Alexandra Epple inspires me and challenges me. I introduced you to her in a mid-August 2019 post, when she was about halfway through her adventure of walking the Camino de Santiago—a pilgrimage path that runs through France and Spain—in search of what she needed for the next chapter of her life. Some 2,800 kilometers later, she arrived at her new home in December, and I’ve been waiting for the right time to catch up with her, to ask “Did you find what you were looking for?” I had high expectations that her answer, and the revelations she experienced, would blow my mind.
Photo courtesy Alexandra Epple.
Alexandra’s story began long before her boots hit the trail. She grew up in Germany, in a “super awesome and supportive family”, then went to college in Germany and England to earn her degree in business administration. “It was all about money,” she told me in one of our early get-acquainted chats, and she was quickly disillusioned by the future it presented for her. Determined to find her purpose, she set off on world travels, by herself, and explored Indonesia, Mexico, Nicaragua, and other countries and cultures until she followed her heart (and a guy) to America. “Although I never had any interest or intention of going to the US, I was looking for a new direction,” she said. “The time, situation, and person I was dictated the direction, and it was a ‘following of the heart’ [versus following what society dictates] kind of thing.”
That was in 1999 and, in California, Alexandra continued to follow her heart and her curiosity. An interest in stretching led her to a yoga class, which led her to pursue healing work. She healed herself, then she worked with women to help them achieve “radical body wisdom” through body work, yoga, and coaching.
Then, about 10 years ago, a small voice in the back of her mind got her wondering if she needed to move back to Germany. The whispers grew louder until fall of 2018 when intense anxiety and worries set in. “I’d wake up at 4 am, have a cry for an hour, and say ‘Holy shit, what do I do with this?’”, she told me. “I knew something big was about to happen, but didn’t know what it could possibly be.” On one hand, she welcomed the tears, which she felt were cleansing. “I was quite proud that I was able to just observe the tears, worry, and anxiety like a bird,” she said. “I just let all those tears run and emotions flow without being swept away by them.” On the other hand, she thought, “Life is too short to be this unhappy.”
Her moment of clarity, in January 2019, was a visceral experience, which she described as “There’s a knowing inside, that you just have to do this.” Listening to and trusting her body, which gave her signals through expansion and contraction, she knew “I’m just done. It’s not going to happen here.” She felt a strong calling to return to Germany. “Every cell said yes yes yes!” she said, and for the first time in months she felt quiet and at peace. Her next move, she said, was “inspired by my soul’s calling to be alive.”
For the next six months she “dismantled” her life by shedding physical things: house, car, insurance, a phone number. She packed up and shipped what she wanted to take with her, then, feeling the need for a transitional period, she decided to walk—seriously walk—to her next destination.
On the Camino de Santiago, Alexandra experienced a different kind of shedding. She let go of all past pressures—such as tasks related to marketing and building a business. She shed old identities and focused on what she needed in the moment, what brought her joy. “You just walk,” she said, when we talked recently via a video chat. “There’s no planning. You can’t ever stop thinking—that’s the job of the mind—but there is a simplicity that is so tremendously enjoyable,” she said. “Walking, eating, sleeping—there is nothing complicated about life. It’s the simple act of walking and being. What a gift.” In the process, she recommitted to her core values: freedom, inspiration, wisdom, sharing, compassion, and being joyful.
She chronicled her trek on her blog Spirit Journey, sharing sites and insights. Ancient churches, seashells, tenacity, awe, weather, boredom, socks, and blisters were topics of her engaging posts. She addressed the highs and lows, both altitudes and emotions. I had looked forward to talking with her after she reached the city of Santiago de Compostela (approximately 900 km in), to finding out what she’d uncovered and learned, but then she surprised me again. She felt the call to keep walking—all the way back to Germany. Finally, on December 20, four and half months after she took her first steps, she arrived at her parents’ house and treated herself to an epic bath.
How have you grown and transformed? What were the BIG CHANGES that happened as a result of this grand adventure? Have you figured everything out? What’s next? I eagerly awaited her answers.
“It was Life-affirming, not life-changing,” she told me. “I’m still looking for answers.”
What?! How can this be?
I wasn’t the only one baffled by this response. She told me about meeting a couple toward the end of her walk. Upon hearing that she hadn’t solved all of life’s questions on her quest, the man said to her, “But you’ve had five months to think about it!” The woman quickly corrected him with, “That’s not how it works.”
It’s hard not to feel frustrated when you’re faced with the so-called gift of a blank slate. Alexandra explained to me that while walking, she thought about the past, lived in the moment, and did not try to figure out what comes next. So her answer to my question was a legitimate “I don’t know,” and she further confessed, “At times, I judge myself for having such expectations of life.” She feels somewhat trapped by her excellent skills and past work experience. Does she return to her former business model? Will she devote energy to finishing 7 Secrets to a Better Menopause, her book on how to navigate menopause with compassion? Or is now the time to go after her dream of hosting a talk show about alternative health?
So, she returns to what she does know, that she will listen to and follow her intuition to take the next steps on her life path. “My basic needs are met right now,” she said, and “my journey of reinvention is ongoing.”
And that’s my takeaway from our conversation: The journey of reinvention is ongoing. “I got to this place in my life step by step,” Alexandra said. “Every opportunity I have, I ask, ‘Does this feel right?’” We ask, and when the answer comes, we follow our hearts and head in the direction that feels right to us in the moment, learning more about our authentic selves with each step. It’s more about the journey than the destination, I tell myself.
“I have to lean back and trust that the road is already there. I just need to start walking it even if I don’t have a map of the entire path yet,” Alexandra said to me. “It’s just like the Camino. You start walking it, and the path reveals itself.
I hope you’ll get better acquainted with Alexandra. To learn more about her Camino de Santiago adventure, and for updates on her book, talk show, and other evolving plans, visit her Spirit Journey blog and her Facebook page.
Backstory: I groaned when I read this Nudge, and I almost put it back for my first Pass. This nudge presents at the start of one of the busiest work weeks for me—oh, plus Christmas. Everything on my massive to-do list is a “MUST-DO”, and at a quick glance, everything in there can only be done by me.
Most days I would have been too busy to notice, but on this day I stopped to enjoy the music. It was a balm for my soul. My blood pressure dropped, the huge to-do list of “must dos!” constantly running in my brain paused, I smiled! This was a great experience of “Living the 52Nudges Life” and I want to encourage myself to be aware of these opportunities and take full advantage.
