Category Archives: Nudge

Nudging: Go through one bookshelf: toss, donate, share, re-read

Leave a reply

Backstory: Oh, how the stuff piles up. This is a recurring theme in this Nudges project, as I try to clear away the old and make way for the new.

Although this sounds odd for a writer and avid reader, I don’t have a lot of books. I’ve moved so many times, that I grew weary of packing, carrying, and unpacking heavy boxes. Now there’s just one shelf in my office that holds “favorites” I plan to re-read…some day. (Insert eye roll.)

This seems as good as time as any to pull them all out and consider whether I really, truly, want to re-read them or if I’m ready to let them go.

P.S. As always, tailor this Nudge to what works for you. Maybe that means going through old CDs or DVDs. Is there a box of photos in your closet you’ve been meaning to put into an album? What about all those cookbooks gathering dust on the kitchen counter? Pick one (just one) stack and tackle it this week.

Nudging: Buy flowers for the office

Leave a reply

Backstory: This is all about one thing: self care. I should put that in caps: SELF CARE! I suck at this. Oh, I’m great at taking care of others. I call to check in on friends and family members, send notes in sympathy and appreciation, deliver the occasional small gift, remember the milestone events big and small, and drop off flowers, sometimes anonymously. (See the “Do a Fairy Deed” Nudge in April.) But do nice things for myself? Not so much…up until now….

P.S. For me this week, it’s about getting out and spending a little bit of money on myself, to treat myself to some everyday beauty. Other times when I’ve wanted to do this, I’ve had to get a little creative. Maybe there is something blooming in the backyard. That works in a pinch. I say weeds, my husband says wildflowers. If it’s pretty, pick it! Who cares? I’ve also been known to cut branches from our lemon or olive trees and arrange a vase with just the greenery. Or maybe this is a Nudge to stop and talk with the neighbor whose garden you’ve so been admiring. You might get a cutting for your efforts, and it might even be the start of a beautiful new friendship.

Nudging: Go to service at that church down the street

2 Replies

Backstory: I consider myself spiritual, not religious. Growing up, my family was part of Church of Religious Science, and I am grateful that I was raised in an environment that respected and celebrated many religious and spiritual expressions. As a young adult, for many years I was active in an open and welcoming Presbyterian church, where I was part of a beautiful community. Despite the years and miles now separating us, many of the people I met there remain dear friends. Following that, I occasionally attended services at an Episcopalian church that was committed to community service and worldwide justice.

I miss some things about being part of a church community, like the deep ties that bind, the support given and received during tough times, the opportunities to serve. But there is a lot I don’t miss, like the closed-mindedness, the exclusivity, the strict doctrine that seem to be the core values of far too many many religious organizations.

When I moved to Northern California, my weekends filled with activities with family (I now live less than an hour away from both siblings) and with my soon-to-be-husband. None of these people are regular churchgoers, and I didn’t feel strongly enough to want to pursue finding a home church on my own.

But as I explored my new neighborhood, a few of the churches called out to me. One is a small and modest Catholic church, where I’ve attended a couple of midnight masses on Christmas Eve. One is a small and modest Unity church, which is part of the community of my childhood church. The third is an Episcopalian church. All three are within easy walking distance of my home.

The upside of my drawing this Nudge on Sunday afternoon is that I have given myself a “free” week. That’s kind of a nice break. The challenge, though, is making sure I get to a service this coming Sunday. No excuses, no backing out!

P.S. Church not your thing? No problem. Maybe this is the week you check out a workshop that has intrigued you, or a Meet-Up with people who share a hobby you’d like to pursue, or you find a free lecture or art gallery event nearby. Or maybe this is the week you break out of your Starbucks routine and try the coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts (which apparently is delish) or pop into that independent hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that always looks so inviting. I hope you’ll share where you go in Comments.

Nudging: Memorize a short poem or monologue

Leave a reply

Backstory: I used to have an almost photographic memory, and the funny part is, I didn’t realize this was unusual till I was a teenager. It was a useful gift when I was doing plays and singing with different groups through my 30s. But in recent years, I haven’t used it much. What’s the old saying about our gifts and aging? “Use it or lose it!”

I didn’t have to think too hard about which poem or monologue I wanted to learn. William Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 29” has always been my favorite, and in previous attempts to memorize it, I’ve gotten stuck on that one tricky section: “Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, / Featured like him, like him with friends possessed.” Wishing me like to one… That’s been a brain twister for me in the past, and I have to assume it will still be a twister for my older and flabbier brain.

SONNET 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

 

To keep myself honest, I told my husband what I’d picked and promised to give a live recitation by end of week. Here we go….

 

P.S. Although I’m still working out the technical kinks, I now have a SUBSCRIBE button on this site. I hope you’ll sign up and join me in each week’s Nudge. And tell your friends! 🙂

Nudging: Send a note of appreciation for character/a quality

Leave a reply

Backstory: I’m a big “fan” of thank you notes, so much so that I have a rule that I won’t use, wear, or eat a gift until I’ve written a note thanking the giver for their thoughtfulness and generosity. I do this even if I don’t like the gift! When someone has spent some time thinking about, shopping for, and spending their hard-earned money on something for me, I can spend five minutes of my time saying thank you.

But this Nudge is a little bigger and was inspired by something else. Years ago, a writing teacher challenged me to send a fan letter to an author I admired. (I believe Carolyn See recommends this in her book, Making a Literary Life, but other writers and writing coaches recommend this.) It’s scary as heck. I can easily rationalize that this BIG FAMOUS PERSON is too busy to want to be bothered by me, that he or she will only be annoyed that I’ve taken up some of their precious creative time.

But I did it. I sent an email to one of my favorite authors, gushing (not too much) about how much I have loved his books and how grateful I am that he has shared his stories. I got a reply in minutes: “You made my day! Thank you!” I’ve since reached out to other writers with a quick email praising their work and thanking them, and every time I’ve heard back within minutes of hitting send.

What’s this about? Well, it’s pretty obvious when I think about it. Like me, they spend all day, most days, alone with a computer and their thoughts. They put their hearts and souls onto paper, then send it out into the world, hoping it will be loved and not critiqued to oblivion. Most readers are quick to be judgmental and can often be cruel. But to get a genuine note of appreciation? Rare.

So it is with the rest of us. We are bombarded with negativity, from peers, family members, advertising, social media. But how often do we hear “I think you’re great, just because you’re you”?

I want to change that, for at least one person.

Nudging: Go to a park for 30 minutes; sit, breathe, do nothing

Leave a reply

Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, as it may be among the hardest I’m asking myself to do. And this week of all weeks, with client deadlines and meetings and a funeral to attend and financials to catch up and laundry that’s overflowing the bin and events to plan and…and that’s the point. Out of the 168 hours in this coming week, I can—and should—take 30 minutes for myself to get quiet, to rest and recharge, but really, to do nothing.

Nudging: Meditate for 60 minutes (10+ mins./day)

Leave a reply

Backstory: This is something I started working on last year, with mixed results. Some days or weeks I’d be on it, and I felt the impact in my level of calm, my focus. Most days and weeks, though, I was too easily distracted by the things that Life threw at me.

Naturally, I drew this Nudge ahead of a week that included a deadline for a feature article, deadlines for at least three other short articles, events on three weeknight evenings, and, oh, right, I’d committed to volunteering for a client’s day-long conference (which includes my needing to depart my home at 6:15 in the morning to make the commute). Perfect.

But really, when does Life ever stop to allow us to do the things we need/want to do? Um, never. So let’s make this happen.

Nudging: Have a glass of wine with lunch; linger

Leave a reply

PASS #1: When I started my 52Nudges project, I allowed myself four passes—for any reason. This week my first draw was “Drink one of the DNS bottles of wine.” “DNS” stands for “Do Not Share” and it’s how my husband and I label those really special wines (i.e., we broke the budget) that we want to save for a special occasion (which means they sit in our basement, unenjoyed, for far too long). I knew I was heading out of town this week, so didn’t want to open one of these for just one serving. So back in the bowl went this Nudge, for another week. 

Backstory: My lunch breaks are generally just long enough to get fuel into me for the afternoon’s work. Occasionally I take some of that time to run to the market, dash to the post office, return a due item to the library. Linger? Right. Now, the good news is this week I’m heading out of town on a vacation, and I’ll have at least one opportunity to have lunch on my own. I don’t like eating by myself, and I pretty much never drink by myself. But I’m going to try this, because it’s forcing me to slow down and enjoy my midday meal.

P.S. Not a wine drinker? No problem. You might instead serve yourself a fresh-squeezed lemonade or a fancy, fizzy Italian soda. The beverage you choose is not the point on this one, it’s about allowing ourselves to rest, sip, savor, and linger.

Nudging: Do a “Fairy Deed”

1 Reply

Backstory: This is one of my favorite things to do. Some people call it a “Random Act of Kindness,” and I can’t recall why I started calling it a “Fairy Deed”. Maybe because the idea started out as something that I did under the cover of darkness, while the recipient was sleeping, much like the Tooth Fairy delivers her presents.

I have been doing these deeds for years, sometimes mailing lottery tickets to a selection of friends or delivering a basket of lemons and small bag of sugar to someone I knew was going through a rough time (encouraging her to turn those lemons—especially the figurative ones—into lemonade). Other times I have paid for the coffee or parking fee for the stranger behind me in line, anything that might brighten someone’s day. The deed does not need it be expensive or grand, but the key, for me, is that it must be anonymous. That is what makes it fun.

Plus, I think about how much I love a surprise and how infrequently I get them. When was the last time I received a package that I hadn’t ordered myself? When was the last time I got flowers or a gift for no particular reason? When was the last time I was delighted by a random act of kindness? Here’s my chance to do that for someone else.

Nudging: Go through the spice/herb cabinet and try a new one

5 Replies

Backstory: Perfect timing on this one. I have been keeping a list of spices I’m low on so that I can place a big order with Penzeys Spices. Just this morning, I pulled that list off the side of the fridge with plans to order this week, then I drew this challenge. What shall I try? Hmmm….

 

P.S. If you’re looking for inspiration, I encourage you to visit a nearby spice shop where you can smell and sometimes taste the offerings. Most also offer recipes either in the store or online. Why not try something totally different!