Category Archives: Completed Nudge

Nudged: Go to coffeehouse with educational book; learn something new

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Backstory: The full title of this Nudge is “Go to a coffeehouse with an educational book and learn something new.” I’m laughing as I type this. It made for a looong strip of paper for my Nudges jar. But I knew when I included it on The List, I wanted it to be more than simply “Learn something new.”

The inspiration for this Nudge came from a client project I worked on early in the year. It involved a topic–an industry, really–I knew nothing about. I requested a couple of suggestions for books from the client and immersed myself in study. For a couple of intense days, I read, took notes, thought deeply, and then applied what I’d learned to the work.

It was…fun.

I’m looking forward to challenging my brain this week. This is also an excuse to get out of my office, and away from the distractions, so that I can again practice focusing on just one topic at a time.

What Happened: My original plan was to get something at the library, but I found myself at my favorite neighborhood bookshop on Monday with a little extra cash in my pocket, so decided to treat myself to something new. I browsed several sections, including art (maybe), gardening (um, no), cooking (already have too many cookbooks), philosophy (too intense), and U.S. history (I think I know most of this). I ended up in world history, where I briefly considered learning more about the kings of France (cop out!), but instead selected Searching for the Amazons: The Real Warrior Women of the Ancient World by John Man.

Omg, what did I get myself into? Would it be dry and boring? Would it be cheesy or sexist? That afternoon, I cracked it open over lunch and was relieved to discover Man’s writing is approachable, engaging, and delightful.

On Wednesday, I had an appointment with one of my doctors. I left home early and tucked myself into a cozy corner at a bakery across the street that I’d noticed on previous visits. I dove into the book and started taking notes. I was introduced to the long nomadic human history in the “steppes“, the grasslands of Asia. I mumbled “Wow!” (sometimes louder than etiquette dictates) over trivia such as how humans learned how to ride horses sometime around 3500 BC, but the first iron stirrups weren’t introduced till about the 2nd century AD “because a rope looped round the toe did the job.” (Wow.) Back in my office, I googled to learn more about what I’d read, including the famous statue of Athena that once stood in the Parthenon, and the temple to Apollo in Skliros, and the Bassae Frieze, which can now be seen in the British Museum. And Pentheslia, the Amazon warrior who was killed by Achilles….

I am completely geeking out, in the best possible way. 🙂

The Ah-Hahs: One of the aspects I love about my job is I’m constantly learning new things. One of the drawbacks is those topics aren’t always of my choosing. Picking up something pretty random and diving in this week was really fun. I felt…challenged, energized, reawakened, inspired. I enjoyed being a “student” again. So, maybe it’s time to take a closer look at the upcoming class schedule at city college. And then I need to start saving for trips to Greece and England and….

 

Nudged: Use the good body lotion

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Backstory: It’s the expensive stuff, or the special stuff, or the stuff I received as a gift and am saving for…well, I don’t know what.

Although part of this nudge is about decluttering, I think it’s mostly about self-caring. If not with the good body lotion, maybe it’s the soothing bath bubbles or the beautifully scented candle. Or maybe it’s that fancy hand creme that’s been living at the bottom of my purse for ages. I’m going to pull out something nice and put it to use.

How will you treat yourself this week?

What Happened: Like so many other “small” and “simple” Nudges, this turned into something more. I love when that happens. 🙂

Turns out I don’t have a lot of good stuff still lurking in the cupboards. Which is kind of a good thing (because I’ve used them) and kind of not (because that means I’m haven’t been replenishing the stores and treating myself as well as I should). So it was an easy choice to pick up this lovely lavender hand & body lotion–just $4.99+tax at Trader Joe’s–while doing my start-of-the-week grocery shopping:

What happened next came as a sweet surprise. In the mornings throughout the week, I didn’t just go through the motions of pulling myself together for the day. I actually took a little time and dedicated some awareness as I rubbed the lotion on my body and gave thanks for each part:

  • To my hands, thank you for making it possible for me to express myself through writing.
  • To my arms, thank you for how you embrace and care for so many people.
  • To my belly, my core, thank you for keeping me strong.
  • To my legs, thank you for propelling me forward.
  • To my feet, thank you for holding me up through all of life’s joys and challenges.

The Ah-Hahs: These blessings, which added less than a minute to my morning routine, felt quite profound. All this week, I noticed things I’ve taken for granted, and I stopped to breathe and give thanks.

 

Nudged: Do something that scares me

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Backstory: I love this nudge. It can present in so many ways.

Maybe this is the week I wrap up something I really need to do, but dread doing (updating our estate planning paperwork, or catch up on my accounting and seeing just how much I have/don’t have in savings). Maybe this is the week I take a BIG but exciting RISK (ask for a raise, or call a company I would love to work with and ask if they’re hiring). Or maybe I get creative and literal and watch a super-scary classic movie (Exorcist, The Shining)…in the dark! 😉

I hope you’ll share with me what you end up doing with this nudge.

P.S. This week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the U.S. I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for supporting me and my 52Nudges journey. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

What Happened: As I considered what I might do for this nudge, I did a bit of accounting of some of what I’ve been through in the past couple of months, including:

  • Ending a contract with a long-time and much-loved client. (It was time.)
  • “Firing” a bully from a social group. (It was waaay past time.)
  • Recovering from an accident. (I’m fine-ish, though the physical healing takes time and PTSD is no joke.)

All of the above were scary in their own way, and I’m proud of myself for how I faced and handled them. Maybe for this nudge I can give myself a pass?

Then, midweek, amid all the buildup of the stress for the events above + work deadlines + holidays + general stress, I received an urgent notice about a utility bill being past due. What?!? I checked my records and noted I’d paid this bill in person well before the due date. I dropped everything else I was doing, called the company, waited on hold for-what-felt-like-ever, then spoke with a very calm person who informed me they had no record of the payment. I was able to pull together the funds and cover the late and current payments, so it got handled. But by the time I got off the phone, I was drained.

“I’m done,” I thought to myself. “I have no fight left in me.”

I have nothing left to give, no extra energy to devote to worries, no strength to carry on stressing over the many challenges that are truly out of my control. So I did the thing that scares me the most: I gave it all up.

A little more specifically, I handed it all over to God. (Feel free to substitute Universe or Nature or whatever term is most comfortable for you.) “You take care of it,” I said out loud. “Thanks.”

The Ah-Hahs: When I lived and commuted in Los Angeles (90 minutes to travel 14 miles, each way), I learned that there’s no point getting stressed when you’re stuck in traffic. You’re not going anywhere. There’s no alternate route that’s going to get you to your destination any faster. So, sure, you could drive your blood pressure up, launch an ulcer, beat your fists on the steering wheel, rage at the unfairness of it all. Still won’t get you there. So, you call the person you’re meeting to tell them you’re running late, and you wait it out.

I see a life lesson in this, and it’s one I’m working on applying to other areas: Don’t stress over things you can’t control.

It’s hard for me, it’s a little scary, but, with some practice, I believe I will be a happier human.

 

 

Nudged: Schedule a game night

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Backstory: Fun! I love game nights! It’s friendly competition and improv and creativity and laughing till you feel you’re about to burst. Also a great excuse to get friends together for an easy, inexpensive meal.

For inspiration, I cracked open our games cabinet. Monopoly? Trivial Pursuit? Charades? Definitely Charades. So many possibilities!

What Happened: When did I stop having fun? When did I cease being fun? Despite my initial enthusiasm, I wrestled with this nudge all week. I looked at possible dates, I considered possible players. I was tempted to “cheat” and pull out a deck of cards for a game of Gin Rummy with just me and my guy. I followed through on nothing. It all felt like too much effort.

The Ah-Hahs: I’m sitting here feeling disappointed in myself and incredibly discouraged. It’s been ages (years?) since we have hosted a full-blown game night. At previous gatherings, we and our playmates had a fabulous time together and wondered out loud why we didn’t do this more often.

Why? I still don’t have an answer. Except that life is busy, and I’m tired. I know having a game night could have been exactly the pick-me-up I need, but I just couldn’t get it done.

I want to brush myself off and start fresh, and maybe I’ll do that. The holidays are just around — oh, geez, they’re here! — so maybe I won’t need to coordinate anything. Maybe when we’re sitting around with family and friends we’ll break out a game and dive in. Maybe the “lesson” with this nudge is to not worry so much about the planning and simply remind myself to stay open when inspiration strikes.

That being said, I do hope you had more success with the nudge than I did.

Nudged: Learn how to sign a fun phrase in American Sign Language

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Backstory: The seed for learning American Sign Language (ASL) was first planted with earlier nudges, learning fun phrases in French (“What do you want for dinner?”) and Italian (“I would like a glass of prosecco, please.”). Those nudges were both really fun, and they challenged my brain in new ways.

This nudge goes a bit deeper. It was also inspired by a barista in a coffee house and a Lyft driver I met on separate occasions last year, both of whom were hearing impaired. I was struck by the realization of the effort I make to be polite and respectful when I visit foreign countries, but here, with my own people, I’ve only managed “Hello” and “Thank you.”

I’d like to do better.

What Happened: My initial Google search presented me with a wealth of learning tools. I started with a four-minute video created by Signed With Heart, “25 Basic ASL Signs for Beginners”.

  • Yes
  • No
  • Please
  • Nice to meet you

Mastering these was enough to ignite my curiosity and send me down the rabbit hole of online research. From Wikipedia, I learned ASP was created in the early 1800s at the American School for the Deaf in Connecticut, but has origins in French sign language. I discovered British sign language is not directly translatable to the American version, and there are even dialects. And did you know many American colleges now accept ASL study for foreign language credits? Cool!

With renewed motivation, I moved to a fingerspelling chart and worked on learning the alphabet.

© William Vicars, sign language resources at Lifeprint.com.

Then I put everything together and practiced.

Hello

My name is

K-A-T-H-L-E-E-N

I squealed with delight the first time I signed it fluidly.

Oh, and P.S.:

“I love you.”

 

Ah-Hahs: Maybe I’ll learn sign language and become a teacher—or one of those cool signers at live concerts! I entertained that dream for just a few minutes, because when I looked closer, I had to acknowledge: ASL is hard! It’s complex, there are lots of variations, and the grammar rules differ from written and spoken English.

I ran this by Thor, my darling husband, after I demonstrated my new skills, and his immediate response was, “No, you need to get back to learning French.” He’s right. That’s where I had an affinity and where I have a passion. As much as I enjoyed this small experiment with ASL, I truly love learning French. So I made a note in my journal to explore my options for future French lessons.

But I’m glad I took time to learn some of the basics, and I hope I’ll have an opportunity to use them.

Meanwhile, there was one more gift that came out of this nudge. For some reason, I read the quotes under the video. I almost never read comments, because so many we see today are ugly, hateful, unnecessary. The ones I read on Signed With Heart’s forum, from people sharing why they want to learn ASL, are lovely. “There’s a new girl in our school…I have a crush on a boy who is deaf…I want to communicate with my newly adopted brother….” I was a puddle reading all the heartwarming messages.

So in addition to gaining a couple of small skills, I gained a renewed hope in humankindness.

If this has inspired you to learn more ASL, there is a wealth of resources available on Amazon. I found books, flashcards, games, and DVDs, and most are quite reasonably priced. Here are a few you might find helpful:

Sign Language Conversations for Beginning Signers by Stan Collins (paperback)

Barron’s 500 Flash Cards of American Sign Language by Geoffrey S. Poor

American Sign Language Made Easy (Amazon Prime video)

Nudged: Limit my mobile phone time

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Backstory: I feel like I just did this Nudge. Oh, wait! That was cutting back on social media. Same thing? Sort of. For me I think this one is about focus, about not letting the phone distract me from the things I want to do. So the plan is to designate times when I can check and return messages, rather than being at its mercy 24/7.

What Happened: I started the work week with the intention of only checking voicemail and text messages, and returning any messages, at the beginning of my day (8 am), when I broke for lunch (noonish), and when I wrapped up the day and closed up my office (6…7ish). The big surprise? I didn’t need to do this.

I’m not tied to my phone. I don’t play games on it. I don’t check emails or newsflashes or how my latest post on Facebook is being received. I keep it with me during the day in case a client needs to reach me, but this week there weren’t any urgent calls; we communicated through emails and scheduled times for future chats. I also don’t take it with me to meals, and it stays in my office when I go to bed, so those distractions don’t apply.

The Ah-Hahs: As I reflected on this week’s Nudge, I wondered how it made it onto my List. I think…I think I just got caught up in the hype. There are so many articles and opinion pieces circulating in the world today about how we’re not really connecting, how we’re having closer relationships with our gadgets than with our friends and family members. I suppose I wanted to make sure that wasn’t happening with me.

It’s not.

In fact, as I paid attention to how I use my phone this week, I noticed how it allows me to do quick “Thinking of you!” check-ins with very busy people in my life. With different apps, I can reach friends across all time zones with no worries about long-distance charges. It also enables me to keep in touch with dear ones of very different generations: I call the Boomers, I FaceTime with Millennials. I’m grateful for all of this.

So, while at first I thought this Nudge was a “dud” for me, I’m actually considering it a “win”. Yay, me!

Nudged: Create a chalk message

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Background: This Nudge is one of my favorites. I did it during my first round, and it was so much fun, I’m doing it again. (Also, I need to keep nudging myself until I just do it without prompting.)

The actual backstory is this is one of those activities that came out of my explorations of “Things I loved doing when I was a kid.” What made you smile when you had no limitations (as in, “you can’t draw…you’re not artisitic…”)? What tickled your creative muse? What did you get lost in? What activity simply filled you with joy?

This is the week to do it. 🙂

What Happened: Took a couple of days to think about what I wanted to write/draw. Finally, Wednesday morning, I grabbed my basket of colored chalks and wrote a love letter of sorts on my driveway.

I am no great artist, and I have no aspirations of painting/drawing anything legit. This, for me, is just fun. (And we all need need more fun in our lives.)

 

The Ah-Hahs: I know, this is all so silly, but it isn’t. Every time I came home and left, or just looked out the window, I smiled.

Mission accomplished.

 

P.S. After I post this, I’m heading out to join friends in greeting trick-or-treaters. I love love LOVE Halloween! It’s always been my favorite holiday (yes, more than Christmas), because it’s the one day when slightly weird creative kids (like me) shine. Can’t wait to see what this generation of ghouls has come up with.

Tonight also marks a tender milestone. Today was the last day at work for several of my long-time colleagues. At 5:30, I will be pouring some bubbly and toasting them, us, the great work we did together over the past 20 years. A big door is closing tonight, and I trust portals to fabulous new adventures will be opening for all of us soon. Cheers, my friends!

Nudged: Investigate free programs, put 1 on the calendar

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Backstory: This nudge is designed to physically get me out of my comfort zone by exploring new places and trying new things. The “free” part may be the big challenge, and I’m going to need to be a bit creative. Street fairs, talks, programs at the library…? I’m feeling curious, and it feels good.

What Happened: This nudge was crazy-fun! I totally didn’t expect that! Here’s some of what I looked into:

  • Upcoming author events at my favorite foodie bookshop. (But I know I’d buy a book, so it doesn’t count as “free”.)
  • Checking out a local writers’ group. (A friend sent me the link. It wasn’t the right fit, but I was touched that she is looking for fun things for me to try.)
  • A Q&A with a local historian. (He’s promoting his new book, and, well, see bullet #1.)
  • A plethora of political events, from rallies to debates to meet ‘n’ greets with candidates.
  • Events and workshops at my nearby public library. (Was all set to go to a crafting event, till I saw it was for teens. Then got excited about a read-aloud event*, till I saw it was for toddlers. Sheesh.)
  • Open galleries and art shows.
  • Food & beverage events. (Found a coffee festival and a “Whiskies of the World” event, but both had hefty admission fees. Phooey. Then found a free chocolate-tasting event. Huzzah!)

What finally sparked my enthusiasm was a link to upcoming holiday events. For several years, my husband and I attended the big tree-lighting ceremony in Union Square the Friday after Thanksgiving. Great way to get into the holiday spirit.

Photo from UnionSquareShop.com

Since this nudge is about finding new things to do, though, I did a little more digging and found:

  • A tree lighting of a 100-plus-year-old live maple tree in Golden Gate Park.
  • The lighted boat parade on the Bay.

And something else caught my eye on one of those sites, so I clicked through and have added a note to my 2020 calendar to check back in the spring for:

  • Japantown’s annual Cherry Blossom Festival.

What fun new things did you discover?

*With Halloween coming up, I’m reminded of a good friend’s really cool tradition. While waiting for the few trick-or-treaters who come to her door, she and a couple of friends cozy up to a crackling fire and read spooky stories out loud. Think Edgar Allen Poe and his “Tell-tale Heart” or anything by Stephen King. I might have to try this on the 31st.

 

Nudged: Send a handwritten thank you note to a client, boss, or coworker

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Backstory: I never had a formal mentor, but I have met several people throughout my career who have taught me by example And while I know I’ve thanked clients for work sent my way (“Thank you for your business!” is written on every invoice), I think it’s time to go a little deeper and truly acknowledge someone for who they are and what they’ve done for me.

As always, do this nudge in a way that works for you. Thank a coworker for her great attitude. Thank the woman who tirelessly coordinates your book club’s meetings or mom group’s get-togethers. Tell a neighbor his garden inspires you to keep trying to coax viable things out of your front yard.

I am a believer in handwritten notes, as they feel more personal to me. But a text message or email will work just fine.

Who do you need to appreciate?

What Happened: I spent a couple of days going through my memories of people who have helped me along the way. There were two women who, independently, took chances on me early in my career and hired me for jobs I felt were far beyond my skills and experience; those same women then acknowledged and celebrated me when I succeeded. (I am full of warm fuzzies just thinking about them.) There have been countless graphic designers who took the words I provided and communicated them visually; combined, our work became more effective. I have been so fortunate to have been a part of teams of true collaborators.

Finally I settled on one woman who taught me, by her example, how to be a manager of projects and people. I pulled out my nicest stationery, explained why I was thinking of her, expressed my gratitude and appreciation, and sealed it with a kiss. (Not really. I used a pretty wax seal.)

And then I thought of a second person, so I repeated the process.

The Ah-Hahs: While I hope the recipients of my notes will be pleased to receive them, I fully recognize this nudge is for me. I’m not sure I’ve ever reviewed and catalogued the wins of the past several years of my career. At this turning point, as I consider what I want to do next, it felt good – it felt smart – to acknowledge for myself what I’ve learned and accomplished.

This week’s nudge also reminded me of the good things that came with the work: the high you get when you work with people who inspire and challenge you to bring your A game; the excitement when, as a group, you come up with the perfect creative solution to a problem; the elation when a job is completed and you know it was done well.

I’m holding onto these feelings as I seek and consider new opportunities, as I evaluate the people I want to work with and learn from. Because I want more, please.

Nudged: Play my flute for me–from Carrie

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Dear Nudgers,

Carrie contacted me over the summer when I put out a call for guest bloggers. She shared with me that she was inspired by my 52Nudges project to start her own, which she calls “Me & My Quite Contrary Life.” I’ve since picked up ideas from her nudges, and I hope you’ll visit her website and do the same.

Meanwhile, this week she is our Guest Nudger! I will be following her lead (possibly tickling the ivories on our old piano), and I encourage you to do the same by picking up one of the joys you’ve left behind in your childhood.

Thank you, Carrie! — Kathleen

Backstory: As I was creating my own list of nudges, inspired by Kathleen’s 52Nudges, I brainstormed what activities I used to enjoy but stopped doing as an adult. Instrumental music was at the top of the list.I started playing the flute when I was in 5th grade and continued playing regularly until my early 30s. I was in marching band and concert bands throughout high school and college (eight years total), took private lessons, played in a flute choir, and played for church and nursing homes as a soloist or with a group. My dad is a talented, life-long musician, so it was in my blood and was something I excelled at with countless hours of practice and perfectionism. Music was a big part of my life and shaped who I am today.

A serious picture from my high school band days–with the same flute I have today.

The music stopped abruptly one day about five years ago. It was a combination of factors that produced my “retirement” from playing the flute and piccolo. My flute teacher/mentor/friend Jan died suddenly of cancer several years before, and I had never completely gotten over it. I was devastated by her death, and felt I couldn’t play without her; the joy was gone. In addition, I changed churches and wanted to explore other areas of my God-given talents. I packed up my flute, my constant companion for decades, and haven’t touched it again.

…until this week.

The purpose of this nudge is to play my flute for my benefit only. I won’t be playing along with someone else or because someone asked me, but because I want to play for my enjoyment.

I have many questions going into the week: What will I play? Will I remember how to do it? What will the dog think? How will I feel as I play?

“Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours.”– Elton John

What Happened: I sat on this nudge for most of the week and did nothing. Finally, on a quiet Friday night when my husband was gone and I was alone (with the dog!), I found my instrument in the back of a closet and challenged myself to play at least one song. I did it! I ended up playing for about an hour, and experienced many thoughts and emotions during that time.

I was happy to see my flute again as I opened the case. I was reminded of my excitement to play as a 5th grader. It felt like seeing an old friend again. The happiness soon gave way to guilt as I saw some rust spots on the instrument from age and neglect. I felt like a bad friend.

It felt very familiar to assemble the pieces and get the instrument properly aligned. All the dents and dings that I remembered were still there, evidence of our times together. I started playing and discovered I remembered all of the fingerings—just like riding a bike! I played an old hymn first, then moved on to other flute solos from my past. The joy of playing slowly came back.

The dog ran into the room as I hit a high note. She sensed my joy and thought it translated into a treat for her. She anxiously wagged her tail and looked at me with big brown eyes. When a treat was not produced, she quickly lost interest and returned to the couch. Her soft snores were occasionally heard as a musical accompaniment.

I soon realized how out of shape I was—my mouth hurt after one song. I kept going.

After about an hour, I pulled out some old pictures of my band days and reminisced about my musical career and about Jan. I wish she was still around so I could have more conversations with her. I have no doubt we would still be great friends today. She never married or had children, but she was a mother and mentor to me when I was in high school. I am grateful that her parents mailed me a stack of her flute music after her death. As I was feeling sad that I wouldn’t talk to her again, the next piece of music I came across was her music of “When We All Get to Heaven”. WOW! What a reminder that I will get to catch up with her again someday.

The most talented flute player I have ever known, my mentor and friend, Jan. She is so missed.

Ah-Hahs: I enjoyed my evening of music for just my benefit, my private concert. It was fun to read music again—I didn’t realize it had been so long! In church, all the words of worship music are on the screens, so I don’t read actual sheet music often. I miss it.

My flute will always be an important item that I will never get rid of, but I don’t feel the need to play it often. It served its purpose in my life, and I am grateful.

It was fun to look back on my musical career and see all the benefits playing the flute brought me: quality time spent playing music with my dad and sister, good friendships with bandmates, marching band trips to Florida and California, confidence to perform in front of many people, staying in shape with marching band, and it kept me out of trouble as a teenager. It was definitely time well spent!

With the same flute in college marching band for four years.

I am really enjoying my nudges project. This is just one more example of how I am rediscovering joy and getting out of my comfort zone. I never would have played again without this challenge. Thanks, Kathleen, for your inspiration!

Get better acquainted with Carrie and her 52Nudges-inspired project through her blog, Me & My Quite Contrary Life.