Tag Archives: nudge

Nudged: Invite a potential friend out for a “date”

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Backstory: Maybe it’s all the isolation from COVID, or just the fact that so many of my closest friends live far away. I need new girlfriends. I need someone with whom I can pick up the phone and be spontaneous. And it takes time to find the right matches and nurture these relationships.

But it feels like dating (ugh), and it’s scary and hard! So…I’m nudging myself to make the first move.

What Happened: One of my doctors is super fun. We have great chats when I go in for checkups, and I’ve often thought, if we had met under different circumstances, we would be friends.

I don’t have her personal info, so figuring out how to contact her was interesting. I didn’t want to leave a message on her office voicemail or email, something her staff would screen. Instead, I sent her a handwritten note, marked “Personal,” which basically said what I wrote above then said I’d love the opportunity to get better acquainted, maybe over coffee or lunch.

Honestly, this felt a little icky. But I reminded myself of a conversation I had with a friend years ago, a friend who is a pastor. He shared with me how people put him on kind of a pedestal and were intimidated about inviting him to social gatherings. It was like they thought he was too pious to enjoy it or worried he would be judging them. He’s human too, and he was lonely! With him, I was able to separate the person from the profession, and we became good friends, and I followed up by building friendships with other pastors in my life.

So….I hope my doc accepts my invitation.

Ah-hah: As I write this, I haven’t yet had a response to my note, and I’ve been feeling like a nerdy, needy middle schooler: “Why doesn’t she like me?! What’s wrong with me?!” I admit there was a small part of me that hoped for an immediate and enthusiastic YES!

I’m going to have to be okay with the wait. I’m mostly proud of myself for going waaaay outside my comfort zone and making the ask. Because nothing would happen if I didn’t first ask, and it feels empowering to have taken the first steps.

 

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Nudging: Invite a potential friend out for a “date”

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Backstory: Maybe it’s all the isolation from COVID, or just the fact that so many of my closest friends live far away. I need new girlfriends. I need someone with whom I can pick up the phone and be spontaneous. And it takes time to find the right matches and nurture these relationships.

But it feels like dating (ugh), and it’s scary and hard! So…I’m nudging myself to make the first move.

52+: Connections—Friend from a club (you were part of pre-COVID)

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Remember when we used to meet in person once a month (or week) to work on a special project or toward a common goal, to volunteer our time and talents, to learn and grow, or simply to socialize? Waaaa! Even though the groups I have been a part of have shifted to Zoom and much of our purpose is being addressed, It’s. Just. Not. The. Same.

I miss my people!

So here’s my nudge to make an extra effort to connect with someone. It might be a long-time friend, someone who I used to see on a regular basis, or it might be someone I was just starting to get to know and looked forward to getting to know better.

Our groups might include:

  • tennis buddies, weekend softball team, running group
  • service organization
  • book club
  • bible study
  • mommy & me group (even if you’re kids are all grown)
  • foodies who used to get together for dinner parties
  • drinking buddies (when I pulled up possible images for “club” for this post, I got photos for nightclubbing—this works too!)

I’m sensing that reaching someone on the phone and having an actual conversation will be the right move for me. If we struggle to get beyond “How are you?”, I plan on asking, “What do you miss most about our in-person meetings?” (And maybe: “What do you miss least?”)

If chatting on the phone is outside your comfort zone this week, here are a couple of alternatives:

  • Send a postcard: Thinking of you! I miss you and look forward to seeing you back at [name of club] as soon as we can safely be together in person again!
  • Send a text message (see above).

Karma! One friend came to mind the moment I pulled this nudge—but she beat me to it! She had seen my post introducing 52+: Connections and was inspired to invite me for a socially distanced walk. We’ve got a date inked on our calendars and I’m all warm fuzzies.

 

Nudging: Let something go

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Backstory: A thing? A relationship that has run its course? A limiting belief?

This is a deep nudge. It involves my deciding to fully release something*. Completely. No negotiating. No hanging on.

And trusting. For I believe that when I create space in my life by removing something that isn’t serving me, I open myself up to something better.

*You might add “over to God/Spirit/the Universe” here, if that is part of your faith practice.

Nudging: Do something backwards

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Backstory: This could be fun. 🙂 This nudge was inspired all those self-help articles that encourage us to do things differently, rewire our brains, and break out of our ruts. We might take a different route home. If you always put your left shoe on first, this week start with the right.

Maybe I’ll have dessert first or serve scrambled eggs and waffles for dinner. Or…? I don’t know what I’ll do yet, but I hope to have fun mixing things up.

Nudged: Go to a park, do nothing for 30 minutes

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Backstory: This is a repeat of a successful Nudge I did in round one, and I’m looking forward to doing it again. The intention is to go to a park and not exercise, not fill the silence with conversation, to resist the urge to do anything.

Here’s the original post to inspire you–and me. 🙂

What Happened: I should have taken a pass on this one. It was much too cold this week to sit still and do nothing, so I fudged: I walked through a park while out running errands.

However, this wasn’t a total loss. After my errands were done, I found I had some free time, so I wandered. I stepped into some shops I hadn’t ever explored. I re-visted a gift shop that once was my go-to place for special hostess and birthday gifts–such pretty things. In an antiques shop, I discovered treasures, including crystal wine glasses, “hidden” among some items that could be really fun gag gifts, i.e., a life-size cutout of Elvis.

“I’m all shook up…Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!”

I wasn’t shopping for anything specific, I didn’t have an agenda. I slowed my walk and my breathing. I took in my surroundings and allowed myself time to be delighted.

The Ah-Hahs: Although I didn’t complete this Nudge as originally intended, just having the seed planted was enough to get me to stop the treadmill of my mind and open myself up to an alternate possibility. I cleared my head and had some fun. Ultimate mission accomplished.

 

Nudged: Take a hard look at calendar, carve out time for me

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Backstory: It’s the age-old story of women, isn’t it? We give all our time and energy to taking care of others at jobs and at home, to family members and friends and even strangers. “Me Time” still has a tinge of selfishness to it.

I don’t know about you, but I’m an expert at doing this until my well is completely empty. Then I finally take “me” time when I get run down and sick.

This week’s nudge is designed to change that dynamic. What can I give up? When can I designate time for my projects, my passions?

What Happened: Procrastination. Classic, right? I was busy this week, so this nudge stayed on my to do list, but never made it to the top of the priorities.

Finally, early this morning, I chose to ignore the list of jobs, tasks, followups, emails, calls, etc., that called for my attention and took a long, hot, quiet bath. It felt like a much-needed reboot.

I had an off-site meeting, and when I returned to my desk, instead of jumping right in to the fray, I opened my calendar. It’s still early in the year, so there’s a lot of open space. Why not “schedule” “appointments” with myself? If I had doctor appointments, they’d go down in ink. If I had a client event, same. I pulled out my highlighter and blocked out time.

The Ah-Hahs: Will I keep these commitments to myself? Will I hold this time as sacred? I can’t say for sure, but I’m going to try. I picked Fridays as my time, and then, to further motivate myself, I made a list of things I might do that feed my soul. This includes getting back to my French textbooks and flashcards, giving myself mani-pedis, meeting friends for a walk in the park or a long chat over coffee, spending some time writing letters and working on craft projects, journaling, and more hot baths. It might also include work, but work that is personal, that I do for my own pleasure, not for someone else’s advancement. If I can devote even one hour a week to feeding myself, it will be an improvement.

Can you book some time for just you this coming week? I hope you do.

Nudged: Book 4 hikes/walks with 4 different friends

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Backstory: What a great way to kick off the new year! Exercise, catch up with friends, get outside.

Although as I type this, I imagine Nudgers in other parts of the world looking out their windows and thinking, “Oh, HELL no!” (Hello, Canadians!)

Maybe this isn’t the right season for you to be out walking, so, as always, figure out which part of this nudge speaks to you and go forth. Maybe this is the week you schedule that free session with the trainer at your gym. Maybe this is the week you schedule coffee and catch-up dates with four old friends. Maybe you commit to four “dates” over the next month with your treadmill or stationary bike. Make it your own.

What Happened: “Piece of cake,” I thought when I first pulled this nudge. “A few emails and text messages, and done!”

Then I read the fine print. This doesn’t ask me to “invite” four friends to go on walks with me, it asks me to “book” those outings.

It took a little more effort and time than anticipated, but I got one friend to join me for an early morning walk during the week, another is scheduled for tomorrow morning (weather permitting), and a third is scheduled for next week. One is penciled in for late in the month, and another has yet to respond to my email. I hope to issue more invitations–and book those dates–soon.

The walk that happened was lovely. Not too strenuous, which allowed for some good conversation. It also allowed us time to take in the scenery:

The deep blue sky. The green trees. Gorgeous!

As a bonus, I got “lost” on my way to our meeting point, which allowed me to marvel over the beauty of Golden Gate Park. Every time I go, it takes my breath away.

The Ah-Hahs: I feel calm this afternoon. Centered. Nothing else I did this week could contribute to that (rather, I should be feeling the opposite). I think it’s the combination of the three elements; not just exercising, not just meeting a friend, not just getting outside. All together.

We’re all so busy. And so, I find I must be intentional about making plans to make outings like this happen. It’s so worth the effort.

P.S. Looking for more inspiration and motivation? Check out Walking the World’s Most Exceptional Trails by Eloise Napier and Great Hiking Trails Around the World by Karen Berger.

Nudging: Book 4 hikes/walks with 4 different friends

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Backstory: What a great way to kick off the new year! Exercise, catch up with friends, get outside.

Although as I type this, I imagine Nudgers in other parts of the world looking out their windows and thinking, “Oh, HELL no!” (Hello, Canadians!)

Maybe this isn’t the right season for you to be out walking, so, as always, figure out which part of this nudge speaks to you and go forth. Maybe this is the week you schedule that free session with the trainer at your gym. Maybe this is the week you schedule coffee and catch-up dates with four old friends. Maybe you commit to four “dates” over the next month with your treadmill or stationary bike. Make it your own.

 

Nudging: Use the good body lotion

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Backstory: It’s the expensive stuff, or the special stuff, or the stuff I received as a gift and am saving for…well, I don’t know what.

Although part of this nudge is about decluttering, I think it’s mostly about self-caring. If not with the good body lotion, maybe it’s the soothing bath bubbles or the beautifully scented candle. Or maybe it’s that fancy hand creme that’s been living at the bottom of my purse for ages. I’m going to pull out something nice and put it to use.

How will you treat yourself this week?