Author Archives: Kathleen Guthrie Woods

Nudging: Send a handwritten thank you note to a client, boss, or coworker

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Backstory: I never had a formal mentor, but I have met several people throughout my career who have taught me by example And while I know I’ve thanked clients for work sent my way (“Thank you for your business!” is written on every invoice), I think it’s time to go a little deeper and truly acknowledge someone for who they are and what they’ve done for me.

As always, do this nudge in a way that works for you. Thank a coworker for her great attitude. Thank the woman who tirelessly coordinates your book club’s meetings or mom group’s get-togethers. Tell a neighbor his garden inspires you to keep trying to coax viable things out of your front yard.

I am a believer in handwritten notes, as they feel more personal to me. But a text message or email will work just fine.

Who do you need to appreciate?

Nudged: Play my flute for me–from Carrie

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Dear Nudgers,

Carrie contacted me over the summer when I put out a call for guest bloggers. She shared with me that she was inspired by my 52Nudges project to start her own, which she calls “Me & My Quite Contrary Life.” I’ve since picked up ideas from her nudges, and I hope you’ll visit her website and do the same.

Meanwhile, this week she is our Guest Nudger! I will be following her lead (possibly tickling the ivories on our old piano), and I encourage you to do the same by picking up one of the joys you’ve left behind in your childhood.

Thank you, Carrie! — Kathleen

Backstory: As I was creating my own list of nudges, inspired by Kathleen’s 52Nudges, I brainstormed what activities I used to enjoy but stopped doing as an adult. Instrumental music was at the top of the list.I started playing the flute when I was in 5th grade and continued playing regularly until my early 30s. I was in marching band and concert bands throughout high school and college (eight years total), took private lessons, played in a flute choir, and played for church and nursing homes as a soloist or with a group. My dad is a talented, life-long musician, so it was in my blood and was something I excelled at with countless hours of practice and perfectionism. Music was a big part of my life and shaped who I am today.

A serious picture from my high school band days–with the same flute I have today.

The music stopped abruptly one day about five years ago. It was a combination of factors that produced my “retirement” from playing the flute and piccolo. My flute teacher/mentor/friend Jan died suddenly of cancer several years before, and I had never completely gotten over it. I was devastated by her death, and felt I couldn’t play without her; the joy was gone. In addition, I changed churches and wanted to explore other areas of my God-given talents. I packed up my flute, my constant companion for decades, and haven’t touched it again.

…until this week.

The purpose of this nudge is to play my flute for my benefit only. I won’t be playing along with someone else or because someone asked me, but because I want to play for my enjoyment.

I have many questions going into the week: What will I play? Will I remember how to do it? What will the dog think? How will I feel as I play?

“Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours.”– Elton John

What Happened: I sat on this nudge for most of the week and did nothing. Finally, on a quiet Friday night when my husband was gone and I was alone (with the dog!), I found my instrument in the back of a closet and challenged myself to play at least one song. I did it! I ended up playing for about an hour, and experienced many thoughts and emotions during that time.

I was happy to see my flute again as I opened the case. I was reminded of my excitement to play as a 5th grader. It felt like seeing an old friend again. The happiness soon gave way to guilt as I saw some rust spots on the instrument from age and neglect. I felt like a bad friend.

It felt very familiar to assemble the pieces and get the instrument properly aligned. All the dents and dings that I remembered were still there, evidence of our times together. I started playing and discovered I remembered all of the fingerings—just like riding a bike! I played an old hymn first, then moved on to other flute solos from my past. The joy of playing slowly came back.

The dog ran into the room as I hit a high note. She sensed my joy and thought it translated into a treat for her. She anxiously wagged her tail and looked at me with big brown eyes. When a treat was not produced, she quickly lost interest and returned to the couch. Her soft snores were occasionally heard as a musical accompaniment.

I soon realized how out of shape I was—my mouth hurt after one song. I kept going.

After about an hour, I pulled out some old pictures of my band days and reminisced about my musical career and about Jan. I wish she was still around so I could have more conversations with her. I have no doubt we would still be great friends today. She never married or had children, but she was a mother and mentor to me when I was in high school. I am grateful that her parents mailed me a stack of her flute music after her death. As I was feeling sad that I wouldn’t talk to her again, the next piece of music I came across was her music of “When We All Get to Heaven”. WOW! What a reminder that I will get to catch up with her again someday.

The most talented flute player I have ever known, my mentor and friend, Jan. She is so missed.

Ah-Hahs: I enjoyed my evening of music for just my benefit, my private concert. It was fun to read music again—I didn’t realize it had been so long! In church, all the words of worship music are on the screens, so I don’t read actual sheet music often. I miss it.

My flute will always be an important item that I will never get rid of, but I don’t feel the need to play it often. It served its purpose in my life, and I am grateful.

It was fun to look back on my musical career and see all the benefits playing the flute brought me: quality time spent playing music with my dad and sister, good friendships with bandmates, marching band trips to Florida and California, confidence to perform in front of many people, staying in shape with marching band, and it kept me out of trouble as a teenager. It was definitely time well spent!

With the same flute in college marching band for four years.

I am really enjoying my nudges project. This is just one more example of how I am rediscovering joy and getting out of my comfort zone. I never would have played again without this challenge. Thanks, Kathleen, for your inspiration!

Get better acquainted with Carrie and her 52Nudges-inspired project through her blog, Me & My Quite Contrary Life.

 

 

Nudging: Play my flute for me — from Carrie

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Dear Nudgers,

Carrie contacted me over the summer when I put out a call for guest bloggers. She shared with me that she was inspired by my 52Nudges project to start her own, which she calls “Me & My Quite Contrary Life.” I’ve since picked up ideas from her nudges, and I hope you’ll visit her website and do the same.

Meanwhile, this week she is our Guest Nudger! I will be following her lead (possibly tickling the ivories on our old piano), and I encourage you to do the same by picking up one of the joys you’ve left behind in your childhood.

Thank you, Carrie! — Kathleen

Backstory: As I was creating my own list of nudges, inspired by Kathleen’s 52Nudges, I brainstormed what activities I used to enjoy but stopped doing as an adult. Instrumental music was at the top of the list.

I started playing the flute when I was in 5th grade and continued playing regularly until my early 30s. I was in marching band and concert bands throughout high school and college (eight years total), took private lessons, played in a flute choir, and played for church and nursing homes as a soloist or with a group. My dad is a talented, life-long musician, so it was in my blood and was something I excelled at with countless hours of practice and perfectionism. Music was a big part of my life and shaped who I am today.

A serious picture from my high school band days–with the same flute I have today.

The music stopped abruptly one day about five years ago. It was a combination of factors that produced my “retirement” from playing the flute and piccolo. My flute teacher/mentor/friend Jan died suddenly of cancer several years before, and I had never completely gotten over it. I was devastated by her death, and felt I couldn’t play without her; the joy was gone. In addition, I changed churches and wanted to explore other areas of my God-given talents. I packed up my flute, my constant companion for decades, and haven’t touched it again.

…until this week.

The purpose of this nudge is to play my flute for my benefit only. I won’t be playing along with someone else or because someone asked me, but because I want to play for my enjoyment.

I have many questions going into the week: What will I play? Will I remember how to do it? What will the dog think? How will I feel as I play?

“Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours.”

– Elton John

Nudged: Spiff up my nightstand

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Backstory: This was inspired by one of my favorite websites, FlyLady. It’s a free site that offers loving advice (FLY stands for “Finally Loving Yourself) on how to declutter every area of our lives in small steps. The basic process is simple and totally doable: Set a timer for 15 minutes and tackle a “hot spot”, one of those many areas that have become dumping grounds over time. Then stop. Repeat tomorrow, maybe on a different spot. Bit by bit, you’ll start to see progress, she promises.

My nightstand is one of those spots:

Nightstand before.

It’s nothing like the pretty photos I ooh and ahh over in magazines such as Real Simple, Victoria, and Martha Stewart Living. In fact, the photo I see above is depressing.

So this week, I’m going to take everything off, wipe down the surfaces, and consider what I want to see there when I wake up in the morning and turn off the light at night.

What might you spiff up this week?

What Happened: I had some quiet time before dinner Sunday night, so dove in. I cleared everything off. I dusted the lamp, wiped the surfaces with cleaner and a soft cloth, then looked at everything in the pile on my bed. Do I really need that unattractive pill box front and center? (No, taking those pills are part of my routine, so I won’t forget them if they’re out of sight.) Am I legitimately reading any of those books in those haphazard piles? (Just a few, really.) Is this what I want to see when I start my day? (Heck no.)

I recalled clipping a photo from a magazine or catalogue a while back of a very lovely, feminine, serene nightstand. Just a few items were on it, including candles and flowers. I wish I could find that image so I could share it here, but I think I did a pretty good job of recreating it from memory:

Nightstand after.

Ah-Hahs: Immediately upon resetting my nightstand, I felt a new tranquility. Isn’t that amazing, to get that from what was truly a small act? The first night was a tad awkward as I carefully moved the candles aside to get to the book I wanted to read, but it was no big deal. Meanwhile, I experienced no temptations to re-clutter the space.

Lovely.

What was most interesting to me was how “contagious” this was. FlyLady talks about how when you start with one small area and get it all nice and pretty, you then find yourself moving on to other areas nearby. For example, if you visit her site, you’ll see she starts with “shining” the kitchen sink. Next thing you know, you’ve cleared off the countertop next to it…then the stack of junk mail gets recycled…then a pantry gets reorganized, and so on. For me, I found it was easier to make my bed first thing every morning. Then the laundry got folded and put away, and the empty basket returned to the basement. Little things, that all added up, so that when I walk into that room today, I’m not immediately stressed by “all I have to do.”

P.S. In one of the magazines I found buried in the pile, I discovered a link to Windy Chien’s amazing story of The Year of Knots. Ms. Chien left a job in tech to live a more creative life. She challenged herself to learn how to tie one new knot every day for a year and, in the process, reinvented herself. I’m eager to learn more of her story — and I’m thinking “Learn how to tie a new knot” may be added to my Nudges box!

 

Nudging: Spiff up my nightstand

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Tech issue! Just discovered this didn’t post as scheduled yesterday. Fortunately, we have all week to do this. Happy nudging!

Backstory: This was inspired by one of my favorite websites, FlyLady. It’s a free site that offers loving advice (FLY stands for “Finally Loving Yourself) on how to declutter every area of our lives in small steps. Set a timer for 15 minutes and tackle a “hot spot”, one of those many areas that have become dumping grounds over time. Then stop. Repeat tomorrow, maybe on a different spot. Bit by bit, you’ll start to see progress, she promises.

My nightstand is one of those spots:

Nightstand before.

It’s nothing like the pretty photos I ooh and ahh over in magazines such as Real Simple, Victoria, and Martha Stewart Living. In fact, the photo I see above is depressing.

So this week, I’m going to take everything off, wipe down the surfaces, and consider what I want to see there when I first get up in the morning and turn off the light at night.

What might you spiff up this week?

Nudged: No Facebook or online news for 1 week

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Backstory: I signed up to work with a nutritionist last year, to fine-tune what foods (vs. fads) work best for my system for losing weight and maintaining good health. I figured I’d be told to count calories, make adjustments to intake of carbs/fats/proteins, and amp up and create more variety in my exercise routines. So I was surprised to see “limit social media” on her list of recommendations. “It’s a source of stress,” she explained (Duh, I thought at the time), “and that contributes to how our bodies function,” including how we process calories and hang on to excess weight.

I’ve since talked with a number of friends who have received similar advice when seeking to develop healthier lifestyles, including one friend who was assigned “zero social media” for a three-month period while working through some challenges with a therapist.

There’s something to this, so I thought I’d try it out.

What Happened: One of the key guidelines for the nudges I give myself is each has to be, in some way, “uncomfortable”. On a scale of one to 10, this felt like a nine.

I drew this just before noon on Sunday, and my first thought was “I have a few minutes to check everything before this starts!”

How sick is that? I resisted the urge, taped the strip of paper with the nudge on top of my week’s calendar, and went about my day.

Monday 6 am I faced a rude awakening. I realized I have an almost unconscious routine when I first hit my desk in the mornings: Dear Abby, People online, local news, international news, Facebook. I resisted the urge and went to work, and all was fine till I was working on a project for a client and discovered a link about something they’re doing that I wanted to share on my FB business page. “This is work,” I told myself, “it doesn’t count.” And “I’ll just schedule it to run later, but I won’t look at anything else.” Riiight.

I scribbled a note in my calendar for this coming Monday to circle back to it. Would it have been easier and more time-efficient to just get it done? Probably. But that’s not what this week’s nudge is about.

Thor (the code name for my darling husband) emailed me in the afternoon: “Check out this story in the Chronicle!” Maybe if I just read that one story…. But I knew it would lead down the rabbit hole to other links, so I explained why I couldn’t and asked him to give me the highlights over dinner, which he did.

Tuesday was easier. I didn’t feel compelled to launch into my morning routine of checking all my sources.

By end of week, it was no big deal. I noticed that I did feel calmer, even more focused. Huh.

However….

Ah-Hahs: If I’m being completely honest (and I am), I must admit that I filled some of that “free” time with (cringe) online Solitaire. WTH?! This is not something I do. This is not ME. But there you have it. I am not proud of myself.

I took a hard look at “Why do I feel the need to numb myself? What am I avoiding?”

Late Thursday night I spent some time journaling about these questions. Here’s a short list of what came up for me:

  • Facing the losses that have appeared recently in my professional life, resulting in open spaces I don’t know how I’m ever going to fill.
  • Fearing that I’m “done” being a contributing member of society.
  • Feeling I am a burden to my husband.
  • Dreading the overwhelm of BIG projects that seem “impossible” to complete.

I reached out to a wise friend, shared with her some of what was going on in my life, and she told me what I already knew: I need to grieve my losses.

So Friday morning I started my day with an intention to “sit” with my grief.

Only I didn’t. When presented with a chunk of free time between projects, I opened up the Solitaire site.

I can quit any time I want.

This, I acknowledge, is a problem. Maybe not life-threatening, but I know it’s not healthy.

I’m not sure what to do with all this yet, but I consider this nudge a “win” for forcing me to acknowledge this – and do something about it.

I need figure out how to be the queen of my own heart. (Fabulous deck of cards designed by Ambidextrous Studio at http://ambistudio.com/.)

P.S. Avoidance can present in many forms of addiction. If you are reading this and thinking about how you’ve been using an unhealthy substance to numb out, please consider this your nudge to ask for help. If a licensed therapist is beyond your means, contact a clergy person or trusted friend.

Nudging: No Facebook or online news for 1 week

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You know when you get so overloaded with things that you enter in the wrong date on something important? Yeah. So I just noticed this didn’t post as planned yesterday morning. In case you were wondering if I was a robot, or if this was a perfectly orchestrated project, now you know the truth. 🙂  Onward!

Backstory: I signed up to work with a nutritionist last year, to fine-tune what foods (vs. fads) work best for my system for losing weight and maintaining good health. I figured I’d be told to count calories, make adjustments to intake of carbs/fats/proteins, and amp up and create more variety in my exercise routines. So I was surprised to see “limit social media” on her list of recommendations. “It’s a source of stress,” she explained (Duh, I thought at the time), “and that contributes to how our bodies function,” including how we process calories and hang on to excess weight.

I’ve since talked with a number of friends who have received similar advice when seeking to develop healthier lifestyles, including one friend who was assigned “zero social media” for a three-month period while working through some challenges with a therapist.

There’s something to this, so I thought I’d try it out.

P.S. I recently was asked why I draw a new nudge every Sunday. “Why not just make yourself a big list and check things off?” Great question. The real answer is that the actual drawing of the nudge – the anticipation (“What will I be doing this week?”) and the delight (or groan) of the reveal of the week’s challenge – is fun. I get so few surprises at this point in life, and I love surprises. Plus, the ritual gives me a little burst of energy, which leads to a “Let’s do this!”

52+: It’s More Than Just Lunch: Taking Inspiration From 52Nudges 2.0

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I love love love hearing from readers about their successful nudges. Recently I got to experience another high: being asked to participate in a friend’s nudge! Here’s Ann’s story. —KGW

Text and photos by Ann Murphy

As Kathleen Guthrie Woods was gearing up for 52Nudges 2.0, I was inspired by two of her ideas: finding fun things to do and exploring the community. I thought, “Why can’t these be incorporated into Kathleen and my every-six-week lunch date?” Meeting at a new restaurant is fun and catching up is important, so why not incorporate lunch, fun, and exploring every time we meet?

Kathleen jumped on the idea of a new adventure, and we scheduled our first outing at The Walt Disney Family Museum in The Presidio of San Francisco. Since we both grew up in Southern California near Disneyland, and given Kathleen’s long association with the Walt Disney Company, it was a mutually agreed upon outing, and it didn’t disappoint.

The Walt Disney Family Museum in The Presidio of San Francisco.

My commute that morning was horrible—one and one-half hours—and if our meeting was “just a lunch date,” I might have turned around when I heard two lanes of the highway were closed due to an accident. But it was an adventure, so I kept going.

A typical San Francisco summer morning greeted us at The Presidio: chilly and fog covered, with just the underside of the Golden Gate Bridge peeking out. The museum is located in the center of The Presidio in one of the historic red brick buildings surrounding the old marching grounds.

Walt Disney persuaded Technicolor to give him an exclusive (in the cartoon field) for two years of use of their three-color process. Changed the industry!

The extremely well-curated museum greeted us with showcases of Walt Disney’s awards, including his numerous Oscar Awards beckoning us from a distance with their gleaming gold. The exhibit on the second level escorts you down memory lane, starting with Walt’s days as a cartoonist and his realization that film was the future.

There are storyboards of early drawings and, of course, the first drawings of Mickey Mouse. The exhibit takes you through the creation of most of the Disney characters: Donald Duck, Goofy, Pinocchio, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, etc. We were also invited to a talk by a docent on the 1954 groundbreaking process of making 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

The furniture from Walt Disney’s apartment over the fire station on Disneyland’s Main Street, USA.

The exhibit gradually descended down a ramp from the second floor to the first floor of the museum, and along the way we saw Walt’s small train that he rode on tracks surrounding the entire outside of his estate. The best part for me was the model of Disneyland, seen from the ramp above. It brought back such great memories of our frequent trips to Disneyland whenever our cousins were in town.

Our adventure did end with lunch, in the Disney café, followed by a quick trip to the gift store so Kathleen could buy Disney “Little Golden Books” for a present.

52Nudges 2.0, before it was even launched, inspired me to think beyond “just a lunch date” and explore the world beyond my comfort zone.  I invite you to do the same.

If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area or are planning to visit, Ann and I encourage you to check out The Walt Disney Family Museum.

 

 

Nudged: Write “thinking of you” postcards to 5 old friends

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Backstory: I’ve been meaning to sit down and write long letters to friends and family members for (gulp) months. So many other things get in the way.

I am good about calling and texting, etc., but it just isn’t the same. I don’t save emails or text messages, but I do have a handwritten postcard on my desk from my grandmother (from her trip to Kenya in 1969!), and every time I look at her distinctive handwriting, I feel that she’s here with me.

So–pretty postcards*, good pen, stamps–check! I’m going to reconnect by posting a bit of me to a few friends this week.

What Happened: I took a breather between projects this afternoon and pulled out my supplies. As I wrote a quick note to each friend, I thought of her, pictured her in my mind. As I recalled a shared memory and included my wish that she was having a wonderful day, I found it was a sweetly personal experience. Lovely.

The Ah-Hah: It took just a few minutes for me to write the five cards, not much longer than it would have taken me to type out five text messages. Yet the process felt deeper. I smiled through the whole process. When was the last time I smiled while texting? (Pretty much never.)

After I took a short walk to drop them in a nearby blue box (getting outside for some fresh air is another perk of this nudge), I picked up my own mail. Ads, junk, bills, requests for charitable donations. I imagined my friends picking up similar stacks, then smiling when they see the cards. I hope they enjoy this as much as I have.

 

*52Nudges is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. This small revenue stream helps to off-set the expenses of maintaining this site ad-free. If you prefer not to go through the links provided, simply go directly to Amazon.com or your preferred book retailer.

Nudging: Write “thinking of you” postcards to 5 old friends

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Backstory: I’ve been meaning to sit down and write long letters to friends and family members for (gulp) months. So many other things get in the way.

I am good about calling and texting, etc., but it just isn’t the same. I don’t save emails or text messages, but I do have a handwritten postcard on my desk from my grandmother (from her trip to Kenya in 1969!), and every time I look at her distinctive handwriting, I feel that she’s here with me.

So–pretty postcards*, good pen, stamps–check! I’m going to reconnect by posting a bit of me to a few friends this week.

 

 

*52Nudges is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. This small revenue stream helps to off-set the expenses of maintaining this site ad-free. If you prefer not to go through the links provided, simply go directly to Amazon.com or your preferred book retailer.