Tag Archives: calm

Nudged: Have a cup of coffee/glass of wine on the front porch

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Backstory: Many years ago, upon returning home from a vacation in France, I thought about what had been so special about our experiences–specifically, what were some practices or rituals I could continue back at home. One that had a huge impact was how we eased into dinnertime.

For several weeks after that trip, instead of my usual dash from office to kitchen at 6:00 pm (or 7 or 8), I made a point of slowing down, breathing, pouring something lovely (wine or Pellegrino with a slice of lime), then sipping that while nibbling a few olives or cubes of delicious and aromatic cheese. I’d like to resume this practice and make it a habit.

Maybe I’ll take in a sunset, or maybe I’ll get up with the sun. I plan to sit on our front porch; you might step into your backyard or ease into a chair with a lovely view. Whatever the circumstances, let’s be intentional about taking a few minutes to rest and reset ourselves.

What Happened: Inspired, I got up early one morning and sat in the quiet. Birdsong, clear skies, a steaming cup of tea (it’s what I was in the mood for), and Louie by my side. What a beautiful way to start the day.

The Ah-Hahs: No surprises with this Nudge, just reminders of how lovely my front porch is and how good it feels to sit here for a while and enjoy it.

 

Nudged: Paint sample squares on the office wall

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Backstory: My office is in our home, and it’s an incredible space. Big bay window that looks out over our backyard. Mementos of past projects on the walls. A huge pine desk. And now a puppy pen in the corner. For years I’ve wanted to give it a makeover. I want color, I want pizzazz, I want something that represents my best self. I want it to look not just like a spare room that serves as an office, but as a truly beautiful creative space.

To that end, a couple of years ago I picked up sample bottles of paint to try out. This is the week I find them (they’re somewhere in the basement) and paint those squares on the wall so I can live with them and figure out what color I want my walls to be.

Thor and I have done this before. We completely changed the look and feel of our dining and living rooms with color. I also know that this is the gateway to more TLC for our home. Painting the walls is the first step that will eventually lead to nice curtains, a rug without holes, and lighting fixtures that don’t date back to the 1970s.

I’m excited to finally get this project started.

Lots of options for making this Nudge your own. Maybe you pick up some of those paper color swatches and start with that. Or browse online and create a Pinterest gallery for a new couch/reading chair/bathtub. Or fix one small thing in your home that has been on the to-do list for a while. If you need inspiration, check out Apartment Therapy, a site I’ve been following recently for motivation on decluttering.

Pick one small step in the larger project and get it done. Let’s show our homes some TLC this week.

What Happened: OMG, I actually did this! I had every excuse ready to flake on this Nudge. I even spent part of my lunch break on Tuesday snooping around Sherwin-Williams‘s website and playing with their “visualizer,” telling myself this would count as completing the Nudge.

But dangit, I’ve put this off long enough. I did, in fact, find those two sample bottles in the basement and was embarrassed to discover I didn’t buy them “a couple of years ago” but in February…2015. How long has “spiff up my office” been on my Wish and To-Do lists? Too long.

So this afternoon I took advantage of the puppy’s nap time and got to work.

Pretty, right? That’s Butter Up on the left, Jonquil on the right. They’re on the wall that I face when I’m at my desk, and I plan to live with them for a while, to see how they look in different lighting during the day, to see which one feels right. Or maybe I’ll decide to branch out and try something totally different. I have to say, there is a light, almost gray, lavender that caught my eye when I was browsing the website.

The Ah-Hahs: Painting these squares + clean-up took less than 10 minutes. I’m kinda beating myself up for putting this off for seven years! But it’s done, and I’m excited to move forward to next steps: choosing my palette, finding a coordinating rug + curtains + lamps. I’m also reminding myself that this is my Process for achieving things, a skill set I haven’t used in a while: Break a big goal/dream into small steps and do one by one till it’s complete. It feels good to be moving forward.

The other ah-hah is I noticed how calming the physical painting was. My breathing naturally aligned with my brush strokes. The colors lifted my spirit. I’m smiling right now as I look at these two colors.

Isn’t it fun when a Nudge turns out to be packed with unexpected gifts?

P.S. What do you think: Butter Up or Jonquil or…?

Nudged: Ignore the news for 1 full week

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Backstory: Pretty straightforward this one. By ignoring the news this week, I hope to lower my blood pressure and maybe focus on more joy in the world. Fingers crossed.

What Happened: Well, this was HARD! I jumped right in, committed to sticking to my plan, but “news” is everywhere. Monday morning it distracted me at the gym. (Just try focusing on anything other than the hanging TV screens in front of you while you’re stuck on the elliptical.) And it feels like everything counts as news. Is it okay to check the weather app? (Not if I end up looking at weather-related stories — like power outages and catastrophic flooding.) Does keeping up with posts on Instagram count? (Yes, but some had to be checked for work.) Dang! I found myself looking for loopholes!

When I got stressed, I wanted to “relax” with a “break.” When I got bored, ditto. When friends forwarded interesting articles, I wanted desperately to stay informed and reply with my opinions; instead, I set them aside to look at next week. When “BREAKING NEWS” arrived in my email inbox, I could have given in and gotten my celebrity fix, but I got better at moving it to trash before getting sucked in.

I stuck with it, acknowledging the tug to “just look for a moment” and then pulling myself away. Altogether, I felt I completed this Nudge successfully and…

The Ah-Hahs: It got easier with each new day. The attraction lost its appeal, especially as I started to register how less stressed I was. This is in big part due to my noticing how much time I waste looking at mostly garbage, how much energy I waste getting worked up over all the triggering messages that come my way. This was a great Nudge for Radical Self-Care.

Will I slide back into old bad habits next week? I hope not. I don’t think so. I really do feel better having had this break from the 24/7 news cycle.

Nudged: Explore a new used-book store, spend just $10

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Backstory: Of all things, this Nudge was inspired by a character in a book I read last year (wish I could remember the title). The character would only read books he could purchase for $5 or less. What an interesting challenge! I also love that this Nudge is a way to support a local small business.

Speaking of great small bookshops, I’d like to give a shout-out to Dudley’s in Bend, Oregon. In their cozy space, they offer new and used books, as well as an espresso bar. This fabulous staircase (pictured) leads to the seating area.

What happened: I know this is partly due to COVID shutdowns, but it has been ages since I’ve been able to just browse, and it takes all my willpower to not stock up on books online. But with this Nudge in mind, I was determined to pick up something for less than $10 for myself.

I did a reconnaissance of the space, checking out the various sections—travel, local history, mysteries—before deciding to focus on fiction. Mixing things up, I began perusing the shelves at the end of the alphabet. At first it was fun to see titles of books I’ve already read and be reminded of the pleasure they gave me. Then I stumbled upon one that looked familiar. I was pretty sure the title was on my list of recommendations from friends, but I couldn’t remember reading it. I pulled it out, and sure enough, it was something on my To-Read List—and it was only $5. I also found the perfect pick-me-up gift for a friend, a novel by a local author I think she’ll love. And the price was just $5—wahoo!

Can I also add, it felt really good to pay in cash.

 

Ah-Hahs: Stop and enjoy. Not scrolling online, not buying based on reviews, but seeing and holding the actual books. What a tactile, thoughtful treat.

I wasn’t in the shop long, but it was such a pleasant and calming experience that it recalibrated my day. And I didn’t have to spend a fortune. I’m quite pleased by the fact that I got all this for so little.

Nudged: Give myself a home facial

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Backstory: This Nudge hits on two themes: self-care and household decluttering. I wish I could go out for a professional facial, but I’m still not comfortable being in enclosed spaces. (Darn COVID.) But that’s no excuse to pass up a chance for some pampering. Besides, I know there’s a treasure trove of potions and creams and stuff hiding in the bottom drawer of my bathroom cabinet. Time to dig something out and put it to use!

Note: Like with all Nudges, you can follow along with mine or do your own thing. Maybe you can splurge for a mani-pedi at your favorite spa—go for it! Maybe you got a fancy gift set of bath bubbles for the holidays—break it out! Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good.

What happened: The directions weren’t specific as to the time—just “Let dry and rinse with warm water”—so I figured I had about 10 minutes. Immediately after I applied the mask and washed the residue off my hands, I started looking for a way to multi-task. I could sort laundry, put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, make the bed, check emails, glance at headlines….Whoa.

STOP!

A better choice, I realized, was to sit my butt down and relax for those 10 minutes. Close my eyes, breathe. It was hard, but I did it.

Ah-Hahs: I love how Nudges surprise me, how what I expect to experience goes out the window. I thought this one would be a simple act of self-care. Instead, it was hard for me to do, which was a little disappointing. I did my best, but will admit I was fidgeting and distracted. Which makes me think maybe I need to give myself facials more frequently, for the health of my skin and my soul.

I wish you a happy, healthy, and fun new year! xoKathleen

Nudged: Exhale

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Backstory: Alexandra Epple’s blog, Spirit Journey (you met Alexandra in a 52+ interview about a month ago), inspired this nudge. In her “The Gigantic Breath Cycle of Your Life” post, she wrote a couple of lines that struck a chord with me:

“Our society is not set up to honor exhales. We are set up for creation, achievement, progress…all of which equate to inhaling.”

A healthy cycle of breathing, she went on to explain, is inhale, exhale, pause.

I suck at this. “Pause”? Oh, sure, I do that when I’m sick or exhausted or forced to shelter in place for an extended period of time. But the rest of it is challenging for me. “When we find ourselves in the exhale cycle,” Alexandra continued, “it takes courage, awareness, and reminders to allow yourself to be in that space.”

I know I need to be more intentional about healthy breathing–about healthy living–until it becomes my new natural rhythm. Starting today, I’m going to practice this.

What Happened: We live in stressful times. I mean…really. My stress level the past several months has been Off. The. Charts. And even though some things have somewhat calmed down, I know that I continue to carry that stress with me every day, even if nothing new is added to my load.

But this week I practiced dealing with it a little better. Every time I felt the worry (and some times panic) start to bubble up, I stopped in my tracks, closed my eyes, visualized a positive outcome for whatever I was worrying over, and let out a long, deep exhale. Then I moved on.

Monday I had to work at it some. I’d carry around a worry — about my husband’s safety, for example — and feel myself gearing up for a meltdown. Then I’d catch myself and go through my new routine. By Tuesday, I was dropping into the stop-visualize-exhale drill before the worry got its claws in me. I barely even thought about it, I just did it.

So I am heading into this holiday (Happy Independence Day to my U.S. readers!) feeling quite calm. And, if I start to feel less calm, I know I can handle it.

Exhale-post-2

 

The Ah-Hahs: I could meditate, practice yoga, get hypnotized, take anti-anxiety meds, drink more whiskey…or, I can exhale. For me, it really can be that simple.

Nudged: Do something I hate

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Backstory: “Hate”? Really? Such a strong term. I can think of things I dislike doing, but this seems a bit much.

I looked back at my notes from when I was putting together my list and confirmed this nudge was designed to push me way out of my comfort zone. In part, it’s designed to get me to do something that has been on my to do list forever, and for whatever reason has been put off. Like catching up on the mending (ugh) or weeding the backyard (which looks like a jungle after all the great rain we had earlier this month). Or–and this is a biggie–have new headshots taken. These days, I do not like having my photo taken. At all. Because I am pretty much not happy with how I look. At all.

Maybe there’s something in that last statement I can work with.

How will you nudge yourself this week?

What Happened: I couldn’t come up with anything at the beginning of the week, then was presented with an “opportunity”. Actually, that’s literal. I was offered a great work opportunity, one that checked so many boxes of things I can do well and things I want to do, and it was really really tempting to say “Yes!” But I held off. Something wasn’t…right. Something didn’t feel…authentic for me. I wrestled with my choices, knowing at a very deep level that accepting the offer would be the easy way through. After a few days of agonizing, I listened to my gut, swallowed my pride (because my ego had definitely been stroked), and said, “No. Thank you.”

Immediately I felt a weight lifted. I have a strong sense that I was being “tested”, and by making the right-for-me choice, something else–something better–will come in to fill the open space.

While the process was difficult, it wasn’t something I “hated”.

Okay, so what could I do to complete this nudge? What are things people typically hate doing? Taxes (already done). Deep cleaning the kitchen (ours is in pretty good shape). Ironing. Ironing…huh.

The Ah-Hahs: And that’s when it hit me: I would turn this nudge on its ear. I love ironing! Seriously! It’s a total zen thing for me, in which I work slowly and am rewarded with beautiful results. I love how my nice cotton PJs feel against my skin after they’ve been ironed, and I love how pretty my dish towels look with crisp folds.

So I pulled out the board, iron, and spray bottle, put a chick flick on the TV, and found my calm and happy place.

I loved every moment.

 

Nudged: Go to the beach

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Backstory: When I was compiling The List for nudges, I thought about skills I want to learn, activities I loved doing as a kid and might enjoy doing again, and all sorts of things that have fed my soul in the past and might still work their magic on me today. This week’s nudge falls into that last category.

I grew up on the beaches of Southern California. I body-surfed, explored tide pools, cooked meals over fire pits, and sometimes just sat and watched and listened. The beach is where I went when I needed to clear my head, rest my body (or sometimes reboot it with a strenuous workout), and refuel my spirit.

I’ve now lived in Northern California for over a decade and I have yet to walk on the beach closest to my home. It’s cold here! It’s windy! It’s not the same!

Lately I’ve felt a longing to get back to the beach. I’m so glad I pulled this nudge this week. It’s time.

What Happened: The moment I stepped off the pavement, I wanted to take off my shoes and scrunch my toes in the sand. Oh, how I have missed that sensation! Sadly, it was too dang cold! I should mention that I was dressed in two layers of thermal shirts, a down parka, scarf, and gloves. In part to stay warm, I kept moving. And I walked and walked, looked and listened, and took in “my” beach for 90 minutes.

It was wonderful.

Ocean Beach, San Francisco, California

I breathed more deeply than I have in ages, and noticed when I got home that my sinuses were clear after fighting a tenacious head cold for weeks. I noticed my mind was quiet and focused, my body relaxed, my legs fatigued, but in a satisfying way. I felt like I’d had a complete re-set.

The Ah-Hahs: Is it the briny air? The ions? The crunch of the sand under my feet? The “white” noise of the surf that works its magic on me? Probably all of the above in concert.

Sure, I miss the beaches of my youth, but I’m learning to appreciate the beauty of the beach in my present.

My inaugural walk happened over a lunch break. Totally doable, especially because that beach is just two miles from home. The next morning, I felt a longing to return, but it had to wait due to conference calls and other obligations. But tomorrow, Saturday, Louie the dog and I have a date to go to the nearby dog-friendly beach. I look forward to running around with him in the sand and surf, both of us barefoot. I’ll pack some warm socks for after. 🙂

Nudged: Room by room, tidy the house

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Backstory: At my core, I am that woman who starts her day by making her bed. That one simple act clears space in my head and somehow helps me feel that I’ve accomplished at least one small thing.

Meanwhile, I am also that woman who still has Christmas decorations up in her house. In February. Not a lot, but they’re there, mocking me, nagging me to add de-decorating to my massive to do list and “Pull yourself together, woman!”

The idea for this nudge came from FlyLady, whom you’ve heard me talk about before. FLY stands for “Finally Loving Yourself”, and the message is about taking small steps to reclaim our lives, starting with tidying up our homes.

This isn’t crisis cleaning before guests come to stay. This isn’t deep spring cleaning, when you move the furniture and shake out all the rugs and dust and polish every corner and crevice. (I’ve never actually done that, btw. Does anyone?) The plan is to set a timer for a short period–maybe 10 to 20 minutes–and hustle at small tidying tasks. I might take out all the trash and put new bags in the cans. Or I might fold a basket of laundry, put everything away, and move the basket from the side of my bed to the laundry room. Or I might peel the paper snowflakes off the front windows, take down the Christmas wreath, take the Bing Crosby and Nancy Wilson holiday CDs out of the player in my car (for Pete’s sake!), and put everything back in storage.

For more info about how to do this, check out the “Getting Started Tips” at the FLYLady website. And if you’re inspired to do more decluttering in your life, pick up one of her books, Sink Reflections and The CHAOS Cure.

Got your timer? Ready…set…go!

What Happened: I set my timer for 10 minutes and, with “Flight of the Bumblebee” playing in my head, I got to work. In three separate sessions–two yesterday and one today–I put away all the piled-up clean laundry, straightened pillows and throw blankets and picture frames in the living room, cleared all the miscellany off the dining room table and put things where they belonged (like junk mail in the recycling bin), wiped down the bathroom and put out fresh towels, and…put away the last of the Christmas decorations. Hallelujah!

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay.

The Ah-Hahs: I was astonished at how much I accomplished in just 10 minutes of buzzing around*, and impressed by what a difference just 30 minutes of this ‘n’ that made on my frame of mind. I feel calm. Clear-headed. I do not like an immaculate house, but I am finding that I like a fairly tidy environment. The dent I made this week inspires me to do a bit more–especially in my office and some day in the dumping ground that has taken over the basement–and keep it up.

*I did find, by the way, that racing the clock helped me keep my focus and motivated me to challenge myself to do as much as possible in the time allotted.

Nudged: Book 4 hikes/walks with 4 different friends

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Backstory: What a great way to kick off the new year! Exercise, catch up with friends, get outside.

Although as I type this, I imagine Nudgers in other parts of the world looking out their windows and thinking, “Oh, HELL no!” (Hello, Canadians!)

Maybe this isn’t the right season for you to be out walking, so, as always, figure out which part of this nudge speaks to you and go forth. Maybe this is the week you schedule that free session with the trainer at your gym. Maybe this is the week you schedule coffee and catch-up dates with four old friends. Maybe you commit to four “dates” over the next month with your treadmill or stationary bike. Make it your own.

What Happened: “Piece of cake,” I thought when I first pulled this nudge. “A few emails and text messages, and done!”

Then I read the fine print. This doesn’t ask me to “invite” four friends to go on walks with me, it asks me to “book” those outings.

It took a little more effort and time than anticipated, but I got one friend to join me for an early morning walk during the week, another is scheduled for tomorrow morning (weather permitting), and a third is scheduled for next week. One is penciled in for late in the month, and another has yet to respond to my email. I hope to issue more invitations–and book those dates–soon.

The walk that happened was lovely. Not too strenuous, which allowed for some good conversation. It also allowed us time to take in the scenery:

The deep blue sky. The green trees. Gorgeous!

As a bonus, I got “lost” on my way to our meeting point, which allowed me to marvel over the beauty of Golden Gate Park. Every time I go, it takes my breath away.

The Ah-Hahs: I feel calm this afternoon. Centered. Nothing else I did this week could contribute to that (rather, I should be feeling the opposite). I think it’s the combination of the three elements; not just exercising, not just meeting a friend, not just getting outside. All together.

We’re all so busy. And so, I find I must be intentional about making plans to make outings like this happen. It’s so worth the effort.

P.S. Looking for more inspiration and motivation? Check out Walking the World’s Most Exceptional Trails by Eloise Napier and Great Hiking Trails Around the World by Karen Berger.