52+: On a (sometimes bumpy) journey to a new passion-fueled career

I am always on the lookout for stories about women who have followed their passions and created new opportunities for themselves. Is there something you love doing that you’d love to turn into a career? Have people told you it’s “impossible” because it’s “not realistic” or “you’re too young/old” or…? Hmmm…. I hope Melissa’s story will inspire you to take a chance on yourself.

After completing an internship in public relations, Melissa Fulton knew she’d never use her BA in Public Communications. After completing an internship at IBM in sales support, she chose tech sales for her career and spent 13 years on that path. When her second daughter was born, she took a leave of absence that “led to another year and another year and another baby and….” Fast-forward to 2017, when she faced an emptying nest and wondered, “What is my next chapter going to be?”

As Melissa explored her options, her husband made an observation. “You’ve always loved travel, and you love organizing everyone’s trips,” he said to her. “You should check that out.” He introduced her to one of his former work colleagues, a woman who had retired from the tech sector and started a travel agency. Melissa made the call, and as soon as she got off the phone, she thought, “I totally want to do this!”

It was another year before she went online to look up “How to be a travel agent.” During that interim, she thought about what she wanted—and what she didn’t. “I wanted to travel more,” she said. “I wanted a flexible schedule to be able to attend our kids’ events. I didn’t want to sit behind a desk 9 to 5.”

She explored joining a network and starting her own business. She spoke with other women who had started travel agencies and took their experiences to heart. “You can be very independent, hang your own shingle,” she said, “but I didn’t want to take on a large investment then realize it wasn’t the right fit for me.” With a franchise, however, the parent company offered training, website hosting, contract negotiating, marketing tools, and a network of helpful colleagues who could offer advice and suggestions. “I liked that structure and support,” she said.

She and her husband bought a franchise, named it Travel By Meli (her friends’ nickname for her), and dove in.

She started with some basic training and quickly realized the work was more complicated than she had anticipated. “It’s a big world out there!” she said. “There’s so much information. I got home and thought, ‘What have I done?’”

As she looks back, she sometimes wishes she could have started off in a more organized fashion, with more training upfront versus learning as she worked. “Instead, I decided I was going to help anybody and everybody,” she said, and with word-of-mouth providing the only advertising she needed, business took off like crazy. She quickly developed a reputation for expertise in planning land-based trips to Europe and river cruises, and often worked till the wee hours of the morning. “At times, it was too much,” she said, but she now sees it was the best way to learn. “It was better than reading or taking a course,” she said. She also found her personal travel experiences gave her an edge, for example, when she planned a trip to Peru for clients. “It’s such a unique experience,” she said, and it helped that she had taken a similar trip with her family and could advise her clients on what to expect and what they would need.

Melissa in Santorini, Greece, one of her favorite places.

Then, in early March of this year, COVID hit. “I became busier cancelling than I’d ever been booking,” she said. At one point she thought she might throw in the towel and go back to the corporate world, but was emboldened by the outstanding service she received from the “wonderful” suppliers who were handling the changes. Then…people started booking and rebooking again. “By mid-July, people were more optimistic and were just so tired of being home,” she said. “I heard, ‘We need something to look forward to!’ They started booking trips into 2022, and I thought, ‘Oh, I love this!’” She remains “definitely hopeful” and trusts that “the world will be okay again some day”.

When asked what advice she would offer to someone who is trying to figure out her next chapter, she thought about her response for a few moments before speaking. “‘What makes you excited?’ is the hardest question for anyone to answer,” she said. “I’m going through this right now with my daughter. Do you work for money or to be fulfilled? Do you volunteer [to feed your passion]? I don’t know.” She confessed she struggled initially to find her own way, in part, she said, because she sometimes felt like she had lost who she was while she was so busy caring for her growing family.

Based on her own journey, she offered some suggestions. “Get together with friends and chat. Ask them ‘What do you think I’m good at?’ and listen to their answers.” She also encourages women to trust themselves and their abilities. “It doesn’t matter how old you are or if you haven’t worked in years,” she said. “You have interests, your experience, and your work ethic.” Use them.

Authenticity plus optimism is paramount. “Don’t ignore the things you like to do, your passions, and think you can’t do anything with them,” she said. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

Nudging: Answer a call

Backstory: How do you make God laugh? You tell her your plans.

It’s an old joke, but lately it’s felt like much of my life. Between sheltering-in-place (for months and months…), political upheaval and civil unrest (that’s putting it mildly), a family member with COVID (wear your mask!), and the widespread fires and resulting deep layers of smoke, few things have gone as planned. This has included recent Nudges. I drew tasks that I really looked forward to, only to have them kiboshed by forces way out of my control.

Instead of crawling under the covers till it all passes, I decided to get creative this week. I am doing a Nudge that is not off the original list, one that will allow surprise and spontaneity.

“Answer a call” does not mean picking up a call from “Unknown”. It does not mean picking up when I see the caller is someone I really really don’t feel like talking to. Instead, it means listening to myself. Listening to that still, small (and occasionally nagging) voice inside me. And when it says “You should do this,” whatever “this” might be, I have every intention (not “plan”) to drop what I’m doing and…well, you know.

 

Nudged: Purge the underwear drawer

Backstory: I’m trying to think when was the last time I purchased new underwear for myself…. Geez, this is embarrassing. Eight years ago? Time to dump out that drawer and see what’s in there (and what needs to go).

This is part of my whole declutting project, in which I choose one small section to review versus trying to dive in and do a major overhaul all in one weekend. My ultimate intention, of course, is to make sure that what I keep is stuff that makes me feel good.

Maybe you’ll choose to tackle a small section of your closet or the stack of (stained, frayed) kitchen towels or that “junk drawer” that has been the catchall for the last 5/10/20 years. Maybe we’ll discover some long-lost treasures! 🙂

What Happened: I pulled out the drawer and dumped everything onto the bed.

underwear drawer

What struck me was all the black and beige. Am I really that boring?

Other than that, the pile wasn’t too bad. Items are in good condition, everything fits (a miracle, when you consider recent COVID comfort eating), and things weren’t crammed in. I have what I need. I threw out one item and added a half slip (When was the last time I wore a half slip…? No idea.) to the Goodwill box. The rest got neatly organized, and the drawer got returned to its regular spot.

But…back to that “boring” bit. What is up with that? I would love to be the woman who has something soft and lovely against her skin. Something lacy. Maybe something racy. Heck, something with color!

Inspired by this nudge and the fact that in the past couple of months I’ve worked my tail off and had a little extra spending money, I hit the internet. OMG, La Perla–gorgeous! Now we’re talking! Except…$500 for a single bra?!  Hahahaha…I’ll come back to that when I win the lottery.

I next hit up some of the online sales and, for a reasonable price, found a lovely set in a pretty pink lace. I placed the order.

The Ah-Has: From now on, I’m going to refer to this as my “Lingerie” drawer. No more practical, basic, blah. I have what I “need”, so moving forward, I’d rather save my money for something special, something that will last, something that makes me feel special.

52+: When Dreams Take Flight

I love hearing stories about how stars align (or Nudges nudge) for the perfect outcome. They remind me to stay positive and patient, to do what I can do, leave the rest up to the Universe, and have faith.

In this instance, a number of factors came together—a passion for history, a random ad, a supportive spouse, and a prompt from an acquaintance—to help one woman identify her dream and experience it in unanticipated ways. Inspired by her story, I asked if I could share her journey and insights with 52Nudges’s readers.

Pilar Dowell is a talented graphic designer. After working 15 years in-house and 10 years as a contractor for the Walt Disney Company, she opened Seattle-based Pilar Dowell Design and spread her wings to work with a broader clientele.

On the side, she fed her curiosity for World War II history, inspired initially by her dad, who was a teacher. “I like learning,” she said, “and I gravitate toward books and movies about history, specifically about WWII.”

One day, on her way out of an airplane-themed diner near her home, she picked up a local newspaper and noticed an ad offering “Free Fly Days” through the Flying Heritage & Combat Armor Museum. Every summer, they bring out some of their collection’s vintage aircraft and invite the public to come watch them fly. Pilar decided to check it out.

On her way there, she got lost and, by chance, ended up at Historic Flight, a smaller museum, then located at the opposite side of the tarmac. The friendly people inside gave her directions to her intended destination, but she saw enough to be intrigued and thought, “I have to come back here.” She picked up some information and made plans to return for a memorial flight commemorating the 70th Anniversary of D-Day. That afternoon, Pilar picked up her youngest son early from school and headed over. “I figured Alex would learn so much more about history that day than he would in school.”

A few weeks later, she and her husband, Rob, returned to attend a different event. As they looked around, Rob talked to someone on the staff and mentioned “My wife would love to volunteer here if you need graphic design.” Her first project was creating a brochure, and she soon learned incredible opportunities came with the job. “They would reward the volunteers with flight,” Pilar explained, including tours inside the planes and short turns at the controls. “The first time they asked ‘Would you like to take a ride in Grumpy?’ I almost cried,” she said.

Pilar in the cockpit of a B-25. (Photo courtesy of Pilar Dowell.)

Grumpy is a B-25, her favorite airplane. B-25s played a pivotal role in the Doolittle “Tokyo” Raid, which took place right after Pearl Harbor. Of the almost 10,000 models that were made, there are still about 100 B-25s (B stands for “bomber”) still in existence around the world. About 45 are air-worthy, Pilar shared in an enthusiastic burst of statistics, and the rest are on display in museums. With her colleagues from Historic Flight, she got to travel to Ohio to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the Doolittle Raid. “I met the man who was the co-pilot to Jimmy Doolittle, the last surviving Doolittle Raider,” she said, adding that meeting pilots and other retired military personnel, and hearing their stories, has been especially moving for her.

In addition to brochures and posters, Pilar created items, such as T-shirts, for Historic Flight’s retail store and marketing pieces for the flight show season, which runs April through September (except for this year, due to COVID). “I had just finished work for an air show,” she said, “and was showing it to the wife of the museum’s owner. She said, ‘You really should market aviation design,’ as a branch of Pilar Dowell Design.” The suggestion sparked Pilar’s imagination, and Fly Girl Graphic Design was born. Within a short period, she got a domain, designed a logo and business card, and built and launched the website.

With targeted clients that include aviation museums, airports, and pilot associations, Fly Girl Graphic Design is more about graphic design services than sales of merchandise. “I find it’s the most fun,” she said. “For example,” she explained, “when I was hired to create a poster and T-shirt design for an air show, I got to learn about the aircraft and the history.”

Fly Girl Graphic Design has brought together Pilar’s skills, experience, and passions. For those of us looking for ways to identify and pursue new personal and/or professional adventures with purpose, she shared some insights. “There are museums where you offer to volunteer, and those people become your community. They are there for the same reasons you are,” she said. “Seek. Find what you’re interested in, then go find your people.”

Nudging: Purge the underwear drawer

Backstory: I’m trying to think when was the last time I purchased new underwear for myself…. Geez, this is embarrassing. Eight years ago? Time to dump out that drawer and see what’s in there (and what needs to go).

This is part of my whole declutting project, in which I choose one small section to review versus trying to dive in and do a major overhaul all in one weekend. My ultimate intention, of course, is to make sure that what I keep is stuff that makes me feel good.

Maybe you’ll choose to tackle a small section of your closet or the stack of (stained, frayed) kitchen towels or that “junk drawer” that has been the catchall for the last 5/10/20 years. Maybe we’ll discover some long-lost treasures! 🙂

Nudged: Jump rope

Backstory: This nudge came from the list I made of things I loved doing when I was a kid. What makes the timing perfect is I am completely bored by my exercise options. Great opportunity to mix things up!

If jumping rope is not your thing, pick an activity you loved doing as a kid that you haven’t done in a while (coloring, baking cookies, playing dress-up) or pull out that box of old sports gear and get outside to play!

What Happened: Apocalypse 2020. This is what is happening in my neighborhood today:

 

I might pull another Nudge from the bowl today. More likely I’ll just take the pass.

Be safe. Keep calm. Wear your mask.

This too shall pass.

Nudging: Jump rope

Backstory: This nudge came from the list I made of things I loved doing when I was a kid. What makes the timing perfect is I am completely bored by my exercise options. Great opportunity to mix things up!

If jumping rope is not your thing, pick an activity you loved doing as a kid that you haven’t done in a while (coloring, baking cookies, playing dress-up) or pull out that box of old sports gear and get outside to play!

Nudged: Notice something

Backstory: Oooo I love this nudge! It is inspired by artist Jenny Odell. I heard her speak at the In/Visible Talks design+art conference in 2018 (you’ll find the video of her talk on “How to Do Nothing” here), and her suggestion to “notice” things has stuck with me.

Using Jenny’s example, instead of bird-watching–which is a sort of doing, where you look for birds and check them off your list–you shift your attention to bird-noticing. You might listen for different bird songs, take in the brilliant colors in their feathers, watch for different patterns of flight. It’s a practice that encourages me to slow down, quiet myself, focus, and appreciate.

On a vacation, this nudge reminded me to stop on my walks and do a 360, literally turn around in a circle and take in everything around me. What a revelation! I noticed pebbles, clouds, architectural details, and the feel of the breeze on my skin. Another time, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I slowed my rush to finish the task and noticed how beautifully bizarre fresh produce is. I mean–artichokes! I have a special respect for the first person who figured out how to eat one. (I like mine steamed in beer and dipped in melted butter, btw.)

Another aspect I love about this nudge is the necessary element of surprise. Who knows what I will notice–and be delighted by–this week!

What Happened: Whenever I travel to a new-to-me city, I love to get up really early one morning and walk that city as it wakes up. When you don’t have to navigate auto and pedestrian traffic, you are freed up to notice more of your surroundings. I’ve discovered all sorts of delights.

Lately, walking for exercise has felt to me like a competitive sport. I feel like I have to GET OUT (to lessen the sheltering-in-place cabin fever) and BURN CALORIES (because our gym is closed indefinitely and…well…the comfort food I consumed in the first several months of COVID have caught up with me). But there’s also the added stress of having to dodge fellow walkers. I’ll be walking along and see a family coming toward me, so I’ll step out into the street to allow proper social distancing. Or some maskless yahoo comes toward me, and I scramble to get as much distance as possible between us. Blood pressure waaay up!

Wednesday morning I got up extra early, before the sun peeked over the horizon, and headed out into my neighborhood. My route was pretty much the same one I take any other day, but this time I had it to myself. I didn’t see a single car or person, and as a result, I got to look around. I noticed roofline flourishes I’d never seen before. I noticed who has recently installed solar panels. Instead of looking at gardens or living room setups (this is what I normally look at, to get ideas for my own home), I noticed who has the lights on and wondered who was up with insomnia, a fussing baby, morning prayers, or an idea for a novel that just couldn’t wait. I also noticed smells from brewing coffee and frying bacon (yum) and someone’s pungent marijuana.

It was such a brilliant way to “wake up” to the day that I decided to do it again on Thursday.

It didn’t quite work out as planned. Thursday morning I hit the desk early and, before I knew it, it was past lunchtime. Determined to give it another go, I headed out midafternoon. I was pretty much beating myself up for blowing the nudge when a fantastic purple tree stopped me in my tracks.

Notice-purple-1

I recalled how, early in our quarantine days, a couple of friends had motivated themselves to get outside for walks by setting the intention to find things of a certain color. So that’s what I did. For the last half of my walk, I noticed–and took photos of–everything I could spot in every shade of purple. It was awesome! I’d see something and dash across the street to take a closer look. I’d giggle and whoop when I discovered something new. I shot closeups. I marveled at all the shades. I found lots of flowers, of course, but also pebbles and tiles. Was hoping to find a purple house (this is San Francisco, after all), but no luck. Maybe on the next walk.

The Ah-Hahs: Both of my noticing walks were delightful. Also, when I got home from the purple walk, I realized that for those full 20 or so minutes, I had not once thought of any of the worries I’ve been carrying for weeks.

Nudging: Notice something

Backstory: Oooo I love this nudge! It is inspired by artist Jenny Odell. I heard her speak at the In/Visible Talks design+art conference in 2018 (you’ll find the video of her talk on “How to Do Nothing” here), and her suggestion to “notice” things has stuck with me.

Using Jenny’s example, instead of bird-watching–which is a sort of doing, where you look for birds and check them off your list–you shift your attention to bird-noticing. You might listen for different bird songs, take in the brilliant colors in their feathers, watch for different patterns of flight. It’s a practice that encourages me to slow down, quiet myself, focus, and appreciate.

On a vacation, this nudge reminded me to stop on my walks and do a 360, literally turn around in a circle and take in everything around me. What a revelation! I noticed pebbles, clouds, architectural details, and the feel of the breeze on my skin. Another time, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I slowed my rush to finish the task and noticed how beautifully bizarre fresh produce is. I mean–artichokes! I have a special respect for the first person who figured out how to eat one. (I like mine steamed in beer and dipped in melted butter, btw.)

Another aspect I love about this nudge is the necessary element of surprise. Who knows what I will notice–and be delighted by–this week!

 

Nudged: Do a Fairy Deed

Background: Some people call it “random acts of kindness”. For whatever reason, years ago I started calling them “Fairy Deeds”. Maybe because it feels like there’s magic in it, as I flit in and out to deliver the gift.

The idea is to give something small that lifts someone else’s spirits. In the past I’ve left a bag with lemons and sugar with a note encouraging the recipient to turn a rough period into lemonade. I’ve mailed scratcher lottery tickets. I’ve cut flowers from my garden, tied them in a bow, and placed them on neighbors’ doorsteps (while engaging in a silly grownup version of “Ding-Dong Ditch” so they found the gift before it had wilted). The anonymous part of doing a Fairy Deed is important to me, in that it doesn’t set up the expectation of reciprocation.

This doesn’t need to be an extravagant act, and in keeping with the 52Nudges rules, it should be “cheap”. But if you have the means and the desire, go for leaving a ginormous tip for the gal who brews your morning coffee with a smile (and looks like she can’t take one more day of this pandemic). Have fun with it…because the secondary gift of this nudge is that it lifts the giver’s spirits too.

What Happened: I got stuck on the “anonymous” part. In the past, that has been important to me. But as I thought about what I most wanted to do this week, I kept coming back to baking something sweet for my neighbors, specifically a Victoria Sponge cake. Several weeks ago I made my first one, shared it with a few households, and subsequently learned that it was one neighbor’s favorites (let’s call him Hank). Okay, then. That’s what I did this week. I baked and cooled the cakes, spread the first with raspberry preserves, placed the second cake on top to make the “sandwich”, and sliced it into individual servings. (Note: A bit of fresh whipped cream is a nice touch.)

Victoria Sandwich

After giving Thor his share (of course), I wrapped up several slices for Hank and his family. I popped next door, left the offering on the mat, rang the doorbell, and dashed–not quite quick enough, because his wife answered before I made it down the stairs. 🙂

It wouldn’t have been a completely anonymous act anyway, since I had once before delivered this particular cake. But there was still that fun element of surprising them.

Now here’s where it gets…um…interesting. Shortly after I got home, I received a text message from Hank’s adult son. Earlier in the week the family had made the decision to bring in 24/7 in-home care and shift Hank to hospice care. I’ve known for several months about Hank’s evolving condition (aging is not for sissies) and have done what I can to support this family. They are doing okay for the most part, but this stage of life is never easy. Hank’s son reported to me that they heard the doorbell ring while he and his dad were in the middle of sharing stories. “That Kathy can bake,” Hank said, as he enjoyed the cake.

The Ah-Hahs: I cried as I typed the above. I am so grateful/relieved that I got that cake to Hank in time for him to fully enjoy it. I hope it helped to remind him and his family of the sweet things in life. That gives me a little peace.

The takeaway for this Nudge is: Don’t Wait! Do that small act of kindness now. You never know how big it might be for the recipient.