Author Archives: Kathleen Guthrie Woods

52+: Interview with author and wellness expert Saeeda Hafiz

Kathleen WoodsIf you’ve been joining me here on 52Nudges for a while now, you know that I no longer believe in coincidences. Too often the right person has come into my life with the right message or opportunity at just the right time.

I met Saeeda Hafiz through a mutual friend at a networking event for writers. She had just received advance reader copies of her memoir, The Healing, and brought a few to share. She offered me one in exchange for an honest review, which you can read on Goodreads here.

It’s a glowing review. There is so much in her story of personal transformation that inspires me—from a child growing up with poverty and violence to an upwardly mobile African-American businesswoman to a wellness expert who healed herself through yoga, wholesome food, and meditation. I hope you’ll check out her book.

A few weeks ago I Nudged myself to interview an “expert”, and Saeeda was on my short list of candidates. I considered asking about her journey to published author, then—keeping in mind her hectic pre-release schedule—I instead reached out to Kelly, a life coach who specializes in helping women master the Law of Attraction. (Read that post here).

But Saeeda stayed on my mind. Lessons from her book stayed with me, including greeting each day with love in my heart, setting an intention for each day, and ending the day with gratitude. From her story, I knew she was someone who had worked diligently to find true peace within herself (what she refers to as “Tao Girl”), and I wanted to learn from someone who is an expert at transformation, someone who could model for me how to authentically transform my life.

We found a time to connect, and here’s what Saeeda and I talked about:

Kathleen: What was your motivation to change, to pursue your authenticity?

Saeeda: Initially my motivation was to settle into what it meant to be “middle class” and having a corporate job. I was asking, “What’s a good life?” Then it became, “If I ever have a family, I should learn to cook,” so I started taking cooking classes. I was thinking about sauces and fancy foods, then ended up learning about food as medicine. I liked what I was hearing, so I stayed and started learning about holistic health.

K: Did you feel a calling to reinvent yourself?

S: I had had a strange internal message that started in college: “You should get into yoga.” After graduating, I thought, “I’m going to join a health club and start working out.” I had a vision of going early in the morning with other businessmen, but I wasn’t going to join a club unless it had this thing called “yoga”.

Yoga, as well as following a healthy eating style, became my vocation. People were asking me, “What do you do? Do you teach yoga?” They approached me as an expert, and I started to think about how when we’re in balance with the seasons, we can perhaps prevent the dis-eases people experience. I found myself teaching, casually, and sharing meals with people.

K: You talk about “That Tao Girl” in your story, about how you learned to listen to your true inner self. Can you introduce her to me? Who is she to you?

S: As I imagined myself going into corporate work, I was “That Girl” [from the TV show starring Marlo Thomas, 1966-71], then I was “Black Girl.” Then, as I went deeper into the holistic health world, I learned about “Tao”, which means “the way,” which to me is about being honest with your specific way of life. I evolved from being this African-American corporate person into something bigger. It’s more about who I can be and who I am. I don’t have to put myself in a box.

K: What advice would you give to a woman who is looking to create changes in her life?

S: I would ask her, “How do you want to feel every day? What’s overwhelming you and your life?” Then “Let’s look at food and body movement that can help give you what you want to experience in life.” We are all equal, we’re all given this present moment. What are we going to do with it today?

K: In chapter 12, you stopped me in my tracks when you asked “What sustains you when all else fails?” It’s such a powerful question with profound repercussions. What is your answer to that question today?

S: It’s still the present moment that sustains me. It’s that sense of it’s important for me to know, based on where I am right now, that I can make a choice to improve this specific moment in my life. I’m not powerless. I know I can choose my reaction or how I’m going to feel about something. What I would add today is that it’s also about being able to act in the present moment out of a sense of love instead of fear.

K: How do you currently Nudge yourself?

S: By staying open to what I’m truly thinking and feeling, who I truly am. There’s an active nudge of wanting to open myself through a nudge, then there’s staying open through meditation and foods that don’t block my inspiration and energy for living a fuller life. Oftentimes, we’re in situations that suppress deep, internal nudges: “Don’t do this because you’re A or B!” But your true self says, “Do THIS! It’s why you’re here!” I want to make sure the mirror is not cloudy so it can reflect back who I truly am, so I can make sure I am doing what I came here to do in the world.

 

The Healing: One Woman’s Journey from Poverty to Inner Riches by Saeeda Hafiz was released on July 17 and is now available on Amazon and at bookstores, in paperback and ebook formats. Saeeda will be making personal appearances through August. For more information, visit thehealingbysaeeda.com or saeedahafiz.com.

Nudging: Teach Louie (and me) a new trick

Backstory: I’ve been caught up lately in trying to do all the Nudges “right”, in staying vigilant in my search for “meaning” and “direction”. What’s I’ve forgotten is this is also supposed to be “fun.”

I don’t allow much time in my life for fun. There’s plenty of must dos and shoulds, from client projects to household tasks to the stuff that seems to barely keep my head above water most days. So this week’s Nudge, it’s purely fun.

This Nudge requires the assistance of a willing partner. Here I am with mine, my sweet Louie.

P.S. What do you love to do? What haven’t you done in a while? What made you giggle when you were a kid? Think of something you can do this week that is purely fun, and do it. I hope you’ll share it here, because I could use some new ideas, and we might all be inspired.

Nudged: Wear the nice jewelry

Backstory: This one was recommended by a reader (you know who you are—thank you!), and aligns with the Nudges like “Use the good china/silver.” I think it’s about enjoying our treasures and treating ourselves with respect. I’m mean, shoot, if I’d given someone a really special necklace, I’d love to see her wearing it, right? So off I go. Let’s see what this Nudge has in store for us.

P.S. Not into jewelry? Think about what other nice things you have that you don’t enjoy often enough. Maybe this is the week you “splurge” on the fancy box of tea or chocolates. Maybe instead of slaving away in the kitchen every night this week (hello, martyr), you dig into that stash of emergency cash and take you and your loved one(s) out for a nice meal. The key word here is “nice”. What’s something nice you can do for yourself?

What Happened: Isn’t this a fabulous necklace? I bought it eight years ago to wear for my wedding, and although I ended up wearing a different ensemble on my big day, this pretty piece has graced my neck countless days since.

To quote Valerie (Carol Kane) in The Princess Bride, “Liar! Liar! Liaaaaaaaaaar!

Today was the first time EVER I have worn this necklace. After its initial rejection, it was placed in a velvet bag inside a special jewelry box, that was tucked into a bigger box, that was stuffed into the very back corner of my closet—for eight years! I completely forgot I owned it, or any of the other “special” pieces that shared its hideaway.

The day I wore it out this week, friends went mad for it. “You look fabulous! You should wear red more often! That necklace is gorgeous!”

I am completely beating myself up over this. Why have I denied myself the pleasure of wearing this for so long? What other treasures (and possible crap) is buried in the dumping ground that my closet has become?

Although I pulled out other bags and boxes, I didn’t adorn myself in forgotten jewels every day. Some are definitely special occasion and will have to wait. But I did wear a family ring I’d received as a college graduation gift, and I decided it is time to pass an heirloom necklace on to a niece. (It will look so pretty on her, and I plan to tell her it’s “lucky” because of its heritage.) I also pulled out a couple of other pieces that I’ve kept for sentimental reasons (a necklace sent as a thank you from a friend with whom I’ve lost touch) and others I’ve kept because they were expensive (including a fancy and clearly expensive pin that I’ve taken off every time I’ve put it on because it didn’t feel like “me”). Some I’ll re-gift, others I’ll donate. None appear to be worth trying to sell, but imagine if I’d found something like that. What’s hiding in your closet?

The Ah-Ha: Funny that this should come so soon after my Nudge to “Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want”, as it reinforced my Ah-Ha that I really don’t need to buy anything new for myself right now. I have plenty.

In pulling out the long-lost treasures, not only did I get a chance to clear out some things, but I rediscovered some that truly give me pleasure. Now that I can see them, I hope I will be more likely to remember to wear them. This Nudge was girly, and it was fun, and I felt good about myself.

And here’s the other part: Although I thought about wearing my finest jewels with my gym clothes, I didn’t. Every day I was inspired to dress the part. Not over-the-top New York socialite of a certain age (pu-lease), but nicely put together. Hair classically styled, shirt without a speck of balsamic vinaigrette, a pop of color in a jacket or sweater, clean pants (ie., no Louie paw prints on my butt), shoes that aren’t from Nike. I pulled myself together. I stood a little taller. I respected myself. And I am pretty sure I projected that to the outside world. Interesting how that happens.

 

Nudging: Wear the nice jewelry

Backstory: This one was recommended by a reader (you know who you are—thank you!), and aligns with the Nudges like “Use the good china/silver.” I think it’s about enjoying our treasures and treating ourselves with respect. I’m mean, shoot, if I’d given someone a really special necklace, I’d love to see her wearing it, right? So off I go. Let’s see what this Nudge has in store for us.

P.S. Not into jewelry? Think about what other nice things you have that you don’t enjoy often enough. Maybe this is the week you “splurge” on the fancy box of tea or chocolates. Maybe instead of slaving away in the kitchen every night this week (hello, martyr), you dig into that stash of emergency cash and take you and your loved one(s) out for a nice meal. The key word here is “nice”. What’s something nice you can do for yourself?

Nudged: Interview an “expert” (someone doing something I want to do in life)

Backstory: Do I want to change careers? Go back to school? Master a new skill?

In her book Sacred Success (see “For Inspiration” in the right column), author Barbara Stanny talks about one of her clients who was terrified about taking on a new challenge in her work. “I am not qualified…I better stay away…I might mess it up,” she told herself. (Hmmm, that inner voice sounds familiar.) Instead, she gave herself permission to be not perfect. “When you screw up, you can clean it up!” she told herself as she dove in. She later revealed that the secret was realizing “For everything I don’t know, I know someone who knows. I can just call them and they can tell me what to do—or do it for me!”

One of the most valuable gifts we have in life is our extended network. We know women who have made big changes in their own lives, women who have impacted ours in ways big and small, and women who are willing to mentor or at the very least give real-life answers to our really scary questions. What do I want to know? Who can I ask? How might it redirect me toward something I really want?

Who are you gonna call?

What Happened: Starting Sunday, I brainstormed experts I might call and questions I wanted answered. There’s the author of the soon-to-be-released memoir about personal transformation. (Would I ask about her journey or ask her about the ins and outs of 21st-century publishing?) I thought about exploring pastry making and cake decorating, skills I would love to acquire. My husband has a friend who volunteers for an organization that helps women escape from human trafficking and sets them up for fresh starts; maybe I could interview her about how I could contribute. Or I could email Elizabeth Gilbert, Expert in Living a Full Live, and see if she’d give me some advice. It can’t hurt to ask!

As I pondered my many choices, I got an email Tuesday morning from Kelly Mishell, a long-time friend who is a life coach who specializes in teaching women about the Law of Attraction. “Start each day with intention,” her email said. That’s interesting. I had read that same suggestion in a book the night before. Coincidence?

I’ve thought about becoming certified as a life coach, so figured she’d be the perfect expert to interview for my Nudge. Then a funny thing happened: This morning, as I drafted my questions for our interview, I realized I didn’t want her expert advice on becoming a coach, I wanted her expert advice on utilizing the Law of Attraction in my life.

Bingo.

Following is a transcript of our interview, all of which makes up this week’s…

Ah-Ha:

Kath Woods: What is the Law of Attraction?

Kelly Mishell: Everything unto itself attracts. Whatever you put out into the Universe is coming back to you energetically. Every thing in the Universe is energy. This includes things we see, our physical bodies, and our thoughts and feelings. So, say you’re feeling joy. It has a frequency and vibration, like a radio frequency. If you’re putting that out, the Universe matches your vibration and sends that back to you. Joy = Joy, also, Frustration = Frustration.

KW: Do you teach people how to control this?

KM: It’s not acting “as if”, it’s not masking. You can’t fake out the Universe with “Just think positively!” If you’re just covering crap with a bunch of roses, it’s still crap. You have to find better feeling thoughts.

KW: How does this work, for example, with worries about money?

KM: Instead of lack thought, such as “I can’t take a vacation, I never have enough money,” you have to shift to “I have everything I need. I’d like more money so I can take a vacation.” Another example would be the lack thought of “I’ve gone on so many bad dates, I’ll never meet the right person” or you can think “I’ve gone on so many bad dates, I know the right person is out there.” I coach clients to keep trying with a new statement until they find one that feels better, then they can use it as a mantra. You have to get into the habit of, when the mind goes to negative, you catch it and flip it.

KW: So it’s about mastering the feeling? Is that right?

KM: It takes 17 seconds for the Universe to match the vibration you’re putting out. If you can feel better and feel abundance, it gets matched. Then to manifest it, it takes 68 seconds, so you might speak it aloud for 68 seconds. There are other details, such as being clear and being specific, so that the Universe knows how to give to you. You don’t change overnight, so I give my clients exercises to practice—repetition and reinforcement—until it becomes habit.

KW: What kinds of requests do you get from clients?

KM: I get women who want to change careers but don’t know how or are afraid to do it. Some want the confidence to do anything, others want help in relationships, such as overcoming the fear of commitment. As women, we’re judging ourselves so harshly. “Is this how you’d treat your best friend?” I ask. I give clients exercises to help them know their worth, know their own light. I did it for myself. Marianne Williams said, “It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” When we shine our light, we make it possible for others to shine too.

KW: How do you Nudge yourself?

KM: I say “Yes” to things. In the past, I thought everything through. I needed to see the outcome before I began. It was fear-based. Now I say “Yes”, then I figure it all out. The saying goes, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

If you’re interested in learning more about the Law of Attraction and/or Kelly’s work, go to Kelly Mishell Coaching. If you could use an extra boost, sign up to receive her free “Weekly Wisdom” inspirational messages.

52+: For Inspiration

Kathleen WoodsIn the right column of this page there’s a small section titled “For Inspiration.” Here you’ll find books and websites, resources that have helped me come up with Nudges for myself or have inspired me in some way.

Today I added a book I finished reading over this past weekend: Aperitif: Recipes for Simple Pleasures in the French Style by Georgeanne Brennan with photographs by Kathryn Kleinman. If you started the 52Nudges with me a few months ago, you’ll remember one of the earliest tasks was to enjoy a beverage outside before dinner. (If you’re just joining in the fun, you can check out the post here.) I took about 15 minutes out of my day to transition from Work Mode to Dinner Mode, lower my blood pressure, and ease myself into a calm space so that I could get the most out of my evening. It’s a ritual I’d like to practice more regularly.

So what should come across my radar, but this book. Here’s what Ms. Brennan has written in the first page of the introduction:

Woven into the fabric of daily home life, of public and private celebrations, and of café and restaurant culture, l’apéritif is more than a drink before a meal. It is a national custom [in France] that, by deliberately setting apart time to share a drink and to socialize, engenders civility and conviviality.

If that doesn’t make you want to close up shop at a decent hour and treat yourself to something lovely, check out the accompanying photo:

I got about half way through my To Do list today, and there is a part of me that thinks I should work late. But the same thing will likely happen tomorrow and Wednesday and…. You know the story. Instead, I am going to practice what I preach and apply some of Ms. Brennan’s advice: a small glass of wine (or sparkling water with a slice of citrus), a bowl of California olives, a few minutes outside enjoying a lovely midsummer evening.

Cheers!

Nudging: Interview an “expert” (someone doing something I want to do in life)

Backstory: Do I want to change careers? Go back to school? Master a new skill?

In her book Sacred Success (see “For Inspiration” in the right column), author Barbara Stanny talks about one of her clients who was terrified about taking on a new challenge in her work. “I am not qualified…I better stay away…I might mess it up,” she told herself. (Hmmm, that inner voice sounds familiar.) Instead, she gave herself permission to be not perfect. “When you screw up, you can clean it up!” she told herself as she dove in. She later revealed that the secret was realizing “For everything I don’t know, I know someone who knows. I can just call them and they can tell me what to do—or do it for me!”

One of the most valuable gifts we have in life is our extended network. We know women who have made big changes in their own lives, women who have impacted ours in ways big and small, and women who are willing to mentor or at the very least give real-life answers to our really scary questions. What do I want to know? Who can I ask? How might it redirect me toward something I really want?

Who are you gonna call?

Nudged: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

What Happened: Well I f-ed this one up…or did I? All week long I put this off. It was more about not wanting to even be tempted to spend money. There is nothing I need, and truly nothing I really want. In fact, I’m starting to feel the need more and more to get rid of the stuff I’m not using or enjoying to make way for more of what I do want: financial security, calm in our home, a smaller to do list, time and energy to take care of myself and nurture my precious relationships.

But this uncomfortable Nudge took up brain space all week. I thought about going to a clothing store that’s had my eye, or playing make-believe that I was über-rich and trying on sparkly tennis bracelets and necklaces at a fancy jeweler’s. But I stalled, I put off, I suffered way too much stress worrying about how I was going to complete (or not) this one dumb task.

Finally, it was deadline day. My husband and I went out for brunch, and before heading out to run a couple of errands, I said, “Give me five minutes.” I remembered that Friday, on an early morning walk with Louie the dog, I passed a shop that sells antiques. In the front window I’d spotted a beautiful tea pot. It almost looked like a cloisonné. Oooo…I needed to touch that and maybe manifest it into my life! So I dashed from the restaurant to check it out, feeling quite pleased with myself that I wasn’t going to fail my Nudge.

Closed on Sundays.

Ah, crap.

The tea pot, as gorgeous as I remembered, was still in the window. What was also in this window was this sign:

The Ah-Ha: That sign brought everything home for me, because the other thing I thought about during this week was how good I am at deferred pleasure. I take pride in the fact that when there is something I want—whether a thing or an experience or a goal of any kind—I set my intentions, break down the steps, save my money, then get it when I’ve “earned” it.

I’m not sure this is the healthiest choice for me. I’m not saying I’m going to start impulse buying expensive stuff, but what else am I depriving myself of? How often do I put other people’s needs before my own? How often do I tackle every task of drudgery on the to do list before I allow myself the smallest of pleasures that feed my soul? Methinks I need to do some work in this area.

So while I didn’t complete the Nudge as originally specified, I consider this Nudging experience a success. And because I’m now more aware of how I defer and deprive myself, I’m adding a new Nudge to my list: “Give in to an impulse that gives me joy.”

P.S. Earlier this year I read The Rainbow Comes and Goes by Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt. I was struck by one particular story in which the message is to be fully in the present and “Enjoy enjoy enjoy!”

I no longer believe in coincidence. I feel that line was directed to me and I am being asked to consider why I waste so much energy desiring things I want in the future (and deferring the pleasure of getting them far into the future) when I have so much to be grateful for today. My off-the-top-of-my-head list includes: A dog who loves and protects me. A roof over my head, food in the fridge, work that I’m good at and that I enjoy. A husband who makes me laugh and makes me proud. Pretty flowers on my desk, warmth from the sun coming through my office window. Hands that effortlessly type and translate the thoughts from my mind and imagination onto this page. Friends I can count on.

It’s not lost on me that most of these things cannot be touched or purchased or drooled over in a storefront window.

Nudging: Wander an expensive store, touch everything I want (but don’t spend a dime)

Backstory: I groaned when I drew this Nudge, and almost used one of my passes. Money is tight, bills are due, I have a long list of things I need to put our money toward (roof repairs) and things I want to put our money toward (a real vacation). Why would I even want to be tempted by looking at pretty new things?

As I thought about the deeper meaning on this Nudge, I realized it’s not really about stuff. Maybe what I need to be doing is changing the energy surrounding me and my money. Maybe if in my mind I accept the items I touch, I will manifest receiving them, or I will simply stir up some newly energized wealth—in whatever form it comes.

Hey, I said I wanted to be “uncomfortable” in this journey. I best embrace that.

P.S. On the topic of wanting to save money, I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website about living “off-peak”. I love that this is really an exercise in living creatively, and I’m thinking a couple of the writer’s ideas need to be added to my List, such as meeting for breakfast vs after-dinner drinks and seeing if my favorite local bakery (Hello, Noe Valley Bakery!) offers day-old croissants (not likely) or baguettes (maybe). I might also start a list of books I want and wait for sales at my favorite shops (Hello, BookShop West Portal and Omnivore Books!). Maybe even saving money can be fun!

Nudged: Complete something on the to do list for 6+months

Backstory: This is so embarrassing. There are many things on my list that have been on there for more than six months.

As I sat at my desk and pulled this week’s Nudge, what is front of mind is the thing that has literally been in front of me for over a year: a map dated 1850 of my adopted city that was gifted to me, that I paid a small fortune to frame, that has been sitting on the floor of my office just in front of my desk, staring me down and basically saying “You loser! Please honor me, respect me, and enjoy me before I become just one other piece of junk that some niece or nephew (or stranger) has to dispose of when you’re gone!”

In other words: Hang that map!

What Happened: I finally pulled the tool box from the basement, attached the wire and hooks I bought from the hardware store ages ago, dusted the frame and Windexed the glass, and and…the beautiful map now has a permanent home in our living room for all to ooh and ahh over. Cool.

Meanwhile, I decided to address another overdue task. My beloved Gram left me her engagement ring…wait for it…in 1993. I’ve meant to do something with it. Several months ago I took it to a jeweler to explore turning it into a pendant, but they wanted more than it’s current value, which didn’t make sense. So again it sat in a bag, under a stack of papers, in a file folder marked “To Do.” After I completed the map hanging, I called the jeweler who made my wedding band. “Do you, by any chance…?” They do indeed, and for a very reasonable price. I plan to take the ring to them in the next couple of weeks, and soon I’ll be able to wear it.

The Ah-Hah: Two things: (1) Somewhere in my bowl of Nudges is “use the good silver” and “use the good china”. I am completely a believer that we need to use and enjoy, not hoard, our treasures, but I haven’t been good about walking my talk. But now, two items that are dear to me are off the overwhelming to do list and in my life. Wahoo! (2) No one is going to clear out the clutter for me, put things in their places, shred the old files, give away the stuff we no longer use (or that belongs only in the trash), or hang the pictures (and maps) that are precious to us. This is something I have to do. So bit by bit, task by task, I’m going to do this. I’m looking forward to the day when I can see—and feel—a big difference both from what’s no longer around us and what we’ve chosen to display.