Backstory: I signed up to work with a nutritionist last year, to fine-tune what foods (vs. fads) work best for my system for losing weight and maintaining good health. I figured I’d be told to count calories, make adjustments to intake of carbs/fats/proteins, and amp up and create more variety in my exercise routines. So I was surprised to see “limit social media” on her list of recommendations. “It’s a source of stress,” she explained (Duh, I thought at the time), “and that contributes to how our bodies function,” including how we process calories and hang on to excess weight.
I’ve since talked with a number of friends who have received similar advice when seeking to develop healthier lifestyles, including one friend who was assigned “zero social media” for a three-month period while working through some challenges with a therapist.
There’s something to this, so I thought I’d try it out.
What Happened: One of the key guidelines for the nudges I give myself is each has to be, in some way, “uncomfortable”. On a scale of one to 10, this felt like a nine.
I drew this just before noon on Sunday, and my first thought was “I have a few minutes to check everything before this starts!”
How sick is that? I resisted the urge, taped the strip of paper with the nudge on top of my week’s calendar, and went about my day.
Monday 6 am I faced a rude awakening. I realized I have an almost unconscious routine when I first hit my desk in the mornings: Dear Abby, People online, local news, international news, Facebook. I resisted the urge and went to work, and all was fine till I was working on a project for a client and discovered a link about something they’re doing that I wanted to share on my FB business page. “This is work,” I told myself, “it doesn’t count.” And “I’ll just schedule it to run later, but I won’t look at anything else.” Riiight.
I scribbled a note in my calendar for this coming Monday to circle back to it. Would it have been easier and more time-efficient to just get it done? Probably. But that’s not what this week’s nudge is about.
Thor (the code name for my darling husband) emailed me in the afternoon: “Check out this story in the Chronicle!” Maybe if I just read that one story…. But I knew it would lead down the rabbit hole to other links, so I explained why I couldn’t and asked him to give me the highlights over dinner, which he did.
Tuesday was easier. I didn’t feel compelled to launch into my morning routine of checking all my sources.
By end of week, it was no big deal. I noticed that I did feel calmer, even more focused. Huh.
However….
Ah-Hahs: If I’m being completely honest (and I am), I must admit that I filled some of that “free” time with (cringe) online Solitaire. WTH?! This is not something I do. This is not ME. But there you have it. I am not proud of myself.
I took a hard look at “Why do I feel the need to numb myself? What am I avoiding?”
Late Thursday night I spent some time journaling about these questions. Here’s a short list of what came up for me:
- Facing the losses that have appeared recently in my professional life, resulting in open spaces I don’t know how I’m ever going to fill.
- Fearing that I’m “done” being a contributing member of society.
- Feeling I am a burden to my husband.
- Dreading the overwhelm of BIG projects that seem “impossible” to complete.
I reached out to a wise friend, shared with her some of what was going on in my life, and she told me what I already knew: I need to grieve my losses.
So Friday morning I started my day with an intention to “sit” with my grief.
Only I didn’t. When presented with a chunk of free time between projects, I opened up the Solitaire site.
I can quit any time I want.
This, I acknowledge, is a problem. Maybe not life-threatening, but I know it’s not healthy.
I’m not sure what to do with all this yet, but I consider this nudge a “win” for forcing me to acknowledge this – and do something about it.
I need figure out how to be the queen of my own heart. (Fabulous deck of cards designed by Ambidextrous Studio at http://ambistudio.com/.)
P.S. Avoidance can present in many forms of addiction. If you are reading this and thinking about how you’ve been using an unhealthy substance to numb out, please consider this your nudge to ask for help. If a licensed therapist is beyond your means, contact a clergy person or trusted friend.
