Tag Archives: calm

Nudged: Do something that scares me

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Backstory: I love this nudge. It can present in so many ways.

Maybe this is the week I wrap up something I really need to do, but dread doing (updating our estate planning paperwork, or catch up on my accounting and seeing just how much I have/don’t have in savings). Maybe this is the week I take a BIG but exciting RISK (ask for a raise, or call a company I would love to work with and ask if they’re hiring). Or maybe I get creative and literal and watch a super-scary classic movie (Exorcist, The Shining)…in the dark! 😉

I hope you’ll share with me what you end up doing with this nudge.

P.S. This week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the U.S. I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for supporting me and my 52Nudges journey. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

What Happened: As I considered what I might do for this nudge, I did a bit of accounting of some of what I’ve been through in the past couple of months, including:

  • Ending a contract with a long-time and much-loved client. (It was time.)
  • “Firing” a bully from a social group. (It was waaay past time.)
  • Recovering from an accident. (I’m fine-ish, though the physical healing takes time and PTSD is no joke.)

All of the above were scary in their own way, and I’m proud of myself for how I faced and handled them. Maybe for this nudge I can give myself a pass?

Then, midweek, amid all the buildup of the stress for the events above + work deadlines + holidays + general stress, I received an urgent notice about a utility bill being past due. What?!? I checked my records and noted I’d paid this bill in person well before the due date. I dropped everything else I was doing, called the company, waited on hold for-what-felt-like-ever, then spoke with a very calm person who informed me they had no record of the payment. I was able to pull together the funds and cover the late and current payments, so it got handled. But by the time I got off the phone, I was drained.

“I’m done,” I thought to myself. “I have no fight left in me.”

I have nothing left to give, no extra energy to devote to worries, no strength to carry on stressing over the many challenges that are truly out of my control. So I did the thing that scares me the most: I gave it all up.

A little more specifically, I handed it all over to God. (Feel free to substitute Universe or Nature or whatever term is most comfortable for you.) “You take care of it,” I said out loud. “Thanks.”

The Ah-Hahs: When I lived and commuted in Los Angeles (90 minutes to travel 14 miles, each way), I learned that there’s no point getting stressed when you’re stuck in traffic. You’re not going anywhere. There’s no alternate route that’s going to get you to your destination any faster. So, sure, you could drive your blood pressure up, launch an ulcer, beat your fists on the steering wheel, rage at the unfairness of it all. Still won’t get you there. So, you call the person you’re meeting to tell them you’re running late, and you wait it out.

I see a life lesson in this, and it’s one I’m working on applying to other areas: Don’t stress over things you can’t control.

It’s hard for me, it’s a little scary, but, with some practice, I believe I will be a happier human.

 

 

Nudging: No Facebook or online news for 1 week

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You know when you get so overloaded with things that you enter in the wrong date on something important? Yeah. So I just noticed this didn’t post as planned yesterday morning. In case you were wondering if I was a robot, or if this was a perfectly orchestrated project, now you know the truth. 🙂  Onward!

Backstory: I signed up to work with a nutritionist last year, to fine-tune what foods (vs. fads) work best for my system for losing weight and maintaining good health. I figured I’d be told to count calories, make adjustments to intake of carbs/fats/proteins, and amp up and create more variety in my exercise routines. So I was surprised to see “limit social media” on her list of recommendations. “It’s a source of stress,” she explained (Duh, I thought at the time), “and that contributes to how our bodies function,” including how we process calories and hang on to excess weight.

I’ve since talked with a number of friends who have received similar advice when seeking to develop healthier lifestyles, including one friend who was assigned “zero social media” for a three-month period while working through some challenges with a therapist.

There’s something to this, so I thought I’d try it out.

P.S. I recently was asked why I draw a new nudge every Sunday. “Why not just make yourself a big list and check things off?” Great question. The real answer is that the actual drawing of the nudge – the anticipation (“What will I be doing this week?”) and the delight (or groan) of the reveal of the week’s challenge – is fun. I get so few surprises at this point in life, and I love surprises. Plus, the ritual gives me a little burst of energy, which leads to a “Let’s do this!”

Re-Nudging: Pre-dinner drinks outside

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I’m on vacation–a real, fully unplugged vacation! While I’m out, I’m re-running a couple of favorite Nudges. You might try them again for yourself, read them simply for entertainment, or use them as inspiration to try one of your own new Nudges this week. When I get back, keep an eye on this space for news about a rebooting of 52Nudges in the fall. I’d love to have you join me. And if you haven’t already, sign up to receive the posts in your inbox. Subscribing is FREE. Cheers! — Kathleen

Backstory: I love eating outside: a picnic in the park, dinner under the stars, morning tea on the front porch. When I lived in Southern California, all three meals might be enjoyed at my little bistro table in the front yard, and in the summers I hosted the occasional dinner party under my flowering crepe myrtle tree. Bliss. Now that I live in San Francisco, the colder weather makes this less appealing, and I’ve missed it.

Also, when I’ve traveled in Europe, I’ve appreciated the ritual of transition between working hours and the dinner hour. Some of my favorite meals in France were preceded by a glass of wine, good bread, and bowls of olives and goat cheese, plus light conversation. Too often at home I go straight from the stress at my desk to the scramble of dinner prep, to scarfing down dinner, to collapsing into bed.

There has to be a better way.

What Happened: Naturally, I drew this challenge on a particularly cold and gloomy week, so forget taking in a dazzling sunset. It was also a week when my husband worked some long and late hours. I put it off, hoping circumstances would be more favorable, but at some point I just had to bite the bullet and get it done.

I poured some good wine, opened a can of black olives, and set everything on a pretty silver tray. Bundled up in a thick scarf and down parka, I made my way to the front door. My husband was still at work, so it was just me this time. I sat on the front step, sipped some wine, and…watched the storm clouds go by. When was the last time I watched the clouds? I honestly can’t remember, but easily 10 years ago. How sad is that? I felt myself taking longer and deeper breaths, slipping into almost a meditative state as I released the tensions of a full day of work. I resisted the urge to check text messages, although on another occasion this would be the perfect time for a brief catching-up call with a friend. Or better yet, I could invite a local friend to join me. Just 15 minutes did the trick. After his own very stressful workday, my darling husband was greeted by a glass of wine, a bowl of olives, and, best of all, a calm wife who set the tone for his evening.

The Ah-Hah: I want to do this more regularly. On dark, cold nights, a candle (or several) would be a nice addition to make my porch a cozier refuge. I’d also like to try this in the morning (sans alcohol, of course), to watch the sunrise and begin my day with calm. It’s not a big production, it doesn’t take a lot of time, but I can feel a big positive impact.

Nudged: See the top of my desk

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Backstory: I feel like I’ve done this Nudge before. Or maybe that’s because this task seems to have a permanent spot on my To Do List.

Before.

Work projects, personal projects, receipts to be entered, reminders scribbled on scraps of paper, multiple versions of To Do Lists, articles to be read, notes for articles to be written…. No wonder my poor brain feels scrambled!

This week I want to clear space both physically and mentally. I hope I can post a lovely “After” photo soon.

What Happened: OMG, I did it. Seriously, I’m impressed with myself because Monday morning, as I got my work week started, as I looked at the To Do List, I thought, Screw this. I’ll just put everything on the floor or move it to the dining room table and cheat.

Instead, every day I devoted at least 20 minutes to tackling the top of any stack and getting things handled. At the risk of sounding like our mothers, I’ll also confess that I practiced putting items (file folders, calculator, pens, sticky notepads) away in their places as soon as I was done using them.  Step by step, piece by piece.

The Ah-Hahs: This morning when I came into the office, this is what greeted me:

After.

For the first time in ages, I started a day not stressed, not in total overwhelm, but calm.

This feels sooooooo good. 🙂

Nudged: Clean out a drawer

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Backstory: This is part of my ongoing efforts to get rid of clutter, to open up some space and allow more light and breath into my life.

Earlier this week I caught up with my mom. After she gave me updates on various family members and we talked through possible plans for the December holidays, she shared with me what she had planned for her day: “Going through piles, reading the to do list, updating the to do list, sending recipes to friends, going through recipes and setting them aside because I’ll make them some day….”

And I saw my future.

I’m not sharing this with you to in any way dis my mom. But, honestly, I do not want to be looking at the same to do list 30 years from now. I do not want to be spending my golden years sorting through all the stuff and files and papers and projects I’ll get to “some day”.

In fact, I don’t want to be dealing with all this accumulated junk two years from now. So I’m starting somewhere.

What happened: My first thought was to go through my lingerie drawer. It’s entirely possible that the last time I went through it was 10 years ago, when I made my last big move. But I was pretty overwhelmed at the time, so it’s likely everything got pulled out, dumped into a box, then re-dumped into the drawer. I know I have at least two bras in there that pre-date my marriage. I also am pretty sure I have a few half-slips in there, yet I can’t recall the last time I wore or even needed one. Plus I’m sure there are a number of items that need to be tossed and replaced.

I didn’t feel like setting myself up for a shopping/spending excursion just yet, so that drawer got put off. Next up, I thought about going through one of the crowded drawers in my work filing cabinet. Every so often I go through and pull out the files for clients who are no longer active and one-off projects that were completed long ago, and put those folders into archives in the basement. But actually, these drawers aren’t in horrible shape.

As I looked around the office and thought about the options, my attention was drawn to the little table next to the door. This is kind of my launching pad. It’s where I keep coupons, sunglasses, outgoing mail, magazines I’ve read and am ready to take to the gym. And there’s a drawer in it. I’d completely forgotten it had a drawer. Ha!

So I pulled everything out and off and went through it. The sand from a favorite beach (that baggie) finally went into the jar (also pictured) and is now displayed on a shelf. (I’m starting a collection from favorite beaches around the world.) The magazines went to the gym. The expired coupons went into the trash. The hand-warming gel pack I got as a stocking stuffer I don’t know how long ago went into the pocket of my dog walking jacket. The Canadian coins (?), I’m not sure what to do with those, but I certainly don’t need to save them for anything.

I also discovered a pair of binoculars (totally forgot I owned these!), three decks of playing cards, an old desk clock that has been in need of repair for ages, and a gift card for a scalp massage and blow out. (Totally scheduling that for the next week.)

In the drawer I discovered old padlocks and gym locker locks, keys to old luggage, and a spare key to a car we sold like two years ago. (I vaguely recall tearing the house apart, trying to find it. Ooops.)

 

Before…

…and after.

 

The Ah-Hah: Jeez. I wish I felt better about this. I did go through everything, toss a few things, and set some items aside for follow-up (clock repair, blow out, the filter for the bathroom faucet I need to replace). But this just reminds me of how much more I have to do around here. The good news is, I got through this section in less than 30 minutes, and I do see and feel a difference having this one little space of order and serenity.

I am thinking that I need to get myself on some kind of program. Maybe I designate 15 minutes a day to go through things. Maybe I partner with a girlfriend and we help each other by showing some tough love as we go through and toss stuff. Maybe I commit to following FlyLady (oh, how I love her) every day for the next six months for motivation. Maybe this is my next chapter of 52Nudges.

Meanwhile, I have a new perspective on decluttering. It’s been a common theme in this nudging process, and at times it’s seemed silly, or not related to the bigger goals I have for myself. But I’ve come to see it not only as lightening my load and clearing the space around me so I can clear my the space in my head; I’m starting to understand it as a treasure hunt:

  • I better know what my treasurers are, those items that bring beauty and joy to my life, those items I want to keep
  • I unearth hints of who I am, old passions that might be rekindled, mementos of old achievements that remind me of what I’ve overcome and what I’m capable of

What personal treasures have you rediscovered?

Nudging: Get 8 hours of sleep every night

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Backstory: Well, um, I need to get more and better sleep.

I keep hearing about how lack of sleep effects everything, including my ability to lose weight. I know I need to be better about this, but it always seems to be the easiest thing to cut when deadlines and to do lists and responsibilities are hanging over me.

It’s no coincidence that I recently finished reading the August issue of National Geographic, for which the theme is “The Science of Sleep.”

Did you know “anyone who regularly sleeps less than six hours has a higher risk of depression, psychosis, stroke, and obesity”?

Yikes.

So this week I’m going to walk away from the office, turn off the TV, ignore the phone, and catch some extra zzzzzs.

 

P.S. For inspiration and motivation, I recommend you read the book Thrive by Arianna Huffington. No spoilers, but she got a “wake-up call” when sleep deprivation became a real problem from her—then she took the steps to make a good night’s sleep a priority in her life.

Nudged: Take a long hot bath

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Backstory: I was born and raised in Southern California, which means, in addition to being spoiled by great local produce and year-round mild weather, I learned how to conserve water around the same time I learned to walk. Don’t let the faucet run while you brush your teeth, wash the car using the bucket not the hose, take short showers. Those practices and more are now, in my fifth decade, firmly habits.

Which is in part why allow myself a long, hot bath maybe one time a year. Usually this happens if I take vacation time around the Christmas holiday, when I have the time to indulge in some self-care.

Did you read that sentence? “allow…if I take vacation…indulge” Geez. Maybe I can ease up a bit and “treat” myself this week.

P.S. I know some of you are reading this and thinking “A hot bath? In summer?!” Yeah, I get it. You live somewhere where the thermostat hits 80 or 90 or 100+ this time of year, while I live in San Francisco. In the fog bank. While you’re hanging out in shorts and flip flops, I’m huddled in front of a space heater wearing two sweaters and socks. It’s cold here.

But like with every other Nudge I draw, you are not required to do exactly the same. Pick something like this that will help you follow along. What would be an indulgence or treat for you? Maybe you spend the day with the A/C cranked up to full power (utility bills be damned). Or maybe you splurge and load up the freezer with the very best ice creams and gelatos money can buy. Or maybe you decide this week you’re going to take a day off work (gasp!), and drive to some place cooler, just…for…fun. I hope you’ll share in Comments what you do.

What Happened: I put this off all week. There just wasn’t time. I had things to do. Blah blah bladdity blah. Saturday night rolled around, and I found myself grumbling about how I had to do my Nudge. Poor little me. But then I did it. I filled the tub, added some aromatherapy bubble bath that was hidden behind the cleaning supplies in the cabinet (I don’t even know where this came from), and eased myself in. Ahhhhh….

Deepening breaths, easing muscles, quieting brain. I just soaked. I added a little more hot water, and I soaked some more. And then I read for a bit, and then I soaked some more. It was divine.

The Ah-Ha: I forget how good this is for me. I work my poor body so hard, from household chores to sessions at the gym, yet I am rarely good about the recovery. Was this Nudge an indulgence? I suppose. Certainly someone intent on conserving our precious water would argue that (and my So Cal Drought Guilt certainly kicked in). But I also think it’s occasionally necessary and good for me, for it got me to STOP. Most days I hit the ground running—and I keep running till I collapse back into bed—so it was almost shocking to come to a complete stop, to rest mind, body, and spirit.

There I go again: it’s “shocking” when I take care of myself.

I’m paying attention…and I’m making some changes.

Nudging: Take a long hot bath

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Backstory: I was born and raised in Southern California, which means, in addition to being spoiled by great local produce and year-round mild weather, I learned how to conserve water around the same time I learned to walk. Don’t let the faucet run while you brush your teeth, wash the car using the bucket not the hose, take short showers. Those practices and more are now, in my fifth decade, firmly habits.

Which is in part why allow myself a long, hot bath maybe one time a year. Usually this happens if I take vacation time around the Christmas holiday, when I have the time to indulge in some self-care.

Did you read that sentence? “allow…if I take vacation…indulge” Geez. Maybe I can ease up a bit and “treat” myself this week.

P.S. I know some of you are reading this and thinking “A hot bath? In summer?!” Yeah, I get it. You live somewhere where the thermostat hits 80 or 90 or 100+ this time of year, while I live in San Francisco. In the fog bank. While you’re hanging out in shorts and flip flops, I’m huddled in front of a space heater wearing two sweaters and socks. It’s cold here.

But like with every other Nudge I draw, you are not required to do exactly the same. Pick something like this that will help you follow along. What would be an indulgence or treat for you? Maybe you spend the day with the A/C cranked up to full power (utility bills be damned). Or maybe you splurge and load up the freezer with the very best ice creams and gelatos money can buy. Or maybe you decide this week you’re going to take a day off work (gasp!), and drive to some place cooler, just…for…fun. I hope you’ll share in Comments what you do.

52+: For Inspiration

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Kathleen WoodsIn the right column of this page there’s a small section titled “For Inspiration.” Here you’ll find books and websites, resources that have helped me come up with Nudges for myself or have inspired me in some way.

Today I added a book I finished reading over this past weekend: Aperitif: Recipes for Simple Pleasures in the French Style by Georgeanne Brennan with photographs by Kathryn Kleinman. If you started the 52Nudges with me a few months ago, you’ll remember one of the earliest tasks was to enjoy a beverage outside before dinner. (If you’re just joining in the fun, you can check out the post here.) I took about 15 minutes out of my day to transition from Work Mode to Dinner Mode, lower my blood pressure, and ease myself into a calm space so that I could get the most out of my evening. It’s a ritual I’d like to practice more regularly.

So what should come across my radar, but this book. Here’s what Ms. Brennan has written in the first page of the introduction:

Woven into the fabric of daily home life, of public and private celebrations, and of café and restaurant culture, l’apéritif is more than a drink before a meal. It is a national custom [in France] that, by deliberately setting apart time to share a drink and to socialize, engenders civility and conviviality.

If that doesn’t make you want to close up shop at a decent hour and treat yourself to something lovely, check out the accompanying photo:

I got about half way through my To Do list today, and there is a part of me that thinks I should work late. But the same thing will likely happen tomorrow and Wednesday and…. You know the story. Instead, I am going to practice what I preach and apply some of Ms. Brennan’s advice: a small glass of wine (or sparkling water with a slice of citrus), a bowl of California olives, a few minutes outside enjoying a lovely midsummer evening.

Cheers!

Nudged: Buy flowers for the office

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Backstory: This is all about one thing: self care. I should put that in caps: SELF CARE! I suck at this. Oh, I’m great at taking care of others. I call to check in on friends and family members, send notes in sympathy and appreciation, deliver the occasional small gift, remember the milestone events big and small, and drop off flowers, sometimes anonymously. (See the “Do a Fairy Deed” Nudge in April.) But do nice things for myself? Not so much…up until now….

What Happened: I wasted no time on this one. Right after I drew the Nudge on Sunday, I headed to the grocery store, added $5 worth of chamomile blossoms to my cart, and popped them into a vase when I got home. This is what greeted me at when I sat down to work on Monday morning:This sweet bouquet became the focal point of my desk for the week, providing a bit of colorful cheeriness and a slightly earthy fragrance that I found—not surprisingly, for chamomile—calming.

The side benefit is that I got inspired to clean up the space around it. This is in keeping with the “shine your sink” practice taught by the FlyLady. Basically, you start with some small thing (cleaning the kitchen sink), get that cleaned up, then slowly expand your efforts until a whole area (counters, stove top…) is looking good. (Check out the FlyLady’s website for lots of great free advice and tips.)

I finished a big work project late Tuesday, and, having shredded and filed notes as I worked, I started to see the top of my desk again. Wednesday, I set aside some time to clear it off completely. The beautiful pine not only got dusted, but polished. I rearranged and felt I cleared space for the next project, for a client, or maybe one for myself. It felt like my brain had been dusted and polished in preparation for…well, that’s to be revealed, I suppose.

The Ah-Ha: I need to do a major decluttering in my office, and it’s coming. What’s amazing to me is the impact small steps have. Yes, there’s still a pile on the shelf in front of my desk, but my desk itself is cleared and all prettified. Not wanting to wreck that space, I’m more likely to put things in their places than pile it on the desk tomorrow.

That’s all well and good, yet there’s more to this Nudge. During my meditation time one morning, I was drawn to the tiny details in the buds. (Couldn’t get a good photo, unfortunately.) Talk about inspiration for creating! At first glance, I admired them for the simple beauty of the sweet yellow flowers. But upon closer inspection—I even pulled out a magnifying glass—I discovered incredibly complex shades and shapes.

It struck me that this is what happens in my work. People read the end result and it flows. It looks so simple; how many times have I heard “Anyone can be a writer”? But I know—and other creatives know—all the work that goes into making a final product. All the details, all the nuances, all the experiences and skills and hours of effort that I pour into something to make it ”perfect” to outside eyes. Seeing this in the flowers, acknowledging it, made me also acknowledge and appreciate this for myself.

So, flowers for the office: $5.

Acknowledging and appreciating the intricacies of my work: Priceless.