Tag Archives: healing

Update: Easing out of The Great Pause

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Dearest Nudger,

Today, for the first time in five weeks, I’m wearing real pants. Not slightly-too-big and gentle-on-my-abdomen sweatpants—which have been my wardrobe since March 30—but actual zipped-up, buttoned-up jeans. This is a huge win for me.

In case you missed my post from a month ago, a ruptured appendix, surgery, infections, and complications (there was a return to the ER on the 10th) inspired me to take The Great Pause of 2022. Well, “inspired” is not the word. When multiple doctors tell you “You are very lucky to be alive. Really: You are very, very lucky to be alive,” you have no choice but to clear your schedule and devote all of your time and energy to healing and Radical Self-Care.

A most appropriate—and appreciated—gift from a friend.

It’s been hard—at times painful, discouraging, challenging, frustrating, depressing. Recovery is slow, yet it progresses. (See “wearing real pants” above.) I’ve been getting out for short walks to begin regaining strength, answering the calls to rest when needed, and easing back in to the office with some client work.

Next week I’ll do a little more. I trust one day I will wake up and realize I am fully myself again—or my new self. And I’m counting on Nudges to help me as I reconsider, reimagine, and reinvent my future.

The 52Nudges team has continued to work behind the scenes to get the new website in shape, so we’ve got that to look forward to. Also, we’ve got some Guest Nudgers lined up to share their journeys. I’m excited to experience all of this and more. I hope to resume drawings of Nudges in the next couple of weeks.

Today my overall emotion is gratitude. I appreciate the support Thor and I have received in the form of calls, cards, comments, prayers, and acts of kindness. I am so lucky to be a part of this loving community, and I appreciate everyone who has helped me get through this Great Pause. I’m grateful to still be here—with most of my original parts! 😉

I’ll see you back here soon. Be gentle with yourself.   xoKath

52+: A Difficult Day

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Today was one of those days I really struggled to get out of bed, and I have felt unfocused and unmotivated in the hours since. The reasons may include:

  • How gloomy it is outside
  • How f-ing tired I am of being cold and miserable in what is supposed to be “summer”
  • Hormones running amok
  • Deadlines looming
  • Facing yet another holiday season and feeling like Time is flashing by
  • Needing to step up to deal with challenging clients
  • Laundry piling up again
  • Still not knowing what my purpose is

Or “Z, all of the above”.

Plus…

If you came of age in the 1980s and started your career in the 1990s, like I did, you probably watched closely as Professor Anita Hill gave her testimony before the U.S. Senate in 1991 about abuse she suffered from a nominee for the Supreme Court. I was so impressed by her, by her courage and her integrity, about her willingness to speak about unspeakable acts in the face of threats, intimation, and shaming. (If you aren’t familiar with her story, check out the documentary Anita that came out in 2013.) When her testimony was essentially dismissed, the message that went out to women like me was, “Don’t bother speaking up. If they didn’t believe her, they’ll never believe you.”

This morning Dr. Christine Blasey Ford gave her emotional testimony about the sexual abuse she endured decades ago. Déjà vu. I haven’t been able to watch all of the broadcasts, but I’ve read her opening statement and seen some of the highlights. And as I’ve done so, it struck me that I’ve been suffering from a form of PTSD for the better part of 30 years. I am angry. I am scared. I am so over the way women have been and continue to be treated in our world.

For as long as I can remember, I—we—have been told “Don’t say anything…If you want to keep your job…If you don’t want to ruin your reputation…Too bad you don’t have a sense of humor…Don’t be so uptight…You’re way too sensitive.”

I am one of the lucky few who has not been a victim of violent assault, but I’ve endured my share of inappropriate and misogynistic behavior. I’ve also stood by friends as they fought to overcome traumas of abuse. I am feeling desperate today for these women—for all of us—to be heard and for all forms of sexual abuse to stop.

I share this with you because I know that most cases of abuse are never reported, and most victims never get a chance to get help. I know how horrible reporting and testifying can be, so I don’t ask that of you. But if you have been victimized, in any way, I ask that you break your silence and ask for help. Confide in a close friend, reach out to a pastor, find a therapist.

CNN published a list of services that offer resources to help survivors of sexual assault. Read the full article here, or here’s a short list:

Please do not suffer in silence any longer. Please nudge yourself to get help today.

I believe you. I stand with you.