Tag Archives: connections

52+: Connections–Phone a senior

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The nudge I pulled for this week reads “Someone living in a nursing or retirement home.” This was inspired by one former neighbor in particular, a woman who moved into a thriving retirement community just before the holidays in 2019, anticipating that her social life and overall well-being would improve dramatically. Then everything shut down. No visitors were allowed, all of their group activities—including meals in the dining room—were canceled, and I couldn’t even send her care packages! Her isolation has been incredibly challenging, and I’ve tried to check in with her when I can.

Then a couple of weeks ago I was thinking about the mom of a good friend of mine, who I used to see regularly at extended family gatherings. On a whim I picked up the phone to say “Hi!” and ended up spending over an hour chatting with her about books we’re reading, TV series we’re binging, and news about family members. It struck me that I might have been the only outside contact she had that day, so she’s the reason I’m recommending this week’s nudge connection be made with a phone call.

The recipient of your call might be an elderly family member, former neighbor, or maybe a former teacher. If you can’t think of anyone and you’re a member of a religious congregation, make your first call to them, to see if they have a senior support committee. Perhaps they can give you the name of someone who needs a little extra TLC.

If you’re at a loss for conversation beyond “So, how are you?”, consider:

  • sharing a memory: “Remember when we…were together for Passover / you taught me how to fish that summer / enjoyed your famous apple pie (what was your secret ingredient)?”
  • asking for life advice: “What’s something you wished you’d known when you were my age?”
  • closing the generational gap: “Carey Mulligan is one of my favorite actresses right now. Who was your favorite actor/actress/musician/writer when you were growing up?”
  • telling a funny story about your child or dog: I have a neighbor who is still in her home but is housebound. She loves getting photos of Louie (our dog) and hearing about his latest tricks. I’ve since heard stories about the pets she loved throughout her life.

Make that call!

52+: Connections–A college student

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My first impulse is to send a text message. I’ve been told that’s the best way to reach a college-age person, especially if I’m hoping to hear back. But my second impulse—and the one I’ll be following, because it makes me happy—is to send something in the mail.

This week I’m going to pull out the pretty note cards or fine stationery (ooo, how I love the feel of beautifully textured paper!), grab the pretty stamps (like those pictured), and fire up the sealing wax. My recipient is likely to be a niece, or maybe the kid of a close friend, and I’ve got a few ideas for what I might write:

  • “Have I ever told you about the time…” (something fun—and not too embarrassing—about their parents when they were kids)?
  • “Are there still…” (something about college life that may have changed since I was a co-ed, like are there still single-gender dorms, or does anyone still use the term “co-ed”)?
  • “I remember one of the biggest challenges of being on my own for the first time was (budgeting, cooking for and feeding myself, getting up in time to attend 8:00 am classes). I’d love to hear what you’re learning outside of your classes, your “life lessons”. Let’s find a time to catch up with a phone call in the next couple of weeks.”
  • “I’m so proud of you. Go, (insert name of their school’s mascot)!”

Finally, if you’re able, slip in some cash. That’s always a welcome special delivery.

52+: Connections–A former work colleague

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Who do you miss? The pal with whom you regularly went out for lunch? The woman who brought in the best homemade treats? The one with the great attitude, who always made you feel seen and appreciated? Whether you’ve been separated by COVID or career paths that diverged long ago, this is your nudge to reach out and reconnect.

Nothing fancy needed here. I’ll probably make a phone call—or three, because I can think of a few candidates. (Sending an email or message through LinkedIn would also work.) And since we might both be working, I might first reach out first to schedule a coffee break + chat.

Here are some prompts that might help the conversation flow:

“I was just thinking about you!”…

  • “Remember that project when we…had a big win / had that crazy client / won that award?”
  • “Are you working from home? What’s your home office like?” (Maybe we’ll exchange photos.)
  • “What do you miss most about our old office?”
  • “Whatever happened to our old boss / assistant / crazy client?”

It strikes me that this is the heart of networking. Sure, we all want to make professional connections that help us get ahead, but it’s the personal connections that make it all worthwhile.

By the way, if  a new job comes out of a reconnection, I want to hear about it! 😉

52+: Connections–A favorite waiter or bartender

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For many years, Thor and I frequented a small neighborhood restaurant for special occasions and spontaneous date nights. We knew every member of the staff by name, and we celebrated their promotions and career moves, in one case from wait staff to bartender to assistant manager. When the restaurant closed abruptly—due to circumstances not related to COVID—we hoped we’d be able to follow individuals to their new jobs.

Then COVID.

I have the email address for one person and the phone number for another, and it was these two people who I had in mind when I added this category to my nudges. I plan to reach out to one with a simple message:

We miss you! Where are you? How are you? We hope to raise a glass in person with you soon!

If this nudge isn’t a good fit for you this week, here are a few alternatives:

  • If you’re getting takeout, go in and say hello. Take a few minutes to tell them you’re looking forward to eating in with them again soon. (And, if you’re able, leave a big tip.)
  • If you’ve been a regular at any neighborhood business that’s still closed (or you’re still not comfortable being around people), drop a note or card through their mail slot. (Hair stylist, book shop, nail salon, pet groomer—any place where you saw the staff regularly.)
  • Go to the business’s website and send a “Thinking of you!” message through their contact page or email. (I’m thinking of doing this for the winery where we used to go for tastings.)

I’m going to add one more option, from something I did a few years ago that made a lasting impression. I was buying a box of floral notecards from a local shop, when the woman who was ringing up my purchase mentioned lilacs—the design featured on the box—were her favorite flowers. A few months later, when our lilac tree was in full bloom, I cut several branches, wrapped them in paper and a silk ribbon, and delivered them to her at work. She was overcome. She couldn’t believe I remembered and followed up. It cost me next to nothing to do this, yet I know the ripple effect of that small act greatly lifted her spirits, my spirits, and those of everyone who was in the shop that day. Might you do something like that this week?

52+ Connections: A sibling or cousin

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My Gram, my hero.

At first glance, this nudge isn’t much of a stretch. My siblings and I talk almost every day, especially during this year of being shut in as we share in supporting and caring for our parents.

But when was the last time we really talked? How long has it been since we explored the stuff below the surface—our dreams, our goals, our deeply held beliefs* about anything?

I haven’t yet decided if this week’s nudge will involve a sib or a cousin, but I am feeling inspired by the above photo of our grandmother. I found it in a random box (one of the perks of decluttering), and she has held a place of honor on my desk for the past few weeks. I’m thinking I might send it via text messaging with a conversation prompt, like: “Remembering Gram today. I see her in your daughter’s smile.”

Through an email, text message, letter, or call, you might share:

  • a photo of an ancestor: “I wonder what he’d think of iPhones/FitBit/Harry Styles?”
  • a memory: “Remember when we/they…”
  • a family tradition: “I miss the days when…”

Most of all, I think the message in this week’s nudge is: “I miss you.”

* But not politics. We’ve all seen enough rifts in our family networks over the past few years. Maybe now we can try to mend some of those hurts by reconnecting over the things we have in common. If that resonates with you, go for it; if not, call someone who you know will make you feel good. Because the whole point of this nudging project is to lift our spirits. XO

52+: Connections—Someone who has been impacted by COVID-19

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For this nudge, I’m pulling out my box of greeting cards. I might send a:

  • Sympathy card to someone who has lost a loved one
  • Get Well card to someone who is recovering
  • Thank You card to a healthcare or other essential worker
  • Thinking of You card to someone who is struggling

Ecards, postcards, and text messages also will work for this. The point is to reach out and communicate “I care.”

Please share. If these nudges are inspiring you and lifting your spirits, please forward them to friends and family members and invite them to join in.

52+: Connections—Friend from a club (you were part of pre-COVID)

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Remember when we used to meet in person once a month (or week) to work on a special project or toward a common goal, to volunteer our time and talents, to learn and grow, or simply to socialize? Waaaa! Even though the groups I have been a part of have shifted to Zoom and much of our purpose is being addressed, It’s. Just. Not. The. Same.

I miss my people!

So here’s my nudge to make an extra effort to connect with someone. It might be a long-time friend, someone who I used to see on a regular basis, or it might be someone I was just starting to get to know and looked forward to getting to know better.

Our groups might include:

  • tennis buddies, weekend softball team, running group
  • service organization
  • book club
  • bible study
  • mommy & me group (even if you’re kids are all grown)
  • foodies who used to get together for dinner parties
  • drinking buddies (when I pulled up possible images for “club” for this post, I got photos for nightclubbing—this works too!)

I’m sensing that reaching someone on the phone and having an actual conversation will be the right move for me. If we struggle to get beyond “How are you?”, I plan on asking, “What do you miss most about our in-person meetings?” (And maybe: “What do you miss least?”)

If chatting on the phone is outside your comfort zone this week, here are a couple of alternatives:

  • Send a postcard: Thinking of you! I miss you and look forward to seeing you back at [name of club] as soon as we can safely be together in person again!
  • Send a text message (see above).

Karma! One friend came to mind the moment I pulled this nudge—but she beat me to it! She had seen my post introducing 52+: Connections and was inspired to invite me for a socially distanced walk. We’ve got a date inked on our calendars and I’m all warm fuzzies.

 

52+: Connections — People you see out on a walk

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The full nudge I wrote out for myself didn’t fit in my title space. It reads: “People you see out on a walk (say ‘Hello! Good morning!’ to everyone you encounter)”

I was rather disappointed when I drew this as the first nudge for this Connections series. I was hoping for something a bit grander, more playful and exciting.

But the more I thought about it, I realized it’s a perfect way to kick things off. The seed for this nudge was planted back when COVID first caught us in its grip and we masked up, gloved up, and rubbed our hands raw with sanitizer to stop the spread. It seemed obvious to me that the virus was spread either by physical touching or through the air, so it struck me as funny when I would greet people when I was out for a walk and they would look away without responding. “It’s not contagious through eye contact!” I wanted to shout.

As time went on, though, their emotional distancing became contagious, and I stopped saying anything and started avoiding eye contact. It was “easier” to keep to myself.

More recently, though, I’ve noticed how much my spirits are lifted when someone—a perfect stranger—greets me with smiling eyes and then takes the exchange to the next level of humanity by asking “How are you?” and—and this is key—waiting for my answer.

I want to be like those people.

So this week, one day while I’m out getting my exercise in the neighborhood, I’m going to greet everyone I pass. There will probably be some people who will pretend to not hear me, but I have a feeling most will respond in kind.

“In kind.” Don’t you love that phrase?

Alternatives: Not heading out for a walk this week? Here are some other ways you might complete this nudge:

  • If you’re lucky enough to get to be with coworkers, make a point during the day to greet every one. “Good morning! It’s nice to see you! That color looks amazing on you!”
  • If all you’ve got on the schedule is a grocery run, make eye contact with a few fellow shoppers and share a smile (yes, you can do that with your eyes). When you reach the cash register, ask the checker “How are you today?” and listen to their answer.
  • Home bound? No problem. Pull about a sheet of paper and colored pens (or your kids’ big box of crayons) and write “I wish you a great day!” (That feels more personal than “Have a great day!”) Decorate it with hearts / butterflies / stars and tape it to a front window for everyone to see.
  • Live in a big building? Make that sign and post it next to the mailboxes or the main entrance.

Please note: Different from previous rounds of nudges, I won’t be creating a separate follow-up post for What Happened and The Ah-Hahs. Instead, I hope you’ll share your experiences with everyone in the Comments. xo

52+: Connections

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Hello! I’ve missed you! I hope this finds you safe, healthy, and doing mostly okay.

Since wrapping up 52Nudges 2.0 last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do next. I’ll let you know when I’ve figured out how 3.0 will look (stay tuned). Meanwhile, I am feeling called to do a specific, short-term Nudging project.

Backstory: When we first started sheltering-in-place, I was really good at reaching out and keeping in touch with family and friends. Somewhere around January 3, however, I hit a wall. Hard. Every time I got ready to make a call or send a catching-up email, I felt like I had nothing to say.

“We’re fine. We’ve been fine. Nothing is different.”

So I stopped. And I started to feel super-depressed and even more isolated than before. And it’s going to be a while before we’re all vaccinated and free to go about our new “normal”. How can I mix things up and create new ways to keep my spirits up? Well, I’m going to nudge myself.

Introducing 52+: Connections

If you’ve followed 52Nudges in the past, you’ll know that I love making connections, and I always include nudges that inspire me to be creative in how I keep in touch with people. For this round, I’m going to be a little more focused and intentional in just this one area of nudging.

I hope you’ll join me.

Here’s how to prepare:

  1. Gather supplies: postcards, stamps, lovely stationery, stickers, your favorite writing pen, etc.
  2. Make a list of people. My list includes names of specific friends and family members, as well as types of people (a teacher, a teenager, a friend from high school, an elderly person who lives in a retirement home, an essential worker, a friend who lost someone to COVID, a neighbor).

In this next week, I’ll type up my list and tear those names/people into strips, wad them up, and put them in my special bowl. Each Sunday, I’ll draw one and come up with a way to connect.

As always with the nudges, feel free to make your own list, follow whatever nudge I draw, or just read along for the entertainment value. Don’t worry about what you might write or say; I’ll include prompts with each to inspire us all.

I look forward to seeing you back here next Sunday, March 7.

Affectionately,

Kathleen

Nudged: Phone a friend

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Backstory: This one is inspired by “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” For real! The idea is to look around at my various projects and to do lists, figure out where I need help, and tap into my wealth of personal resources. I have friends who are have an eye for interior design, who have a true sense of fashion, who are organizational gurus, who are handymen (and women!). It’s about stopping the procrastination and asking for help.

Who you gonna call? 🙂

What Happened: What I really wanted to do was call this one friend in particular and get her advice about how I might upgrade our living room decor and have her help me cull my wardrobe while taking her suggestions for just the right in-style pieces to make me feel good. Instead, I came up with every excuse for why this can’t happen right now: I still don’t feel ready to have people over (even in masks), I don’t feel comfortable spending money to make what feel like extravagant purchases, I’d like to lose the extra pounds I’ve gained from comfort eating before I add anything to my wardrobe…. Sigh.

I tried talking myself out of these excuses and into following through with this nudge, but it just didn’t feel right. So I listened to my heart and what it wanted out this nudge.

Phone

After some quiet thinking, I made a quick list of friends I haven’t been able to see in months and I started calling. For most I got their voicemail, so I left short messages along the lines of “I’m thinking of you! I miss you! Hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy!” Others picked up and we were both treated to a loving reconnection.

(I just took a close look at the above photo. Gack! Having now cleaned the cabinets–see last week’s nudge–I think I need to clean all of the phones around the house!)

The Ah-Hahs: Like with so many of these nudges, sometimes I have to shift in the middle and do what feels right in the moment. I still hope–and plan!–to call some of my expert friends for their help in the future. But for this week’s, it felt really good to just make a lot of “Thinking of you” calls.

By the way, I hope you and your loved ones are all safe and healthy! xoxo