Tag Archives: friends

Nudged: Write & mail 5 “Thinking of you” notes

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Dear Nudger,

If you have followed 52Nudges for a while, you know that I love sending–and receiving–handwritten notes. So much so, that mid-pandemic, I did a whole series of “Connections” Nudges. When I started creating the 3.0 List, I considered dropping this, because, well, it’s been done.

But then, in September of last year, I discovered a stack of holiday cards from 2020, set aside because I had planned to follow up with those people, call them, send an email, tell them how much I enjoy watching their families grow and appreciate their keeping in touch with me. In there was a sweet note from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while, a long while. I wish I could tell you I picked up the phone and called her in that moment, but that was not possible, because she had taken her own life in August.

This Nudge is in tribute to her. This week I will reach out to a handful of faraway friends and tell them how much I love them, now, while I can.

It’s been a tough couple of years. We’re busy, we’re worried, we’re overwhelmed. I hope this week’s Nudge will generate a little bit of joy for all of us.

Yours, with deep affection,

Kathleen

P.S. If you’re in a dark place, help is available. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 and https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

What Happened: I just mailed the last of my cards. I was at first tempted to do this all in one rush–I even addressed all five envelopes on Sunday after I drew the Nudge. Instead, I found myself wanting to take my time, to be fully present with each. Five days, five personal notes. Signed, sealed, and mailed.

The Ah-Hahs: I think I’m pretty good about keeping in touch with people, but I wish I could be better. The days, the weeks, the months go by in a flurry of work and responsibilities, and…well, you know the drill. I’m glad I could be intentional about reaching out this week. This Nudge did lift my spirits, and I hope my notes lifted the spirits of their recipients.

As I write this, I’m trying to sense if there’s a deeper meaning to all this, a deeper ah-hah. I don’t know. But I’m reminded of how, whenever I traveled solo many years ago, I would send a postcard to myself, a memento of my adventures. You know what, I think I’m going to write one more note right now. I’m going to tell my sweet friend Kath how wonderful she is, how much she is loved. And I’m going to put a stamp on it and mail it. I have a feeling it will arrive on a day when I really need it.

Nudging: Write & mail 5 “Thinking of you” notes

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Dear Nudger,

If you have followed 52Nudges for a while, you know that I love sending–and receiving–handwritten notes. So much so, that mid-pandemic, I did a whole series of “Connections” Nudges. When I started creating the 3.0 List, I considered dropping this, because, well, it’s been done.

But then, in September of last year, I discovered a stack of holiday cards from 2020, set aside because I had planned to follow up with those people, call them, send an email, tell them how much I enjoy watching their families grow and appreciate their keeping in touch with me. In there was a sweet note from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while, a long while. I wish I could tell you I picked up the phone and called her in that moment, but that was not possible, because she had taken her own life in August.

This Nudge is in tribute to her. This week I will reach out to a handful of faraway friends and tell them how much I love them, now, while I can.

It’s been a tough couple of years. We’re busy, we’re worried, we’re overwhelmed. I hope this week’s Nudge will generate a little bit of joy for all of us.

Yours, with deep affection,

Kathleen

P.S. If you’re in a dark place, help is available. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 and https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

Nudged: Invite a potential friend out for a “date”

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Backstory: Maybe it’s all the isolation from COVID, or just the fact that so many of my closest friends live far away. I need new girlfriends. I need someone with whom I can pick up the phone and be spontaneous. And it takes time to find the right matches and nurture these relationships.

But it feels like dating (ugh), and it’s scary and hard! So…I’m nudging myself to make the first move.

What Happened: One of my doctors is super fun. We have great chats when I go in for checkups, and I’ve often thought, if we had met under different circumstances, we would be friends.

I don’t have her personal info, so figuring out how to contact her was interesting. I didn’t want to leave a message on her office voicemail or email, something her staff would screen. Instead, I sent her a handwritten note, marked “Personal,” which basically said what I wrote above then said I’d love the opportunity to get better acquainted, maybe over coffee or lunch.

Honestly, this felt a little icky. But I reminded myself of a conversation I had with a friend years ago, a friend who is a pastor. He shared with me how people put him on kind of a pedestal and were intimidated about inviting him to social gatherings. It was like they thought he was too pious to enjoy it or worried he would be judging them. He’s human too, and he was lonely! With him, I was able to separate the person from the profession, and we became good friends, and I followed up by building friendships with other pastors in my life.

So….I hope my doc accepts my invitation.

Ah-hah: As I write this, I haven’t yet had a response to my note, and I’ve been feeling like a nerdy, needy middle schooler: “Why doesn’t she like me?! What’s wrong with me?!” I admit there was a small part of me that hoped for an immediate and enthusiastic YES!

I’m going to have to be okay with the wait. I’m mostly proud of myself for going waaaay outside my comfort zone and making the ask. Because nothing would happen if I didn’t first ask, and it feels empowering to have taken the first steps.

 

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Nudging: Invite a potential friend out for a “date”

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Backstory: Maybe it’s all the isolation from COVID, or just the fact that so many of my closest friends live far away. I need new girlfriends. I need someone with whom I can pick up the phone and be spontaneous. And it takes time to find the right matches and nurture these relationships.

But it feels like dating (ugh), and it’s scary and hard! So…I’m nudging myself to make the first move.

52+: Connections–Someone who lives in a different state or country

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During a recent decluttering spree, I uncovered a very old box of onion skin paper. Lightweight and almost transparent, I used this back in the day to send air mail letters. Anyone else remember this stuff?

I tossed the paper, but the impulse to reconnect with friends who live far, far away inspired this nudge. I may look at our holiday card list and choose someone with whom I exchange family photos just once a year. Or maybe I’ll scroll through old posts on social media looking for someone who’s clicked “Like” a lot, but we haven’t so much as shared comments.

In an email (or maybe a letter, because international postage really isn’t that expensive), I might:

  • open with a shared memory, such as how we met or the last time we saw each other in person
  • share a bit about why I love where I live in now and ask about their current home city
  • reminisce about past adventures and include my bucket list of future destinations
  • reflect on how travel—and correspondence—has changed in the last century (Taking and sending photos with my telephone?! This would have blown my grandparents’ minds.)

I hope you enjoy this nudge. Let’s make our world a little bit smaller this week.

52+: Connections–Someone with a birthday this month

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I’m good about sending birthday cards, ecards, and gifts to people I love. But when I recently updated my reminders list, I realized there are a number of people I connect with just one day a year. Here’s my nudge to make a deeper connection.

I’m in the mood to break out my pretty wax seals (see photo), so I’m leaning toward sending a newsy letter with lots of questions I hope will prompt a reply. Here are some things I might ask:

  • Have you read any books lately that have inspired you, made you see things from a new perspective, motivated you to change?
  • What are your favorite signs of spring?
  • Do you listen to podcasts or follow any blogs that you think I would enjoy?
  • What are you most looking forward to doing once we’re through the pandemic? What might you miss when we go back to “normal”? (I’m going to miss birdsongs, something I’ve been able to enjoy during our quiet, traffic-lite mornings.)
  • I was thinking back to when we _______. What do you remember from that day/event/experience?

Whether you write or call, make the effort to reach out on a day other than their birthday—and send your regular greetings that day! Think of this nudge as a bonus gift for both of you.

P.S. If you don’t already have reminders in your calendar for upcoming birthdays, maybe this is the week you set it up. While you’re at it, stock up on cards or set up an online account for ecards.

52+: Connections—Friend from a club (you were part of pre-COVID)

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Remember when we used to meet in person once a month (or week) to work on a special project or toward a common goal, to volunteer our time and talents, to learn and grow, or simply to socialize? Waaaa! Even though the groups I have been a part of have shifted to Zoom and much of our purpose is being addressed, It’s. Just. Not. The. Same.

I miss my people!

So here’s my nudge to make an extra effort to connect with someone. It might be a long-time friend, someone who I used to see on a regular basis, or it might be someone I was just starting to get to know and looked forward to getting to know better.

Our groups might include:

  • tennis buddies, weekend softball team, running group
  • service organization
  • book club
  • bible study
  • mommy & me group (even if you’re kids are all grown)
  • foodies who used to get together for dinner parties
  • drinking buddies (when I pulled up possible images for “club” for this post, I got photos for nightclubbing—this works too!)

I’m sensing that reaching someone on the phone and having an actual conversation will be the right move for me. If we struggle to get beyond “How are you?”, I plan on asking, “What do you miss most about our in-person meetings?” (And maybe: “What do you miss least?”)

If chatting on the phone is outside your comfort zone this week, here are a couple of alternatives:

  • Send a postcard: Thinking of you! I miss you and look forward to seeing you back at [name of club] as soon as we can safely be together in person again!
  • Send a text message (see above).

Karma! One friend came to mind the moment I pulled this nudge—but she beat me to it! She had seen my post introducing 52+: Connections and was inspired to invite me for a socially distanced walk. We’ve got a date inked on our calendars and I’m all warm fuzzies.

 

Nudged: Phone a friend

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Backstory: This one is inspired by “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” For real! The idea is to look around at my various projects and to do lists, figure out where I need help, and tap into my wealth of personal resources. I have friends who are have an eye for interior design, who have a true sense of fashion, who are organizational gurus, who are handymen (and women!). It’s about stopping the procrastination and asking for help.

Who you gonna call? 🙂

What Happened: What I really wanted to do was call this one friend in particular and get her advice about how I might upgrade our living room decor and have her help me cull my wardrobe while taking her suggestions for just the right in-style pieces to make me feel good. Instead, I came up with every excuse for why this can’t happen right now: I still don’t feel ready to have people over (even in masks), I don’t feel comfortable spending money to make what feel like extravagant purchases, I’d like to lose the extra pounds I’ve gained from comfort eating before I add anything to my wardrobe…. Sigh.

I tried talking myself out of these excuses and into following through with this nudge, but it just didn’t feel right. So I listened to my heart and what it wanted out this nudge.

Phone

After some quiet thinking, I made a quick list of friends I haven’t been able to see in months and I started calling. For most I got their voicemail, so I left short messages along the lines of “I’m thinking of you! I miss you! Hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy!” Others picked up and we were both treated to a loving reconnection.

(I just took a close look at the above photo. Gack! Having now cleaned the cabinets–see last week’s nudge–I think I need to clean all of the phones around the house!)

The Ah-Hahs: Like with so many of these nudges, sometimes I have to shift in the middle and do what feels right in the moment. I still hope–and plan!–to call some of my expert friends for their help in the future. But for this week’s, it felt really good to just make a lot of “Thinking of you” calls.

By the way, I hope you and your loved ones are all safe and healthy! xoxo

Nudged: Keep a gratitude journal for 7 days x10

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Backstory: “Keep a gratitude journal” is on like every list of things to do when you’re feeling down. Most of the time I’ve seen instructions to note three things every day, so I decided to up the challenge to 10. I can find that many things to be grateful for, right?

Since this is for seven days I’m starting now:

  1. our convertible
  2. Thor (my darling husband)
  3. money in the bank
  4. letters from friends
  5. scarves
  6. living near the beach/Pacific Ocean
  7. ’80s tunes
  8. Louie (my darling dog)
  9. avocados
  10. tator tots

What can you celebrate today?

What Happened: I tried this different ways, sometimes starting my day with my list, sometimes wrapping up the day in reflection. A couple of days I couldn’t come up with all 10 at once, so I added as things came to me. Did that yesterday, then realized this morning I had forgotten to finish, so I had to come up with a few extras. I’m pleased to report, it wasn’t hard.

Early in the week I noted things close to home (my favorite green pen, where I get to live). On Thursday I noted the blessings of having courage, humor, empathy, and creativity. Croissants, a sunny day, and just being able to get out of bed (not everyone is lucky) all made my lists.

The Ah-Hahs: As I reviewed my lists this morning, what struck me is the abundance of extraordinary relationships. Both individuals and groups of friends are included. These are the people who support, challenge, encourage, uplift, and pray with and for me. They share sorrows (theirs and mine) and make me laugh just when I need it most.

I suppose I take this for granted sometimes, and this nudge has me rethinking how I will spend my time and energy moving forward. Because upon taking this survey, I am reminded that I am a truly fortunate woman, a wealthy woman in terms of friends. And I am so grateful.

Nudging: Book 4 hikes/walks with 4 different friends

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Backstory: What a great way to kick off the new year! Exercise, catch up with friends, get outside.

Although as I type this, I imagine Nudgers in other parts of the world looking out their windows and thinking, “Oh, HELL no!” (Hello, Canadians!)

Maybe this isn’t the right season for you to be out walking, so, as always, figure out which part of this nudge speaks to you and go forth. Maybe this is the week you schedule that free session with the trainer at your gym. Maybe this is the week you schedule coffee and catch-up dates with four old friends. Maybe you commit to four “dates” over the next month with your treadmill or stationary bike. Make it your own.