Tag Archives: risk

Nudging: Say “yes” to something new

Backstory: When I was putting together The List, I almost pulled this nudge off. It feels kinda vague. But on final review, I kept it because it forces me to be in the moment, to be open to whatever may come.

Will I be invited to a social event that feels outside my comfort (or fashion) zone? Will I see an opening in a class that’s just a little outside my (financial or intellectual) reach? Will I get an opportunity to experiment on something that’s always looked like fun but had me doubting my ability to even try?

We’ll find out! 🙂

Have fun with this! If you need inspiration, check out Shonda Rhimes’ book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.

Nudging: Do something I hate doing (i.e., weeding)

Backstory: Ugh. Remember when I/we did something that scared us? (Read that post here.) That was scary (obvs), but it also had an element of fun. Not so much this Nudge. This has a taint of must-do, take responsibility, be an adult.

Or…I need to see this as spreading my wings and taking a leap of faith out of my nest.

That seems much more exciting, doesn’t it? 🙂 Let’s do this.

 

 

Nudged: Do something that scares me

Backstory: I was just thinking about this Nudge. I knew it was on the list, and as my collection in the bowl dwindles, I knew it had to pop up soon.

So here it is. What might I do this week? What scares me? Maybe this is the week I finally…

  • schedule my annual mammogram (the last one resulted in surgery—I’m fine, by the way—so dreading this, though I know it’s necessary).
  • track down and contact the holders of the copyright on some song lyrics I’d like to use in a book I’m writing (worst case scenario: they could say no—which would completely foul things up for me).
  • trust my gut and tell a needy, demanding, and annoying potential client that I really do NOT want to work with her (despite needing the income).
  • say “Oh, hell no!” to everyone else who wants free work/favors/my time/my energy and turn my full focus to work that truly makes me happy, that gives me energy, that gives me joy.
  • decide where I want my ashes to be scattered.

What scares you (and what are you going to do about it)? Good luck!

What Happened: You know a good way to get over fear? Confront it every day. I walked into this week thinking I’d do one thing, but then decided it would be a good exercise for me to keep pushing, to keep nudging.

  • Monday morning, following a rather bizarre phone interview, I “quit” a potential client who I felt was not a good fit for me. (Not only did I remove myself from what I sensed would be a difficult working relationship, I believe I opened a way for something better to come to me.)
  • That afternoon I pitched an idea to a website I’d love to contribute to. (Hope I cracked open a door to new opportunities.)
  • Tuesday morning I decided where I want my ashes scattered. (We’ve been working on our estate plans, talk about scary.)
  • Shortly after I sent the above info off to our attorney, I scheduled my mammogram.

Early Wednesday morning, I learned that “Do not be afraid” appears in the Bible 365 times. One for every day of the year. I think, perhaps, this is something we’re supposed to take to heart. Just do it!

As the week progressed, I thought about some of the work I’ve turned down this year. Oftentimes the reason has been scheduling (I can only do so much in the hours of the day), but this year I’ve also gotten more adept at identifying when personalities and work styles don’t click. It’s a tough call. I’ve certainly done my share of sucking it up for the paycheck to work with difficult people (bullies, control freaks, and, let’s be honest, idiots), but I’ve started to identify and acknowledge the deeper costs to me. So not worth it.

At the same time, I’ve been thinking a lot about the types of people and businesses I’d love to work with more, and this week, one nearby company came to mind. I’ve been impressed with their mailers, emails, website, mission, values, and services. Every time I receive a promotion from them, I think, “Wouldn’t it be great…?”

So I took this one step further and checked out current job listings. Sure enough, they had one that fit my skills and experiences, and I applied.

Turned out they’d already hired someone, but instead of a standard form rejection letter, I got a personal reply asking, “Would you be interested in doing some freelance work for us?” Heck, yes!

Ah-Hahs: As much as I think I could have been a brilliant fit for the staff position, I am not disappointed. I feel like I am getting closer to what I am meant to be doing. After all the closed doors I’ve walked past this year (sometimes doors I’ve closed myself), I trust that the door that opens will reveal something that is right for me.

I am so darn proud of myself for trusting my gut, following my intuition, pushing through fears, and taking chances.

And that, my friends, is a successful Nudge.

 

Nudged: Submit an essay/pitch for publication

Backstory: This is one of the hardest parts of my work. You send out something you’ve crafted, something you’ve nurtured and cried over and sweated through, and you hope-hope-hope someone LOVES IT and wants to help you share it with the world. And if you’re lucky, they’ll also want to pay you for the privilege.

I’ve gotten out of the habit of pitching lately. It is a tremendous amount of work and can be incredibly discouraging. But, if I’m not putting my work out there, it can’t be picked up, and it won’t ever be read.

So this week I’m going to take a look at what’s in my circulation file and put myself out there again.

How might you Nudge yourself out of your professional comfort zone this week? Is it time to update your LinkedIn profile? Apply online to an open position? Make some calls and do some networking?

Do it.

What Happened: Two pieces were on my mind, and I began the week with the intention of pitching them both to two separate entities. Both are of a personal nature, so both involve not only putting my writing work on the line, but also my small vulnerable human ego.

I sent out one, pitching a story for a live-reading event. And it was accepted—wahoo!

I had every intention of polishing the pitch for the second piece, researching publications, and sending it out to an editor, but work and life got in the way (yes, and being a chicken), and it didn’t happen.

One of my many repositories for ideas, pitches, works-in-progress. Sheesh.

I’m thinking this Nudge needs to return to the bowl for a second attempt.

The Ah-Hahs: Believe in my gifts and my work. Take risks. Be fearless!

Nudging: Submit an essay/pitch for publication

Backstory: This is one of the hardest parts of my work. You send out something you’ve crafted, something you’ve nurtured and cried over and sweated through, and you hope-hope-hope someone LOVES IT and wants to help you share it with the world. And if you’re lucky, they’ll also want to pay you for the privilege.

I’ve gotten out of the habit of pitching lately. It is a tremendous amount of work and can be incredibly discouraging. But, if I’m not putting my work out there, it can’t be picked up, and it won’t ever be read.

So this week I’m going to take a look at what’s in my circulation file and put myself out there again.

How might you Nudge yourself out of your professional comfort zone this week? Is it time to update your LinkedIn profile? Apply online to an open position? Make some calls and do some networking?

Do it.

Nudged: Say “No” to something

Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

What Happened: “What if nothing happens this week?” Hello, hilarious! I had not just one, but many opportunities to exercise this Nudge:

  • Was asked to chair a committee for a volunteer organization that comes with big responsibilities and a major time commitment. I was flattered to be asked, yet, after thinking about where I want my time and energy to go right now and in the near future, I said, “No, thank you.”
  • A friend of a friend of a friend reached out to me for help writing content for their business. I took at look at what they were doing, sent over a letter of introduction with samples of my work, and suggested how I might contribute. She replied with an offer that is ¼ the market rate for my services. I replied, “No, thank you.”
  • I put on a dress that’s been in the back of my closet for some time, one that now (thanks to recent efforts) fits. I wondered why I hadn’t worn it much before, until I saw myself in the mirror. It wasn’t me. It’s very pretty, but the angles hit me wrong and the color washes me out. I needed to hustle to get myself out the door for an event that evening, but I took a few minutes to change into something else that made me feel confident, sexy, attractive, approachable, and authentic. Then I folded up the first dress and put it in the box for donation to Goodwill.
  • That same night, I wanted ice cream. Really really wanted ice cream. Then I remembered how good it felt to slip into a dress a size smaller than what I’ve worn for some time and said “No, thank you” to the offer to stop for a cone.
  • Friday night, 6:07 pm. My mind said, “Just one…maybe tw-three more emails!” My heart said, “No.” I turned off the light, walked out of the office, and started my weekend.

The Ah-Hah: I missed one opportunity, and it’s eating away at me. I was at a social event, one held in honor of a colleague. I found myself stuck at a table with a conversation that was…uncomfortable. I don’t want to out anyone or reveal details, so let’s just say the opinions being floated directly contradicted my values.

But it wasn’t the place or the environment to argue. It would have been inappropriate to speak my mind, though I was tempted to not only offer an alternative perspective, but to strongly condemn the original.

So I bit my tongue. Literally. I didn’t want to take the spotlight off our guest of honor (even though the speaker was doing just that), so I did nothing. I wanted to get up from the table and walk out, but again, that would have caused a “scene.” So I stayed. And I bit. And I seethed.

If this happens again, under the same circumstances, I’m not sure if I would behave differently. But there remains a part of me that wishes I had stood up and said, “Hell. No.”

Nudging: Say “No” to something

Backstory: It was just a few months ago that I shared my experience of “The gift of saying ‘No (thank you).’” (Read the original 52+ post here). Even though I know the benefits of this Nudge, I’m still a little nervous. What if nothing happens this week? What if I can’t say “no” to anything? What if I get tangled up in all the shoulds?

So this week’s Nudge is one of those leap-of-faith things in which I trust the answers and direction will come.

52+: Inspiration from the world’s oldest solo sky diver

Kathleen WoodsLast night I slept for ten hours straight. In itself, that’s a good thing; I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and I needed the rest.

But the bigger picture is I’m still looking for that so-far-elusive something that makes me want to leap out of bed in the morning. A work project, a hobby, a passion. Something.

As I scanned the day’s news, this story on BBC.com came to my attention. Ms. Dilys Price, at 86, is the world’s oldest solo sky diver. She started the sport when she was just two years older than I am now. And she recently embarked on a new career.

Here’s the link to the brief story and video about her.

I have no interest in sky diving, however, I want some of what she has.

Take a look, consider Ms. Price’s advice, and think about what you might want for yourself. Then, let’s figure out how to do it.

 

52+: Inspiration from senior executive coach and leadership expert Charmaine McClarie

Kathleen WoodsThe email’s subject line read:

“Create the Career (and Life) You Deserve”

I receive so many pitches that under normal circumstances I would skim over a message like this. But there was something about this that caught my attention. Maybe it was because it spoke to what I have been working on for myself through the 52Nudges. Maybe it was because I was feeling stuck in that moment and wanted something to push me to the next level. Maybe it was because it came from a woman I genuinely like, trust, and respect.

Fifteen or so years ago I signed up to take language classes at the Alliance Française de Pasadena. The timing, some friends thought, was odd, since I’d just returned from a trip to France, had no specific plans to return, so had no good “reason” for investing time and money in classes. But I had fallen in love with the language and the culture, and I wanted to learn more. I wanted to exercise my brain in new ways. I wanted to make new friends. Looking back, I now see it was one of my first Nudges.

One of the friends I made was Charmaine McClarie. At the time we were too busy trying to conjugate verbs and decipher the key to words’ genders to get to know each other outside of class. But we became friendly enough to exchange contact info and keep in touch across the years and the miles after my move to San Francisco.

Over time I learned more about Charmaine’s work as a senior executive coach and leadership expert. Charmaine has experienced remarkable success with her company, the McClarie Group. For example, over the past two decades, 98% of her clients have been promoted within 18 months of working with her.

Ninety-eight percent. Wow.

That was enough to convince me to sign up for her newsletter, and I’ve benefited from her insights and advice on how to improve my business.

So, yes, I opened her latest email and was greeted with:

“We’re halfway through 2018. Are you where you want to be in your career?”

To which I replied, “Um, no.”

What followed was information about her workshop at the upcoming (September 14–16) Watermark Weekend for Women*. Watermark is the Bay Area’s largest membership organization dedicated to increasing the number of women in leadership positions and supporting the success of senior executives, emerging executives, and entrepreneurs. Charmaine will be a featured facilitator at the program, where women will be working on updating and improving their tools—including LinkedIn profiles and résumés—to position themselves for success.

I have a commitment that weekend, but will be keeping an eye out for other opportunities. Meanwhile, I used this as an excuse to catch up with Charmaine and interview her about her work helping women reinvent themselves and her own journey of professional transformation. Here are some highlights from our chat and my takeaways (in italics). I hope you’ll find some inspiration here.

  • Charmaine first moved to Los Angeles to support her husband’s career. After the first year of missing her core friends, she found she was feeling depressed, wondering, “Who needs me?” She realized that there was a gift in having friends all over the map. “I am a global citizen, and I am committed to nurturing and maintaining those relationships,” she told me. “You need to create community for yourself.” I am one of the beneficiaries of her practice of this, and it’s something I strive to do as well. You never know who you’ll meet (maybe in French class) or how they’ll impact your life.
  • Charmaine started out in politics, working on local and national campaigns. Eventually she moved into the corporate world, but always knew she would one day have her own business. She just didn’t know what it would be. In the meantime, she thought about what she needed to learn (understanding profits and losses, for example) and looked for ways to gain experience through her various roles and positions. “Through my assignments I got my real-life MBA,” she said. Always be on the lookout for opportunities to learn and grow, even if you don’t yet know your destination.
  • As people took notice of her work and her movement up the corporate ladder, leaders starting asking her for advice. “We have a female executive who’s going to speak to the board and she’s pregnant—we don’t know what to do” was one request she received. “I helped prep her so she’d have executive presence,” Charmaine said, and soon she was being asked to do more and more coaching—in addition to her day job. But it was not enough. “I’d apply for assignments, for opportunities, and be told ‘you’re too big for your britches’,” she said. There were no role models, no one walking around the halls who looked like her. “I wanted to go places in the company, but the company was not ready for me,” she said. So she started to think about what she could do differently. When the environment you’re working in is not growing with you, it’s time to move.
  • “I knew I wanted to help people successfully navigate the executive arena,” she said, but wasn’t completely clear how she might do that. “I wrote out a list of my strengths and weaknesses one night. I woke up the next morning, and I knew what I was going to do,” she said: “I want to be in the world what I wanted for myself.” She opened her own boutique consulting firm. Attorneys were her first clients; other professionals—then companies—soon came to her for help. Be in the world what I want for myself. That’s so powerful—and exciting!
  • “Start the day off with gratitude” is how she responded when asked how she nudges herself. She also finds inspiration in the New York Times’ obituaries, which she reads every day, taking note of what marks people left on the planet that she didn’t know about, that have impacted her life. “Look into the future,” she said to me. If I could read my own obituary, and see what mark I’d made on the planet, “What advice would you give to yourself?”
  • What advice does she give to women who are looking to make changes? “Imagine if life could be just the way you wanted, if nothing was in your way and you had no fear,” she said. “Who would you be and what would you be doing? What time would you get up in the morning? Taste it, touch it, feel it.” If I was fearless, what might I do today? (Do it.)

To learn more about Charmaine’s work, visit mcclariegroup.com.

*I do not receive any compensation or consideration for promoting this event.

Nudging: Send a note of appreciation for character/a quality

Backstory: I’m a big “fan” of thank you notes, so much so that I have a rule that I won’t use, wear, or eat a gift until I’ve written a note thanking the giver for their thoughtfulness and generosity. I do this even if I don’t like the gift! When someone has spent some time thinking about, shopping for, and spending their hard-earned money on something for me, I can spend five minutes of my time saying thank you.

But this Nudge is a little bigger and was inspired by something else. Years ago, a writing teacher challenged me to send a fan letter to an author I admired. (I believe Carolyn See recommends this in her book, Making a Literary Life, but other writers and writing coaches recommend this.) It’s scary as heck. I can easily rationalize that this BIG FAMOUS PERSON is too busy to want to be bothered by me, that he or she will only be annoyed that I’ve taken up some of their precious creative time.

But I did it. I sent an email to one of my favorite authors, gushing (not too much) about how much I have loved his books and how grateful I am that he has shared his stories. I got a reply in minutes: “You made my day! Thank you!” I’ve since reached out to other writers with a quick email praising their work and thanking them, and every time I’ve heard back within minutes of hitting send.

What’s this about? Well, it’s pretty obvious when I think about it. Like me, they spend all day, most days, alone with a computer and their thoughts. They put their hearts and souls onto paper, then send it out into the world, hoping it will be loved and not critiqued to oblivion. Most readers are quick to be judgmental and can often be cruel. But to get a genuine note of appreciation? Rare.

So it is with the rest of us. We are bombarded with negativity, from peers, family members, advertising, social media. But how often do we hear “I think you’re great, just because you’re you”?

I want to change that, for at least one person.