Nudging: Go to coffeehouse with educational book; learn something new

Backstory: The full title of this Nudge is “Go to a coffeehouse with an educational book and learn something new.” I’m laughing as I type this. It made for a looong strip of paper for my Nudges jar. But I knew when I included it on The List, I wanted it to be more than simply “Learn something new.”

The inspiration for this Nudge came from a client project I worked on early in the year. It involved a topic–an industry, really–I knew nothing about. I requested a couple of suggestions for books from the client and immersed myself in study. For a couple of intense days, I read, took notes, thought deeply, and then applied what I’d learned to the work.

It was…fun.

I’m looking forward to challenging my brain this week. This is also an excuse to get out of my office, and away from the distractions, so that I can again practice focusing on just one topic at a time.

 

Nudged: Say “yes” to something new

Backstory: When I was putting together The List, I almost pulled this nudge off. It feels kinda vague. But on final review, I kept it because it forces me to be in the moment, to be open to whatever may come.

Will I be invited to a social event that feels outside my comfort (or fashion) zone? Will I see an opening in a class that’s just a little outside my (financial or intellectual) reach? Will I get an opportunity to experiment on something that’s always looked like fun but had me doubting my ability to even try?

We’ll find out! 🙂

Have fun with this! If you need inspiration, check out Shonda Rhimes’ book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.

What Happened: Well, I’d hoped this would be a little more exciting. Something BIG and DRAMATIC! Like an invitation to attend the Oscars. (It could happen.) I started the week feeling open, waiting with great anticipation to see what would be presented to me for consideration. Here’s what I ended up saying “yes” to:

Letting go of a prized possession. Many years ago a dear friend gave me a cookbook signed by Julia Child. The Julia Child! Upon receiving it, I gently leafed through the pages, imagining the fabulous gourmet meals I’d make. Then I thought about how I could artfully display the book, signed page open, in one of those box frames so everyone who joined me in my kitchen could delight in it. Instead, I wrapped it up and put it safely in a storage box…for eight years. Earlier this year I reached out to a couple of collectors, and this week I followed up with one of them, who offered me a fair price. It wasn’t thousands or even hundreds of dollars, but it was enough. And I feel good knowing it will end up in the hands of someone who will fully appreciate and enjoy it.

Hanging out at a mommy ‘n’ me playroom. I know many of you are scratching your heads, wondering what the big deal is. For a childless-not-by-choice woman like me, it’s huge. It’s triggering. It represents so much of what I wanted in life and didn’t get. But a dear friend and I were scheduled to catch up and her babysitter cancelled at the last minute. “Would you be up for meeting at…?” she asked. I swallowed my initial impulse to reschedule (or to offer to pay the sitter double) and–remembering this nudge–said “Sure. Yes!” And you know what, it was fine. I enjoyed our time together and I didn’t end up in a puddle of loss after. So, got to spend time with my friend and I got to acknowledge how much I have moved forward in my life. Oh, and I paid for our lunch with some of the money I got for the cookbook. I think Julia would have approved. 🙂

Finally, I sucked up all my courage and took an assessment test for French lessons. I have been talking for years about how I’d love to get back into taking classes, but the timing hasn’t felt right. This afternoon, between a couple of client projects, I went online and took their placement test. I was a pretty good student back in the day, and I managed to get us around France several years ago, so I skipped the first couple of levels and got down to it…and promptly failed the first question. Mon Dieu! But I persisted and managed to get beyond Beginner Level 1. Va bien! Inspired, I checked out the schedule of upcoming classes, looked at the costs, and even mapped out my transportation. I don’t have the time or money to sign up tonight, but I have the information, so now I can get down to the business of manifesting making this happen.

The Ah-Hahs: Maybe this nudge wasn’t “BIG and DRAMATIC,” but it ended up being FUN. I think the key for me was “I started the week feeling open.” Kinda excited to see what next week presents to me for consideration.

 

Nudging: Say “yes” to something new

Backstory: When I was putting together The List, I almost pulled this nudge off. It feels kinda vague. But on final review, I kept it because it forces me to be in the moment, to be open to whatever may come.

Will I be invited to a social event that feels outside my comfort (or fashion) zone? Will I see an opening in a class that’s just a little outside my (financial or intellectual) reach? Will I get an opportunity to experiment on something that’s always looked like fun but had me doubting my ability to even try?

We’ll find out! 🙂

Have fun with this! If you need inspiration, check out Shonda Rhimes’ book Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.

Nudged: Use the good body lotion

Backstory: It’s the expensive stuff, or the special stuff, or the stuff I received as a gift and am saving for…well, I don’t know what.

Although part of this nudge is about decluttering, I think it’s mostly about self-caring. If not with the good body lotion, maybe it’s the soothing bath bubbles or the beautifully scented candle. Or maybe it’s that fancy hand creme that’s been living at the bottom of my purse for ages. I’m going to pull out something nice and put it to use.

How will you treat yourself this week?

What Happened: Like so many other “small” and “simple” Nudges, this turned into something more. I love when that happens. 🙂

Turns out I don’t have a lot of good stuff still lurking in the cupboards. Which is kind of a good thing (because I’ve used them) and kind of not (because that means I’m haven’t been replenishing the stores and treating myself as well as I should). So it was an easy choice to pick up this lovely lavender hand & body lotion–just $4.99+tax at Trader Joe’s–while doing my start-of-the-week grocery shopping:

What happened next came as a sweet surprise. In the mornings throughout the week, I didn’t just go through the motions of pulling myself together for the day. I actually took a little time and dedicated some awareness as I rubbed the lotion on my body and gave thanks for each part:

  • To my hands, thank you for making it possible for me to express myself through writing.
  • To my arms, thank you for how you embrace and care for so many people.
  • To my belly, my core, thank you for keeping me strong.
  • To my legs, thank you for propelling me forward.
  • To my feet, thank you for holding me up through all of life’s joys and challenges.

The Ah-Hahs: These blessings, which added less than a minute to my morning routine, felt quite profound. All this week, I noticed things I’ve taken for granted, and I stopped to breathe and give thanks.

 

Nudging: Use the good body lotion

Backstory: It’s the expensive stuff, or the special stuff, or the stuff I received as a gift and am saving for…well, I don’t know what.

Although part of this nudge is about decluttering, I think it’s mostly about self-caring. If not with the good body lotion, maybe it’s the soothing bath bubbles or the beautifully scented candle. Or maybe it’s that fancy hand creme that’s been living at the bottom of my purse for ages. I’m going to pull out something nice and put it to use.

How will you treat yourself this week?

Nudged: Do something that scares me

Backstory: I love this nudge. It can present in so many ways.

Maybe this is the week I wrap up something I really need to do, but dread doing (updating our estate planning paperwork, or catch up on my accounting and seeing just how much I have/don’t have in savings). Maybe this is the week I take a BIG but exciting RISK (ask for a raise, or call a company I would love to work with and ask if they’re hiring). Or maybe I get creative and literal and watch a super-scary classic movie (Exorcist, The Shining)…in the dark! 😉

I hope you’ll share with me what you end up doing with this nudge.

P.S. This week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the U.S. I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for supporting me and my 52Nudges journey. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

What Happened: As I considered what I might do for this nudge, I did a bit of accounting of some of what I’ve been through in the past couple of months, including:

  • Ending a contract with a long-time and much-loved client. (It was time.)
  • “Firing” a bully from a social group. (It was waaay past time.)
  • Recovering from an accident. (I’m fine-ish, though the physical healing takes time and PTSD is no joke.)

All of the above were scary in their own way, and I’m proud of myself for how I faced and handled them. Maybe for this nudge I can give myself a pass?

Then, midweek, amid all the buildup of the stress for the events above + work deadlines + holidays + general stress, I received an urgent notice about a utility bill being past due. What?!? I checked my records and noted I’d paid this bill in person well before the due date. I dropped everything else I was doing, called the company, waited on hold for-what-felt-like-ever, then spoke with a very calm person who informed me they had no record of the payment. I was able to pull together the funds and cover the late and current payments, so it got handled. But by the time I got off the phone, I was drained.

“I’m done,” I thought to myself. “I have no fight left in me.”

I have nothing left to give, no extra energy to devote to worries, no strength to carry on stressing over the many challenges that are truly out of my control. So I did the thing that scares me the most: I gave it all up.

A little more specifically, I handed it all over to God. (Feel free to substitute Universe or Nature or whatever term is most comfortable for you.) “You take care of it,” I said out loud. “Thanks.”

The Ah-Hahs: When I lived and commuted in Los Angeles (90 minutes to travel 14 miles, each way), I learned that there’s no point getting stressed when you’re stuck in traffic. You’re not going anywhere. There’s no alternate route that’s going to get you to your destination any faster. So, sure, you could drive your blood pressure up, launch an ulcer, beat your fists on the steering wheel, rage at the unfairness of it all. Still won’t get you there. So, you call the person you’re meeting to tell them you’re running late, and you wait it out.

I see a life lesson in this, and it’s one I’m working on applying to other areas: Don’t stress over things you can’t control.

It’s hard for me, it’s a little scary, but, with some practice, I believe I will be a happier human.

 

 

Nudging: Do something that scares me

Backstory: I love this nudge. It can present in so many ways.

Maybe this is the week I wrap up something I really need to do, but dread doing (updating our estate planning paperwork, or catch up on my accounting and seeing just how much I have/don’t have in savings). Maybe this is the week I take a BIG but exciting RISK (ask for a raise, or call a company I would love to work with and ask if they’re hiring). Or maybe I get creative and literal and watch a super-scary classic movie (Exorcist, The Shining)…in the dark! 😉

I hope you’ll share with me what you end up doing with this nudge.

P.S. This week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the U.S. I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU for supporting me and my 52Nudges journey. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

 

 

Nudged: Schedule a game night

Backstory: Fun! I love game nights! It’s friendly competition and improv and creativity and laughing till you feel you’re about to burst. Also a great excuse to get friends together for an easy, inexpensive meal.

For inspiration, I cracked open our games cabinet. Monopoly? Trivial Pursuit? Charades? Definitely Charades. So many possibilities!

What Happened: When did I stop having fun? When did I cease being fun? Despite my initial enthusiasm, I wrestled with this nudge all week. I looked at possible dates, I considered possible players. I was tempted to “cheat” and pull out a deck of cards for a game of Gin Rummy with just me and my guy. I followed through on nothing. It all felt like too much effort.

The Ah-Hahs: I’m sitting here feeling disappointed in myself and incredibly discouraged. It’s been ages (years?) since we have hosted a full-blown game night. At previous gatherings, we and our playmates had a fabulous time together and wondered out loud why we didn’t do this more often.

Why? I still don’t have an answer. Except that life is busy, and I’m tired. I know having a game night could have been exactly the pick-me-up I need, but I just couldn’t get it done.

I want to brush myself off and start fresh, and maybe I’ll do that. The holidays are just around — oh, geez, they’re here! — so maybe I won’t need to coordinate anything. Maybe when we’re sitting around with family and friends we’ll break out a game and dive in. Maybe the “lesson” with this nudge is to not worry so much about the planning and simply remind myself to stay open when inspiration strikes.

That being said, I do hope you had more success with the nudge than I did.

Nudging: Schedule a game night

Backstory: Fun! I love game nights! It’s theater and improv and creativity and laughing till you feel you’re about to burst. Also a great excuse to get friends together for an easy, inexpensive meal.

For inspiration, I cracked open our games cabinet. Monopoly? Trivial Pursuit? Poker? So many possibilities!

Nudged: Learn how to sign a fun phrase in American Sign Language

Backstory: The seed for learning American Sign Language (ASL) was first planted with earlier nudges, learning fun phrases in French (“What do you want for dinner?”) and Italian (“I would like a glass of prosecco, please.”). Those nudges were both really fun, and they challenged my brain in new ways.

This nudge goes a bit deeper. It was also inspired by a barista in a coffee house and a Lyft driver I met on separate occasions last year, both of whom were hearing impaired. I was struck by the realization of the effort I make to be polite and respectful when I visit foreign countries, but here, with my own people, I’ve only managed “Hello” and “Thank you.”

I’d like to do better.

What Happened: My initial Google search presented me with a wealth of learning tools. I started with a four-minute video created by Signed With Heart, “25 Basic ASL Signs for Beginners”.

  • Yes
  • No
  • Please
  • Nice to meet you

Mastering these was enough to ignite my curiosity and send me down the rabbit hole of online research. From Wikipedia, I learned ASP was created in the early 1800s at the American School for the Deaf in Connecticut, but has origins in French sign language. I discovered British sign language is not directly translatable to the American version, and there are even dialects. And did you know many American colleges now accept ASL study for foreign language credits? Cool!

With renewed motivation, I moved to a fingerspelling chart and worked on learning the alphabet.

© William Vicars, sign language resources at Lifeprint.com.

Then I put everything together and practiced.

Hello

My name is

K-A-T-H-L-E-E-N

I squealed with delight the first time I signed it fluidly.

Oh, and P.S.:

“I love you.”

 

Ah-Hahs: Maybe I’ll learn sign language and become a teacher—or one of those cool signers at live concerts! I entertained that dream for just a few minutes, because when I looked closer, I had to acknowledge: ASL is hard! It’s complex, there are lots of variations, and the grammar rules differ from written and spoken English.

I ran this by Thor, my darling husband, after I demonstrated my new skills, and his immediate response was, “No, you need to get back to learning French.” He’s right. That’s where I had an affinity and where I have a passion. As much as I enjoyed this small experiment with ASL, I truly love learning French. So I made a note in my journal to explore my options for future French lessons.

But I’m glad I took time to learn some of the basics, and I hope I’ll have an opportunity to use them.

Meanwhile, there was one more gift that came out of this nudge. For some reason, I read the quotes under the video. I almost never read comments, because so many we see today are ugly, hateful, unnecessary. The ones I read on Signed With Heart’s forum, from people sharing why they want to learn ASL, are lovely. “There’s a new girl in our school…I have a crush on a boy who is deaf…I want to communicate with my newly adopted brother….” I was a puddle reading all the heartwarming messages.

So in addition to gaining a couple of small skills, I gained a renewed hope in humankindness.

If this has inspired you to learn more ASL, there is a wealth of resources available on Amazon. I found books, flashcards, games, and DVDs, and most are quite reasonably priced. Here are a few you might find helpful:

Sign Language Conversations for Beginning Signers by Stan Collins (paperback)

Barron’s 500 Flash Cards of American Sign Language by Geoffrey S. Poor

American Sign Language Made Easy (Amazon Prime video)