Backstory: Reconnecting can be divine. Recently, I chatted with a friend I haven’t seen in 10 years (yikes, that flew by), and we picked up the conversation like we had last seen each other yesterday.
Certainly this Nudge has a bit of that hopefulness in it, but as I’m working on some different goals in my life, I recognize that there’s also a (selfish) part of me that needs to keep up my professional network. I mean, who knows who I might talk to who has a project for me or a job lead or knows a friend who has a colleague who is looking for someone just like me to fill a role in a fun company?
You never know where the conversation might lead.
Who you gonna call?
What Happened: I scrolled through my Contacts list and noted five who had potential:
- A long-ago client, who became a friend
- A very busy working mom of two small children
- A friend who popped up on Facebook after being AWOL for ages
- The mother of a close friend to whom I feel I owe a catching-up call
- A friend who always says “Let’s get together!” but is never the one to make the plans
I kinda cheated on the first two. Texted the client to see if she was available to meet up for a glass of wine. She wasn’t this week, but the door is open to find another time. I also texted the busy mom with a “Thinking of you!” message. This whole chapter of her life is insane right now, and part of me feels like I don’t want to burden her with friendship. But I do want to keep the connection open, and someday we’ll reconnect (I hope).
Midweek, a woman I was supposed to interview for an article had to reschedule. Suddenly I had an hour free, so I pulled out my list. I took inventory of my feelings as I considered the last three women, and you know what? I didn’t feel like talking with any of them. I didn’t feel like being the friend who, once again, is the one making all the effort. If they wanted to talk with me, they have my number.
Instead, I called a dear friend, someone I talk with pretty regularly, though not often. She is someone who gets the whole give-and-take of a friendship. Sometimes she is the one who reaches out to me. This week, I reached out to her.
The timing was perfect. I caught her during a breather at work and we caught up on how our parents are doing, travel plans, dreams and intuitions for our futures. It was a short and sweet conversation, it was a lovely reconnection.
The Ah-Ha: I make an effort into keeping in touch with a wide network of people—family, friends, former coworkers. I think it’s important to maintain connections, but, with some people, there’s a part of me that’s tired of doing all the work, and I got clearer on this for myself this week. Why do I put energy into relationships that just suck energy out of me? Why do I even care about trying to reach out in friendship to people who only get in touch when they need something (money, a favor, a few hours of free work on their website “because we’re friends”)? Hmmph.
Actually, it’s deeper than just being tired of trying to keep up with the masses. Instead, I’d like to put that extra time and energy into the nurturing the dear friendships I do have. Quality over quantity. I’d like to spend more time discovering the depths of a selection of relationships, and build upon those.
As I considered who I might call this week to complete the Nudge, I realized I’m okay with quietly letting some people go and getting on with life.
I feel like I’ve taken “decluttering” to a whole new level.
