Category Archives: mind/body/spirit

Nudged: Say “No” to something

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Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

What Happened: “What if nothing happens this week?” Hello, hilarious! I had not just one, but many opportunities to exercise this Nudge:

  • Was asked to chair a committee for a volunteer organization that comes with big responsibilities and a major time commitment. I was flattered to be asked, yet, after thinking about where I want my time and energy to go right now and in the near future, I said, “No, thank you.”
  • A friend of a friend of a friend reached out to me for help writing content for their business. I took at look at what they were doing, sent over a letter of introduction with samples of my work, and suggested how I might contribute. She replied with an offer that is ¼ the market rate for my services. I replied, “No, thank you.”
  • I put on a dress that’s been in the back of my closet for some time, one that now (thanks to recent efforts) fits. I wondered why I hadn’t worn it much before, until I saw myself in the mirror. It wasn’t me. It’s very pretty, but the angles hit me wrong and the color washes me out. I needed to hustle to get myself out the door for an event that evening, but I took a few minutes to change into something else that made me feel confident, sexy, attractive, approachable, and authentic. Then I folded up the first dress and put it in the box for donation to Goodwill.
  • That same night, I wanted ice cream. Really really wanted ice cream. Then I remembered how good it felt to slip into a dress a size smaller than what I’ve worn for some time and said “No, thank you” to the offer to stop for a cone.
  • Friday night, 6:07 pm. My mind said, “Just one…maybe tw-three more emails!” My heart said, “No.” I turned off the light, walked out of the office, and started my weekend.

The Ah-Hah: I missed one opportunity, and it’s eating away at me. I was at a social event, one held in honor of a colleague. I found myself stuck at a table with a conversation that was…uncomfortable. I don’t want to out anyone or reveal details, so let’s just say the opinions being floated directly contradicted my values.

But it wasn’t the place or the environment to argue. It would have been inappropriate to speak my mind, though I was tempted to not only offer an alternative perspective, but to strongly condemn the original.

So I bit my tongue. Literally. I didn’t want to take the spotlight off our guest of honor (even though the speaker was doing just that), so I did nothing. I wanted to get up from the table and walk out, but again, that would have caused a “scene.” So I stayed. And I bit. And I seethed.

If this happens again, under the same circumstances, I’m not sure if I would behave differently. But there remains a part of me that wishes I had stood up and said, “Hell. No.”

Nudging: Say “No” to something

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Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

Nudged: Listen to two old CDs

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Backstory: Because I work from an office in our home and do little driving, the same six CDs have been in my car for…two years? Longer? Sheesh, that’s embarrassing. And pretty much the only time I listen to music at home is while I’m prepping and cooking dinner. You’d think I could change up my playlist periodically, but my reality (some might call it my “rut”) is that the soundtrack to Hamilton! is on constant rotation. Not a bad choice, but the neighbors are probably sick of hearing me bellow out “Here comes the General—RISE UP!” at 7:34 pm every single night. (“An-ge-li-caaa…Ee-liii-za…AND PEGGY!”)

I don’t know what I thought I’d learn from this Nudge. I suppose it’s another step in the clearing out process to re-evaluate treasures and determine whether they are to be saved, tossed, or shared. Or maybe I just need to remember the pleasures of listening to really great music more often.

What Happened: I own David Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day on CD. I had completely forgotten about this, and even have the hardcover of this book on my nightstand to re-read this year. My god, but that man is hilarious—and heart-breaking. (“State v. Carolina” is a perfect example of both.) And there’s nothing like hearing his own stories in his very unique voice. I highly recommend!

I also found the classic The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart (“Abe Lincoln vs. Madison Avenue” and “Nobody Will Ever Play Baseball” are pure genius). I also dug up Salt and Dreaming Wide Awake from Lizz Wright (jazz singer with a voice that could melt butter), an early release from the young rockers of Acidic (check them out), and Cracked Rear View from Hootie & the Blowfish (confession: I still love them). Some of these replaced the ol’ favorites in my car, and the rest were stacked in the kitchen to accompany me in dinner prep.

Mid-week, our trusty portable CD player spun its final disc. It came with my marriage, so I’m not sure of its origins, but I guessing (based on the embedded cassette tape player) that it dates back to the last century (good grief). Still, it served me well in the kitchen and in this Nudge. Was its dying a sign that I was to do something else?

Nope. That night, Thor (darling husband) arrived with a box in hand, a brand new CD player (no cassette tape slot) that made our CDs sound even better. “You didn’t need to do that,” I said. “It was only like $40,” he said. He’s right. It’s a small investment in something that will entertain us for many more years in this century.

The Ah-Hah: I really just needed to remember the pleasures of listening to great music (and audio books and classic comedy routines). That’s it.

What’s on your playlist?

Nudging: Listen to two old CDs

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Backstory: Because I work from an office in our home and do little driving, the same six CDs have been in my car for…two years? Longer? Sheesh, that’s embarrassing. And pretty much the only time I listen to music at home is while I’m prepping and cooking dinner. You’d think I could change up my playlist periodically, but my reality (some might call it my “rut”) is that the soundtrack to Hamilton! is on constant rotation. Not a bad choice, but the neighbors are probably sick of hearing me bellow out “Here comes the General—RISE UP!” at 7:34 pm every single night. (“An-ge-li-caaa…Ee-liii-za…AND PEGGY!”)

I don’t know what I thought I’d learn from this Nudge. I suppose it’s another step in the clearing out process to re-evaluate treasures and determine whether they are to be saved, tossed, or shared. Or maybe I just need to remember the pleasures of listening to really great music more often.

Nudged: Move something (i.e., a piece of furniture)

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Backstory: This one is easy. For the past several years, my desk has faced a wall that displays an outline made up of sticky notes for a book that I’m on track to finish this fall. I’ve stared at this wall, gained inspiration from it, been frustrated by it. As this Big Project comes to a close, I’m ready to change my perspective. I’m thinking I’ll turn the desk 45 degrees so that it will now face the window and look out onto our backyard. This will be the first small step toward the larger project of (finally) redecorating this room with paint, curtains, and a rug in warm colors. I’m excited to do this.

What Happened: “What’s this week’s Nudge?” My husband, Thor (that’s the name he chose for himself for when I write about him), has gotten in the habit of asking this question every Sunday, and I love how supportive he’s been with everything. I told him I’d need his help to move my desk, to which he responded, “What’s our Nudge?” Turns out he had something else in mind. “How about we move the bed?” Uh, “Okay.”

The man takes his plans seriously, apparently, and he got down to business over lunch on Saturday when he drew up options (see below) for where we might put the bed, and what else we might have to move to accommodate the shift.

If you’ve ever done any remodeling, you know what’s coming. You buy something as simple as a new lamp, and suddenly the couch looks shabby. So you buy a new slipcover, and the drapes no longer match. There goes the rug, the coffee table, the paintings…total snowball effect.

A similar thing happened with this Nudge. We moved our one piece of furniture, which was a big undertaking on its own, but then came the collateral damage. We Swiffered and vacuumed a good three years of dust bunnies and dog fur. We decided to take down all the curtains and wash them. We realized after taking apart the California king-size bed and moving all the parts into the hallway that we had bolted the headboard to the wall. We decided it will stay in place for a month while we determine if we like the new arrangement.

In the process of moving heavy items, we ripped out the TV cable cord (another appointment for my to do list) and scratched the 90-year-old hardwood floor. (Guardsman’s Touch Up Pen is my new best friend.) By the time we were done, we had moved nine pieces of furniture. Nine. This was no “nudge,” this was a full-on move.

The Ah-Ha: This whole thing felt like a hilarious scene from a marriage. A bit of arguing, a lot of compromising, some decent teamwork, and some laughter at ourselves. This was not what I had in mind when I added this Nudge to my list, but like all the others, it’s the unexpected results that are the most revealing.

I was hoping to get a new perspective, and I got it. As we dropped our sore and tired bodies in to bed last night, I felt like I was on vacation in a new place. The light from the windows hit me at a different angle, the sounds—from the tree outside to the dog’s breathing in his bed—took on slightly different tones. I felt disoriented, but not uncomfortable. Waking up, I was not in my routine. I had to be a little more aware as I navigated my way from the warm bed across the dark room. It was…stimulating. That’s the best description I can come up with. It was different, new, challenging, and, yes, stimulating.

Once we finished resetting the bedroom, Thor said, “Now let’s go move your desk.” My back was crying uncle, so I suggested we put it off another day. But then, as I thought about it, I said, “What would you think of moving your desk in with mine?” Currently his desk shares space with the guest room. I’d love to get him out of there, make the guest room really nice and welcoming. But more than that, I’d love to have his company. It’s so crazy how often we’re working on our different projects after hours with a wall between us. Even though this is my space during the week, I’d love to have him with me on weekends while we pay bills or catch up on emails and YouTube videos.

I’m a little nervous that if we make this new move it will create another snowball effect (feeling the need to remodel everything in the house), but I’m open to the changes. And that’s what makes all of this Nudging business fun.

Thor and I going to look at our options after breakfast. 🙂

 

Nudged: Be early for everything

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Backstory: I laughed out loud when I pulled this, which I did late in the afternoon, just after I made the final decision to pass on the first draw. And yes, I’m well aware that in the process I was late getting this post out. Classic!

Here’s what happened: I had plans to meet a girlfriend for a movie matinee, and I had offered to pick her up. My plan was to be out the door early, so I’d get to her place a little early. But the phone rang and the dishwasher wasn’t quite done and I completely forgot to post this Nudge after I drew it and…. I dashed out the door, raced over to her house, and pulled up 1 stinking minute after planned.

Perfect time to work on being early for everything.

I didn’t used to be like this. But as I’ve gotten older, my responsibilities have expanded, and there’s always something I need to do. I hate the constant race with the clock. Not only does my running behind make me feel awful about disrespecting friends (their time is valuable too), but it adds so much unnecessary stress to my life.

So this week, I’m flipping the early switch back on. Let’s do this!

What Happened: What is “everything”? Early to bed, early to rise? Do I need to deliver jobs ahead of deadlines? Or is it just appointments, meetings, and events? Sounds a little bit like I’m looking for a loophole, doesn’t it? Sheesh. I shut that down and jumped in.

On Monday, I had a car service appointment scheduled for 7 am. I arrived about 10 minutes early, and there was, for a change, no waiting. Nice.

On Tuesday, my husband was out at a work event, so I invited a girlfriend over for dinner. My plan was to have everything done when she arrived so that we could sit down and enjoy a relaxing meal. But that last-minute email and one last call…. Good intentions out the door! The funny thing was, I actually think it was more relaxed having her help in the kitchen. The meal was simple and quick, but it did need some prep. Had I done every last thing, she would have felt more like a guest. A sense of formality was eradicated in my unpreparedness, which set the tone for the evening being more about two friends doing something together versus my doing something for her.

I had no success with the “early to bed” part, so it’s something I may want to try again in the 52Nudges experiment. However, I was consistently early getting to my desk in the mornings, being prepped to tackle both work and home to do lists, and being prepared and connected ahead of the start times for conference calls and interviews. Oh, and there was one surprise party in the mix. I was definitely early to arrive for that one!

The Ah-Ha: This Nudge was a small and impactful step. I was amazed at how my stress level was lowered, and I’ll take whatever relief I can get in that department.

But the most interesting ah-hah from this week’s Nudge was something that at first glance is unrelated. It came out of the dinner with my friend. I can’t quite see myself including guests in the prep of every meal, but…as I think back on favorite gatherings over the years, especially big family holiday gatherings, my memories include the camaraderie in the kitchen. The sharing of stories, the passing down of techniques and tips to new generations of cooks, the spontaneous hugs and smiles, and the pure joy of just being together. As a childless woman who doesn’t get to host the major holiday gatherings for extended family, I’ve missed out on this. I’d like to work more of it into my life. I’ve toyed with the idea of creating a supper club, one in which a small group of friends tries out new recipes, learns from each other, then sits down to enjoy the fruits of our labors together. Maybe this is the year I start it.

Or maybe the subtle shift I make from this is about doing less for others and more with others. Hmmm….

 

 

 

52+: Inspiration from the world’s oldest solo sky diver

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Kathleen WoodsLast night I slept for ten hours straight. In itself, that’s a good thing; I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and I needed the rest.

But the bigger picture is I’m still looking for that so-far-elusive something that makes me want to leap out of bed in the morning. A work project, a hobby, a passion. Something.

As I scanned the day’s news, this story on BBC.com came to my attention. Ms. Dilys Price, at 86, is the world’s oldest solo sky diver. She started the sport when she was just two years older than I am now. And she recently embarked on a new career.

Here’s the link to the brief story and video about her.

I have no interest in sky diving, however, I want some of what she has.

Take a look, consider Ms. Price’s advice, and think about what you might want for yourself. Then, let’s figure out how to do it.

 

Nudging: Be early for everything

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PASS #2: When I started my 52Nudges project, I allowed myself four passes—for any reason. This week my first draw was “Try a new recipe.” This is something I do regularly, it’s fairly easy for me, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I wanted something “bigger.” So back in the bowl went this Nudge, for another week. 

Backstory: I laughed out loud when I pulled this, which I did late in the afternoon, just after I made the final decision to pass on the first draw. And yes, I’m well aware that in the process I was late getting this post out. Classic!

Here’s what happened: I had plans to meet a girlfriend for a movie matinee, and I had offered to pick her up. My plan was to be out the door early, so I’d get to her place a little early. But the phone rang and the dishwasher wasn’t quite done and I completely forgot to post this Nudge after I drew it and…. I dashed out the door, raced over to her house, and pulled up 1 stinking minute after planned.

Perfect time to work on being early for everything.

I didn’t used to be like this. But as I’ve gotten older, my responsibilities have expanded, and there’s always something I need to do. I hate the constant race with the clock. Not only does my running behind make me feel awful about disrespecting friends (their time is valuable too), but it adds so much unnecessary stress to my life.

So this week, I’m flipping the early switch back on. Let’s do this!

 

Nudged: Try a new machine/exercise at the gym

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Backstory: Upon pulling this week’s Nudge, my first thought was, “Well, that’s dumb. Who came up with this gem?” I mean, really. How life-changing can this really be?

But if there’s one big lesson I’ve learned on this 52Nudge’s journey so far, it’s that even the smallest steps can make a big impact. Maybe, just by wandering to a different section of my gym, I’ll meet someone new. Maybe this person has an interesting story or works in a field that interests me or becomes one of my favorite gym-rat pals. Or maybe instead of the same loop Louie the dog and I walk every week, we try a new path or street or park and discover a garden that takes my breath away. Hmmm…. I’m eager to see what this Nudge reveals.

What Happened: This Nudge was a flat-out dud. No path-altering ah-hah, no “chance” encounter with a spirit guide, no breaking out of a rut and improving life as I’ve known it.

Sure, I tried a new machine. It was one of those things where you sit and pedal like on a stationary bicycle, but with your arms. It was kinda cool. It was sorta different. It was totally boring.

This happened early in the week and I figured I still had time to mine some gold from this week’s Nudge, so I picked up a class schedule on my way out of the gym that morning. Zumba. I’ve been hearing good things about this from friends. It’s supposed to be really fun, and I have been meaning to try it out.

But the classes took place mostly in the middle of my workday, and I know myself better than to try to exercise at dinnertime, and so I didn’t go. Pfft.

Me, when “exercise” meant “playing” and chubby cheeks were considered cute.

The Ah-Ha: Well, if this Nudging thing was BRILLIANT every week, you’d start to suspect I was making stuff up, right? I’m not. I’m real. This is real. Sometimes Life is just what happens.

What’s next on the Nudges list?

 

P.S. My little bowl of Nudges is in need of replenishment. Have you been doing some of your own? I’d love it if you’d inspire me/us with some of your ideas.

Nudging: Try a new machine/exercise at the gym

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Backstory: Upon pulling this week’s Nudge, my first thought was, “Well, that’s dumb. Who came up with this gem?” I mean, really. How life-changing can this really be?

But if there’s one big lesson I’ve learned on this 52Nudge’s journey so far, it’s that even the smallest steps can make a big impact. Maybe, just by wandering to a different section of my gym, I’ll meet someone new. Maybe this person has an interesting story or works in a field that interests me or becomes one of my favorite gym-rat pals. Or maybe instead of the same loop Louie the dog and I walk every week, we try a new path or street or park and discover a garden that takes my breath away. Hmmm…. I’m eager to see what this Nudge reveals.