Last week I was presented with a fabulous professional opportunity, one that would allow me to use much of my experiences and skills. I was thrilled! After the initial interview and offer, I told them I would get back to them soon with my answer.
I’d hoped I could respond on the spot, but I felt I first needed to do my homework. I did some research on the corporate culture, talked to a guy in a similar position at another company to get an understanding of the realities of the job, and looked back at goals and aspirations I had set for myself at the start of the year.
For some reason, I couldn’t pull the trigger. Two days went by as I sweated my options, feeling I should say “yes,” while something, I didn’t know what, was telling me maybe, just maybe, it was a “no.”
On the third morning I woke early with the whole struggle heavy on my mind. I needed to give them my answer. I bundled up in my robe that feels like a hug, went to my desk, and scribbled out a pro/con list. Not surprising, the pros were winning. The position fit with my interests, there was opportunity for future promotion, and I was wanted—they had approached me, which always feels good. And yet…. I called my husband into my office to ask what I should do. I believe his exact words were, “Pull yourself together, woman!”
I went to a quiet spot for a talk with myself. “Okay, Kath, deep breath. If you were up getting ready to go to this job in a couple of hours, how would you feel?” Ah-hah. The answer was immediate. I would not feel excited, because I didn’t feel the job was going to be fun.
Now, this isn’t to say I’m afraid of hard or demanding work; I love when my work is all-absorbing, but time flies only when you’re devoting your energies to projects you love. This job wasn’t it. I recalled when a friend/mentor years ago advised me about another career choice I had to make. “If it isn’t a definite ‘YES!,” she said, “it’s a ‘no’.”
And so I graciously declined.
Naturally, for the next 48 hours I beat myself up, worried that I’d blown something big. But I have faith that it will all work out. I believe something is coming soon that will be fun, work that will have me springing out of bed every morning.
Certainly much of the intention of this 52Nudges experiment is saying “Yes” to new experiences, however, I am also learning the gifts of the genuine “No.” In his book Let Your Life Speak (see “For Inspiration” in the right column), Patrick J. Palmer talks about the value of “ways closing.” I get this. Sometimes something that feel like a disappointment, or even a failure, turns out to be a blessing because the loss of it makes way from something better. Its closing allows for a new way to be opened.
With that in mind, I am a girl still in search of her “YES!”, and I am excited to find out what it is.
