Tag Archives: books

52+: Interview with author and wellness expert Saeeda Hafiz

Leave a reply

Kathleen WoodsIf you’ve been joining me here on 52Nudges for a while now, you know that I no longer believe in coincidences. Too often the right person has come into my life with the right message or opportunity at just the right time.

I met Saeeda Hafiz through a mutual friend at a networking event for writers. She had just received advance reader copies of her memoir, The Healing, and brought a few to share. She offered me one in exchange for an honest review, which you can read on Goodreads here.

It’s a glowing review. There is so much in her story of personal transformation that inspires me—from a child growing up with poverty and violence to an upwardly mobile African-American businesswoman to a wellness expert who healed herself through yoga, wholesome food, and meditation. I hope you’ll check out her book.

A few weeks ago I Nudged myself to interview an “expert”, and Saeeda was on my short list of candidates. I considered asking about her journey to published author, then—keeping in mind her hectic pre-release schedule—I instead reached out to Kelly, a life coach who specializes in helping women master the Law of Attraction. (Read that post here).

But Saeeda stayed on my mind. Lessons from her book stayed with me, including greeting each day with love in my heart, setting an intention for each day, and ending the day with gratitude. From her story, I knew she was someone who had worked diligently to find true peace within herself (what she refers to as “Tao Girl”), and I wanted to learn from someone who is an expert at transformation, someone who could model for me how to authentically transform my life.

We found a time to connect, and here’s what Saeeda and I talked about:

Kathleen: What was your motivation to change, to pursue your authenticity?

Saeeda: Initially my motivation was to settle into what it meant to be “middle class” and having a corporate job. I was asking, “What’s a good life?” Then it became, “If I ever have a family, I should learn to cook,” so I started taking cooking classes. I was thinking about sauces and fancy foods, then ended up learning about food as medicine. I liked what I was hearing, so I stayed and started learning about holistic health.

K: Did you feel a calling to reinvent yourself?

S: I had had a strange internal message that started in college: “You should get into yoga.” After graduating, I thought, “I’m going to join a health club and start working out.” I had a vision of going early in the morning with other businessmen, but I wasn’t going to join a club unless it had this thing called “yoga”.

Yoga, as well as following a healthy eating style, became my vocation. People were asking me, “What do you do? Do you teach yoga?” They approached me as an expert, and I started to think about how when we’re in balance with the seasons, we can perhaps prevent the dis-eases people experience. I found myself teaching, casually, and sharing meals with people.

K: You talk about “That Tao Girl” in your story, about how you learned to listen to your true inner self. Can you introduce her to me? Who is she to you?

S: As I imagined myself going into corporate work, I was “That Girl” [from the TV show starring Marlo Thomas, 1966-71], then I was “Black Girl.” Then, as I went deeper into the holistic health world, I learned about “Tao”, which means “the way,” which to me is about being honest with your specific way of life. I evolved from being this African-American corporate person into something bigger. It’s more about who I can be and who I am. I don’t have to put myself in a box.

K: What advice would you give to a woman who is looking to create changes in her life?

S: I would ask her, “How do you want to feel every day? What’s overwhelming you and your life?” Then “Let’s look at food and body movement that can help give you what you want to experience in life.” We are all equal, we’re all given this present moment. What are we going to do with it today?

K: In chapter 12, you stopped me in my tracks when you asked “What sustains you when all else fails?” It’s such a powerful question with profound repercussions. What is your answer to that question today?

S: It’s still the present moment that sustains me. It’s that sense of it’s important for me to know, based on where I am right now, that I can make a choice to improve this specific moment in my life. I’m not powerless. I know I can choose my reaction or how I’m going to feel about something. What I would add today is that it’s also about being able to act in the present moment out of a sense of love instead of fear.

K: How do you currently Nudge yourself?

S: By staying open to what I’m truly thinking and feeling, who I truly am. There’s an active nudge of wanting to open myself through a nudge, then there’s staying open through meditation and foods that don’t block my inspiration and energy for living a fuller life. Oftentimes, we’re in situations that suppress deep, internal nudges: “Don’t do this because you’re A or B!” But your true self says, “Do THIS! It’s why you’re here!” I want to make sure the mirror is not cloudy so it can reflect back who I truly am, so I can make sure I am doing what I came here to do in the world.

 

The Healing: One Woman’s Journey from Poverty to Inner Riches by Saeeda Hafiz was released on July 17 and is now available on Amazon and at bookstores, in paperback and ebook formats. Saeeda will be making personal appearances through August. For more information, visit thehealingbysaeeda.com or saeedahafiz.com.

Nudged: Go through one bookshelf: toss, donate, share, re-read

Leave a reply

Backstory: Oh, how the stuff piles up. This is a recurring theme in this Nudges project, as I try to clear away the old and make way for the new.

Although this sounds odd for a writer and avid reader, I don’t save a lot of books. I’ve moved so many times, that I grew weary of packing, carrying, and unpacking heavy boxes. Now there’s just one shelf in my office that holds “favorites” I plan to re-read…some day. (Insert eye roll.)

This seems as good as time as any to pull them all out and consider whether I really, truly, want to re-read them or if I’m ready to let them go.

What Happened: Having helped family members clear out both grandmothers’ overflowing homes when they passed away, I dread the thought of burdening someone with doing the same when I’m gone. This is especially concerning to me since I am a childless woman, which means the task will fall possibly on a niece or nephew or, worse, a stranger who will just dump all of my “treasures” into the trash.

Before my Gram passed in 1993, she would ask me, “What do you want when I’m dead?” The question horrified me. “I’m not going to wish for your demise just so I can get your stuff!” I’d say. She finally explained to me that it would help her to know that her most precious possessions would have homes, would be saved for future generations, would be appreciated. I got that.

I was reminded of this as I pulled some childhood favorites off the shelf along with novels I’d loved and classics I hoped to better understand in a second reading. The latter two categories were moved to the stack on my nightstand, with plans to re-read them. If I love them again, they might go back on the newly cleared shelf. If I feel “done” with them, I’ll pass them along to members of my book club or put them into the bag for donations to the library.

But what to do with the Little House on the Prairie books? I had been obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder’s stories of pioneer living when I was in elementary school. Seeing the books reminded me of how I’d based much of my playtime on them. The redwood playhouse my father built from a kit was my “little house”, the vegetable garden was my homestead, even the swing set filled in for a wagon. Two books remained from the series, which I quickly re-read. I loved them, but I’ve outgrown them. And since I don’t have children of my own to read them to, it’s time to let them go.

I sent an email to my youngest niece, but she has already read them all. I went through my mental Rolodex of friends with young daughters, made a call, and found a friend whose family was thrilled to get them. I wrote notes to each of the girls in the front, wishing them many wonderful adventures.

Tucked in the back of the shelf was Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White. I knew the gist of the story, but didn’t recall it was a favorite, and wondered why I’d kept it for so many decades. Until I opened the front cover and discovered a note from my Gram, dated 1973. In her distinctive handwriting, she told me how much I was loved, and I felt flooded with warmth and sweet memories.

I re-read the story in one sitting and was, frankly, blown away by the clever and beautiful writing. I loved the messages about what it means to be a good friend, and I cried at the end. (No spoilers.) I then returned to the first page and placed my hand on top of my Gram’s message. As much as I treasured this, I also knew it was ready to grace a new reader’s shelf.

I sent a new email to my niece, and she accepted. Before I wrapped up the book, I added my own handwritten note, dated 2018, telling her how much she was loved.

The Ah-Hahs: It felt good to clear that shelf, even if it was just one little space. It was a start, and I hope I’ll feel motivated to tackle another shelf, then another, until I no longer feel burdened by the accumulated stuff.

But what felt even better was being able to share precious gifts with special people while I could give them in person. My Gram was right about how nice it is to see our treasures being appreciated.

 

Nudging: Go through one bookshelf: toss, donate, share, re-read

Leave a reply

Backstory: Oh, how the stuff piles up. This is a recurring theme in this Nudges project, as I try to clear away the old and make way for the new.

Although this sounds odd for a writer and avid reader, I don’t have a lot of books. I’ve moved so many times, that I grew weary of packing, carrying, and unpacking heavy boxes. Now there’s just one shelf in my office that holds “favorites” I plan to re-read…some day. (Insert eye roll.)

This seems as good as time as any to pull them all out and consider whether I really, truly, want to re-read them or if I’m ready to let them go.

P.S. As always, tailor this Nudge to what works for you. Maybe that means going through old CDs or DVDs. Is there a box of photos in your closet you’ve been meaning to put into an album? What about all those cookbooks gathering dust on the kitchen counter? Pick one (just one) stack and tackle it this week.

Nudged: Memorize a short poem or monologue

5 Replies

Backstory: I used to have an almost photographic memory, and the funny part is, I didn’t realize this was unusual till I was a teenager. It was a useful gift when I was doing plays and singing with different groups through my 30s. But in recent years, I haven’t used it much. What’s the old saying about our gifts and aging? “Use it or lose it!”

I didn’t have to think too hard about which poem or monologue I wanted to learn. William Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 29” has always been my favorite, and in previous attempts to memorize it, I’ve gotten stuck on that one tricky section: “Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, / Featured like him, like him with friends possessed.” Wishing me like to one… That’s been a brain twister for me in the past, and I have to assume it will still be a twister for my older and flabbier brain.

SONNET 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

To keep myself honest, I told my husband what I’d picked and promised to give a live recitation by end of week. Here we go….

What Happened: This was so much fun! I printed the poem out in large font, double-spaced, and taped it to my office door so I’d see it frequently. Every day I focused on a couple of lines, spending more time breaking down the tricky ones (Like to a lark at break of day arising…from sullen earth), then practicing linking them to the lines before and after. I practiced in my car, in bed (silently, in my head), in the shower (out loud and heaping on the dramatic effects), until I felt I could do it perfectly.

Friday night. Dinner ready to be served. My husband looked weary and hungry, but he would have to earn his supper by being my audience. Deep breath…

When in disgrace….

I nailed it!

The Ah-Hah: This was crazy-fun. Plus, as I expected, it felt really good to exercise my brain. I think, too, that it helped to distract me from much of the unpleasantness in our world. Instead of wasting precious time watching depressing news or reading stories on Facebook that made my blood pressure rise, I spent time memorizing something beautiful.

Well done, me! Or as Shakespeare might say*, “Indeed the top of admiration!”

*Okay, he actually did say it. In Act III, Scene 1, Ferdinand says to Miranda: “Admired Miranda! / Indeed the top of admiration, worth / What’s dearest to the world!”

Nudging: Send a note of appreciation for character/a quality

Leave a reply

Backstory: I’m a big “fan” of thank you notes, so much so that I have a rule that I won’t use, wear, or eat a gift until I’ve written a note thanking the giver for their thoughtfulness and generosity. I do this even if I don’t like the gift! When someone has spent some time thinking about, shopping for, and spending their hard-earned money on something for me, I can spend five minutes of my time saying thank you.

But this Nudge is a little bigger and was inspired by something else. Years ago, a writing teacher challenged me to send a fan letter to an author I admired. (I believe Carolyn See recommends this in her book, Making a Literary Life, but other writers and writing coaches recommend this.) It’s scary as heck. I can easily rationalize that this BIG FAMOUS PERSON is too busy to want to be bothered by me, that he or she will only be annoyed that I’ve taken up some of their precious creative time.

But I did it. I sent an email to one of my favorite authors, gushing (not too much) about how much I have loved his books and how grateful I am that he has shared his stories. I got a reply in minutes: “You made my day! Thank you!” I’ve since reached out to other writers with a quick email praising their work and thanking them, and every time I’ve heard back within minutes of hitting send.

What’s this about? Well, it’s pretty obvious when I think about it. Like me, they spend all day, most days, alone with a computer and their thoughts. They put their hearts and souls onto paper, then send it out into the world, hoping it will be loved and not critiqued to oblivion. Most readers are quick to be judgmental and can often be cruel. But to get a genuine note of appreciation? Rare.

So it is with the rest of us. We are bombarded with negativity, from peers, family members, advertising, social media. But how often do we hear “I think you’re great, just because you’re you”?

I want to change that, for at least one person.

Nudged: Have a glass of wine with lunch; linger

2 Replies

Backstory: My lunch breaks are generally just long enough to get fuel into me for the afternoon’s work. Occasionally I take some of that time to run to the market, dash to the post office, return a due item to the library. Linger? Right. Now, the good news is this week I’m heading out of town on a vacation, and I’ll have at least one opportunity to have lunch on my own. I don’t like eating by myself, and I pretty much never drink by myself. But I’m going to try this, because it’s forcing me to slow down and enjoy my midday meal.

What Happened: After a long walk at the beach, I took myself to a bar for a half turkey sandwich (which I’m guessing was built to feed half of a linebacker), a green salad, and a generous pour of a local Sauvignon Blanc. Yuuum. I alternated reading pages in an absorbing novel (Ahah’s Wife: Or, the Star-Gazer by Sena Jeter Naslun—you can read a thoughtful review here) with looking out the front window to take in the view over the ocean. A bite, a sip, a not-too-obvious sigh of contentment. I ate slowly; a change for me. I enjoyed every quiet moment, and I finished everything on my plate with a little wine left.

Now, the problem, I’ve discovered, is when I have enough good wine, it works on my brain in some unexpected ways, such as “Of course you want dessert!” So I enjoyed the last sips with a deeply rich chocolate torte (nestled in a bath of crème fraîche, dear God in Heaven), then finished the meal with a cup of sugary, creamy coffee. A nap, which also felt like an indulgence, followed.

The Ah-Ha: Is this what it takes for me to slow down and enjoy a meal? Pretty much, and how sad that is. But a lunch ’n’ linger experience is not something that can happen on a regular Monday through Friday. I also don’t want it to be something that only happens on vacation. I need to find some balance. Maybe it’s something I treat myself and my husband to once a week, on the weekend, along the lines of brunching while lingering over the Sunday New York Times.

Speaking of balance, I also need to figure out how to balance the positive impact (actual lingering) with the semi-negative (I really didn’t need that torte).

Nudged: Visit a new-to-me bookstore

3 Replies

Backstory: I love to read, and I love real books: the feel, the weight, the smell. No Kindle (yet) for me, although I occasionally get audio books from the library to listen to in the gym.

I have been known to refer to a great bookshop as “my crack store.” As much as I can, I try to support the neighborhood shop with my personal and gift purchases, but along the way I’ve also collected a list of specialty stores I’ve been meaning to check out. One in particular—a local shop that friends have told me I would love—has been on that list for close to three years. This, then, is my nudge to finally visit it.

What Happened: I delivered a client job early, and though there were still plenty of things I could do with the couple of hours left in my work day, nothing was pressing. I grabbed my wallet and car keys and took off.

Omnivore Books on Food, just a short drive from home, was my destination. As I mentioned above, friends had been telling me for years that I would love it, and I was not disappointed. The tiny, cozy shop, tucked away in a residential neighborhood, was filled with my kind of “crack”. Tables stacked and shelves filled with cookbooks, stories from writers in the kitchen, books on techniques and cultures and every flavor and course imaginable. The top shelves were lined with vintage books that took my breath away, but I didn’t dare touch for fear of blowing my reasonable budget. I ended up with a novel about bread, a Laurie Colwin classic, a history of gin (totally geeked out on that one), and a memoir with recipes by a San Franciscan who moved to Paris, David Lebovitz. I think he’s going to be my new favorite food writer. His forte is desserts. Um…bliss.

The Ah-Hah: A side bonus of my nudge was discovering a new-to-me neighborhood. Often, in programs for shaking things up, we’re encouraged to drive or walk a new route, both of which are on The List of nudges, so I’m thinking I might come back here when I draw one of those.

Meanwhile, the big ah-hah came from a conversation I had with a friend a couple of hours after I went to Omnivore. As I was describing the wealth and variety of cooking and foodie books—and all but drooling over the phone—she interjected with, “I couldn’t stand that. Now, if it was a bookshop on gardening….” So here’s the funny thing: For the last couple of years I’ve been trying to convince myself that I am into gardening. I’ve shopped garden center sales, created vegetable plots, watched online videos on planning and pruning, and read books of all sorts on the joys of gardening…and felt no joy whatsoever. None. Pretty much bored out of my skull. Doesn’t matter that my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and both siblings had or have fabulously green thumbs. Somehow that bit of DNA has skipped past me, and no amount of nudging on my part is going to change that. What I need to do is embrace that I am not a gardener. Instead, I am a passionate home baker-chef-foodie who loves experimenting in the kitchen and sharing my culinary wins with family and friends. This, to me, is a great example of letting one way close so another can open. It just took a little nudge and a trip to a fabulous bookshop for me to finally accept my authenticity and move on.

P.S. Independent Bookstore Day is coming up on Saturday, April 28. If there’s a neighborhood shop you love—or one you’ve been meaning to check out—I hope you’ll take this opportunity to support them.

Nudging: Visit a new-to-me bookstore

2 Replies

Kathleen WoodsYes, I broke one of my “rules” today. Because tomorrow is a busy holiday, I drew this week’s Nudge a day early. Being flexible and spontaneous is part of the fun, right? For those who celebrate, I wish you a Happy Easter!

Backstory: I love to read, and I love real books: the feel, the weight, the smell. No Kindle (yet) for me, although I occasionally get audio books from the library to listen to in the gym.

I have been known to refer to a great bookshop as “my crack store.” As much as I can, I try to support the neighborhood shop with my personal and gift purchases, but along the way I’ve also collected a list of specialty stores I’ve been meaning to check out. One in particular—a local shop that friends have told me I would love—has been on that list for close to three years. This, then, is my nudge to finally visit it.

P.S. If you’re doing this 52Nudge thing along with me, and there isn’t a new-to-you bookshop you want to check out, think of something that works for you. Maybe you go to your favorite neighborhood shop and this time explore a new section (instead of Fiction, visit Poetry, for example). Or, if music is your thing, check out a record shop (they still exist, don’t they?) and browse Hip-Hop or Classical. The point is to open yourself up to a new experience—and have some fun!