Tag Archives: stress

Nudged: Exhale

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Backstory: Alexandra Epple’s blog, Spirit Journey (you met Alexandra in a 52+ interview about a month ago), inspired this nudge. In her “The Gigantic Breath Cycle of Your Life” post, she wrote a couple of lines that struck a chord with me:

“Our society is not set up to honor exhales. We are set up for creation, achievement, progress…all of which equate to inhaling.”

A healthy cycle of breathing, she went on to explain, is inhale, exhale, pause.

I suck at this. “Pause”? Oh, sure, I do that when I’m sick or exhausted or forced to shelter in place for an extended period of time. But the rest of it is challenging for me. “When we find ourselves in the exhale cycle,” Alexandra continued, “it takes courage, awareness, and reminders to allow yourself to be in that space.”

I know I need to be more intentional about healthy breathing–about healthy living–until it becomes my new natural rhythm. Starting today, I’m going to practice this.

What Happened: We live in stressful times. I mean…really. My stress level the past several months has been Off. The. Charts. And even though some things have somewhat calmed down, I know that I continue to carry that stress with me every day, even if nothing new is added to my load.

But this week I practiced dealing with it a little better. Every time I felt the worry (and some times panic) start to bubble up, I stopped in my tracks, closed my eyes, visualized a positive outcome for whatever I was worrying over, and let out a long, deep exhale. Then I moved on.

Monday I had to work at it some. I’d carry around a worry — about my husband’s safety, for example — and feel myself gearing up for a meltdown. Then I’d catch myself and go through my new routine. By Tuesday, I was dropping into the stop-visualize-exhale drill before the worry got its claws in me. I barely even thought about it, I just did it.

So I am heading into this holiday (Happy Independence Day to my U.S. readers!) feeling quite calm. And, if I start to feel less calm, I know I can handle it.

Exhale-post-2

 

The Ah-Hahs: I could meditate, practice yoga, get hypnotized, take anti-anxiety meds, drink more whiskey…or, I can exhale. For me, it really can be that simple.

Nudged: Ignore the laundry

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Backstory: Well, crap. I knew this was coming — heck, I created these nudges! — and have been dreading the day I would pull it from the bowl. That day has come.

This is included because over the past two years I’ve noticed I’ve been been saying more frequently “Laundry is my life.” Sorting, washing, drying, line-drying, ironing, folding, putting away…. It’s meant to be a joke, but it’s not so funny any more.

There was a small part of me that thought just now  “I have until noon — I can do just a few things (aka cheat) to get ahead of this.” But that defeats the purpose of the nudge, so here I go, starting now, I commit to ignoring the laundry for one week.

To keep myself honest, here’s a photo of the basket of clean laundry sitting next to my bed.

laundry before

If all goes well (haha), it will be right here seven days from now. Impossible to know if I’m doing myself a favor or creating a massive headache for myself for next Sunday.

What Happened: This has been one of the most physically uncomfortable nudges I’ve done. Not because I didn’t have clean clothes — we were fine — but that it nudged me so far out of my comfort zone. I was thrown totally off-balance. By nature and/or nurture, I am a multitasker, and throughout the week I would see a basket or pile or whatever and my brain would want to just take care of it. But I resisted the urges, and it was challenging! So much so, that I woke up early yesterday morning from a dream in which I was sorting laundry. That is just wrong.

Except for a shirt Thor pulled out of the Before basket (he’s supportive of my nudgings, but, heck, he didn’t sign up to do them himself!), that basket of clean items by the bed remained untouched. He helped by lugging the overflowing basket of items to be sorted and washed down to the basement for me. (Good man.)

laundry after

We were fine, by the way. Had all the essentials and spares we needed. I did, however, run out of warm PJs. That sounds weird to most of you, I know, but remember I live in San Francisco where “summers” are cold and flannel is my friend. I remain grateful for our heavy blankets and comforter.

The Ah-Hahs: “We were fine.” That says it all, and I continue to be grateful for all that we have in our life. I mean, come on, I have a washer and dryer on site, and a closet and dresser full of clothes. So many people in our world have so much less.

But what I learned most from this week is It’s okay to let things go. I don’t have to multitask all the time. I don’t have to drive myself to exhaustion trying to finish every task on the to do list. I don’t have to be “perfect”. Aside from the nightmare, I felt pretty good through the week. Maybe even a little less stressed than usual. I also didn’t try to fill that “free” time with other tasks. This, to me, is a successfully completed nudge.

 

 

Nudged: Do something that scares me

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Backstory: I love this nudge. It can present in so many ways.

Maybe this is the week I wrap up something I really need to do, but dread doing (updating our estate planning paperwork, or catch up on my accounting and seeing just how much I have/don’t have in savings). Maybe this is the week I take a BIG but exciting RISK (ask for a raise, or call a company I would love to work with and ask if they’re hiring). Or maybe I get creative and literal and watch a super-scary classic movie (Exorcist, The Shining)…in the dark! 😉

I hope you’ll share with me what you end up doing with this nudge.

P.S. This week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the U.S. I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for supporting me and my 52Nudges journey. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

What Happened: As I considered what I might do for this nudge, I did a bit of accounting of some of what I’ve been through in the past couple of months, including:

  • Ending a contract with a long-time and much-loved client. (It was time.)
  • “Firing” a bully from a social group. (It was waaay past time.)
  • Recovering from an accident. (I’m fine-ish, though the physical healing takes time and PTSD is no joke.)

All of the above were scary in their own way, and I’m proud of myself for how I faced and handled them. Maybe for this nudge I can give myself a pass?

Then, midweek, amid all the buildup of the stress for the events above + work deadlines + holidays + general stress, I received an urgent notice about a utility bill being past due. What?!? I checked my records and noted I’d paid this bill in person well before the due date. I dropped everything else I was doing, called the company, waited on hold for-what-felt-like-ever, then spoke with a very calm person who informed me they had no record of the payment. I was able to pull together the funds and cover the late and current payments, so it got handled. But by the time I got off the phone, I was drained.

“I’m done,” I thought to myself. “I have no fight left in me.”

I have nothing left to give, no extra energy to devote to worries, no strength to carry on stressing over the many challenges that are truly out of my control. So I did the thing that scares me the most: I gave it all up.

A little more specifically, I handed it all over to God. (Feel free to substitute Universe or Nature or whatever term is most comfortable for you.) “You take care of it,” I said out loud. “Thanks.”

The Ah-Hahs: When I lived and commuted in Los Angeles (90 minutes to travel 14 miles, each way), I learned that there’s no point getting stressed when you’re stuck in traffic. You’re not going anywhere. There’s no alternate route that’s going to get you to your destination any faster. So, sure, you could drive your blood pressure up, launch an ulcer, beat your fists on the steering wheel, rage at the unfairness of it all. Still won’t get you there. So, you call the person you’re meeting to tell them you’re running late, and you wait it out.

I see a life lesson in this, and it’s one I’m working on applying to other areas: Don’t stress over things you can’t control.

It’s hard for me, it’s a little scary, but, with some practice, I believe I will be a happier human.

 

 

Nudging: No Facebook or online news for 1 week

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You know when you get so overloaded with things that you enter in the wrong date on something important? Yeah. So I just noticed this didn’t post as planned yesterday morning. In case you were wondering if I was a robot, or if this was a perfectly orchestrated project, now you know the truth. 🙂  Onward!

Backstory: I signed up to work with a nutritionist last year, to fine-tune what foods (vs. fads) work best for my system for losing weight and maintaining good health. I figured I’d be told to count calories, make adjustments to intake of carbs/fats/proteins, and amp up and create more variety in my exercise routines. So I was surprised to see “limit social media” on her list of recommendations. “It’s a source of stress,” she explained (Duh, I thought at the time), “and that contributes to how our bodies function,” including how we process calories and hang on to excess weight.

I’ve since talked with a number of friends who have received similar advice when seeking to develop healthier lifestyles, including one friend who was assigned “zero social media” for a three-month period while working through some challenges with a therapist.

There’s something to this, so I thought I’d try it out.

P.S. I recently was asked why I draw a new nudge every Sunday. “Why not just make yourself a big list and check things off?” Great question. The real answer is that the actual drawing of the nudge – the anticipation (“What will I be doing this week?”) and the delight (or groan) of the reveal of the week’s challenge – is fun. I get so few surprises at this point in life, and I love surprises. Plus, the ritual gives me a little burst of energy, which leads to a “Let’s do this!”

Nudging: Be early for everything

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PASS #2: When I started my 52Nudges project, I allowed myself four passes—for any reason. This week my first draw was “Try a new recipe.” This is something I do regularly, it’s fairly easy for me, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I wanted something “bigger.” So back in the bowl went this Nudge, for another week. 

Backstory: I laughed out loud when I pulled this, which I did late in the afternoon, just after I made the final decision to pass on the first draw. And yes, I’m well aware that in the process I was late getting this post out. Classic!

Here’s what happened: I had plans to meet a girlfriend for a movie matinee, and I had offered to pick her up. My plan was to be out the door early, so I’d get to her place a little early. But the phone rang and the dishwasher wasn’t quite done and I completely forgot to post this Nudge after I drew it and…. I dashed out the door, raced over to her house, and pulled up 1 stinking minute after planned.

Perfect time to work on being early for everything.

I didn’t used to be like this. But as I’ve gotten older, my responsibilities have expanded, and there’s always something I need to do. I hate the constant race with the clock. Not only does my running behind make me feel awful about disrespecting friends (their time is valuable too), but it adds so much unnecessary stress to my life.

So this week, I’m flipping the early switch back on. Let’s do this!