Author Archives: Kathleen Guthrie Woods

52+: Inspiration from the world’s oldest solo sky diver

Kathleen WoodsLast night I slept for ten hours straight. In itself, that’s a good thing; I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and I needed the rest.

But the bigger picture is I’m still looking for that so-far-elusive something that makes me want to leap out of bed in the morning. A work project, a hobby, a passion. Something.

As I scanned the day’s news, this story on BBC.com came to my attention. Ms. Dilys Price, at 86, is the world’s oldest solo sky diver. She started the sport when she was just two years older than I am now. And she recently embarked on a new career.

Here’s the link to the brief story and video about her.

I have no interest in sky diving, however, I want some of what she has.

Take a look, consider Ms. Price’s advice, and think about what you might want for yourself. Then, let’s figure out how to do it.

 

Nudging: Be early for everything

PASS #2: When I started my 52Nudges project, I allowed myself four passes—for any reason. This week my first draw was “Try a new recipe.” This is something I do regularly, it’s fairly easy for me, and I just wasn’t feeling it. I wanted something “bigger.” So back in the bowl went this Nudge, for another week. 

Backstory: I laughed out loud when I pulled this, which I did late in the afternoon, just after I made the final decision to pass on the first draw. And yes, I’m well aware that in the process I was late getting this post out. Classic!

Here’s what happened: I had plans to meet a girlfriend for a movie matinee, and I had offered to pick her up. My plan was to be out the door early, so I’d get to her place a little early. But the phone rang and the dishwasher wasn’t quite done and I completely forgot to post this Nudge after I drew it and…. I dashed out the door, raced over to her house, and pulled up 1 stinking minute after planned.

Perfect time to work on being early for everything.

I didn’t used to be like this. But as I’ve gotten older, my responsibilities have expanded, and there’s always something I need to do. I hate the constant race with the clock. Not only does my running behind make me feel awful about disrespecting friends (their time is valuable too), but it adds so much unnecessary stress to my life.

So this week, I’m flipping the early switch back on. Let’s do this!

 

Nudged: Try a new machine/exercise at the gym

Backstory: Upon pulling this week’s Nudge, my first thought was, “Well, that’s dumb. Who came up with this gem?” I mean, really. How life-changing can this really be?

But if there’s one big lesson I’ve learned on this 52Nudge’s journey so far, it’s that even the smallest steps can make a big impact. Maybe, just by wandering to a different section of my gym, I’ll meet someone new. Maybe this person has an interesting story or works in a field that interests me or becomes one of my favorite gym-rat pals. Or maybe instead of the same loop Louie the dog and I walk every week, we try a new path or street or park and discover a garden that takes my breath away. Hmmm…. I’m eager to see what this Nudge reveals.

What Happened: This Nudge was a flat-out dud. No path-altering ah-hah, no “chance” encounter with a spirit guide, no breaking out of a rut and improving life as I’ve known it.

Sure, I tried a new machine. It was one of those things where you sit and pedal like on a stationary bicycle, but with your arms. It was kinda cool. It was sorta different. It was totally boring.

This happened early in the week and I figured I still had time to mine some gold from this week’s Nudge, so I picked up a class schedule on my way out of the gym that morning. Zumba. I’ve been hearing good things about this from friends. It’s supposed to be really fun, and I have been meaning to try it out.

But the classes took place mostly in the middle of my workday, and I know myself better than to try to exercise at dinnertime, and so I didn’t go. Pfft.

Me, when “exercise” meant “playing” and chubby cheeks were considered cute.

The Ah-Ha: Well, if this Nudging thing was BRILLIANT every week, you’d start to suspect I was making stuff up, right? I’m not. I’m real. This is real. Sometimes Life is just what happens.

What’s next on the Nudges list?

 

P.S. My little bowl of Nudges is in need of replenishment. Have you been doing some of your own? I’d love it if you’d inspire me/us with some of your ideas.

Nudging: Try a new machine/exercise at the gym

Backstory: Upon pulling this week’s Nudge, my first thought was, “Well, that’s dumb. Who came up with this gem?” I mean, really. How life-changing can this really be?

But if there’s one big lesson I’ve learned on this 52Nudge’s journey so far, it’s that even the smallest steps can make a big impact. Maybe, just by wandering to a different section of my gym, I’ll meet someone new. Maybe this person has an interesting story or works in a field that interests me or becomes one of my favorite gym-rat pals. Or maybe instead of the same loop Louie the dog and I walk every week, we try a new path or street or park and discover a garden that takes my breath away. Hmmm…. I’m eager to see what this Nudge reveals.

Nudged: Visit a new market (i.e., Whole Foods, specialty)

Backstory: A few weeks ago my husband and I tried out a sushi restaurant that just opened up in the neighborhood. At the table next to us, a dad ordered a table full of items for his two girls, who looked to be about five and two years old. No one complained or whined or insisted she was no longer eating things that were green (or raw or gooey). The two-year-old gobbled up salmon roe like they were jelly beans. It was amazing to watch—so inspiring! When I was growing up, I wouldn’t touch fish unless it was smothered in breadcrumbs and deep fried. And (and this is a tad embarrassing) I didn’t have my first sushi until I was in my 30s. Even now, I order the same things pretty much every time we go out.

Ruts. If I’m honest with myself, I have too many. I need to shake up my routines and expand my experiences. So for this week’s Nudge, I am going to check out a store that is new to me and wander for inspiration. Maybe I’ll go to a spice shop. Maybe I’ll pop into a bakery that creatively blends traditional flavors with contemporary culinary tricks. Or maybe I’ll just go to the big, beautiful, brand-new Whole Foods that’s nearby and see what’s in season.

What looks intriguing to you this week?

What Happened: My first thought was to visit our local farmers’ market, but it’s only held on Sunday mornings, and we almost always have something else to do at that time (see family or friends, go for a bike ride, sleep in). I also didn’t want to take my chances of putting this Nudge off all week and screwing it up (see Nudged: Wander an expensive store). My second pick was a decades-old produce market neighbors have raved about. Apparently it’s like an every-day farmers’ market, and generations of my friends’ families have made it their go-to shop for local fruits and veggies. Perfect!

But as my darling husband and I discussed the Nudge, he suggested I go way outside my comfort zone. Way, waaaaay outside.

“What about the Chinese market you always walk past?” he asked.

“But I wouldn’t know what anything was.”

“Exactly. You’d have to ask, How do you make this? What’s it good in?”

Hmmm…. Wise man, my guy.

So, while out and about walking errands in our neighborhood, between picking up a prescription at Target and returning books to the library, I paused at the Chinese market. Out front I spotted pineapples and ginger roots in bins. I wasn’t completely lost. Encouraged, I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

It was a little like stepping through a portal to another country. The signs were all written in Chinese, and I recognized very little of the packaged goods. Even the packages that had English translations were baffling. What in the heck is a “three tooth fish”?

Salted Dried Three Tooth Fish

Live frogs–for real

But the fun began with the live stuff. Big tanks with crabs and lobsters and fish, and a trash can-sized barrel of…What is that?…Are they moving?…Holy Toledo, that one just blinked!…live frogs, each about the size of my husband’s fist.

I was so not buying a live frog.

Feeling slightly freaked out, I made my way around to the front of the shop and spotted a bin of something that looked like mini cucumbers. For $1.99/lb., I could risk it. I took my one tiny item to the checkout counter, where the woman at the register greeted me with a long stream of I have no idea what. I smiled like an idiot and mumbled “Thank you,” hoping that was an appropriate response to what she had said to me.

That night I chopped up my mystery item and was relieved to discover it was, in fact, some kind of cucumber. I had planned to take a photo so you could see it, but it was so delicious, we ate it before it hit the plates.

Delicious cucumber things

The Ah-Hahs: I’ve daydreamed about, and my husband and I have even discussed, the possibility of living/working in a foreign country for a period of time, maybe three months, maybe a year. While my job can be done remotely anywhere, his does not translate. Maybe we could do it if we won big in the lottery and didn’t have to work. It could happen.

But probably the biggest hindrance is neither of us in bilingual. I’d like to think we could, with time and effort, learn the basics of a language here and be able to pick up idioms once we established a residency, but geez, it would be hard. Just getting around, learning the customs and courtesies, taking care of things like banking and driving, and, well, finding food, would all be exhausting. I imagine myself repeating my encounter with the woman at this market’s counter, of being overwhelmed by the selection of unfamiliar foods, of having her talk to me in a steady stream of what sounds to me like gibberish, and standing there like an ugly American tourist who has made no effort to even try to be respectful. This could certainly happen outside our borders, because, heck, I just had it happen a few blocks from home.

Still no clue what this is

Or would it be exhilarating? Are we too old and set in our ways to pursue a grand adventure? I’m thinking maybe, which strikes me as a little sad, but also a little realistic. I’m thinking it might be enough to broaden our Bucket List of places we want to visit, then be sure we line up some savvy English-speaking guides. Or maybe we start by asking around about authentic restaurants in town. Certainly we have an abundance of choices in cosmopolitan San Francisco.

Inspired, I did a quick google search for “best ethnic restaurants in San Francisco.” Jackpot! I found this article from two years ago.

Afghanistan, Chile, Iceland. Iceland! Something like 70 countries are represented. The article ends with “Forget packing your bags. The adventures offered at these Bay Area eateries require only a love for food and a willingness to try new things.”

Guess what’s going on my List for future Nudges?

Nudging: Visit a new market (i.e., Whole Foods, specialty)

Backstory: A few weeks ago my husband and I tried out a sushi restaurant that just opened up in the neighborhood. At the table next to us, a dad ordered a table full of items for his two girls, who looked to be about five and two years old. No one complained or whined or insisted she was no longer eating things that were green (or raw or gooey). The two-year-old gobbled up salmon roe like they were jelly beans. It was amazing to watch—so inspiring! When I was growing up, I wouldn’t touch fish unless it was smothered in breadcrumbs and deep fried. And (and this is a tad embarrassing) I didn’t have my first sushi until I was in my 30s. Even now, I order the same things pretty much every time we go out.

Ruts. If I’m honest with myself, I have too many. I need to shake up my routines and expand my experiences. So for this week’s Nudge, I am going to check out a store that is new to me and wander for inspiration. Maybe I’ll go to a spice shop. Maybe I’ll pop into a bakery that creatively blends traditional flavors with contemporary culinary tricks. Or maybe I’ll just go to the big, beautiful, brand-new Whole Foods that’s nearby and see what’s in season.

What looks intriguing to you this week?

Nudged: Take a long hot bath

Backstory: I was born and raised in Southern California, which means, in addition to being spoiled by great local produce and year-round mild weather, I learned how to conserve water around the same time I learned to walk. Don’t let the faucet run while you brush your teeth, wash the car using the bucket not the hose, take short showers. Those practices and more are now, in my fifth decade, firmly habits.

Which is in part why allow myself a long, hot bath maybe one time a year. Usually this happens if I take vacation time around the Christmas holiday, when I have the time to indulge in some self-care.

Did you read that sentence? “allow…if I take vacation…indulge” Geez. Maybe I can ease up a bit and “treat” myself this week.

P.S. I know some of you are reading this and thinking “A hot bath? In summer?!” Yeah, I get it. You live somewhere where the thermostat hits 80 or 90 or 100+ this time of year, while I live in San Francisco. In the fog bank. While you’re hanging out in shorts and flip flops, I’m huddled in front of a space heater wearing two sweaters and socks. It’s cold here.

But like with every other Nudge I draw, you are not required to do exactly the same. Pick something like this that will help you follow along. What would be an indulgence or treat for you? Maybe you spend the day with the A/C cranked up to full power (utility bills be damned). Or maybe you splurge and load up the freezer with the very best ice creams and gelatos money can buy. Or maybe you decide this week you’re going to take a day off work (gasp!), and drive to some place cooler, just…for…fun. I hope you’ll share in Comments what you do.

What Happened: I put this off all week. There just wasn’t time. I had things to do. Blah blah bladdity blah. Saturday night rolled around, and I found myself grumbling about how I had to do my Nudge. Poor little me. But then I did it. I filled the tub, added some aromatherapy bubble bath that was hidden behind the cleaning supplies in the cabinet (I don’t even know where this came from), and eased myself in. Ahhhhh….

Deepening breaths, easing muscles, quieting brain. I just soaked. I added a little more hot water, and I soaked some more. And then I read for a bit, and then I soaked some more. It was divine.

The Ah-Ha: I forget how good this is for me. I work my poor body so hard, from household chores to sessions at the gym, yet I am rarely good about the recovery. Was this Nudge an indulgence? I suppose. Certainly someone intent on conserving our precious water would argue that (and my So Cal Drought Guilt certainly kicked in). But I also think it’s occasionally necessary and good for me, for it got me to STOP. Most days I hit the ground running—and I keep running till I collapse back into bed—so it was almost shocking to come to a complete stop, to rest mind, body, and spirit.

There I go again: it’s “shocking” when I take care of myself.

I’m paying attention…and I’m making some changes.

52+: Inspiration from senior executive coach and leadership expert Charmaine McClarie

Kathleen WoodsThe email’s subject line read:

“Create the Career (and Life) You Deserve”

I receive so many pitches that under normal circumstances I would skim over a message like this. But there was something about this that caught my attention. Maybe it was because it spoke to what I have been working on for myself through the 52Nudges. Maybe it was because I was feeling stuck in that moment and wanted something to push me to the next level. Maybe it was because it came from a woman I genuinely like, trust, and respect.

Fifteen or so years ago I signed up to take language classes at the Alliance Française de Pasadena. The timing, some friends thought, was odd, since I’d just returned from a trip to France, had no specific plans to return, so had no good “reason” for investing time and money in classes. But I had fallen in love with the language and the culture, and I wanted to learn more. I wanted to exercise my brain in new ways. I wanted to make new friends. Looking back, I now see it was one of my first Nudges.

One of the friends I made was Charmaine McClarie. At the time we were too busy trying to conjugate verbs and decipher the key to words’ genders to get to know each other outside of class. But we became friendly enough to exchange contact info and keep in touch across the years and the miles after my move to San Francisco.

Over time I learned more about Charmaine’s work as a senior executive coach and leadership expert. Charmaine has experienced remarkable success with her company, the McClarie Group. For example, over the past two decades, 98% of her clients have been promoted within 18 months of working with her.

Ninety-eight percent. Wow.

That was enough to convince me to sign up for her newsletter, and I’ve benefited from her insights and advice on how to improve my business.

So, yes, I opened her latest email and was greeted with:

“We’re halfway through 2018. Are you where you want to be in your career?”

To which I replied, “Um, no.”

What followed was information about her workshop at the upcoming (September 14–16) Watermark Weekend for Women*. Watermark is the Bay Area’s largest membership organization dedicated to increasing the number of women in leadership positions and supporting the success of senior executives, emerging executives, and entrepreneurs. Charmaine will be a featured facilitator at the program, where women will be working on updating and improving their tools—including LinkedIn profiles and résumés—to position themselves for success.

I have a commitment that weekend, but will be keeping an eye out for other opportunities. Meanwhile, I used this as an excuse to catch up with Charmaine and interview her about her work helping women reinvent themselves and her own journey of professional transformation. Here are some highlights from our chat and my takeaways (in italics). I hope you’ll find some inspiration here.

  • Charmaine first moved to Los Angeles to support her husband’s career. After the first year of missing her core friends, she found she was feeling depressed, wondering, “Who needs me?” She realized that there was a gift in having friends all over the map. “I am a global citizen, and I am committed to nurturing and maintaining those relationships,” she told me. “You need to create community for yourself.” I am one of the beneficiaries of her practice of this, and it’s something I strive to do as well. You never know who you’ll meet (maybe in French class) or how they’ll impact your life.
  • Charmaine started out in politics, working on local and national campaigns. Eventually she moved into the corporate world, but always knew she would one day have her own business. She just didn’t know what it would be. In the meantime, she thought about what she needed to learn (understanding profits and losses, for example) and looked for ways to gain experience through her various roles and positions. “Through my assignments I got my real-life MBA,” she said. Always be on the lookout for opportunities to learn and grow, even if you don’t yet know your destination.
  • As people took notice of her work and her movement up the corporate ladder, leaders starting asking her for advice. “We have a female executive who’s going to speak to the board and she’s pregnant—we don’t know what to do” was one request she received. “I helped prep her so she’d have executive presence,” Charmaine said, and soon she was being asked to do more and more coaching—in addition to her day job. But it was not enough. “I’d apply for assignments, for opportunities, and be told ‘you’re too big for your britches’,” she said. There were no role models, no one walking around the halls who looked like her. “I wanted to go places in the company, but the company was not ready for me,” she said. So she started to think about what she could do differently. When the environment you’re working in is not growing with you, it’s time to move.
  • “I knew I wanted to help people successfully navigate the executive arena,” she said, but wasn’t completely clear how she might do that. “I wrote out a list of my strengths and weaknesses one night. I woke up the next morning, and I knew what I was going to do,” she said: “I want to be in the world what I wanted for myself.” She opened her own boutique consulting firm. Attorneys were her first clients; other professionals—then companies—soon came to her for help. Be in the world what I want for myself. That’s so powerful—and exciting!
  • “Start the day off with gratitude” is how she responded when asked how she nudges herself. She also finds inspiration in the New York Times’ obituaries, which she reads every day, taking note of what marks people left on the planet that she didn’t know about, that have impacted her life. “Look into the future,” she said to me. If I could read my own obituary, and see what mark I’d made on the planet, “What advice would you give to yourself?”
  • What advice does she give to women who are looking to make changes? “Imagine if life could be just the way you wanted, if nothing was in your way and you had no fear,” she said. “Who would you be and what would you be doing? What time would you get up in the morning? Taste it, touch it, feel it.” If I was fearless, what might I do today? (Do it.)

To learn more about Charmaine’s work, visit mcclariegroup.com.

*I do not receive any compensation or consideration for promoting this event.

Nudging: Take a long hot bath

Backstory: I was born and raised in Southern California, which means, in addition to being spoiled by great local produce and year-round mild weather, I learned how to conserve water around the same time I learned to walk. Don’t let the faucet run while you brush your teeth, wash the car using the bucket not the hose, take short showers. Those practices and more are now, in my fifth decade, firmly habits.

Which is in part why allow myself a long, hot bath maybe one time a year. Usually this happens if I take vacation time around the Christmas holiday, when I have the time to indulge in some self-care.

Did you read that sentence? “allow…if I take vacation…indulge” Geez. Maybe I can ease up a bit and “treat” myself this week.

P.S. I know some of you are reading this and thinking “A hot bath? In summer?!” Yeah, I get it. You live somewhere where the thermostat hits 80 or 90 or 100+ this time of year, while I live in San Francisco. In the fog bank. While you’re hanging out in shorts and flip flops, I’m huddled in front of a space heater wearing two sweaters and socks. It’s cold here.

But like with every other Nudge I draw, you are not required to do exactly the same. Pick something like this that will help you follow along. What would be an indulgence or treat for you? Maybe you spend the day with the A/C cranked up to full power (utility bills be damned). Or maybe you splurge and load up the freezer with the very best ice creams and gelatos money can buy. Or maybe you decide this week you’re going to take a day off work (gasp!), and drive to some place cooler, just…for…fun. I hope you’ll share in Comments what you do.

Nudged: Teach Louie (and me) a new trick

Backstory: I’ve been caught up lately in trying to do all the Nudges “right”, in staying vigilant in my search for “meaning” and “direction”. What’s I’ve forgotten is this is also supposed to be “fun.”

I don’t allow much time in my life for fun. There’s plenty of must dos and shoulds, from client projects to household tasks to the stuff that seems to barely keep my head above water most days. So this week’s Nudge, it’s purely fun.

This Nudge requires the assistance of a willing partner. Here I am with mine, my sweet Louie.

What Happened: Louie is a five-year-old cattle dog–corgi mix, and he’s super smart. Several years ago, he and my husband attended weekly agility course training, where they ran around a gym as Louie navigated obstacles such as crawling through long tubes, weaving through poles, and leaping over jumps. Both of my guys were sidelined with injuries, and I’m sorry to say we’ve fallen into a rut, becoming complacent with the fact that Louie obeys (about 90% of the time) the basic commands—come, sit, stay; lie down, show me your belly.

So this Nudge shook us out of that rut, and the trick I chose to teach him was something I thought would be doable in the time period and something that would be fun to show off to visitors: a fist bump.

Twice each day, Louie and I had our training sessions. With patience and a handful of treats, I worked on getting us both focused, and we practiced until I felt we could perform in front of an audience. My husband was aware of this week’s Nudge, but I told him the actual trick was a surprise, something we’d demonstrate for him at the end of the week.

Here we are, early this morning:

The Ah-Ha: I take my responsibilities as Louie’s dog-mama pretty seriously, but will admit to being a bit lazy the last couple of years. Not only was training him to do a new trick good mental stimulation for him, it forced me to take a complete break from my daily routine.

I forget how utterly entertaining he is, and how eager he is to please. I was strict about rewarding him with treats, so when he didn’t get it right, we started over. But I could see the wheels turning as he tried to figure it out. And when all else failed, he ran through his repertoire of solid tricks, expertly performing sit–shake–lie down–roll over in quick succession, as if one of those would suffice. It made me laugh out loud. But then, the pure joy of seeing the moment it clicked for him, when he made the connection between “Bump!” and tapping his paw on my fist and getting a treat. I swear he beamed with pride.

This exercise took only a few minutes out of my day, but as I headed back to my desk, I was aware that during that time I hadn’t once thought about deadlines, bills, broken fences, or what in the heck I was going to make for dinner. I was fully present with my Louie. So this, too, is a mindfulness practice. And it was FUN!