. ’80s tunes
  8. Louie (my darling dog)
  9. avocados
  10. tator tots

What can you celebrate today?

Nudged: Thank a writer, artist, or musician

Leave a reply

Backstory: I’ve been doing this for a while, reaching out to writers I love and thanking them for sharing their stories, their gifts with me. What’s been really fun is every single one of the people I wrote to–even people with big names and intimidating presences–replied to thank me for writing to them! I know what it’s like to be a lone woman with a computer, who works hard to create something beautiful and hopes–but rarely finds out–if her work has made any kind of difference. It feels good to feel appreciated.

But this nudge not about hoping to get something back. It’s simple gratitude. What was my favorite read of the year? I can look up the author’s website (or maybe find them on goodreads) and send a quick note via email. Which band’s CD has lifted my spirits during long commutes? Did I see some art recently that blew my mind?

Acknowledge. Appreciate. Celebrate! And bonus points to anyone who sends a handwritten note. 🙂

What Happened: It’s a busy week, so I got on this. I thought about who had lifted my spirits recently with their creativity, and the team at the The Great Dickens Christmas Fair came to mind. This is an annual event held in San Francisco where people dress up in Victorian-era costumes and transform a huge warehouse into the streets of London circa 1843. There are shows and shops and meat pies and mulled spice wine! Artisans, actors, musicians, and characters abound and entertain. You can even visit a club dining room and listen to Mr. Dickens himself read excerpts from his latest work, A Christmas Carol. It is delightful, and I am completely de-hum-bugged as soon as I step out of my “real” world and into theirs.

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert greet their subjects at The Great Dickens Christmas Fair.

And so, with a short email to the head office, I thanked them.

The Ah-Hahs: No great revelation on this nudge. Just lots of warm fuzzies.

Happy New Year!

 

 

Nudged: Use the good body lotion

Leave a reply

Backstory: It’s the expensive stuff, or the special stuff, or the stuff I received as a gift and am saving for…well, I don’t know what.

Although part of this nudge is about decluttering, I think it’s mostly about self-caring. If not with the good body lotion, maybe it’s the soothing bath bubbles or the beautifully scented candle. Or maybe it’s that fancy hand creme that’s been living at the bottom of my purse for ages. I’m going to pull out something nice and put it to use.

How will you treat yourself this week?

What Happened: Like so many other “small” and “simple” Nudges, this turned into something more. I love when that happens. 🙂

Turns out I don’t have a lot of good stuff still lurking in the cupboards. Which is kind of a good thing (because I’ve used them) and kind of not (because that means I’m haven’t been replenishing the stores and treating myself as well as I should). So it was an easy choice to pick up this lovely lavender hand & body lotion–just $4.99+tax at Trader Joe’s–while doing my start-of-the-week grocery shopping:

What happened next came as a sweet surprise. In the mornings throughout the week, I didn’t just go through the motions of pulling myself together for the day. I actually took a little time and dedicated some awareness as I rubbed the lotion on my body and gave thanks for each part:

  • To my hands, thank you for making it possible for me to express myself through writing.
  • To my arms, thank you for how you embrace and care for so many people.
  • To my belly, my core, thank you for keeping me strong.
  • To my legs, thank you for propelling me forward.
  • To my feet, thank you for holding me up through all of life’s joys and challenges.

The Ah-Hahs: These blessings, which added less than a minute to my morning routine, felt quite profound. All this week, I noticed things I’ve taken for granted, and I stopped to breathe and give thanks.

 

Nudging: De-pill a sweater

Leave a reply

Backstory: Oh, geez. This must have been added to the list in a moment of frustration, not because I felt it was going to nudge me into any greater awareness or move me closer to finding My Purpose in Life, but simply because I am sick of how things pile up.

Two of my favorite sweaters have been in a box under my desk for…well, at least a year. Next to them is a pile of clothing that needs mending, next to a box of writing exercises and short story ideas, next to a yoga mat (covered in dust)…. How does this happen? This space should be my work space, my creating space. Instead, I look around this room and am eternally distracted.

And so this week, I start small with one task that I hope will make a small difference.

P.S. This week in the United States we celebrate Thanksgiving. More and more the focus of this holiday seems to be on over-eating, over-spending (even with Black Friday discounts), and over-sharing that leads to conflicts with family members. This year I am going to nudge myself to step away from the fray for a few minutes and jot down a list of things I take for granted, and for which I am thankful. You will be on the list. I am grateful that you have joined me on this wild adventure of Nudgings, and I celebrate that we are making our lives better with each small Nudge. Cheers and Happy Thanksgiving!

Nudging: Buy a lottery ticket

Leave a reply

Backstory: I’m thinking over all my “rules” for Nudges, and I’m not sure this is legit. 🙂 Certainly this will be inexpensive and the task can be completed within the one-week time frame. But does it nudge me out of my comfort zone? We’ll see.

 

P.S. I’m thinking about how I’m feeling “lucky.” (I hope!) I’m also thinking about all the people who have come before me who made it possible for me to be lucky—to get an education, and vote, and work in a field that feeds my belly and my soul, and live in a world where I feel mostly safe and pretty darned privileged.

Today is Veterans’ Day in the United States. Around the world, it’s also the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day, which marked the end of World War I. We owe so much of what we enjoy in our lives to the sacrifices our ancestors made.

So, if you’re feeling lucky, I hope you’ll take the opportunity to thank a veteran for his or her service.

Nudged: Listen to two old CDs

2 Replies

Backstory: Because I work from an office in our home and do little driving, the same six CDs have been in my car for…two years? Longer? Sheesh, that’s embarrassing. And pretty much the only time I listen to music at home is while I’m prepping and cooking dinner. You’d think I could change up my playlist periodically, but my reality (some might call it my “rut”) is that the soundtrack to Hamilton! is on constant rotation. Not a bad choice, but the neighbors are probably sick of hearing me bellow out “Here comes the General—RISE UP!” at 7:34 pm every single night. (“An-ge-li-caaa…Ee-liii-za…AND PEGGY!”)

I don’t know what I thought I’d learn from this Nudge. I suppose it’s another step in the clearing out process to re-evaluate treasures and determine whether they are to be saved, tossed, or shared. Or maybe I just need to remember the pleasures of listening to really great music more often.

What Happened: I own David Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day on CD. I had completely forgotten about this, and even have the hardcover of this book on my nightstand to re-read this year. My god, but that man is hilarious—and heart-breaking. (“State v. Carolina” is a perfect example of both.) And there’s nothing like hearing his own stories in his very unique voice. I highly recommend!

I also found the classic The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart (“Abe Lincoln vs. Madison Avenue” and “Nobody Will Ever Play Baseball” are pure genius). I also dug up Salt and Dreaming Wide Awake from Lizz Wright (jazz singer with a voice that could melt butter), an early release from the young rockers of Acidic (check them out), and Cracked Rear View from Hootie & the Blowfish (confession: I still love them). Some of these replaced the ol’ favorites in my car, and the rest were stacked in the kitchen to accompany me in dinner prep.

Mid-week, our trusty portable CD player spun its final disc. It came with my marriage, so I’m not sure of its origins, but I guessing (based on the embedded cassette tape player) that it dates back to the last century (good grief). Still, it served me well in the kitchen and in this Nudge. Was its dying a sign that I was to do something else?

Nope. That night, Thor (darling husband) arrived with a box in hand, a brand new CD player (no cassette tape slot) that made our CDs sound even better. “You didn’t need to do that,” I said. “It was only like $40,” he said. He’s right. It’s a small investment in something that will entertain us for many more years in this century.

The Ah-Hah: I really just needed to remember the pleasures of listening to great music (and audio books and classic comedy routines). That’s it.

What’s on your playlist?

Nudged: Wear the nice jewelry

1 Reply

Backstory: This one was recommended by a reader (you know who you are—thank you!), and aligns with the Nudges like “Use the good china/silver.” I think it’s about enjoying our treasures and treating ourselves with respect. I’m mean, shoot, if I’d given someone a really special necklace, I’d love to see her wearing it, right? So off I go. Let’s see what this Nudge has in store for us.

P.S. Not into jewelry? Think about what other nice things you have that you don’t enjoy often enough. Maybe this is the week you “splurge” on the fancy box of tea or chocolates. Maybe instead of slaving away in the kitchen every night this week (hello, martyr), you dig into that stash of emergency cash and take you and your loved one(s) out for a nice meal. The key word here is “nice”. What’s something nice you can do for yourself?

What Happened: Isn’t this a fabulous necklace? I bought it eight years ago to wear for my wedding, and although I ended up wearing a different ensemble on my big day, this pretty piece has graced my neck countless days since.

To quote Valerie (Carol Kane) in The Princess Bride, “Liar! Liar! Liaaaaaaaaaar!”

Today was the first time EVER I have worn this necklace. After its initial rejection, it was placed in a velvet bag inside a special jewelry box, that was tucked into a bigger box, that was stuffed into the very back corner of my closet—for eight years! I completely forgot I owned it, or any of the other “special” pieces that shared its hideaway.

The day I wore it out this week, friends went mad for it. “You look fabulous! You should wear red more often! That necklace is gorgeous!”

I am completely beating myself up over this. Why have I denied myself the pleasure of wearing this for so long? What other treasures (and possible crap) is buried in the dumping ground that my closet has become?

Although I pulled out other bags and boxes, I didn’t adorn myself in forgotten jewels every day. Some are definitely special occasion and will have to wait. But I did wear a family ring I’d received as a college graduation gift, and I decided it is time to pass an heirloom necklace on to a niece. (It will look so pretty on her, and I plan to tell her it’s “lucky” because of its heritage.) I also pulled out a couple of other pieces that I’ve kept for sentimental reasons (a necklace sent as a thank you from a friend with whom I’ve lost touch) and others I’ve kept because they were expensive (including a fancy and clearly expensive pin that I’ve taken off every time I’ve put it on because it didn’t feel like “me”). Some I’ll re-gift, others I’ll donate. None appear to be worth trying to sell, but imagine if I’d found something like that. What’s hiding in your closet?

The Ah-Ha: Funny that this should come so soon after my Nudge to “Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want”, as it reinforced my Ah-Ha that I really don’t need to buy anything new for myself right now. I have plenty.

In pulling out the long-lost treasures, not only did I get a chance to clear out some things, but I rediscovered some that truly give me pleasure. Now that I can see them, I hope I will be more likely to remember to wear them. This Nudge was girly, and it was fun, and I felt good about myself.

And here’s the other part: Although I thought about wearing my finest jewels with my gym clothes, I didn’t. Every day I was inspired to dress the part. Not over-the-top New York socialite of a certain age (pu-lease), but nicely put together. Hair classically styled, shirt without a speck of balsamic vinaigrette, a pop of color in a jacket or sweater, clean pants (ie., no Louie paw prints on my butt), shoes that aren’t from Nike. I pulled myself together. I stood a little taller. I respected myself. And I am pretty sure I projected that to the outside world. Interesting how that happens.

 

Nudged: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

1 Reply

Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

What Happened: Well I f-ed this one up…or did I? All week long I put this off. It was more about not wanting to even be tempted to spend money. There is nothing I need, and truly nothing I really want. In fact, I’m starting to feel the need more and more to get rid of the stuff I’m not using or enjoying to make way for more of what I do want: financial security, calm in our home, a smaller to do list, time and energy to take care of myself and nurture my precious relationships.

But this uncomfortable Nudge took up brain space all week. I thought about going to a clothing store that’s had my eye, or playing make-believe that I was über-rich and trying on sparkly tennis bracelets and necklaces at a fancy jeweler’s. But I stalled, I put off, I suffered way too much stress worrying about how I was going to complete (or not) this one dumb task.

Finally, it was deadline day. My husband and I went out for brunch, and before heading out to run a couple of errands, I said, “Give me five minutes.” I remembered that Friday, on an early morning walk with Louie the dog, I passed a shop that sells antiques. In the front window I’d spotted a beautiful tea pot. It almost looked like a cloisonné. Oooo…I needed to touch that and maybe manifest it into my life! So I dashed from the restaurant to check it out, feeling quite pleased with myself that I wasn’t going to fail my Nudge.

Closed on Sundays.

Ah, crap.

The tea pot, as gorgeous as I remembered, was still in the window. What was also in this window was this sign:

The Ah-Ha: That sign brought everything home for me, because the other thing I thought about during this week was how good I am at deferred pleasure. I take pride in the fact that when there is something I want—whether a thing or an experience or a goal of any kind—I set my intentions, break down the steps, save my money, then get it when I’ve “earned” it.

I’m not sure this is the healthiest choice for me. I’m not saying I’m going to start impulse buying expensive stuff, but what else am I depriving myself of? How often do I put other people’s needs before my own? How often do I tackle every task of drudgery on the to do list before I allow myself the smallest of pleasures that feed my soul? Methinks I need to do some work in this area.

So while I didn’t complete the Nudge as originally specified, I consider this Nudging experience a success. And because I’m now more aware of how I defer and deprive myself, I’m adding a new Nudge to my list: “Give in to an impulse that gives me joy.”

P.S. Earlier this year I read The Rainbow Comes and Goes by Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt. I was struck by one particular story in which the message is to be fully in the present and “Enjoy enjoy enjoy!”

I no longer believe in coincidence. I feel that line was directed to me and I am being asked to consider why I waste so much energy desiring things I want in the future (and deferring the pleasure of getting them far into the future) when I have so much to be grateful for today. My off-the-top-of-my-head list includes: A dog who loves and protects me. A roof over my head, food in the fridge, work that I’m good at and that I enjoy. A husband who makes me laugh and makes me proud. Pretty flowers on my desk, warmth from the sun coming through my office window. Hands that effortlessly type and translate the thoughts from my mind and imagination onto this page. Friends I can count on.

It’s not lost on me that most of these things cannot be touched or purchased or drooled over in a storefront window.