Tag Archives: self care

Nudged: Wear a different hat x4

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Backstory: What makes me feel comfortable, feel good, feel like me? I’ve amassed quite a collection of hats over the years, from travels and gifts and some spontaneous as well as thoughtful purchases. Yet I’ve noticed recently that I gravitate to the same few over and over. So this Nudge is part closet purging and part getting clear on what feels right for me.

What Happened:

Monday: Worked from home all day. Wasn’t feeling it.

Tuesday: Well, this was fun. I quickly purged three hats:

(1) The old hat I used to wear running that is so badly stained (i.e., disgusting) that I wouldn’t dare wear it in public again. “Yet,” my inner debater said, “it is a great lightweight hat for running.” “Yet,” said my inner reasonable woman, “it’s been ages since you went running. If you get back into it, you can buy a clean new hat to motivate yourself.” Into the trash!

(2) A heavyweight winter baseball cap that was a fun gift, but that has always been uncomfortable. The cardboard bill has never relaxed, and it’s given me a headache every time I’ve worn it. Donate!

(3) Two hats that look far too much like a certain politically charged hat (one that was recently deemed a symbol of hate—yikes!). I have felt uncomfortable wearing both in public because I didn’t want to be mistaken for taking sides. I tried them on again, and one, actually, is not that comfortable. Donate! The other, actually, feels really good on, and maybe it doesn’t look that much like the offensive hat. I chose to wear it while running errands, to see if it got a reaction and how I felt in it. No big deal. This might be a keeper.

Wednesday: Had a client event tonight. My hair looked ah-mazing!, so didn’t want to smoosh it into hat head.

Thursday: Second-day hair looked not quite so amazing. Good thing it’s hat Nudging week! Pulled out one of my favorites, one that doesn’t get worn nearly enough. Paired it with a nice turtleneck, cool shades, lovely earrings, and the “good” trenchcoat (that also doesn’t get taken out enough). I felt so chic!

Me so chic!

Friday: Today I took a sick day. My body said, “Rest,” and for once I listened. Even though I knew I wouldn’t be going out, I took a few minutes to pull the remaining hats from my closet—winter, spring, summer, fall—and try all them on. So cute! I am already thinking about outfits I might put together when the sun comes out.

The last hat I pulled on was a cap a dear friend knitted for me. Baby soft, in my favorite color (lime green), it was like receiving a hug from her. So I left it on and will wear it while I curl up with tea and a good book and take care of myself today.

Ah-Hahs: When I wear something special—a jaunty hat, the “good” jewelry—I feel better. This week’s Nudge reaffirmed how being nice to myself and dressing well impacts everything I do during the day. It’s pretty simple.

I also had a lot of fun feeling chic. This reminded me of when I stopped in a local café several years ago for a coffee and pastry and couldn’t help but notice a woman seated a few tables away. She wasn’t supermodel gorgeous, she wasn’t famous; she’d possibly be described as “a woman of a certain age.” But she had something, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Sitting with just lovely posture, she sipped her cappuccino, nibbled her pastry, and read the daily paper. She was wearing dark jeans, a nice cotton blouse, a navy blazer with gold buttons, and gold pumps. Gold shoes! Fabulous!

Feeling somewhat invisible in my sloppy dog-park attire (tragic, but real), I snuck a photo of her with my phone. I printed it out and tacked it to a board in my office for inspiration because I wanted to be like her. That photo stayed on my board for several years until I accepted I can be like her. Or rather, I am my best me.

Go be your best you. ♥

 

Nudging: Take a (holiday) break

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My nudge for this week is to take a break.

  • I won’t be pulling a new Nudge.
  • I won’t be pushing myself.
  • I won’t be seeking insights or revelations or new directions.
  • I won’t be sidetracked by shoulds, to dos, or must dos.

Instead, I am going to take some part of this holiday week off to maybe:

  • indulge in a long winter’s nap
  • read something for fun (a mystery, a romance, something that has nothing to do with work)
  • take a walk for the sake of walking (vs. getting exercise)
  • rest (vegetate, linger, idle, pause, sojourn—yes, I consulted my Thesaurus for this)
  • listen
  • think
  • be

I hope you can do the same for yourself. In fact, consider this my very gentle nudge for you to do just this. 🙂

With my best wishes for a happy, healthy, fun new year! ♥ Kathleen

Nudged: Get 8 hours of sleep every night

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Backstory: Well, um, I need to get more and better sleep.

I keep hearing about how lack of sleep effects everything, including my ability to lose weight. I know I need to be better about this, but it always seems to be the easiest thing to cut when deadlines and to do lists and responsibilities are hanging over me.

It’s no coincidence that I recently finished reading the August issue of National Geographic, for which the theme is “The Science of Sleep.”

Did you know “anyone who regularly sleeps less than six hours has a higher risk of depression, psychosis, stroke, and obesity”?

Yikes.

So this week I’m going to walk away from the office, turn off the TV, ignore the phone, and catch some extra zzzzzs.

 

P.S. For inspiration and motivation, I recommend you read the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington. No spoilers, but she got a “wake-up call” when sleep deprivation became a real problem from her—then she took the steps to make a good night’s sleep a priority in her life.

 

What Happened: Here is a photo of my cozy nest, my new Happy Place:

I nailed this Nudge. Every night this week I was in bed, lights out, by 11:00. Most nights I was tucked in before 10. This is huge for me. And even though there were a couple of nights when I woke up in the wee hours, this week I was able to go back to sleep after a short break. (Typically I am wide awake and up for a few hours—hello, hormonal fluctuations!) My daily average: 8.33 hours.

I wish I could tell you how I managed to pull this off, but I didn’t do anything other than set an intention to go to bed at a “decent” hour and then do it. No reading one more chapter, no running one more load of laundry, no replying to one (or two or ten) more emails. Lights out!

The Ah-Hahs: To completely skew all scientific research on this Nudge, I also decided to make this a week of (almost) no online news. I didn’t read the stories about local crime on SFGate, check on our country’s standing on the international stage on BBC, like any postings from “friends” on Facebook, or keep up with the Kardashians on People.

I can’t tell you if all of the above or parts contributed to weight loss (didn’t weigh in this week) or helped me be more creative and productive in my work or made me less susceptible to serious health issues. But I can tell you I feel good today. I might even say I feel rested.

Wow.

 

Nudging: Get 8 hours of sleep every night

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Backstory: Well, um, I need to get more and better sleep.

I keep hearing about how lack of sleep effects everything, including my ability to lose weight. I know I need to be better about this, but it always seems to be the easiest thing to cut when deadlines and to do lists and responsibilities are hanging over me.

It’s no coincidence that I recently finished reading the August issue of National Geographic, for which the theme is “The Science of Sleep.”

Did you know “anyone who regularly sleeps less than six hours has a higher risk of depression, psychosis, stroke, and obesity”?

Yikes.

So this week I’m going to walk away from the office, turn off the TV, ignore the phone, and catch some extra zzzzzs.

 

P.S. For inspiration and motivation, I recommend you read the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington. No spoilers, but she got a “wake-up call” when sleep deprivation became a real problem from her—then she took the steps to make a good night’s sleep a priority in her life.

Nudged: Say “No” to something

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Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

What Happened: “What if nothing happens this week?” Hello, hilarious! I had not just one, but many opportunities to exercise this Nudge:

  • Was asked to chair a committee for a volunteer organization that comes with big responsibilities and a major time commitment. I was flattered to be asked, yet, after thinking about where I want my time and energy to go right now and in the near future, I said, “No, thank you.”
  • A friend of a friend of a friend reached out to me for help writing content for their business. I took at look at what they were doing, sent over a letter of introduction with samples of my work, and suggested how I might contribute. She replied with an offer that is ¼ the market rate for my services. I replied, “No, thank you.”
  • I put on a dress that’s been in the back of my closet for some time, one that now (thanks to recent efforts) fits. I wondered why I hadn’t worn it much before, until I saw myself in the mirror. It wasn’t me. It’s very pretty, but the angles hit me wrong and the color washes me out. I needed to hustle to get myself out the door for an event that evening, but I took a few minutes to change into something else that made me feel confident, sexy, attractive, approachable, and authentic. Then I folded up the first dress and put it in the box for donation to Goodwill.
  • That same night, I wanted ice cream. Really really wanted ice cream. Then I remembered how good it felt to slip into a dress a size smaller than what I’ve worn for some time and said “No, thank you” to the offer to stop for a cone.
  • Friday night, 6:07 pm. My mind said, “Just one…maybe tw-three more emails!” My heart said, “No.” I turned off the light, walked out of the office, and started my weekend.

The Ah-Hah: I missed one opportunity, and it’s eating away at me. I was at a social event, one held in honor of a colleague. I found myself stuck at a table with a conversation that was…uncomfortable. I don’t want to out anyone or reveal details, so let’s just say the opinions being floated directly contradicted my values.

But it wasn’t the place or the environment to argue. It would have been inappropriate to speak my mind, though I was tempted to not only offer an alternative perspective, but to strongly condemn the original.

So I bit my tongue. Literally. I didn’t want to take the spotlight off our guest of honor (even though the speaker was doing just that), so I did nothing. I wanted to get up from the table and walk out, but again, that would have caused a “scene.” So I stayed. And I bit. And I seethed.

If this happens again, under the same circumstances, I’m not sure if I would behave differently. But there remains a part of me that wishes I had stood up and said, “Hell. No.”

Nudged: Listen to two old CDs

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Backstory: Because I work from an office in our home and do little driving, the same six CDs have been in my car for…two years? Longer? Sheesh, that’s embarrassing. And pretty much the only time I listen to music at home is while I’m prepping and cooking dinner. You’d think I could change up my playlist periodically, but my reality (some might call it my “rut”) is that the soundtrack to Hamilton! is on constant rotation. Not a bad choice, but the neighbors are probably sick of hearing me bellow out “Here comes the General—RISE UP!” at 7:34 pm every single night. (“An-ge-li-caaa…Ee-liii-za…AND PEGGY!”)

I don’t know what I thought I’d learn from this Nudge. I suppose it’s another step in the clearing out process to re-evaluate treasures and determine whether they are to be saved, tossed, or shared. Or maybe I just need to remember the pleasures of listening to really great music more often.

What Happened: I own David Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day on CD. I had completely forgotten about this, and even have the hardcover of this book on my nightstand to re-read this year. My god, but that man is hilarious—and heart-breaking. (“State v. Carolina” is a perfect example of both.) And there’s nothing like hearing his own stories in his very unique voice. I highly recommend!

I also found the classic The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart (“Abe Lincoln vs. Madison Avenue” and “Nobody Will Ever Play Baseball” are pure genius). I also dug up Salt and Dreaming Wide Awake from Lizz Wright (jazz singer with a voice that could melt butter), an early release from the young rockers of Acidic (check them out), and Cracked Rear View from Hootie & the Blowfish (confession: I still love them). Some of these replaced the ol’ favorites in my car, and the rest were stacked in the kitchen to accompany me in dinner prep.

Mid-week, our trusty portable CD player spun its final disc. It came with my marriage, so I’m not sure of its origins, but I guessing (based on the embedded cassette tape player) that it dates back to the last century (good grief). Still, it served me well in the kitchen and in this Nudge. Was its dying a sign that I was to do something else?

Nope. That night, Thor (darling husband) arrived with a box in hand, a brand new CD player (no cassette tape slot) that made our CDs sound even better. “You didn’t need to do that,” I said. “It was only like $40,” he said. He’s right. It’s a small investment in something that will entertain us for many more years in this century.

The Ah-Hah: I really just needed to remember the pleasures of listening to great music (and audio books and classic comedy routines). That’s it.

What’s on your playlist?

Nudged: Take a long hot bath

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Backstory: I was born and raised in Southern California, which means, in addition to being spoiled by great local produce and year-round mild weather, I learned how to conserve water around the same time I learned to walk. Don’t let the faucet run while you brush your teeth, wash the car using the bucket not the hose, take short showers. Those practices and more are now, in my fifth decade, firmly habits.

Which is in part why allow myself a long, hot bath maybe one time a year. Usually this happens if I take vacation time around the Christmas holiday, when I have the time to indulge in some self-care.

Did you read that sentence? “allow…if I take vacation…indulge” Geez. Maybe I can ease up a bit and “treat” myself this week.

P.S. I know some of you are reading this and thinking “A hot bath? In summer?!” Yeah, I get it. You live somewhere where the thermostat hits 80 or 90 or 100+ this time of year, while I live in San Francisco. In the fog bank. While you’re hanging out in shorts and flip flops, I’m huddled in front of a space heater wearing two sweaters and socks. It’s cold here.

But like with every other Nudge I draw, you are not required to do exactly the same. Pick something like this that will help you follow along. What would be an indulgence or treat for you? Maybe you spend the day with the A/C cranked up to full power (utility bills be damned). Or maybe you splurge and load up the freezer with the very best ice creams and gelatos money can buy. Or maybe you decide this week you’re going to take a day off work (gasp!), and drive to some place cooler, just…for…fun. I hope you’ll share in Comments what you do.

What Happened: I put this off all week. There just wasn’t time. I had things to do. Blah blah bladdity blah. Saturday night rolled around, and I found myself grumbling about how I had to do my Nudge. Poor little me. But then I did it. I filled the tub, added some aromatherapy bubble bath that was hidden behind the cleaning supplies in the cabinet (I don’t even know where this came from), and eased myself in. Ahhhhh….

Deepening breaths, easing muscles, quieting brain. I just soaked. I added a little more hot water, and I soaked some more. And then I read for a bit, and then I soaked some more. It was divine.

The Ah-Ha: I forget how good this is for me. I work my poor body so hard, from household chores to sessions at the gym, yet I am rarely good about the recovery. Was this Nudge an indulgence? I suppose. Certainly someone intent on conserving our precious water would argue that (and my So Cal Drought Guilt certainly kicked in). But I also think it’s occasionally necessary and good for me, for it got me to STOP. Most days I hit the ground running—and I keep running till I collapse back into bed—so it was almost shocking to come to a complete stop, to rest mind, body, and spirit.

There I go again: it’s “shocking” when I take care of myself.

I’m paying attention…and I’m making some changes.

Nudging: Take a long hot bath

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Backstory: I was born and raised in Southern California, which means, in addition to being spoiled by great local produce and year-round mild weather, I learned how to conserve water around the same time I learned to walk. Don’t let the faucet run while you brush your teeth, wash the car using the bucket not the hose, take short showers. Those practices and more are now, in my fifth decade, firmly habits.

Which is in part why allow myself a long, hot bath maybe one time a year. Usually this happens if I take vacation time around the Christmas holiday, when I have the time to indulge in some self-care.

Did you read that sentence? “allow…if I take vacation…indulge” Geez. Maybe I can ease up a bit and “treat” myself this week.

P.S. I know some of you are reading this and thinking “A hot bath? In summer?!” Yeah, I get it. You live somewhere where the thermostat hits 80 or 90 or 100+ this time of year, while I live in San Francisco. In the fog bank. While you’re hanging out in shorts and flip flops, I’m huddled in front of a space heater wearing two sweaters and socks. It’s cold here.

But like with every other Nudge I draw, you are not required to do exactly the same. Pick something like this that will help you follow along. What would be an indulgence or treat for you? Maybe you spend the day with the A/C cranked up to full power (utility bills be damned). Or maybe you splurge and load up the freezer with the very best ice creams and gelatos money can buy. Or maybe you decide this week you’re going to take a day off work (gasp!), and drive to some place cooler, just…for…fun. I hope you’ll share in Comments what you do.

Nudged: Buy flowers for the office

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Backstory: This is all about one thing: self care. I should put that in caps: SELF CARE! I suck at this. Oh, I’m great at taking care of others. I call to check in on friends and family members, send notes in sympathy and appreciation, deliver the occasional small gift, remember the milestone events big and small, and drop off flowers, sometimes anonymously. (See the “Do a Fairy Deed” Nudge in April.) But do nice things for myself? Not so much…up until now….

What Happened: I wasted no time on this one. Right after I drew the Nudge on Sunday, I headed to the grocery store, added $5 worth of chamomile blossoms to my cart, and popped them into a vase when I got home. This is what greeted me at when I sat down to work on Monday morning:This sweet bouquet became the focal point of my desk for the week, providing a bit of colorful cheeriness and a slightly earthy fragrance that I found—not surprisingly, for chamomile—calming.

The side benefit is that I got inspired to clean up the space around it. This is in keeping with the “shine your sink” practice taught by the FlyLady. Basically, you start with some small thing (cleaning the kitchen sink), get that cleaned up, then slowly expand your efforts until a whole area (counters, stove top…) is looking good. (Check out the FlyLady’s website for lots of great free advice and tips.)

I finished a big work project late Tuesday, and, having shredded and filed notes as I worked, I started to see the top of my desk again. Wednesday, I set aside some time to clear it off completely. The beautiful pine not only got dusted, but polished. I rearranged and felt I cleared space for the next project, for a client, or maybe one for myself. It felt like my brain had been dusted and polished in preparation for…well, that’s to be revealed, I suppose.

The Ah-Ha: I need to do a major decluttering in my office, and it’s coming. What’s amazing to me is the impact small steps have. Yes, there’s still a pile on the shelf in front of my desk, but my desk itself is cleared and all prettified. Not wanting to wreck that space, I’m more likely to put things in their places than pile it on the desk tomorrow.

That’s all well and good, yet there’s more to this Nudge. During my meditation time one morning, I was drawn to the tiny details in the buds. (Couldn’t get a good photo, unfortunately.) Talk about inspiration for creating! At first glance, I admired them for the simple beauty of the sweet yellow flowers. But upon closer inspection—I even pulled out a magnifying glass—I discovered incredibly complex shades and shapes.

It struck me that this is what happens in my work. People read the end result and it flows. It looks so simple; how many times have I heard “Anyone can be a writer”? But I know—and other creatives know—all the work that goes into making a final product. All the details, all the nuances, all the experiences and skills and hours of effort that I pour into something to make it ”perfect” to outside eyes. Seeing this in the flowers, acknowledging it, made me also acknowledge and appreciate this for myself.

So, flowers for the office: $5.

Acknowledging and appreciating the intricacies of my work: Priceless.

Nudging: Buy flowers for the office

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Backstory: This is all about one thing: self care. I should put that in caps: SELF CARE! I suck at this. Oh, I’m great at taking care of others. I call to check in on friends and family members, send notes in sympathy and appreciation, deliver the occasional small gift, remember the milestone events big and small, and drop off flowers, sometimes anonymously. (See the “Do a Fairy Deed” Nudge in April.) But do nice things for myself? Not so much…up until now….

P.S. For me this week, it’s about getting out and spending a little bit of money on myself, to treat myself to some everyday beauty. Other times when I’ve wanted to do this, I’ve had to get a little creative. Maybe there is something blooming in the backyard. That works in a pinch. I say weeds, my husband says wildflowers. If it’s pretty, pick it! Who cares? I’ve also been known to cut branches from our lemon or olive trees and arrange a vase with just the greenery. Or maybe this is a Nudge to stop and talk with the neighbor whose garden you’ve so been admiring. You might get a cutting for your efforts, and it might even be the start of a beautiful new friendship.