Tag Archives: authenticity

Re-Nudging: Wear red lipstick every day

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I’m on vacation–a real, fully unplugged vacation! While I’m out, I’m re-running a couple of favorite Nudges. You might try them again for yourself, read them simply for entertainment, or use them as inspiration to try one of your own new Nudges this week. When I get back, keep an eye on this space for news about a rebooting of 52Nudges in the fall. I’d love to have you join me. And if you haven’t already, sign up to receive the posts in your inbox. Subscribing is FREE. Cheers! — Kathleen

Backstory: I laughed out loud when I unscrolled this one. The idea behind this Nudge is to make me feel powerful, to boost my self-esteem, to embolden myself. Embolden—is that a great word or what? That’s all good, but what made me laugh is I picked this on week when likely the only two other beings I’ll see are my husband and dog. Alright, I’ll have to go to the grocery store one day, and I am scheduled for a hair trim on Friday, but otherwise, this is for me. Ah-hah. This is for me.

What Happened: This one almost derailed my whole 52Nudges project. I was extremely uncomfortable going out in red lipstick, and I did go out for errands and other walks around the neighborhood. Red lipstick isn’t me, and I felt like a fraud. If you look at my closet, it’s filled with pastels and corals and cheery colors of spring. Not fade-into-the-background, but certainly not in-your-face colors. I don’t know what I was expecting to learn from this challenge, but…well, nothing came of it….

The Ah-Hah: …Or maybe something did. Maybe the lesson is recognizing what is right for me. Despite what all the fashion magazines claim, maybe a bold red isn’t what I need to feel bold. Maybe I’m at my boldest and best in a warm coral that says “Hello. This is me.”

 

Nudged: Do something I hate (i.e., weeding)

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Backstory: Ugh. Remember when I/we did something that scared us? (Read that post here.) That was scary (obvs), but it also had an element of fun. Not so much this Nudge. This has a taint of must-do, take responsibility, be an adult.

Or…I need to see this as spreading my wings and taking a leap of faith out of my nest.

That seems much more exciting, doesn’t it? 🙂 Let’s do this.

What Happened: The actual slip of paper for this Nudge includes “(i.e., weeding)”, so I initially thought about weeding at least part of the backyard, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. (Seriously, I do not enjoy gardening, as we learned in this post about finding a new bookstore. When I win big in the lottery, my first outsourcing will be to hire someone to clean up my garden—and maintain it—for me.)

Instead I decided to tackle the refrigerator. This is one of those household tasks that ends up on my to do list almost every week, and almost every week gets bumped to the end of the line.

So… I pulled on the ol’ rubber gloves, grabbed the trash can, and dove in.

Two words: Bio. Hazard.

Is sticking to a new diet on your list of New Year’s Resolutions? Then I’ve got a sure-fire trick for you to achieve your goal. Just pull a few condiments out of your fridge, read the expiration dates (oh, sweet god), then try, just see if you can open the lids that have become glued to the jars by what is now unidentifiable muck.

Gag-o-rama.

But it got done. All of it. And honestly, it wasn’t all that bad. Nothing pre-dated my marriage, which made me feel a tiny bit better about things. (I say this because there was a time when I went through the spice rack and discovered some items lurking in the back that should have been added to the compost pile ages ago). And there wasn’t a lot. I was definitely shaming myself for wasted food as I tossed unused items, but I couldn’t dwell on things that at this point were way beyond saving.

Ah-Hah: So fresh start. Clean shelves. Open spaces. When I popped out to the market this afternoon, I only purchased ingredients for our next several meals, and you can trust that moving forward I’ll be conscientious about only buying what we need for now.

It’s not perfectly organized, but it’s clean and I know what’s in there. Progress!

I’d like to tell you that during the process I also experienced a personal ah-hah, one in which I chose to embrace that every day is a fresh start with open spaces for new opportunities. I didn’t.

I also could have looked at this as an opportunity to examine the things in my life that have the potential to make me “sick”, physically, emotionally. I didn’t really do that either. But somewhere in the back shelves of my subconscious, the ideas are there, and maybe I’ll find myself making healthier choices as a result.

What did you weed out of your life this week?

Nudged: Wear a different scarf every day

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Backstory: This came from two things: (1) my mojo goal of getting dressed every day and (2) my decluttering. I have a lot of scarves. I’m wondering if I really wear or need all of them. So I’m going to go through them this week and see what happens.

What Happened: On Sunday, I wore my one and only red sweater, but I don’t have a scarf with red in it. I have an ivory one, but I wear that all the time. I was feeling the need for coziness, so I put on a SF Giants-themed scarf made from fleece. It was a gift from special people a few Christmases ago, so I thought of them as I put it on and felt wrapped in a hug. Good choice.

On Monday, I decided to mix things up, have a little fun, and add an extra challenge. I reached into my closet and blindly chose a scarf, then had to build an outfit around it. I selected a silk paisley scarf in shades of purple. It was way dressier than my day (in the office, with tasks to do around the house), but okay. Game on! Instead of wearing it with the usual lavender sweater, I pulled out a pale pink. It worked! Instead of pearls, I dug out a pair of bronze-colored earrings. Nice. Hair up, mascara on, and I was ready for the day. I felt good.

Grapped a big pink pashima on Tuesday morning and paired it with a coat that hasn’t received much love lately. The coat is looking a little worn around the cuffs, and almost went into the dumpster…but…you know…with a little ribbon stitched around the edges, maybe I could remake this into something “new”? (Or better yet, maybe the tailor at our drycleaners could do it for me).

Wednesday’s pick was a super soft blue scarf. This one feels like wrapping my neck in a hug. Love this scarf. I’ve had it for…oh, geez, about half my life. It’s going nowhere.

I had to attend an event Thursday and had my outfit all picked out ahead of time in my mind. But with this Nudge, I decided to let Fate take over. I pulled out a scarf that I have mixed feelings about. It’s elegant and beautiful, but it’s not a great color on me. But that’s what I pulled, so that’s what I had to work with. Starting with the skirt I’d chosen for the evening, I selected a different top and shoes. The combination didn’t quite work. The colors were kinda there, but not exactly. Then, on a total whim, I turned the scarf over to its back side. Mind. Blown. Okay, that’s a bit overstated. But I got a whole “new” scarf out of it.

It’s the end of the week and I haven’t given away a single scarf. I’m okay with this. I was intentional about this Nudge and it totally worked for me, even challenged me to try new combinations in my wardrobe. What a fun win!

Some of this week’s scarves, all pretty and organized.

Ah-Hahs: I saved Friday for last. I had a long and busy day, but I had to run to the market. On a normal workday, I would have dashed out of the house in yoga pants, a big fleece jacket, hair in a messy bun, and maybe a dab of lip gloss.

But then I thought back to that great show What Not To Wear and how the hosts always said it takes just as long to dress nice as it does to dress sloppy. So true! Maneuvering into a snug sports bra and cramming my booty into formfitting leggings takes real effort! Instead, I pulled on skirt and sweater, slipped into loafers, and draped a scarf over my shoulders.

You know what, I didn’t just feel “nice”, I felt “chic.” And because I felt chic, I carried and presented myself better. And so I felt better about myself.

It’s the same lesson I reaffirmed when I wore different hats during the week for a Nudge not long ago. (Read that post here.) Really, being nice to ourselves and setting ourselves up for a great day is so simple. Let’s keep it up!

 

Nudging: Wear a different scarf every day

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Backstory: This came from two things: (1) my mojo goal of getting dressed every day and (2) my decluttering. I have a lot of scarves. I’m wondering if I really wear or need all of them. So I’m going to go through them this week and see what happens.

P.S. If Thor (code name for my husband) was doing this with me this week, he might go through all the pairs of sports shoes in the guest room closet. (It’s just a suggestion, Love.) For you, maybe this is the week you consider which of those hardcover books you’re actually going to read (and donate the rest) or you pull out all the vases from under the sink (you know they’ve been in there for years) and fill some of them with flowers for surprise deliveries to the neighbors. I hope you’ll share your Nudge of choice with me here.

Nudged: Wear a different hat x4

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Backstory: What makes me feel comfortable, feel good, feel like me? I’ve amassed quite a collection of hats over the years, from travels and gifts and some spontaneous as well as thoughtful purchases. Yet I’ve noticed recently that I gravitate to the same few over and over. So this Nudge is part closet purging and part getting clear on what feels right for me.

What Happened:

Monday: Worked from home all day. Wasn’t feeling it.

Tuesday: Well, this was fun. I quickly purged three hats:

(1) The old hat I used to wear running that is so badly stained (i.e., disgusting) that I wouldn’t dare wear it in public again. “Yet,” my inner debater said, “it is a great lightweight hat for running.” “Yet,” said my inner reasonable woman, “it’s been ages since you went running. If you get back into it, you can buy a clean new hat to motivate yourself.” Into the trash!

(2) A heavyweight winter baseball cap that was a fun gift, but that has always been uncomfortable. The cardboard bill has never relaxed, and it’s given me a headache every time I’ve worn it. Donate!

(3) Two hats that look far too much like a certain politically charged hat (one that was recently deemed a symbol of hate—yikes!). I have felt uncomfortable wearing both in public because I didn’t want to be mistaken for taking sides. I tried them on again, and one, actually, is not that comfortable. Donate! The other, actually, feels really good on, and maybe it doesn’t look that much like the offensive hat. I chose to wear it while running errands, to see if it got a reaction and how I felt in it. No big deal. This might be a keeper.

Wednesday: Had a client event tonight. My hair looked ah-mazing!, so didn’t want to smoosh it into hat head.

Thursday: Second-day hair looked not quite so amazing. Good thing it’s hat Nudging week! Pulled out one of my favorites, one that doesn’t get worn nearly enough. Paired it with a nice turtleneck, cool shades, lovely earrings, and the “good” trenchcoat (that also doesn’t get taken out enough). I felt so chic!

Me so chic!

Friday: Today I took a sick day. My body said, “Rest,” and for once I listened. Even though I knew I wouldn’t be going out, I took a few minutes to pull the remaining hats from my closet—winter, spring, summer, fall—and try all them on. So cute! I am already thinking about outfits I might put together when the sun comes out.

The last hat I pulled on was a cap a dear friend knitted for me. Baby soft, in my favorite color (lime green), it was like receiving a hug from her. So I left it on and will wear it while I curl up with tea and a good book and take care of myself today.

Ah-Hahs: When I wear something special—a jaunty hat, the “good” jewelry—I feel better. This week’s Nudge reaffirmed how being nice to myself and dressing well impacts everything I do during the day. It’s pretty simple.

I also had a lot of fun feeling chic. This reminded me of when I stopped in a local café several years ago for a coffee and pastry and couldn’t help but notice a woman seated a few tables away. She wasn’t supermodel gorgeous, she wasn’t famous; she’d possibly be described as “a woman of a certain age.” But she had something, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Sitting with just lovely posture, she sipped her cappuccino, nibbled her pastry, and read the daily paper. She was wearing dark jeans, a nice cotton blouse, a navy blazer with gold buttons, and gold pumps. Gold shoes! Fabulous!

Feeling somewhat invisible in my sloppy dog-park attire (tragic, but real), I snuck a photo of her with my phone. I printed it out and tacked it to a board in my office for inspiration because I wanted to be like her. That photo stayed on my board for several years until I accepted I can be like her. Or rather, I am my best me.

Go be your best you. ♥

 

Nudging: Wear a different hat x4

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Backstory: What makes me feel comfortable, feel good, feel like me? I’ve amassed quite a collection of hats over the years, from travels and gifts and some spontaneous as well as thoughtful purchases. Yet I’ve noticed recently that I gravitate to the same few over and over. So this Nudge is part closet purging and part getting clear on what feels right for me.

P.S. For you maybe it’s shoes or sweaters or jewelry (see the “Wear the nice jewelry” post from last year for motivation). Set aside some time this week to experiment and figure out what’s right for you.

Nudged: Do something that scares me

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Backstory: I was just thinking about this Nudge. I knew it was on the list, and as my collection in the bowl dwindles, I knew it had to pop up soon.

So here it is. What might I do this week? What scares me? Maybe this is the week I finally…

  • schedule my annual mammogram (the last one resulted in surgery—I’m fine, by the way—so dreading this, though I know it’s necessary).
  • track down and contact the holders of the copyright on some song lyrics I’d like to use in a book I’m writing (worst case scenario: they could say no—which would completely foul things up for me).
  • trust my gut and tell a needy, demanding, and annoying potential client that I really do NOT want to work with her (despite needing the income).
  • say “Oh, hell no!” to everyone else who wants free work/favors/my time/my energy and turn my full focus to work that truly makes me happy, that gives me energy, that gives me joy.
  • decide where I want my ashes to be scattered.

What scares you (and what are you going to do about it)? Good luck!

What Happened: You know a good way to get over fear? Confront it every day. I walked into this week thinking I’d do one thing, but then decided it would be a good exercise for me to keep pushing, to keep nudging.

  • Monday morning, following a rather bizarre phone interview, I “quit” a potential client who I felt was not a good fit for me. (Not only did I remove myself from what I sensed would be a difficult working relationship, I believe I opened a way for something better to come to me.)
  • That afternoon I pitched an idea to a website I’d love to contribute to. (Hope I cracked open a door to new opportunities.)
  • Tuesday morning I decided where I want my ashes scattered. (We’ve been working on our estate plans, talk about scary.)
  • Shortly after I sent the above info off to our attorney, I scheduled my mammogram.

Early Wednesday morning, I learned that “Do not be afraid” appears in the Bible 365 times. One for every day of the year. I think, perhaps, this is something we’re supposed to take to heart. Just do it!

As the week progressed, I thought about some of the work I’ve turned down this year. Oftentimes the reason has been scheduling (I can only do so much in the hours of the day), but this year I’ve also gotten more adept at identifying when personalities and work styles don’t click. It’s a tough call. I’ve certainly done my share of sucking it up for the paycheck to work with difficult people (bullies, control freaks, and, let’s be honest, idiots), but I’ve started to identify and acknowledge the deeper costs to me. So not worth it.

At the same time, I’ve been thinking a lot about the types of people and businesses I’d love to work with more, and this week, one nearby company came to mind. I’ve been impressed with their mailers, emails, website, mission, values, and services. Every time I receive a promotion from them, I think, “Wouldn’t it be great…?”

So I took this one step further and checked out current job listings. Sure enough, they had one that fit my skills and experiences, and I applied.

Turned out they’d already hired someone, but instead of a standard form rejection letter, I got a personal reply asking, “Would you be interested in doing some freelance work for us?” Heck, yes!

Ah-Hahs: As much as I think I could have been a brilliant fit for the staff position, I am not disappointed. I feel like I am getting closer to what I am meant to be doing. After all the closed doors I’ve walked past this year (sometimes doors I’ve closed myself), I trust that the door that opens will reveal something that is right for me.

I am so darn proud of myself for trusting my gut, following my intuition, pushing through fears, and taking chances.

And that, my friends, is a successful Nudge.

 

Nudged: Clear off dresser top; end of week, redo

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Backstory: It’s not the worst hot spot in the house, but as I take in what’s there—what has been sitting there for years—I’m ashamed. Photos of cute toddlers (who are now teenagers with driver’s licenses), old CDs that have lost their cases (can’t recall the last time I listened to them), favorite items of jewelry that need repair (and so have been unworn and unappreciated), Mardi Gras beads…Mardi Gras beads? Really?

 

Before.

What Happened: After pulling everything off and setting it aside in a box for later review, I gave the mirror a good Windex shine and wiped off the layer of dust that had accumulated. I was going to polish the antique wood, but discovered we were out of polish. I wanted to give this beautiful piece of furniture, which has been with me since elementary school, some love, so lemony polish was added to the grocery list, and midweek it got its “massage”.

During.

Several times during the week I caught myself thinking, “I’ll just set this laundry/book/mug/clipping/to do list here for a minute.” But having the dresser top completely empty caused me to stop and do otherwise, which usually meant putting the item in its own place. (Ah-hah.) The practice also caused me to be more aware of the other hot spots in our home: the dining room table continues to be the catch-all, the spare table in the kitchen continues to “temporarily” house many items that don’t fit in our limited storage space.

By coincidence (or not), I talked to two friends who have been more aggressively clearing out clutter after reading the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. They look at each item and ask themselves, “Does this bring me joy?” If not, out it goes. One friend, who is further along in the process, told me she no longer has any knickknacks, no longer has anything to dust. Now that’s appealing! She realized what gives her true joy is spending time with friends, being outside with her dogs, going on hikes. So that’s how she now spends her time. I find that a little scary (giving up my stuff) and very intriguing.

What did I discover brought me joy? A crystal bowl with a few flowers floating it in. That’s it! Simple, beautiful. And no junk around it to distract me

Will I keep it this way? I still have the box of stuff off to the side because I don’t yet know what to do with it. Perhaps a couple of family photos will make their way back, and the jewelry needs to go somewhere (other than a cardboard box on the floor). We’ll see.

The Ah-Hah: I look at the top of my dresser every day, several times a day, and on some conscious or unconscious level it makes an impression: This is a mess. You are a mess. Add this to your to do list. Pull yourself together!

I realize declutting nudges have appeared several times over the past months, which sometimes feels annoying to me (and maybe to you, too). But I have come to believe it’s more than just throwing out old stuff. In the process I’m clearing space to allow more light, joy, and creativity into my life. I’m uncovering underused treasures while acknowledging other items that have served their purposes and can now go delight someone else. I’m making way for calm and peace. And so I keep at it.

I’d love to hear how you’re doing with all this. You already know I’m a big fan of the FlyLady (a free site where you are lovingly encouraged to clear all sorts of clutter from your life), and I’m curious about the tidying-up book mentioned above.

What are you doing? How are you doing? What are you discovering about yourself in the process? I hope you’ll share.

 

Nudged: Call someone I haven’t spoken to in 6+ months

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Backstory: Reconnecting can be divine. Recently, I chatted with a friend I haven’t seen in 10 years (yikes, that flew by), and we picked up the conversation like we had last seen each other yesterday.

Certainly this Nudge has a bit of that hopefulness in it, but as I’m working on some different goals in my life, I recognize that there’s also a (selfish) part of me that needs to keep up my professional network. I mean, who knows who I might talk to who has a project for me or a job lead or knows a friend who has a colleague who is looking for someone just like me to fill a role in a fun company?

You never know where the conversation might lead.

Who you gonna call?

What Happened: I scrolled through my Contacts list and noted five who had potential:

  • A long-ago client, who became a friend
  • A very busy working mom of two small children
  • A friend who popped up on Facebook after being AWOL for ages
  • The mother of a close friend to whom I feel I owe a catching-up call
  • A friend who always says “Let’s get together!” but is never the one to make the plans

I kinda cheated on the first two. Texted the client to see if she was available to meet up for a glass of wine. She wasn’t this week, but the door is open to find another time. I also texted the busy mom with a “Thinking of you!” message. This whole chapter of her life is insane right now, and part of me feels like I don’t want to burden her with friendship. But I do want to keep the connection open, and someday we’ll reconnect (I hope).

Midweek, a woman I was supposed to interview for an article had to reschedule. Suddenly I had an hour free, so I pulled out my list. I took inventory of my feelings as I considered the last three women, and you know what? I didn’t feel like talking with any of them. I didn’t feel like being the friend who, once again, is the one making all the effort. If they wanted to talk with me, they have my number.

Instead, I called a dear friend, someone I talk with pretty regularly, though not often. She is someone who gets the whole give-and-take of a friendship. Sometimes she is the one who reaches out to me. This week, I reached out to her.

The timing was perfect. I caught her during a breather at work and we caught up on how our parents are doing, travel plans, dreams and intuitions for our futures. It was a short and sweet conversation, it was a lovely reconnection.

The Ah-Ha: I make an effort into keeping in touch with a wide network of people—family, friends, former coworkers. I think it’s important to maintain connections, but, with some people, there’s a part of me that’s tired of doing all the work, and I got clearer on this for myself this week. Why do I put energy into relationships that just suck energy out of me? Why do I even care about trying to reach out in friendship to people who only get in touch when they need something (money, a favor, a few hours of free work on their website “because we’re friends”)? Hmmph.

Actually, it’s deeper than just being tired of trying to keep up with the masses. Instead, I’d like to put that extra time and energy into the nurturing the dear friendships I do have. Quality over quantity. I’d like to spend more time discovering the depths of a selection of relationships, and build upon those.

As I considered who I might call this week to complete the Nudge, I realized I’m okay with quietly letting some people go and getting on with life.

I feel like I’ve taken “decluttering” to a whole new level.

Nudged: Say “No” to something

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Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

What Happened: “What if nothing happens this week?” Hello, hilarious! I had not just one, but many opportunities to exercise this Nudge:

  • Was asked to chair a committee for a volunteer organization that comes with big responsibilities and a major time commitment. I was flattered to be asked, yet, after thinking about where I want my time and energy to go right now and in the near future, I said, “No, thank you.”
  • A friend of a friend of a friend reached out to me for help writing content for their business. I took at look at what they were doing, sent over a letter of introduction with samples of my work, and suggested how I might contribute. She replied with an offer that is ¼ the market rate for my services. I replied, “No, thank you.”
  • I put on a dress that’s been in the back of my closet for some time, one that now (thanks to recent efforts) fits. I wondered why I hadn’t worn it much before, until I saw myself in the mirror. It wasn’t me. It’s very pretty, but the angles hit me wrong and the color washes me out. I needed to hustle to get myself out the door for an event that evening, but I took a few minutes to change into something else that made me feel confident, sexy, attractive, approachable, and authentic. Then I folded up the first dress and put it in the box for donation to Goodwill.
  • That same night, I wanted ice cream. Really really wanted ice cream. Then I remembered how good it felt to slip into a dress a size smaller than what I’ve worn for some time and said “No, thank you” to the offer to stop for a cone.
  • Friday night, 6:07 pm. My mind said, “Just one…maybe tw-three more emails!” My heart said, “No.” I turned off the light, walked out of the office, and started my weekend.

The Ah-Hah: I missed one opportunity, and it’s eating away at me. I was at a social event, one held in honor of a colleague. I found myself stuck at a table with a conversation that was…uncomfortable. I don’t want to out anyone or reveal details, so let’s just say the opinions being floated directly contradicted my values.

But it wasn’t the place or the environment to argue. It would have been inappropriate to speak my mind, though I was tempted to not only offer an alternative perspective, but to strongly condemn the original.

So I bit my tongue. Literally. I didn’t want to take the spotlight off our guest of honor (even though the speaker was doing just that), so I did nothing. I wanted to get up from the table and walk out, but again, that would have caused a “scene.” So I stayed. And I bit. And I seethed.

If this happens again, under the same circumstances, I’m not sure if I would behave differently. But there remains a part of me that wishes I had stood up and said, “Hell. No.”