Tag Archives: shouldn’ts

Nudged: Say “No” to something

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Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

What Happened: “What if nothing happens this week?” Hello, hilarious! I had not just one, but many opportunities to exercise this Nudge:

  • Was asked to chair a committee for a volunteer organization that comes with big responsibilities and a major time commitment. I was flattered to be asked, yet, after thinking about where I want my time and energy to go right now and in the near future, I said, “No, thank you.”
  • A friend of a friend of a friend reached out to me for help writing content for their business. I took at look at what they were doing, sent over a letter of introduction with samples of my work, and suggested how I might contribute. She replied with an offer that is ¼ the market rate for my services. I replied, “No, thank you.”
  • I put on a dress that’s been in the back of my closet for some time, one that now (thanks to recent efforts) fits. I wondered why I hadn’t worn it much before, until I saw myself in the mirror. It wasn’t me. It’s very pretty, but the angles hit me wrong and the color washes me out. I needed to hustle to get myself out the door for an event that evening, but I took a few minutes to change into something else that made me feel confident, sexy, attractive, approachable, and authentic. Then I folded up the first dress and put it in the box for donation to Goodwill.
  • That same night, I wanted ice cream. Really really wanted ice cream. Then I remembered how good it felt to slip into a dress a size smaller than what I’ve worn for some time and said “No, thank you” to the offer to stop for a cone.
  • Friday night, 6:07 pm. My mind said, “Just one…maybe tw-three more emails!” My heart said, “No.” I turned off the light, walked out of the office, and started my weekend.

The Ah-Hah: I missed one opportunity, and it’s eating away at me. I was at a social event, one held in honor of a colleague. I found myself stuck at a table with a conversation that was…uncomfortable. I don’t want to out anyone or reveal details, so let’s just say the opinions being floated directly contradicted my values.

But it wasn’t the place or the environment to argue. It would have been inappropriate to speak my mind, though I was tempted to not only offer an alternative perspective, but to strongly condemn the original.

So I bit my tongue. Literally. I didn’t want to take the spotlight off our guest of honor (even though the speaker was doing just that), so I did nothing. I wanted to get up from the table and walk out, but again, that would have caused a “scene.” So I stayed. And I bit. And I seethed.

If this happens again, under the same circumstances, I’m not sure if I would behave differently. But there remains a part of me that wishes I had stood up and said, “Hell. No.”

Nudged: Break a rule

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Backstory: I used to be a risk-taker. I used to thrive on taking leaps of faith without a net. But lately, as in the past several years, things have gotten too comfortable. I had gotten complacent. It was time to shake things up. So, inspired by something I’d read or heard (I wish I could remember where it came from), I decided one week to break a rule. Not break a law, just push myself, do or think outside the box, do something I “shouldn’t.”

What Happened: I didn’t know what the situation might be—something in my work, something in my private life—but I knew if I stayed open, the opportunity would come.

That week, after an especially disappointing conversation with a long-time client, I took a look at some online job listings. I wasn’t really looking for a new job, but I was curious about what was out there.

Then one, at a respected and growing magazine, caught my eye. I had all the skills and experience they were seeking, and it was a position that would challenge and interest me. I was perfect for it, except…it was based in a nearby city and one of the requirements was that I live there. Oh, well, I thought.

But wait….

The rules say I can’t apply for this job because I’m not right for it. But what if I’m right enough?

Instead of replying through the job posting site, I wrote an email directly to the editor detailing my experience and interest in, perhaps, doing some freelance work for her. In the subject line I wrote: “I am not a candidate for your job listing.” And… Send.

Within a few minutes, I had a personal reply from her. We scheduled a time to meet and talk about how we might work together. As of this posting, that meeting has yet to happen, and I’m hopeful that it will in the near future. But what’s magical about this experience is what it inspired in me. I felt giddy about the risk that I took and the response I got. I was motivated to look for other ways I might “break” rules, and I was inspired to create a sort of program that would help me push myself in new ways and embrace change.

The Ah-Hah: 52Nudges was born.