Tag Archives: 52Nudges

Am I tired, burned out, or…?

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As I prepared for a minor medical procedure (I’m fine, by the way), I scrambled to get all my work done ahead of time so I could take a couple of days off to recover. I finally had an “excuse” to take a break from my 24/7 schedule (because there’s client work + my work + household and family care), and I found myself looking forward to the downtime—to rest, to watch chick flicks, to read a book purely for my own pleasure.

What is wrong with me?! Why do I have to have something happen that lays me flat, that forces me to be still, to finally take some time for myself?

I’ve been recognizing this pattern a lot lately and acknowledging that I am Burned Out. Then this article came out, and I think there’s more to it.

 

“What is High-Functioning Anxiety?” writer Dominique Michelle Astorino asks. It features:

  • Overthinking
  • People-pleasing
  • Inability to slow down
  • Fear of failure
  • Overplanning
  • Poor boundaries

 

What are the symptoms? They include:

  • Irritability
  • Restlessness
  • Worry
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Feeling depleted

Check check check…. Dangit!

All of this supports and motivates my decision to include some Radical Self-Care in my List of upcoming 52Nudges. In addition to adding some pampering (I can’t even remember the last time I treated myself to nice body lotion), I’ll be adding things like “Reevaluate a long-term friendship” and “Say ‘No’ without giving an explanation”.

I welcome your suggestions. What Radical Self-Care practices have you done that worked for you in the past? What are some acts of self-kindness you would like to do (but have been putting off)? Please share with me—with all of us—in Comments.

Need help putting together your List? Check out the 52Nudges Workbook for exercises, tips, and inspiration. You’ll find everything you need to get ready for the 3.0 launch on December 12.

 

 

downloadable & printable PDF

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52+: My biggest nudge ever

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nudge: something that pushes me out of my comfort zone, an experience that helps me live my best life, a task that can be completed in one week

Well, two out of three! 😉

This week I completed my biggest nudge ever when I uploaded my book to Amazon. Years in the making (because I had to live my story before I could tell it), The Mother of All Dilemmas tells how I explored the possibility of becoming a single mother and how I came to fully embrace the truth that all women have value—even childless me!

 

“Well-articulated…with painstaking honesty and emotional generosity.”

—Jody Day, psychotherapist, author of Living the “Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children”, and founder of Gateway Women

 

As a reader of the 52Nudges blog, you know some of my story. I hope you’ll pick up the book to learn more and be inspired to live your own truths. Maybe one day I’ll have the privilege of reading your story.

The Mother of All Dilemmas is available for preorder on Kindle here. Paperback will be available July 22.

52+:Connections–Someone in armed services

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First responders, frontliners, essential workers…. While I’m putting care packages together to support my neighbors who are fighting COVID here at home, I don’t want to forget the many men and women who are serving our country abroad. Here’s my nudge to say, again, “Thank you for your service and sacrifice.”

If you don’t know someone currently in the armed services, check out these three websites (note: these are for U.S. servicepeople):

Send a note, or send some requested items, if you’re able. Be sure to read through the instructions carefully.

52+: Connections–Phone a senior

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The nudge I pulled for this week reads “Someone living in a nursing or retirement home.” This was inspired by one former neighbor in particular, a woman who moved into a thriving retirement community just before the holidays in 2019, anticipating that her social life and overall well-being would improve dramatically. Then everything shut down. No visitors were allowed, all of their group activities—including meals in the dining room—were canceled, and I couldn’t even send her care packages! Her isolation has been incredibly challenging, and I’ve tried to check in with her when I can.

Then a couple of weeks ago I was thinking about the mom of a good friend of mine, who I used to see regularly at extended family gatherings. On a whim I picked up the phone to say “Hi!” and ended up spending over an hour chatting with her about books we’re reading, TV series we’re binging, and news about family members. It struck me that I might have been the only outside contact she had that day, so she’s the reason I’m recommending this week’s nudge connection be made with a phone call.

The recipient of your call might be an elderly family member, former neighbor, or maybe a former teacher. If you can’t think of anyone and you’re a member of a religious congregation, make your first call to them, to see if they have a senior support committee. Perhaps they can give you the name of someone who needs a little extra TLC.

If you’re at a loss for conversation beyond “So, how are you?”, consider:

  • sharing a memory: “Remember when we…were together for Passover / you taught me how to fish that summer / enjoyed your famous apple pie (what was your secret ingredient)?”
  • asking for life advice: “What’s something you wished you’d known when you were my age?”
  • closing the generational gap: “Carey Mulligan is one of my favorite actresses right now. Who was your favorite actor/actress/musician/writer when you were growing up?”
  • telling a funny story about your child or dog: I have a neighbor who is still in her home but is housebound. She loves getting photos of Louie (our dog) and hearing about his latest tricks. I’ve since heard stories about the pets she loved throughout her life.

Make that call!

52+: Connections–A college student

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My first impulse is to send a text message. I’ve been told that’s the best way to reach a college-age person, especially if I’m hoping to hear back. But my second impulse—and the one I’ll be following, because it makes me happy—is to send something in the mail.

This week I’m going to pull out the pretty note cards or fine stationery (ooo, how I love the feel of beautifully textured paper!), grab the pretty stamps (like those pictured), and fire up the sealing wax. My recipient is likely to be a niece, or maybe the kid of a close friend, and I’ve got a few ideas for what I might write:

  • “Have I ever told you about the time…” (something fun—and not too embarrassing—about their parents when they were kids)?
  • “Are there still…” (something about college life that may have changed since I was a co-ed, like are there still single-gender dorms, or does anyone still use the term “co-ed”)?
  • “I remember one of the biggest challenges of being on my own for the first time was (budgeting, cooking for and feeding myself, getting up in time to attend 8:00 am classes). I’d love to hear what you’re learning outside of your classes, your “life lessons”. Let’s find a time to catch up with a phone call in the next couple of weeks.”
  • “I’m so proud of you. Go, (insert name of their school’s mascot)!”

Finally, if you’re able, slip in some cash. That’s always a welcome special delivery.

52+: Connections–A former work colleague

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Who do you miss? The pal with whom you regularly went out for lunch? The woman who brought in the best homemade treats? The one with the great attitude, who always made you feel seen and appreciated? Whether you’ve been separated by COVID or career paths that diverged long ago, this is your nudge to reach out and reconnect.

Nothing fancy needed here. I’ll probably make a phone call—or three, because I can think of a few candidates. (Sending an email or message through LinkedIn would also work.) And since we might both be working, I might first reach out first to schedule a coffee break + chat.

Here are some prompts that might help the conversation flow:

“I was just thinking about you!”…

  • “Remember that project when we…had a big win / had that crazy client / won that award?”
  • “Are you working from home? What’s your home office like?” (Maybe we’ll exchange photos.)
  • “What do you miss most about our old office?”
  • “Whatever happened to our old boss / assistant / crazy client?”

It strikes me that this is the heart of networking. Sure, we all want to make professional connections that help us get ahead, but it’s the personal connections that make it all worthwhile.

By the way, if  a new job comes out of a reconnection, I want to hear about it! 😉

52+: Connections

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Hello! I’ve missed you! I hope this finds you safe, healthy, and doing mostly okay.

Since wrapping up 52Nudges 2.0 last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do next. I’ll let you know when I’ve figured out how 3.0 will look (stay tuned). Meanwhile, I am feeling called to do a specific, short-term Nudging project.

Backstory: When we first started sheltering-in-place, I was really good at reaching out and keeping in touch with family and friends. Somewhere around January 3, however, I hit a wall. Hard. Every time I got ready to make a call or send a catching-up email, I felt like I had nothing to say.

“We’re fine. We’ve been fine. Nothing is different.”

So I stopped. And I started to feel super-depressed and even more isolated than before. And it’s going to be a while before we’re all vaccinated and free to go about our new “normal”. How can I mix things up and create new ways to keep my spirits up? Well, I’m going to nudge myself.

Introducing 52+: Connections

If you’ve followed 52Nudges in the past, you’ll know that I love making connections, and I always include nudges that inspire me to be creative in how I keep in touch with people. For this round, I’m going to be a little more focused and intentional in just this one area of nudging.

I hope you’ll join me.

Here’s how to prepare:

  1. Gather supplies: postcards, stamps, lovely stationery, stickers, your favorite writing pen, etc.
  2. Make a list of people. My list includes names of specific friends and family members, as well as types of people (a teacher, a teenager, a friend from high school, an elderly person who lives in a retirement home, an essential worker, a friend who lost someone to COVID, a neighbor).

In this next week, I’ll type up my list and tear those names/people into strips, wad them up, and put them in my special bowl. Each Sunday, I’ll draw one and come up with a way to connect.

As always with the nudges, feel free to make your own list, follow whatever nudge I draw, or just read along for the entertainment value. Don’t worry about what you might write or say; I’ll include prompts with each to inspire us all.

I look forward to seeing you back here next Sunday, March 7.

Affectionately,

Kathleen

52+: I’d appreciate your input

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Hello again!

I hope this finds you and your loved ones safe and healthy. I hope you’re still finding ways to be creative and have fun.

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I’m taking a breather from blogging to mull over what to do next with 52Nudges. Among the suggestions: podcasts, another year of nudges, a book. I’m exploring these and other ideas (and I’m open to new ideas), so stay tuned.

Meanwhile, I’d love to get your input. Sometime this week, would you take a look at the old posts and let me know in the Comments here what have been some of your favorite Nudges?

  • Was there one that you found especially inspiring, motivating, or funny?
  • Was there one that changed how you perceive or do things?
  • Was there one that had a wonderfully surprising “Ah-hah” for you?

We did two full rounds of 52, so you have lots to choose from.

Thank you in advance. xoKathleen

Nudging: Play dress-up

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Backstory: Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. As a kid, I planned months in advance for my costume, which, in almost every case, was something made by me. In the intervening months, I drew inspiration from the big box of Dad’s discarded suits and Mom’s out-of-fashion dresses to create characters and act out stories. Is it any wonder I was performing on stage by the time I hit middle school?

So, yes, this Nudge is from the list of “activities I loved doing when I was a kid.” There are still a few weeks before Halloween, and I’m not sure how I might complete the task, but I’m excited about it. It feels like play, and that’s what counts to me.

For fun inspiration, here’s a photo of me as Strawberry Fields for a James Bond theme party we attended a few years ago.

Nudged: Answer a call

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Backstory: How do you make God laugh? You tell her your plans.

It’s an old joke, but lately it’s felt like much of my life. Between sheltering-in-place (for months and months…), political upheaval and civil unrest (that’s putting it mildly), a family member with COVID (wear your mask!), and the widespread fires and resulting deep layers of smoke, few things have gone as planned. This has included recent Nudges. I drew tasks that I really looked forward to, only to have them kiboshed by forces way out of my control.

Instead of crawling under the covers till it all passes, I decided to get creative this week. I am doing a Nudge that is not off the original list, one that will allow surprise and spontaneity.

“Answer a call” does not mean picking up a call from “Unknown”. It does not mean picking up when I see the caller is someone I really really don’t feel like talking to. Instead, it means listening to myself. Listening to that still, small (and occasionally nagging) voice inside me. And when it says “You should do this,” whatever “this” might be, I have every intention (not “plan”) to drop what I’m doing and…well, you know.

What Happened: I’ve been reading a book about the Law of Attraction, and earlier this week I read a passage about the importance of clearing space to make room for what I want. This gives a whole new dimension to my ongoing decluttering efforts. I’ve been so focused on “getting rid of” (shredding, tossing, sharing) that I haven’t given much thought to “what I want.” Until this week. 😉

There are many big projects on my to do list, one of which is going through my closet. Daunting! There’s stuff in there…I don’t even know where to begin. Stuff that doesn’t fit, suit my current lifestyle (or climate), feel good, or look good. I’ve long wanted to upgrade to Me 2020, but have put it off until…I lose weight, make some extra cash, activate my Stitch Fix account, decide what my authentic style is, win the lottery…. Till then, there’s just been a soft nagging to “Get to it.”

This morning I finished a client job ahead of deadline and had the gift of a little free time. As I headed back to my office after lunch, that soft voice got louder and announced “SHOES!”

A section of the pre-sort jumble.

Okay then. That was my “call”. I set a timer for 30 minutes, pulled everything out, and sorted. Final tally: 5 embarrassingly worn-out pairs to the trash, 2 barely worn pairs to the donation box, and 6 empty boxes that have just been taking up space. Inspired, I added to the donation box a special occasion dress I’ve worn once in seven years. (Even though it was pretty on the hanger, it made me feel frumpy.)

The shoes that went back into my closet are neatly organized, which feels good. But what might make me the happiest is these beauties got pulled out of the shadows and into an easily accessible spot.

Ready to go!

Plans to go on hikes with friends are on hold right now, till the fires are contained and smoke cleared. But as soon as we get the okay from the air quality index, I’ll be ready to go.

The Ah-Hahs: I do like having plans. I like setting goals, breaking them down, and checking steps off my list until I reach the finish line. However. Life is rarely that direct, so I’m learning to work with zigs and zags, to go with the flow, to open myself up to new opportunities. I suppose I end up in the same place, and some times the journey feels a little more fun when it isn’t just about being at the destination.

This week’s nudge was a perfect example of that. It was spontaneous and productive. As I type this, I feel lighter — and not just because I’ve unloaded some old stuff. Maybe it’s because I took a “must do” and reframed it into a “nudge”. Maybe it’s because once I cleared away the worn-out and uncomfortable stuff, I was left with the nice and comfortable stuff. Maybe it’s simply because I found a way to physically experience the act of clearing space to make way for good of every kind to come into my life. 🙂