Tag Archives: 52Nudges

Nudged: Teach Louie (and me) a new trick

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Backstory: I’ve been caught up lately in trying to do all the Nudges “right”, in staying vigilant in my search for “meaning” and “direction”. What’s I’ve forgotten is this is also supposed to be “fun.”

I don’t allow much time in my life for fun. There’s plenty of must dos and shoulds, from client projects to household tasks to the stuff that seems to barely keep my head above water most days. So this week’s Nudge, it’s purely fun.

This Nudge requires the assistance of a willing partner. Here I am with mine, my sweet Louie.

What Happened: Louie is a five-year-old cattle dog–corgi mix, and he’s super smart. Several years ago, he and my husband attended weekly agility course training, where they ran around a gym as Louie navigated obstacles such as crawling through long tubes, weaving through poles, and leaping over jumps. Both of my guys were sidelined with injuries, and I’m sorry to say we’ve fallen into a rut, becoming complacent with the fact that Louie obeys (about 90% of the time) the basic commands—come, sit, stay; lie down, show me your belly.

So this Nudge shook us out of that rut, and the trick I chose to teach him was something I thought would be doable in the time period and something that would be fun to show off to visitors: a fist bump.

Twice each day, Louie and I had our training sessions. With patience and a handful of treats, I worked on getting us both focused, and we practiced until I felt we could perform in front of an audience. My husband was aware of this week’s Nudge, but I told him the actual trick was a surprise, something we’d demonstrate for him at the end of the week.

Here we are, early this morning:

The Ah-Ha: I take my responsibilities as Louie’s dog-mama pretty seriously, but will admit to being a bit lazy the last couple of years. Not only was training him to do a new trick good mental stimulation for him, it forced me to take a complete break from my daily routine.

I forget how utterly entertaining he is, and how eager he is to please. I was strict about rewarding him with treats, so when he didn’t get it right, we started over. But I could see the wheels turning as he tried to figure it out. And when all else failed, he ran through his repertoire of solid tricks, expertly performing sit–shake–lie down–roll over in quick succession, as if one of those would suffice. It made me laugh out loud. But then, the pure joy of seeing the moment it clicked for him, when he made the connection between “Bump!” and tapping his paw on my fist and getting a treat. I swear he beamed with pride.

This exercise took only a few minutes out of my day, but as I headed back to my desk, I was aware that during that time I hadn’t once thought about deadlines, bills, broken fences, or what in the heck I was going to make for dinner. I was fully present with my Louie. So this, too, is a mindfulness practice. And it was FUN!

Nudging: Teach Louie (and me) a new trick

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Backstory: I’ve been caught up lately in trying to do all the Nudges “right”, in staying vigilant in my search for “meaning” and “direction”. What’s I’ve forgotten is this is also supposed to be “fun.”

I don’t allow much time in my life for fun. There’s plenty of must dos and shoulds, from client projects to household tasks to the stuff that seems to barely keep my head above water most days. So this week’s Nudge, it’s purely fun.

This Nudge requires the assistance of a willing partner. Here I am with mine, my sweet Louie.

P.S. What do you love to do? What haven’t you done in a while? What made you giggle when you were a kid? Think of something you can do this week that is purely fun, and do it. I hope you’ll share it here, because I could use some new ideas, and we might all be inspired.

Nudged: Wear the nice jewelry

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Backstory: This one was recommended by a reader (you know who you are—thank you!), and aligns with the Nudges like “Use the good china/silver.” I think it’s about enjoying our treasures and treating ourselves with respect. I’m mean, shoot, if I’d given someone a really special necklace, I’d love to see her wearing it, right? So off I go. Let’s see what this Nudge has in store for us.

P.S. Not into jewelry? Think about what other nice things you have that you don’t enjoy often enough. Maybe this is the week you “splurge” on the fancy box of tea or chocolates. Maybe instead of slaving away in the kitchen every night this week (hello, martyr), you dig into that stash of emergency cash and take you and your loved one(s) out for a nice meal. The key word here is “nice”. What’s something nice you can do for yourself?

What Happened: Isn’t this a fabulous necklace? I bought it eight years ago to wear for my wedding, and although I ended up wearing a different ensemble on my big day, this pretty piece has graced my neck countless days since.

To quote Valerie (Carol Kane) in The Princess Bride, “Liar! Liar! Liaaaaaaaaaar!”

Today was the first time EVER I have worn this necklace. After its initial rejection, it was placed in a velvet bag inside a special jewelry box, that was tucked into a bigger box, that was stuffed into the very back corner of my closet—for eight years! I completely forgot I owned it, or any of the other “special” pieces that shared its hideaway.

The day I wore it out this week, friends went mad for it. “You look fabulous! You should wear red more often! That necklace is gorgeous!”

I am completely beating myself up over this. Why have I denied myself the pleasure of wearing this for so long? What other treasures (and possible crap) is buried in the dumping ground that my closet has become?

Although I pulled out other bags and boxes, I didn’t adorn myself in forgotten jewels every day. Some are definitely special occasion and will have to wait. But I did wear a family ring I’d received as a college graduation gift, and I decided it is time to pass an heirloom necklace on to a niece. (It will look so pretty on her, and I plan to tell her it’s “lucky” because of its heritage.) I also pulled out a couple of other pieces that I’ve kept for sentimental reasons (a necklace sent as a thank you from a friend with whom I’ve lost touch) and others I’ve kept because they were expensive (including a fancy and clearly expensive pin that I’ve taken off every time I’ve put it on because it didn’t feel like “me”). Some I’ll re-gift, others I’ll donate. None appear to be worth trying to sell, but imagine if I’d found something like that. What’s hiding in your closet?

The Ah-Ha: Funny that this should come so soon after my Nudge to “Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want”, as it reinforced my Ah-Ha that I really don’t need to buy anything new for myself right now. I have plenty.

In pulling out the long-lost treasures, not only did I get a chance to clear out some things, but I rediscovered some that truly give me pleasure. Now that I can see them, I hope I will be more likely to remember to wear them. This Nudge was girly, and it was fun, and I felt good about myself.

And here’s the other part: Although I thought about wearing my finest jewels with my gym clothes, I didn’t. Every day I was inspired to dress the part. Not over-the-top New York socialite of a certain age (pu-lease), but nicely put together. Hair classically styled, shirt without a speck of balsamic vinaigrette, a pop of color in a jacket or sweater, clean pants (ie., no Louie paw prints on my butt), shoes that aren’t from Nike. I pulled myself together. I stood a little taller. I respected myself. And I am pretty sure I projected that to the outside world. Interesting how that happens.

 

Nudged: Interview an “expert” (someone doing something I want to do in life)

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Backstory: Do I want to change careers? Go back to school? Master a new skill?

In her book Sacred Success (see “For Inspiration” in the right column), author Barbara Stanny talks about one of her clients who was terrified about taking on a new challenge in her work. “I am not qualified…I better stay away…I might mess it up,” she told herself. (Hmmm, that inner voice sounds familiar.) Instead, she gave herself permission to be not perfect. “When you screw up, you can clean it up!” she told herself as she dove in. She later revealed that the secret was realizing “For everything I don’t know, I know someone who knows. I can just call them and they can tell me what to do—or do it for me!”

One of the most valuable gifts we have in life is our extended network. We know women who have made big changes in their own lives, women who have impacted ours in ways big and small, and women who are willing to mentor or at the very least give real-life answers to our really scary questions. What do I want to know? Who can I ask? How might it redirect me toward something I really want?

Who are you gonna call?

What Happened: Starting Sunday, I brainstormed experts I might call and questions I wanted answered. There’s the author of the soon-to-be-released memoir about personal transformation. (Would I ask about her journey or ask her about the ins and outs of 21st-century publishing?) I thought about exploring pastry making and cake decorating, skills I would love to acquire. My husband has a friend who volunteers for an organization that helps women escape from human trafficking and sets them up for fresh starts; maybe I could interview her about how I could contribute. Or I could email Elizabeth Gilbert, Expert in Living a Full Live, and see if she’d give me some advice. It can’t hurt to ask!

As I pondered my many choices, I got an email Tuesday morning from Kelly Mishell, a long-time friend who is a life coach who specializes in teaching women about the Law of Attraction. “Start each day with intention,” her email said. That’s interesting. I had read that same suggestion in a book the night before. Coincidence?

I’ve thought about becoming certified as a life coach, so figured she’d be the perfect expert to interview for my Nudge. Then a funny thing happened: This morning, as I drafted my questions for our interview, I realized I didn’t want her expert advice on becoming a coach, I wanted her expert advice on utilizing the Law of Attraction in my life.

Bingo.

Following is a transcript of our interview, all of which makes up this week’s…

Ah-Ha:

Kath Woods: What is the Law of Attraction?

Kelly Mishell: Everything unto itself attracts. Whatever you put out into the Universe is coming back to you energetically. Every thing in the Universe is energy. This includes things we see, our physical bodies, and our thoughts and feelings. So, say you’re feeling joy. It has a frequency and vibration, like a radio frequency. If you’re putting that out, the Universe matches your vibration and sends that back to you. Joy = Joy, also, Frustration = Frustration.

KW: Do you teach people how to control this?

KM: It’s not acting “as if”, it’s not masking. You can’t fake out the Universe with “Just think positively!” If you’re just covering crap with a bunch of roses, it’s still crap. You have to find better feeling thoughts.

KW: How does this work, for example, with worries about money?

KM: Instead of lack thought, such as “I can’t take a vacation, I never have enough money,” you have to shift to “I have everything I need. I’d like more money so I can take a vacation.” Another example would be the lack thought of “I’ve gone on so many bad dates, I’ll never meet the right person” or you can think “I’ve gone on so many bad dates, I know the right person is out there.” I coach clients to keep trying with a new statement until they find one that feels better, then they can use it as a mantra. You have to get into the habit of, when the mind goes to negative, you catch it and flip it.

KW: So it’s about mastering the feeling? Is that right?

KM: It takes 17 seconds for the Universe to match the vibration you’re putting out. If you can feel better and feel abundance, it gets matched. Then to manifest it, it takes 68 seconds, so you might speak it aloud for 68 seconds. There are other details, such as being clear and being specific, so that the Universe knows how to give to you. You don’t change overnight, so I give my clients exercises to practice—repetition and reinforcement—until it becomes habit.

KW: What kinds of requests do you get from clients?

KM: I get women who want to change careers but don’t know how or are afraid to do it. Some want the confidence to do anything, others want help in relationships, such as overcoming the fear of commitment. As women, we’re judging ourselves so harshly. “Is this how you’d treat your best friend?” I ask. I give clients exercises to help them know their worth, know their own light. I did it for myself. Marianne Williams said, “It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” When we shine our light, we make it possible for others to shine too.

KW: How do you Nudge yourself?

KM: I say “Yes” to things. In the past, I thought everything through. I needed to see the outcome before I began. It was fear-based. Now I say “Yes”, then I figure it all out. The saying goes, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

If you’re interested in learning more about the Law of Attraction and/or Kelly’s work, go to Kelly Mishell Coaching. If you could use an extra boost, sign up to receive her free “Weekly Wisdom” inspirational messages.

Nudging: Interview an “expert” (someone doing something I want to do in life)

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Backstory: Do I want to change careers? Go back to school? Master a new skill?

In her book Sacred Success (see “For Inspiration” in the right column), author Barbara Stanny talks about one of her clients who was terrified about taking on a new challenge in her work. “I am not qualified…I better stay away…I might mess it up,” she told herself. (Hmmm, that inner voice sounds familiar.) Instead, she gave herself permission to be not perfect. “When you screw up, you can clean it up!” she told herself as she dove in. She later revealed that the secret was realizing “For everything I don’t know, I know someone who knows. I can just call them and they can tell me what to do—or do it for me!”

One of the most valuable gifts we have in life is our extended network. We know women who have made big changes in their own lives, women who have impacted ours in ways big and small, and women who are willing to mentor or at the very least give real-life answers to our really scary questions. What do I want to know? Who can I ask? How might it redirect me toward something I really want?

Who are you gonna call?

Nudged: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

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Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

What Happened: Well I f-ed this one up…or did I? All week long I put this off. It was more about not wanting to even be tempted to spend money. There is nothing I need, and truly nothing I really want. In fact, I’m starting to feel the need more and more to get rid of the stuff I’m not using or enjoying to make way for more of what I do want: financial security, calm in our home, a smaller to do list, time and energy to take care of myself and nurture my precious relationships.

But this uncomfortable Nudge took up brain space all week. I thought about going to a clothing store that’s had my eye, or playing make-believe that I was über-rich and trying on sparkly tennis bracelets and necklaces at a fancy jeweler’s. But I stalled, I put off, I suffered way too much stress worrying about how I was going to complete (or not) this one dumb task.

Finally, it was deadline day. My husband and I went out for brunch, and before heading out to run a couple of errands, I said, “Give me five minutes.” I remembered that Friday, on an early morning walk with Louie the dog, I passed a shop that sells antiques. In the front window I’d spotted a beautiful tea pot. It almost looked like a cloisonné. Oooo…I needed to touch that and maybe manifest it into my life! So I dashed from the restaurant to check it out, feeling quite pleased with myself that I wasn’t going to fail my Nudge.

Closed on Sundays.

Ah, crap.

The tea pot, as gorgeous as I remembered, was still in the window. What was also in this window was this sign:

The Ah-Ha: That sign brought everything home for me, because the other thing I thought about during this week was how good I am at deferred pleasure. I take pride in the fact that when there is something I want—whether a thing or an experience or a goal of any kind—I set my intentions, break down the steps, save my money, then get it when I’ve “earned” it.

I’m not sure this is the healthiest choice for me. I’m not saying I’m going to start impulse buying expensive stuff, but what else am I depriving myself of? How often do I put other people’s needs before my own? How often do I tackle every task of drudgery on the to do list before I allow myself the smallest of pleasures that feed my soul? Methinks I need to do some work in this area.

So while I didn’t complete the Nudge as originally specified, I consider this Nudging experience a success. And because I’m now more aware of how I defer and deprive myself, I’m adding a new Nudge to my list: “Give in to an impulse that gives me joy.”

P.S. Earlier this year I read The Rainbow Comes and Goes by Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt. I was struck by one particular story in which the message is to be fully in the present and “Enjoy enjoy enjoy!”

I no longer believe in coincidence. I feel that line was directed to me and I am being asked to consider why I waste so much energy desiring things I want in the future (and deferring the pleasure of getting them far into the future) when I have so much to be grateful for today. My off-the-top-of-my-head list includes: A dog who loves and protects me. A roof over my head, food in the fridge, work that I’m good at and that I enjoy. A husband who makes me laugh and makes me proud. Pretty flowers on my desk, warmth from the sun coming through my office window. Hands that effortlessly type and translate the thoughts from my mind and imagination onto this page. Friends I can count on.

It’s not lost on me that most of these things cannot be touched or purchased or drooled over in a storefront window.

Nudging: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

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Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

Nudged: Complete something on the to do list for 6+months

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Backstory: This is so embarrassing. There are many things on my list that have been on there for more than six months.

As I sat at my desk and pulled this week’s Nudge, what is front of mind is the thing that has literally been in front of me for over a year: a map dated 1850 of my adopted city that was gifted to me, that I paid a small fortune to frame, that has been sitting on the floor of my office just in front of my desk, staring me down and basically saying “You loser! Please honor me, respect me, and enjoy me before I become just one other piece of junk that some niece or nephew (or stranger) has to dispose of when you’re gone!”

In other words: Hang that map!

What Happened: I finally pulled the tool box from the basement, attached the wire and hooks I bought from the hardware store ages ago, dusted the frame and Windexed the glass, and and…the beautiful map now has a permanent home in our living room for all to ooh and ahh over. Cool.

Meanwhile, I decided to address another overdue task. My beloved Gram left me her engagement ring…wait for it…in 1993. I’ve meant to do something with it. Several months ago I took it to a jeweler to explore turning it into a pendant, but they wanted more than it’s current value, which didn’t make sense. So again it sat in a bag, under a stack of papers, in a file folder marked “To Do.” After I completed the map hanging, I called the jeweler who made my wedding band. “Do you, by any chance…?” They do indeed, and for a very reasonable price. I plan to take the ring to them in the next couple of weeks, and soon I’ll be able to wear it.

The Ah-Hah: Two things: (1) Somewhere in my bowl of Nudges is “use the good silver” and “use the good china”. I am completely a believer that we need to use and enjoy, not hoard, our treasures, but I haven’t been good about walking my talk. But now, two items that are dear to me are off the overwhelming to do list and in my life. Wahoo! (2) No one is going to clear out the clutter for me, put things in their places, shred the old files, give away the stuff we no longer use (or that belongs only in the trash), or hang the pictures (and maps) that are precious to us. This is something I have to do. So bit by bit, task by task, I’m going to do this. I’m looking forward to the day when I can see—and feel—a big difference both from what’s no longer around us and what we’ve chosen to display.

Nudging: Complete something on the to do list for 6+ months

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Backstory: This is so embarrassing. There are many things on my list that have been on there for more than six months.

As I sat at my desk and pulled this week’s Nudge, what is front of mind is the thing that has literally been in front of me for over a year: a map dated 1850 of my adopted city that was gifted to me, that I paid a small fortune to frame, that has been sitting on the floor of my office just in front of my desk, staring me down and basically saying “You loser! Please honor me, respect me, and enjoy me before I become just one other piece of junk that some niece or nephew (or stranger) has to dispose of when you’re gone!”

In other words: Hang that map!

Nudged: Go through one bookshelf: toss, donate, share, re-read

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Backstory: Oh, how the stuff piles up. This is a recurring theme in this Nudges project, as I try to clear away the old and make way for the new.

Although this sounds odd for a writer and avid reader, I don’t save a lot of books. I’ve moved so many times, that I grew weary of packing, carrying, and unpacking heavy boxes. Now there’s just one shelf in my office that holds “favorites” I plan to re-read…some day. (Insert eye roll.)

This seems as good as time as any to pull them all out and consider whether I really, truly, want to re-read them or if I’m ready to let them go.

What Happened: Having helped family members clear out both grandmothers’ overflowing homes when they passed away, I dread the thought of burdening someone with doing the same when I’m gone. This is especially concerning to me since I am a childless woman, which means the task will fall possibly on a niece or nephew or, worse, a stranger who will just dump all of my “treasures” into the trash.

Before my Gram passed in 1993, she would ask me, “What do you want when I’m dead?” The question horrified me. “I’m not going to wish for your demise just so I can get your stuff!” I’d say. She finally explained to me that it would help her to know that her most precious possessions would have homes, would be saved for future generations, would be appreciated. I got that.

I was reminded of this as I pulled some childhood favorites off the shelf along with novels I’d loved and classics I hoped to better understand in a second reading. The latter two categories were moved to the stack on my nightstand, with plans to re-read them. If I love them again, they might go back on the newly cleared shelf. If I feel “done” with them, I’ll pass them along to members of my book club or put them into the bag for donations to the library.

But what to do with the Little House on the Prairie books? I had been obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder’s stories of pioneer living when I was in elementary school. Seeing the books reminded me of how I’d based much of my playtime on them. The redwood playhouse my father built from a kit was my “little house”, the vegetable garden was my homestead, even the swing set filled in for a wagon. Two books remained from the series, which I quickly re-read. I loved them, but I’ve outgrown them. And since I don’t have children of my own to read them to, it’s time to let them go.

I sent an email to my youngest niece, but she has already read them all. I went through my mental Rolodex of friends with young daughters, made a call, and found a friend whose family was thrilled to get them. I wrote notes to each of the girls in the front, wishing them many wonderful adventures.

Tucked in the back of the shelf was Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White. I knew the gist of the story, but didn’t recall it was a favorite, and wondered why I’d kept it for so many decades. Until I opened the front cover and discovered a note from my Gram, dated 1973. In her distinctive handwriting, she told me how much I was loved, and I felt flooded with warmth and sweet memories.

I re-read the story in one sitting and was, frankly, blown away by the clever and beautiful writing. I loved the messages about what it means to be a good friend, and I cried at the end. (No spoilers.) I then returned to the first page and placed my hand on top of my Gram’s message. As much as I treasured this, I also knew it was ready to grace a new reader’s shelf.

I sent a new email to my niece, and she accepted. Before I wrapped up the book, I added my own handwritten note, dated 2018, telling her how much she was loved.

The Ah-Hahs: It felt good to clear that shelf, even if it was just one little space. It was a start, and I hope I’ll feel motivated to tackle another shelf, then another, until I no longer feel burdened by the accumulated stuff.

But what felt even better was being able to share precious gifts with special people while I could give them in person. My Gram was right about how nice it is to see our treasures being appreciated.