Category Archives: mind/body/spirit

52+: Connections

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Hello! I’ve missed you! I hope this finds you safe, healthy, and doing mostly okay.

Since wrapping up 52Nudges 2.0 last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do next. I’ll let you know when I’ve figured out how 3.0 will look (stay tuned). Meanwhile, I am feeling called to do a specific, short-term Nudging project.

Backstory: When we first started sheltering-in-place, I was really good at reaching out and keeping in touch with family and friends. Somewhere around January 3, however, I hit a wall. Hard. Every time I got ready to make a call or send a catching-up email, I felt like I had nothing to say.

“We’re fine. We’ve been fine. Nothing is different.”

So I stopped. And I started to feel super-depressed and even more isolated than before. And it’s going to be a while before we’re all vaccinated and free to go about our new “normal”. How can I mix things up and create new ways to keep my spirits up? Well, I’m going to nudge myself.

Introducing 52+: Connections

If you’ve followed 52Nudges in the past, you’ll know that I love making connections, and I always include nudges that inspire me to be creative in how I keep in touch with people. For this round, I’m going to be a little more focused and intentional in just this one area of nudging.

I hope you’ll join me.

Here’s how to prepare:

  1. Gather supplies: postcards, stamps, lovely stationery, stickers, your favorite writing pen, etc.
  2. Make a list of people. My list includes names of specific friends and family members, as well as types of people (a teacher, a teenager, a friend from high school, an elderly person who lives in a retirement home, an essential worker, a friend who lost someone to COVID, a neighbor).

In this next week, I’ll type up my list and tear those names/people into strips, wad them up, and put them in my special bowl. Each Sunday, I’ll draw one and come up with a way to connect.

As always with the nudges, feel free to make your own list, follow whatever nudge I draw, or just read along for the entertainment value. Don’t worry about what you might write or say; I’ll include prompts with each to inspire us all.

I look forward to seeing you back here next Sunday, March 7.

Affectionately,

Kathleen

52+: Living Life in a 52Nudges State of Mind

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How have you used 52Nudges? Have you done each nudge along with me? Picked and pursued your own? Read about my adventures purely for the entertainment value? Something my friend Amy said recently intrigued me, so I asked her to elaborate. Here’s what 52Nudges has inspired her to do.

When Amy Morrell was first furloughed from her job in mid-April, she spent some of her time helping her daughter, Rowan, adjust to virtual schooling. Otherwise, she wasn’t particularly motivated to be productive. “It was so easy to sit on the couch and play videos all day,” she said, echoing how many of us felt in those early days of COVID-19 quarantine. “It was enough for me to keep the home semi-clean.”

Then she got inspired by Nudges. Although Amy doesn’t really have a Bucket List or Nudges of her own, she took a fresh look at how she wanted to spend her relatively free time. “What the blog does is it inspires carpe diem: don’t set aside for tomorrow what you can do today, don’t wait to try something new,” she said.

Sheltering at home, then, seemed like the perfect opportunity to do things she hadn’t yet had time for, such as painting, organizing the crafts room, resuming knitting projects, cracking open kits she’d purchased online, baking and trying new foods, and learning basket weaving.

“We started with hydroponic gardening,” she said, “growing our own food, like herbs, squash, peppers, and zucchini.” With that project thriving, she turned to acting on fulfilling another dream: providing a home for a menagerie of beloved pets. Amy had pets growing up, and she and Rowan already had cats and a couple of birds. The COVID furlough provided Amy with the time and energy to expand and manage what they now call “Morrell Zoo”.

Today their zoo includes thirteen birds, butterflies, two guinea pigs (Carrot and Apple), three cats (Jenks, Nemo, and Winnie), and a foster dog (Kody). With each, Amy and Rowan have learned and experienced something, like the importance of bird diapers, how removing nests puts a stop to aggressive behavior, how baby finches hatch, and the importance of cuddling. “Sunny (a cockatiel) loves to snuggle,” Amy said.

Rowan with Sunny, the snuggle-loving cockatiel.

“It doesn’t have to be any big expense,” Amy said, giving a nod to 52Nudges rules. Finding a “cheap” hobby, though, wasn’t a priority. “We didn’t save a lot of money, but it’s good for our state of mind,” Amy said. “The birds just make me happy.”

Kody, the latest addition to the Morrell Zoo. They are fostering him for Florida Little Dog Rescue.

Amy has been back at work (from home) since early July, and Rowan is now attending 2nd grade virtually, from a safe and socially distanced space provided by her dance studio. As their zoo continues to thrive, both gals continue to pursue new interests and activities. “When I want something, I do it,” Amy said, when asked to sum up her efforts to make the most of this time. “I live my life in a 52Nudges state of mind.”

Nudging: Play dress-up

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Backstory: Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. As a kid, I planned months in advance for my costume, which, in almost every case, was something made by me. In the intervening months, I drew inspiration from the big box of Dad’s discarded suits and Mom’s out-of-fashion dresses to create characters and act out stories. Is it any wonder I was performing on stage by the time I hit middle school?

So, yes, this Nudge is from the list of “activities I loved doing when I was a kid.” There are still a few weeks before Halloween, and I’m not sure how I might complete the task, but I’m excited about it. It feels like play, and that’s what counts to me.

For fun inspiration, here’s a photo of me as Strawberry Fields for a James Bond theme party we attended a few years ago.

Nudged: Answer a call

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Backstory: How do you make God laugh? You tell her your plans.

It’s an old joke, but lately it’s felt like much of my life. Between sheltering-in-place (for months and months…), political upheaval and civil unrest (that’s putting it mildly), a family member with COVID (wear your mask!), and the widespread fires and resulting deep layers of smoke, few things have gone as planned. This has included recent Nudges. I drew tasks that I really looked forward to, only to have them kiboshed by forces way out of my control.

Instead of crawling under the covers till it all passes, I decided to get creative this week. I am doing a Nudge that is not off the original list, one that will allow surprise and spontaneity.

“Answer a call” does not mean picking up a call from “Unknown”. It does not mean picking up when I see the caller is someone I really really don’t feel like talking to. Instead, it means listening to myself. Listening to that still, small (and occasionally nagging) voice inside me. And when it says “You should do this,” whatever “this” might be, I have every intention (not “plan”) to drop what I’m doing and…well, you know.

What Happened: I’ve been reading a book about the Law of Attraction, and earlier this week I read a passage about the importance of clearing space to make room for what I want. This gives a whole new dimension to my ongoing decluttering efforts. I’ve been so focused on “getting rid of” (shredding, tossing, sharing) that I haven’t given much thought to “what I want.” Until this week. 😉

There are many big projects on my to do list, one of which is going through my closet. Daunting! There’s stuff in there…I don’t even know where to begin. Stuff that doesn’t fit, suit my current lifestyle (or climate), feel good, or look good. I’ve long wanted to upgrade to Me 2020, but have put it off until…I lose weight, make some extra cash, activate my Stitch Fix account, decide what my authentic style is, win the lottery…. Till then, there’s just been a soft nagging to “Get to it.”

This morning I finished a client job ahead of deadline and had the gift of a little free time. As I headed back to my office after lunch, that soft voice got louder and announced “SHOES!”

A section of the pre-sort jumble.

Okay then. That was my “call”. I set a timer for 30 minutes, pulled everything out, and sorted. Final tally: 5 embarrassingly worn-out pairs to the trash, 2 barely worn pairs to the donation box, and 6 empty boxes that have just been taking up space. Inspired, I added to the donation box a special occasion dress I’ve worn once in seven years. (Even though it was pretty on the hanger, it made me feel frumpy.)

The shoes that went back into my closet are neatly organized, which feels good. But what might make me the happiest is these beauties got pulled out of the shadows and into an easily accessible spot.

Ready to go!

Plans to go on hikes with friends are on hold right now, till the fires are contained and smoke cleared. But as soon as we get the okay from the air quality index, I’ll be ready to go.

The Ah-Hahs: I do like having plans. I like setting goals, breaking them down, and checking steps off my list until I reach the finish line. However. Life is rarely that direct, so I’m learning to work with zigs and zags, to go with the flow, to open myself up to new opportunities. I suppose I end up in the same place, and some times the journey feels a little more fun when it isn’t just about being at the destination.

This week’s nudge was a perfect example of that. It was spontaneous and productive. As I type this, I feel lighter — and not just because I’ve unloaded some old stuff. Maybe it’s because I took a “must do” and reframed it into a “nudge”. Maybe it’s because once I cleared away the worn-out and uncomfortable stuff, I was left with the nice and comfortable stuff. Maybe it’s simply because I found a way to physically experience the act of clearing space to make way for good of every kind to come into my life. 🙂

 

52+: On a (sometimes bumpy) journey to a new passion-fueled career

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I am always on the lookout for stories about women who have followed their passions and created new opportunities for themselves. Is there something you love doing that you’d love to turn into a career? Have people told you it’s “impossible” because it’s “not realistic” or “you’re too young/old” or…? Hmmm…. I hope Melissa’s story will inspire you to take a chance on yourself.

After completing an internship in public relations, Melissa Fulton knew she’d never use her BA in Public Communications. After completing an internship at IBM in sales support, she chose tech sales for her career and spent 13 years on that path. When her second daughter was born, she took a leave of absence that “led to another year and another year and another baby and….” Fast-forward to 2017, when she faced an emptying nest and wondered, “What is my next chapter going to be?”

As Melissa explored her options, her husband made an observation. “You’ve always loved travel, and you love organizing everyone’s trips,” he said to her. “You should check that out.” He introduced her to one of his former work colleagues, a woman who had retired from the tech sector and started a travel agency. Melissa made the call, and as soon as she got off the phone, she thought, “I totally want to do this!”

It was another year before she went online to look up “How to be a travel agent.” During that interim, she thought about what she wanted—and what she didn’t. “I wanted to travel more,” she said. “I wanted a flexible schedule to be able to attend our kids’ events. I didn’t want to sit behind a desk 9 to 5.”

She explored joining a network and starting her own business. She spoke with other women who had started travel agencies and took their experiences to heart. “You can be very independent, hang your own shingle,” she said, “but I didn’t want to take on a large investment then realize it wasn’t the right fit for me.” With a franchise, however, the parent company offered training, website hosting, contract negotiating, marketing tools, and a network of helpful colleagues who could offer advice and suggestions. “I liked that structure and support,” she said.

She and her husband bought a franchise, named it Travel By Meli (her friends’ nickname for her), and dove in.

She started with some basic training and quickly realized the work was more complicated than she had anticipated. “It’s a big world out there!” she said. “There’s so much information. I got home and thought, ‘What have I done?’”

As she looks back, she sometimes wishes she could have started off in a more organized fashion, with more training upfront versus learning as she worked. “Instead, I decided I was going to help anybody and everybody,” she said, and with word-of-mouth providing the only advertising she needed, business took off like crazy. She quickly developed a reputation for expertise in planning land-based trips to Europe and river cruises, and often worked till the wee hours of the morning. “At times, it was too much,” she said, but she now sees it was the best way to learn. “It was better than reading or taking a course,” she said. She also found her personal travel experiences gave her an edge, for example, when she planned a trip to Peru for clients. “It’s such a unique experience,” she said, and it helped that she had taken a similar trip with her family and could advise her clients on what to expect and what they would need.

Melissa in Santorini, Greece, one of her favorite places.

Then, in early March of this year, COVID hit. “I became busier cancelling than I’d ever been booking,” she said. At one point she thought she might throw in the towel and go back to the corporate world, but was emboldened by the outstanding service she received from the “wonderful” suppliers who were handling the changes. Then…people started booking and rebooking again. “By mid-July, people were more optimistic and were just so tired of being home,” she said. “I heard, ‘We need something to look forward to!’ They started booking trips into 2022, and I thought, ‘Oh, I love this!’” She remains “definitely hopeful” and trusts that “the world will be okay again some day”.

When asked what advice she would offer to someone who is trying to figure out her next chapter, she thought about her response for a few moments before speaking. “‘What makes you excited?’ is the hardest question for anyone to answer,” she said. “I’m going through this right now with my daughter. Do you work for money or to be fulfilled? Do you volunteer [to feed your passion]? I don’t know.” She confessed she struggled initially to find her own way, in part, she said, because she sometimes felt like she had lost who she was while she was so busy caring for her growing family.

Based on her own journey, she offered some suggestions. “Get together with friends and chat. Ask them ‘What do you think I’m good at?’ and listen to their answers.” She also encourages women to trust themselves and their abilities. “It doesn’t matter how old you are or if you haven’t worked in years,” she said. “You have interests, your experience, and your work ethic.” Use them.

Authenticity plus optimism is paramount. “Don’t ignore the things you like to do, your passions, and think you can’t do anything with them,” she said. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

Nudging: Answer a call

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Backstory: How do you make God laugh? You tell her your plans.

It’s an old joke, but lately it’s felt like much of my life. Between sheltering-in-place (for months and months…), political upheaval and civil unrest (that’s putting it mildly), a family member with COVID (wear your mask!), and the widespread fires and resulting deep layers of smoke, few things have gone as planned. This has included recent Nudges. I drew tasks that I really looked forward to, only to have them kiboshed by forces way out of my control.

Instead of crawling under the covers till it all passes, I decided to get creative this week. I am doing a Nudge that is not off the original list, one that will allow surprise and spontaneity.

“Answer a call” does not mean picking up a call from “Unknown”. It does not mean picking up when I see the caller is someone I really really don’t feel like talking to. Instead, it means listening to myself. Listening to that still, small (and occasionally nagging) voice inside me. And when it says “You should do this,” whatever “this” might be, I have every intention (not “plan”) to drop what I’m doing and…well, you know.

 

Nudged: Purge the underwear drawer

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Backstory: I’m trying to think when was the last time I purchased new underwear for myself…. Geez, this is embarrassing. Eight years ago? Time to dump out that drawer and see what’s in there (and what needs to go).

This is part of my whole declutting project, in which I choose one small section to review versus trying to dive in and do a major overhaul all in one weekend. My ultimate intention, of course, is to make sure that what I keep is stuff that makes me feel good.

Maybe you’ll choose to tackle a small section of your closet or the stack of (stained, frayed) kitchen towels or that “junk drawer” that has been the catchall for the last 5/10/20 years. Maybe we’ll discover some long-lost treasures! 🙂

What Happened: I pulled out the drawer and dumped everything onto the bed.

underwear drawer

What struck me was all the black and beige. Am I really that boring?

Other than that, the pile wasn’t too bad. Items are in good condition, everything fits (a miracle, when you consider recent COVID comfort eating), and things weren’t crammed in. I have what I need. I threw out one item and added a half slip (When was the last time I wore a half slip…? No idea.) to the Goodwill box. The rest got neatly organized, and the drawer got returned to its regular spot.

But…back to that “boring” bit. What is up with that? I would love to be the woman who has something soft and lovely against her skin. Something lacy. Maybe something racy. Heck, something with color!

Inspired by this nudge and the fact that in the past couple of months I’ve worked my tail off and had a little extra spending money, I hit the internet. OMG, La Perla–gorgeous! Now we’re talking! Except…$500 for a single bra?!  Hahahaha…I’ll come back to that when I win the lottery.

I next hit up some of the online sales and, for a reasonable price, found a lovely set in a pretty pink lace. I placed the order.

The Ah-Has: From now on, I’m going to refer to this as my “Lingerie” drawer. No more practical, basic, blah. I have what I “need”, so moving forward, I’d rather save my money for something special, something that will last, something that makes me feel special.

Nudged: Jump rope

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Backstory: This nudge came from the list I made of things I loved doing when I was a kid. What makes the timing perfect is I am completely bored by my exercise options. Great opportunity to mix things up!

If jumping rope is not your thing, pick an activity you loved doing as a kid that you haven’t done in a while (coloring, baking cookies, playing dress-up) or pull out that box of old sports gear and get outside to play!

What Happened: Apocalypse 2020. This is what is happening in my neighborhood today:

 

I might pull another Nudge from the bowl today. More likely I’ll just take the pass.

Be safe. Keep calm. Wear your mask.

This too shall pass.

Nudging: Jump rope

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Backstory: This nudge came from the list I made of things I loved doing when I was a kid. What makes the timing perfect is I am completely bored by my exercise options. Great opportunity to mix things up!

If jumping rope is not your thing, pick an activity you loved doing as a kid that you haven’t done in a while (coloring, baking cookies, playing dress-up) or pull out that box of old sports gear and get outside to play!

Nudged: Notice something

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Backstory: Oooo I love this nudge! It is inspired by artist Jenny Odell. I heard her speak at the In/Visible Talks design+art conference in 2018 (you’ll find the video of her talk on “How to Do Nothing” here), and her suggestion to “notice” things has stuck with me.

Using Jenny’s example, instead of bird-watching–which is a sort of doing, where you look for birds and check them off your list–you shift your attention to bird-noticing. You might listen for different bird songs, take in the brilliant colors in their feathers, watch for different patterns of flight. It’s a practice that encourages me to slow down, quiet myself, focus, and appreciate.

On a vacation, this nudge reminded me to stop on my walks and do a 360, literally turn around in a circle and take in everything around me. What a revelation! I noticed pebbles, clouds, architectural details, and the feel of the breeze on my skin. Another time, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I slowed my rush to finish the task and noticed how beautifully bizarre fresh produce is. I mean–artichokes! I have a special respect for the first person who figured out how to eat one. (I like mine steamed in beer and dipped in melted butter, btw.)

Another aspect I love about this nudge is the necessary element of surprise. Who knows what I will notice–and be delighted by–this week!

What Happened: Whenever I travel to a new-to-me city, I love to get up really early one morning and walk that city as it wakes up. When you don’t have to navigate auto and pedestrian traffic, you are freed up to notice more of your surroundings. I’ve discovered all sorts of delights.

Lately, walking for exercise has felt to me like a competitive sport. I feel like I have to GET OUT (to lessen the sheltering-in-place cabin fever) and BURN CALORIES (because our gym is closed indefinitely and…well…the comfort food I consumed in the first several months of COVID have caught up with me). But there’s also the added stress of having to dodge fellow walkers. I’ll be walking along and see a family coming toward me, so I’ll step out into the street to allow proper social distancing. Or some maskless yahoo comes toward me, and I scramble to get as much distance as possible between us. Blood pressure waaay up!

Wednesday morning I got up extra early, before the sun peeked over the horizon, and headed out into my neighborhood. My route was pretty much the same one I take any other day, but this time I had it to myself. I didn’t see a single car or person, and as a result, I got to look around. I noticed roofline flourishes I’d never seen before. I noticed who has recently installed solar panels. Instead of looking at gardens or living room setups (this is what I normally look at, to get ideas for my own home), I noticed who has the lights on and wondered who was up with insomnia, a fussing baby, morning prayers, or an idea for a novel that just couldn’t wait. I also noticed smells from brewing coffee and frying bacon (yum) and someone’s pungent marijuana.

It was such a brilliant way to “wake up” to the day that I decided to do it again on Thursday.

It didn’t quite work out as planned. Thursday morning I hit the desk early and, before I knew it, it was past lunchtime. Determined to give it another go, I headed out midafternoon. I was pretty much beating myself up for blowing the nudge when a fantastic purple tree stopped me in my tracks.

Notice-purple-1

I recalled how, early in our quarantine days, a couple of friends had motivated themselves to get outside for walks by setting the intention to find things of a certain color. So that’s what I did. For the last half of my walk, I noticed–and took photos of–everything I could spot in every shade of purple. It was awesome! I’d see something and dash across the street to take a closer look. I’d giggle and whoop when I discovered something new. I shot closeups. I marveled at all the shades. I found lots of flowers, of course, but also pebbles and tiles. Was hoping to find a purple house (this is San Francisco, after all), but no luck. Maybe on the next walk.

The Ah-Hahs: Both of my noticing walks were delightful. Also, when I got home from the purple walk, I realized that for those full 20 or so minutes, I had not once thought of any of the worries I’ve been carrying for weeks.