Category Archives: mind/body/spirit

What’s up with the ladybug?

“Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”

I love this line from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. It’s a reminder that sometimes, when we want something desperately, instead of striving and begging, the best course of action is to quiet ourselves and let it come to us.*

Ladybugs also delight me. They’re always a surprise. You’re out in a park or your own backyard, and you look down, and there’s this sweet little thing tickling your hand. You stop for a moment, and the world stops around you. For a few precious moments, your whole focus goes to watching that bug, feeling its presence, taking in its simple beauty.

As I considered different logos for 52Nudges, my first instinct was to go with a bird being nudged out of its nest, but the images I found were either too cute or slightly violent (yikes!). A butterfly seemed the obvious choice: transformation, breaking out of a shell, spreading my wings. But I wasn’t feeling it, and I kept thinking about the ladybug. Curious, I looked up the symbolism at World Birds and discovered ladybugs represent “good fortune, true love…the right choices in life…and the time of the fruition of your dreams and wishes.” “When you encounter a ladybug spirit animal,” I learned, “you can be sure that positive transformations are on the way.”

Positive transformations are on the way.

That feels just right, so ladybug it is.

From past rounds of nudges, I know that I will be surprised by what I draw each Sunday, and that many of the Ah-hahs that come from those nudges will delight and inspire me. I’m excited to see what the 52Nudges 3.0 experience will bring into my life. We start December 12. Won’t you join me?

*In the movie, after Frances follows Katherine’s advice in the quote above, she returns to report: “Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs….”

 

 

Wait…we’re starting in December?!

As I thought about when to launch 52Nudges 3.0, I wrestled with all the obstacles: I’m busy with work, my family needs me, as soon as I finish…. And then the Holiday Season snuck up on me. “I’ll just push this into the new year,” I told myself, because then…maybe…I’ll have some time to do something for me.

Sound familiar?

In the meantime, I’ve started brainstorming about my List and noticing that what I want and need is more self-care nudges. I look back on the past two years and realize how many other people’s needs have taken priority over my own. I take care of my husband, dog, clients, neighbors, elderly parents, family members, and friends. Heck, I’m even responsible for keeping all of our houseplants alive! When will it be my turn?

How about now? Right now. I’m going to start this Season of Giving by getting into the habit of giving a little something extra to myself.

My List may include “Take a long, hot bubble bath”, “Treat myself to a mani-pedi”, and “Give myself a home facial”. I’m also going deeper. I’m going for RADICAL SELF-CARE, which may include nudges along the lines of “Eliminate (or delegate) a big responsibility”, “Unpack a worry and craft alternate affirmations for it”, and “Reevaluate a ‘friendship'”.

I’ll pull my first nudge on December 12, and I hope you’ll be joining me.

52+: Connections–Someone with a birthday this month

I’m good about sending birthday cards, ecards, and gifts to people I love. But when I recently updated my reminders list, I realized there are a number of people I connect with just one day a year. Here’s my nudge to make a deeper connection.

I’m in the mood to break out my pretty wax seals (see photo), so I’m leaning toward sending a newsy letter with lots of questions I hope will prompt a reply. Here are some things I might ask:

  • Have you read any books lately that have inspired you, made you see things from a new perspective, motivated you to change?
  • What are your favorite signs of spring?
  • Do you listen to podcasts or follow any blogs that you think I would enjoy?
  • What are you most looking forward to doing once we’re through the pandemic? What might you miss when we go back to “normal”? (I’m going to miss birdsongs, something I’ve been able to enjoy during our quiet, traffic-lite mornings.)
  • I was thinking back to when we _______. What do you remember from that day/event/experience?

Whether you write or call, make the effort to reach out on a day other than their birthday—and send your regular greetings that day! Think of this nudge as a bonus gift for both of you.

P.S. If you don’t already have reminders in your calendar for upcoming birthdays, maybe this is the week you set it up. While you’re at it, stock up on cards or set up an online account for ecards.

52+:Connections–Someone in armed services

First responders, frontliners, essential workers…. While I’m putting care packages together to support my neighbors who are fighting COVID here at home, I don’t want to forget the many men and women who are serving our country abroad. Here’s my nudge to say, again, “Thank you for your service and sacrifice.”

If you don’t know someone currently in the armed services, check out these three websites (note: these are for U.S. servicepeople):

Send a note, or send some requested items, if you’re able. Be sure to read through the instructions carefully.

52+: Connections–A college student

My first impulse is to send a text message. I’ve been told that’s the best way to reach a college-age person, especially if I’m hoping to hear back. But my second impulse—and the one I’ll be following, because it makes me happy—is to send something in the mail.

This week I’m going to pull out the pretty note cards or fine stationery (ooo, how I love the feel of beautifully textured paper!), grab the pretty stamps (like those pictured), and fire up the sealing wax. My recipient is likely to be a niece, or maybe the kid of a close friend, and I’ve got a few ideas for what I might write:

  • “Have I ever told you about the time…” (something fun—and not too embarrassing—about their parents when they were kids)?
  • “Are there still…” (something about college life that may have changed since I was a co-ed, like are there still single-gender dorms, or does anyone still use the term “co-ed”)?
  • “I remember one of the biggest challenges of being on my own for the first time was (budgeting, cooking for and feeding myself, getting up in time to attend 8:00 am classes). I’d love to hear what you’re learning outside of your classes, your “life lessons”. Let’s find a time to catch up with a phone call in the next couple of weeks.”
  • “I’m so proud of you. Go, (insert name of their school’s mascot)!”

Finally, if you’re able, slip in some cash. That’s always a welcome special delivery.

52+: Connections–A favorite waiter or bartender

For many years, Thor and I frequented a small neighborhood restaurant for special occasions and spontaneous date nights. We knew every member of the staff by name, and we celebrated their promotions and career moves, in one case from wait staff to bartender to assistant manager. When the restaurant closed abruptly—due to circumstances not related to COVID—we hoped we’d be able to follow individuals to their new jobs.

Then COVID.

I have the email address for one person and the phone number for another, and it was these two people who I had in mind when I added this category to my nudges. I plan to reach out to one with a simple message:

We miss you! Where are you? How are you? We hope to raise a glass in person with you soon!

If this nudge isn’t a good fit for you this week, here are a few alternatives:

  • If you’re getting takeout, go in and say hello. Take a few minutes to tell them you’re looking forward to eating in with them again soon. (And, if you’re able, leave a big tip.)
  • If you’ve been a regular at any neighborhood business that’s still closed (or you’re still not comfortable being around people), drop a note or card through their mail slot. (Hair stylist, book shop, nail salon, pet groomer—any place where you saw the staff regularly.)
  • Go to the business’s website and send a “Thinking of you!” message through their contact page or email. (I’m thinking of doing this for the winery where we used to go for tastings.)

I’m going to add one more option, from something I did a few years ago that made a lasting impression. I was buying a box of floral notecards from a local shop, when the woman who was ringing up my purchase mentioned lilacs—the design featured on the box—were her favorite flowers. A few months later, when our lilac tree was in full bloom, I cut several branches, wrapped them in paper and a silk ribbon, and delivered them to her at work. She was overcome. She couldn’t believe I remembered and followed up. It cost me next to nothing to do this, yet I know the ripple effect of that small act greatly lifted her spirits, my spirits, and those of everyone who was in the shop that day. Might you do something like that this week?

52+ Connections: A sibling or cousin

My Gram, my hero.

At first glance, this nudge isn’t much of a stretch. My siblings and I talk almost every day, especially during this year of being shut in as we share in supporting and caring for our parents.

But when was the last time we really talked? How long has it been since we explored the stuff below the surface—our dreams, our goals, our deeply held beliefs* about anything?

I haven’t yet decided if this week’s nudge will involve a sib or a cousin, but I am feeling inspired by the above photo of our grandmother. I found it in a random box (one of the perks of decluttering), and she has held a place of honor on my desk for the past few weeks. I’m thinking I might send it via text messaging with a conversation prompt, like: “Remembering Gram today. I see her in your daughter’s smile.”

Through an email, text message, letter, or call, you might share:

  • a photo of an ancestor: “I wonder what he’d think of iPhones/FitBit/Harry Styles?”
  • a memory: “Remember when we/they…”
  • a family tradition: “I miss the days when…”

Most of all, I think the message in this week’s nudge is: “I miss you.”

* But not politics. We’ve all seen enough rifts in our family networks over the past few years. Maybe now we can try to mend some of those hurts by reconnecting over the things we have in common. If that resonates with you, go for it; if not, call someone who you know will make you feel good. Because the whole point of this nudging project is to lift our spirits. XO

52+: Connections—Someone who has been impacted by COVID-19

For this nudge, I’m pulling out my box of greeting cards. I might send a:

  • Sympathy card to someone who has lost a loved one
  • Get Well card to someone who is recovering
  • Thank You card to a healthcare or other essential worker
  • Thinking of You card to someone who is struggling

Ecards, postcards, and text messages also will work for this. The point is to reach out and communicate “I care.”

Please share. If these nudges are inspiring you and lifting your spirits, please forward them to friends and family members and invite them to join in.

52+: Connections—Friend from a club (you were part of pre-COVID)

Remember when we used to meet in person once a month (or week) to work on a special project or toward a common goal, to volunteer our time and talents, to learn and grow, or simply to socialize? Waaaa! Even though the groups I have been a part of have shifted to Zoom and much of our purpose is being addressed, It’s. Just. Not. The. Same.

I miss my people!

So here’s my nudge to make an extra effort to connect with someone. It might be a long-time friend, someone who I used to see on a regular basis, or it might be someone I was just starting to get to know and looked forward to getting to know better.

Our groups might include:

  • tennis buddies, weekend softball team, running group
  • service organization
  • book club
  • bible study
  • mommy & me group (even if you’re kids are all grown)
  • foodies who used to get together for dinner parties
  • drinking buddies (when I pulled up possible images for “club” for this post, I got photos for nightclubbing—this works too!)

I’m sensing that reaching someone on the phone and having an actual conversation will be the right move for me. If we struggle to get beyond “How are you?”, I plan on asking, “What do you miss most about our in-person meetings?” (And maybe: “What do you miss least?”)

If chatting on the phone is outside your comfort zone this week, here are a couple of alternatives:

  • Send a postcard: Thinking of you! I miss you and look forward to seeing you back at [name of club] as soon as we can safely be together in person again!
  • Send a text message (see above).

Karma! One friend came to mind the moment I pulled this nudge—but she beat me to it! She had seen my post introducing 52+: Connections and was inspired to invite me for a socially distanced walk. We’ve got a date inked on our calendars and I’m all warm fuzzies.

 

52+: Connections — People you see out on a walk

The full nudge I wrote out for myself didn’t fit in my title space. It reads: “People you see out on a walk (say ‘Hello! Good morning!’ to everyone you encounter)”

I was rather disappointed when I drew this as the first nudge for this Connections series. I was hoping for something a bit grander, more playful and exciting.

But the more I thought about it, I realized it’s a perfect way to kick things off. The seed for this nudge was planted back when COVID first caught us in its grip and we masked up, gloved up, and rubbed our hands raw with sanitizer to stop the spread. It seemed obvious to me that the virus was spread either by physical touching or through the air, so it struck me as funny when I would greet people when I was out for a walk and they would look away without responding. “It’s not contagious through eye contact!” I wanted to shout.

As time went on, though, their emotional distancing became contagious, and I stopped saying anything and started avoiding eye contact. It was “easier” to keep to myself.

More recently, though, I’ve noticed how much my spirits are lifted when someone—a perfect stranger—greets me with smiling eyes and then takes the exchange to the next level of humanity by asking “How are you?” and—and this is key—waiting for my answer.

I want to be like those people.

So this week, one day while I’m out getting my exercise in the neighborhood, I’m going to greet everyone I pass. There will probably be some people who will pretend to not hear me, but I have a feeling most will respond in kind.

“In kind.” Don’t you love that phrase?

Alternatives: Not heading out for a walk this week? Here are some other ways you might complete this nudge:

  • If you’re lucky enough to get to be with coworkers, make a point during the day to greet every one. “Good morning! It’s nice to see you! That color looks amazing on you!”
  • If all you’ve got on the schedule is a grocery run, make eye contact with a few fellow shoppers and share a smile (yes, you can do that with your eyes). When you reach the cash register, ask the checker “How are you today?” and listen to their answer.
  • Home bound? No problem. Pull about a sheet of paper and colored pens (or your kids’ big box of crayons) and write “I wish you a great day!” (That feels more personal than “Have a great day!”) Decorate it with hearts / butterflies / stars and tape it to a front window for everyone to see.
  • Live in a big building? Make that sign and post it next to the mailboxes or the main entrance.

Please note: Different from previous rounds of nudges, I won’t be creating a separate follow-up post for What Happened and The Ah-Hahs. Instead, I hope you’ll share your experiences with everyone in the Comments. xo