52+: Connections–Someone who lives in a different state or country

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During a recent decluttering spree, I uncovered a very old box of onion skin paper. Lightweight and almost transparent, I used this back in the day to send air mail letters. Anyone else remember this stuff?

I tossed the paper, but the impulse to reconnect with friends who live far, far away inspired this nudge. I may look at our holiday card list and choose someone with whom I exchange family photos just once a year. Or maybe I’ll scroll through old posts on social media looking for someone who’s clicked “Like” a lot, but we haven’t so much as shared comments.

In an email (or maybe a letter, because international postage really isn’t that expensive), I might:

  • open with a shared memory, such as how we met or the last time we saw each other in person
  • share a bit about why I love where I live in now and ask about their current home city
  • reminisce about past adventures and include my bucket list of future destinations
  • reflect on how travel—and correspondence—has changed in the last century (Taking and sending photos with my telephone?! This would have blown my grandparents’ minds.)

I hope you enjoy this nudge. Let’s make our world a little bit smaller this week.

52+: Connections–Thank a teacher or coach

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A handwritten note feels like the way to go for me on this nudge, though an email, phone call, or message through Facebook may work for you. Whichever method you use to connect this week, this is our chance to say “Thank you!” to a teacher or coach.

This person may be someone from your youth or someone who is actively teaching you now, like a business coach. Or it may be someone who isn’t a professional, but a friend who has taught you about Life. (And if you’re a parent, I encourage you to think about appreciating one of the people who has been going to extraordinary lengths this past year for your child.)

Here are ways we might acknowledge them. “Thank you for…”:

  • teaching me a skill (math, so I can balance my own budget; appreciation for great books; time management; fundamentals)
  • teaching me a life lesson (how to grieve, manage stress, or be a more compassionate friend)
  • serving as a role model
  • parenting me (especially if someone stepped in during a time of need in your life)
  • seeing me (the person who saw something and encouraged you to develop a talent, for example)

I’m excited about this nudge. I have a feeling all the positive energy we’re going to create will have amazing ripple effects. 🙂

52+: Connections–(bonus nudge) for someone who is grieving

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Dear Ones, this isn’t an actual nudge, just something I experienced recently and want to share.

When I was in my teens, I learned that the best thing to say to someone who is grieving is “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Depending on the circumstances, I might add a few words about how special the person was who passed, but I know from being at the receiving end that when someone tries too hard to say more—especially when they try to “fix” me—it backfires. Simple is best.

Several weeks ago, a family member I was close to passed away suddenly. I called a few friends to share the news, and I appreciated the support I received through cards and calls. One in particular changed everything for me.

“Tell me about your uncle,” my friend Ann said.

I was stunned for a moment. I had been so busy grieving my loss, supporting other family members, and trying desperately to keep my focus on big work projects while the world seemed to spin around me, that I hadn’t allowed myself to acknowledge how grateful I was for having loved and been loved by him.

I shared a few stories and reflections, illustrating the kind of man he was and the role he’d played in my life. And Ann simply listened.

Since then, I’ve had a couple of opportunities to pay this forward with friends who have experienced big losses, and considering how this past year has gone, I know we’ll have many more opportunities ahead. When you next connect with someone who is hurting, I hope you’ll remember this. Ann’s small prompt was a huge gift to me.

52+: Connections–Someone with a birthday this month

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I’m good about sending birthday cards, ecards, and gifts to people I love. But when I recently updated my reminders list, I realized there are a number of people I connect with just one day a year. Here’s my nudge to make a deeper connection.

I’m in the mood to break out my pretty wax seals (see photo), so I’m leaning toward sending a newsy letter with lots of questions I hope will prompt a reply. Here are some things I might ask:

  • Have you read any books lately that have inspired you, made you see things from a new perspective, motivated you to change?
  • What are your favorite signs of spring?
  • Do you listen to podcasts or follow any blogs that you think I would enjoy?
  • What are you most looking forward to doing once we’re through the pandemic? What might you miss when we go back to “normal”? (I’m going to miss birdsongs, something I’ve been able to enjoy during our quiet, traffic-lite mornings.)
  • I was thinking back to when we _______. What do you remember from that day/event/experience?

Whether you write or call, make the effort to reach out on a day other than their birthday—and send your regular greetings that day! Think of this nudge as a bonus gift for both of you.

P.S. If you don’t already have reminders in your calendar for upcoming birthdays, maybe this is the week you set it up. While you’re at it, stock up on cards or set up an online account for ecards.

52+:Connections–Someone in armed services

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First responders, frontliners, essential workers…. While I’m putting care packages together to support my neighbors who are fighting COVID here at home, I don’t want to forget the many men and women who are serving our country abroad. Here’s my nudge to say, again, “Thank you for your service and sacrifice.”

If you don’t know someone currently in the armed services, check out these three websites (note: these are for U.S. servicepeople):

Send a note, or send some requested items, if you’re able. Be sure to read through the instructions carefully.

52+: Connections–Phone a senior

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The nudge I pulled for this week reads “Someone living in a nursing or retirement home.” This was inspired by one former neighbor in particular, a woman who moved into a thriving retirement community just before the holidays in 2019, anticipating that her social life and overall well-being would improve dramatically. Then everything shut down. No visitors were allowed, all of their group activities—including meals in the dining room—were canceled, and I couldn’t even send her care packages! Her isolation has been incredibly challenging, and I’ve tried to check in with her when I can.

Then a couple of weeks ago I was thinking about the mom of a good friend of mine, who I used to see regularly at extended family gatherings. On a whim I picked up the phone to say “Hi!” and ended up spending over an hour chatting with her about books we’re reading, TV series we’re binging, and news about family members. It struck me that I might have been the only outside contact she had that day, so she’s the reason I’m recommending this week’s nudge connection be made with a phone call.

The recipient of your call might be an elderly family member, former neighbor, or maybe a former teacher. If you can’t think of anyone and you’re a member of a religious congregation, make your first call to them, to see if they have a senior support committee. Perhaps they can give you the name of someone who needs a little extra TLC.

If you’re at a loss for conversation beyond “So, how are you?”, consider:

  • sharing a memory: “Remember when we…were together for Passover / you taught me how to fish that summer / enjoyed your famous apple pie (what was your secret ingredient)?”
  • asking for life advice: “What’s something you wished you’d known when you were my age?”
  • closing the generational gap: “Carey Mulligan is one of my favorite actresses right now. Who was your favorite actor/actress/musician/writer when you were growing up?”
  • telling a funny story about your child or dog: I have a neighbor who is still in her home but is housebound. She loves getting photos of Louie (our dog) and hearing about his latest tricks. I’ve since heard stories about the pets she loved throughout her life.

Make that call!

52+: Connections–A college student

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My first impulse is to send a text message. I’ve been told that’s the best way to reach a college-age person, especially if I’m hoping to hear back. But my second impulse—and the one I’ll be following, because it makes me happy—is to send something in the mail.

This week I’m going to pull out the pretty note cards or fine stationery (ooo, how I love the feel of beautifully textured paper!), grab the pretty stamps (like those pictured), and fire up the sealing wax. My recipient is likely to be a niece, or maybe the kid of a close friend, and I’ve got a few ideas for what I might write:

  • “Have I ever told you about the time…” (something fun—and not too embarrassing—about their parents when they were kids)?
  • “Are there still…” (something about college life that may have changed since I was a co-ed, like are there still single-gender dorms, or does anyone still use the term “co-ed”)?
  • “I remember one of the biggest challenges of being on my own for the first time was (budgeting, cooking for and feeding myself, getting up in time to attend 8:00 am classes). I’d love to hear what you’re learning outside of your classes, your “life lessons”. Let’s find a time to catch up with a phone call in the next couple of weeks.”
  • “I’m so proud of you. Go, (insert name of their school’s mascot)!”

Finally, if you’re able, slip in some cash. That’s always a welcome special delivery.

52+: Connections–A former work colleague

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Who do you miss? The pal with whom you regularly went out for lunch? The woman who brought in the best homemade treats? The one with the great attitude, who always made you feel seen and appreciated? Whether you’ve been separated by COVID or career paths that diverged long ago, this is your nudge to reach out and reconnect.

Nothing fancy needed here. I’ll probably make a phone call—or three, because I can think of a few candidates. (Sending an email or message through LinkedIn would also work.) And since we might both be working, I might first reach out first to schedule a coffee break + chat.

Here are some prompts that might help the conversation flow:

“I was just thinking about you!”…

  • “Remember that project when we…had a big win / had that crazy client / won that award?”
  • “Are you working from home? What’s your home office like?” (Maybe we’ll exchange photos.)
  • “What do you miss most about our old office?”
  • “Whatever happened to our old boss / assistant / crazy client?”

It strikes me that this is the heart of networking. Sure, we all want to make professional connections that help us get ahead, but it’s the personal connections that make it all worthwhile.

By the way, if  a new job comes out of a reconnection, I want to hear about it! 😉

52+: Connections–A favorite waiter or bartender

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For many years, Thor and I frequented a small neighborhood restaurant for special occasions and spontaneous date nights. We knew every member of the staff by name, and we celebrated their promotions and career moves, in one case from wait staff to bartender to assistant manager. When the restaurant closed abruptly—due to circumstances not related to COVID—we hoped we’d be able to follow individuals to their new jobs.

Then COVID.

I have the email address for one person and the phone number for another, and it was these two people who I had in mind when I added this category to my nudges. I plan to reach out to one with a simple message:

We miss you! Where are you? How are you? We hope to raise a glass in person with you soon!

If this nudge isn’t a good fit for you this week, here are a few alternatives:

  • If you’re getting takeout, go in and say hello. Take a few minutes to tell them you’re looking forward to eating in with them again soon. (And, if you’re able, leave a big tip.)
  • If you’ve been a regular at any neighborhood business that’s still closed (or you’re still not comfortable being around people), drop a note or card through their mail slot. (Hair stylist, book shop, nail salon, pet groomer—any place where you saw the staff regularly.)
  • Go to the business’s website and send a “Thinking of you!” message through their contact page or email. (I’m thinking of doing this for the winery where we used to go for tastings.)

I’m going to add one more option, from something I did a few years ago that made a lasting impression. I was buying a box of floral notecards from a local shop, when the woman who was ringing up my purchase mentioned lilacs—the design featured on the box—were her favorite flowers. A few months later, when our lilac tree was in full bloom, I cut several branches, wrapped them in paper and a silk ribbon, and delivered them to her at work. She was overcome. She couldn’t believe I remembered and followed up. It cost me next to nothing to do this, yet I know the ripple effect of that small act greatly lifted her spirits, my spirits, and those of everyone who was in the shop that day. Might you do something like that this week?

52+ Connections: A sibling or cousin

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My Gram, my hero.

At first glance, this nudge isn’t much of a stretch. My siblings and I talk almost every day, especially during this year of being shut in as we share in supporting and caring for our parents.

But when was the last time we really talked? How long has it been since we explored the stuff below the surface—our dreams, our goals, our deeply held beliefs* about anything?

I haven’t yet decided if this week’s nudge will involve a sib or a cousin, but I am feeling inspired by the above photo of our grandmother. I found it in a random box (one of the perks of decluttering), and she has held a place of honor on my desk for the past few weeks. I’m thinking I might send it via text messaging with a conversation prompt, like: “Remembering Gram today. I see her in your daughter’s smile.”

Through an email, text message, letter, or call, you might share:

  • a photo of an ancestor: “I wonder what he’d think of iPhones/FitBit/Harry Styles?”
  • a memory: “Remember when we/they…”
  • a family tradition: “I miss the days when…”

Most of all, I think the message in this week’s nudge is: “I miss you.”

* But not politics. We’ve all seen enough rifts in our family networks over the past few years. Maybe now we can try to mend some of those hurts by reconnecting over the things we have in common. If that resonates with you, go for it; if not, call someone who you know will make you feel good. Because the whole point of this nudging project is to lift our spirits. XO